Really Not Happy

So, those who know me in the Real World, know that I used to have 2 cars, and now I have one.  This is a bit of an inconvienience at times, but with Hubby gearing up for a 6 month deployment, school almost being out for the year, and T-Ball having it's last games this week, pluss Hubby being home because of surgery, I haven't had to do a lot of managing 2 lifestyles with one car.  But there are times that I wish I didn't have to get up at the ass-crack of dawn to drive Hubby in to work, then have to pick him up, in addition to dopping off and picking up Emily.

However, the truck has been having problems that we have avoided being taken care of for a while, and I am at the point wehre I just can not take it anymore.  I got the truck to the mechanics today.  Mimi picked me up from the auto shop, and took me home.  But while I was there, I was told because we had custom electrical work from the previous owner, they may not be able to help us out.  This did not bode well on me.  Not to mention the fact that they also told me they may not be able to have the care ready today if they can fix it...

So right now, I have no car, and if I do get the car back, it may or may not have working tail lights. And a back hatch that opens.  The hatch has been broken for over a year.  The tail lights are a new development, but it means I can't drive at night. Remeber when I had to drive back from MA a couple weeks ago?  3 hours of hazard lights, blinking and clicking.  Because the electrical is all jacked up.

So before I took the truck to the shop, I was driving Hubby to work.  I mentioned, not for the first time, that I felt it would be better use of money to pay off the truck with his yearly re-enlistment bonus, and get me a used car, so that we both had a car again.  That idea did not go over well with him.  I am angry and frustrated.  HE would rather spend his money on building himself another computer...pardon my language but....he just blew $3000 on a fucking laptop!! WHY THE HELL does he NEED another fucking machine???  Why the hell won't he step up and take responsibility for his fucking family???? I HATE HIM RIGHT NOW!!

Yeah...so I am going to go pick up a minivan my friend is letting us borrow.  Pray that my truck is ready today.  If they can't fix it, Hubby and I will be fighting again.  Because I am going to INSIST that we trade his truck in for a better car that actually WORKS......

later all.....

Poker and Blogging DO Mix!

I have registered to play in the PokerStars World Blogger Championship of Online Poker!

This Online Poker Tournament is a No Limit Texas Holdem event exclusive to Bloggers.

Registration code: 6694027

Tagged.....Finishing Sentances

Jeopardygirl tagged me again.  I am not tagging anyone though.  But if you do it, lemme know on my comments....


I AM: so glad it is a nice warm day
I WANT: my wisdom tooth to stop hurting
I HATE: having to drive Hubby into work on school days
I MISS: being able to sleep in.  
I FEAR: I will end up alone
I HEAR: my iced tea maker and the whirring of the computer.
I WONDER: when the Navy is going to stop fucking with Hubby.
I REGRET: not working.
I'M NOT: going to cry.
I DANCE: to silly kids songs or when goofing around.
I SING: just about anytime I know the song playing.
I SEE: a therapist about my grief.
I CRY: less than I did 5 years ago.
I AM NOT ALWAYS: a nice person when asked my opinion.
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS:meals for my family.
I WRITE: like chicken scratch.
I CONFUSE: myself when trying to be organized.
I NEED: dental insurance.
I SHOULD: clean the bathroom
I START: playing and lose focus of my goals.
I FINISH: driving Em to school everyday next Tuesday.

My Weekend - Day 2 - Saturday Part 1

I woke up Saturday morning at 10 past 7. Nessa was up and starting her day too, as she was going to her College Graduation Ceremony that morning. I had laid everyone's clothes out the night before, so I grabbed my yoga pants and tee and got dressed, put in the contacts and headed out the door for Breakfast. A lovely 2 minute drive to Dunkin' Donuts yeilded a large coffee, a breakfast sandwich for Hubby, and donuts and juice for the kids. I woke Kaity up, got her dressed, gave her the donut, and headed out just as Emmy was sitting down to eat hers.

Friday we had driven past the spot that the Great Strides Walk was to meet, just to familiarize myself with Roger Williams Park again after a long time. I got to the Carousel Village and had a PRIME parking spot, got out, loaded Kaity into the jogger stoller I borrowed from a friend in CT and headed to where I was supposed to check in.

I could spot my friend Pat from a mile away. Except for sporting a goatee and Moustache, or "Van Dyke" as Magazine Man tells the world it's called, he was relatively the same. Still thin -- I hated him! LOL...So I checked in, and scored some free food (Dunkin' Donuts was there, DAMN I wasted $3.00 for coffee for myself!) and juice for Kaity. I met Kerry, Pat's wife, and of course, Finn, the man of the hour, for whom I was doing this walk... More and more of "Finnz Friendz" showed up. I got a t-shirt, so did Kaity. I took some pictures...





Then the walk began! It was about 5k or a little over 3 miles, and I did very well. Pat and I walked with Kaity and Finn in strollers and we talked the whole time, reminiscing, sharing stories on how we met our spouses, etc. It was a great time. The best part was the fact that part of the walk through RWP was in the vicinity of where I grew up. I was bombarded with memories and stories of walking to Park View Jr. High through RWP, picking daffodills in the spring, parking and making out in high school....what a trip down memory lane....

At the halfway point, the RI Parrothead Club (Yes, as in Jimmy Buffet), had a "Tiki Bar" with water, juice, and fruit. It was real nice. When we got to the finish line, there was a Jimmy Buffet cover band playing and they were playing Finn's song! (according to Pat). I had Pizza strips (RI Italian bakery style, sorry I didn't take a picture, but I should have!) and more water to drink. Kaity had some pizza strip too. Then it was time for a "Team Finnz Friendz" Picture! YAY!


(I'm in the front on the right holding Kaity and wearing my Pink Red Sox hat....)

I checked my watch and realized I had to jet, so that I could drive to Woods Hole to catch the 2:30 boat to Oak Bluffs...We took a few pictures with Pat, Kerry, and Finn...



Then we headed back to Nessa's, packed the car, and got on the highway to Woods Hole! While in the parking lot, we ran into my Mum's college roomate, Darlene, who we ended up pretty much spending most of the weekend in the presence with.....We got on the boat, and landed in Oak Bluffs about 3:15....and from there, the craziness began!

This was a pretty long post, so I will try to finish Saturday's stuff tonight or tomorrow.....

My Weekend - Day 1 - Friday

OK So Friday we packed up the truck (SUV, whatever)and drove the 45 minutes to Nessa's house. We were greeted by Nessa's little sister, who played with the kids for about20 minutes before Mom, who lives downstairs, whisked her away to dinner. We hung out and waited for Nessa and Dave to arrive. I figured out the satelite dish. I rock!

Nessa and Dave got home and we all chatted for a bit, joked around and stuff then got our asses moving to the BEST chinese food in Rhode Island. New Canton Restaurant is what all chinese food should be, in my opionion, and waiting a good 10 years before having it again was worth the wait. Form my first bite to last, I was in a perfect tatse-bud heaven. My god, my mouth is watering now, just thinking about it.

After dinner, we dropped of Dave, Hubby and the kids and went shopping for the shoes I had attempted to get in New London, but they didn't have them at the Burlington Coat Factory there. I tried on shoes, we did a little perusing, then got in line. Now, call me crazy, but if you KNOW you've got a store full of people, and it's closing time, wouldnt't you have as many registers as possible open to get said people out as fast as possible??? Apparently, Burlington Coat Factory did not feel this was necessary, and we waited in line for nearly 20 minutes to pay for the 2 measly pair of shoes (which got heavier and heavier by the minute, I will add). Thanks to my keen eyes, I found a shorter line, else we would have been there forever.

We got in the car and drove home. Soon after arriving back at Nessa's, Danielle (pronounced Don-yell)arrived and we had a good visit with her. She's the other main bridesmaid for Nessa's wedding, and I was glad to finally meet her. We told sories about weddings, childbirth, ex-girlfiends of our significant others. It was fun. They left about 10:30 and we hung out and watched TV a bit longer before Dave went home, and Hubby and I attempted to get some sleep.

Now, I love Nessa, love her to death, but I think I am going to buy her a new fucking couch, preferably a queen size futon. Her pull out couch was NOT comfy, as Hubby and I discovered, and much to my chargin, I slept like hell on it. But before I went to sleep, I watched part of a movie called "Crash". No, this wasn't the movie that won an Academy Award for best picture. This was a twisted movie about people who litterally got off on watching and being in car crashes. James Spader, Patricia Arquette, Holly Hunter and a few others had lots of sex, watched lots of crashes on video, and even got in a few themselves..then had sex thinkign aout it afterward. Very very strange movie. So, then after about an hour of it, we got bored and went to sleep....

That was Friday...I'll write abotu Saturday later on....

My Very First Audio Post

Oh yeah you guys get to hear my voice now!! hehehe....now you all will be subjected to these...it's so much easier than typing!!

Yes, I know I sound like a 12 year old. I hear that a lot....

The Letter "F"

I volunteered for this from Jeopardygirl's blog....I was assigned letter F...I have to list 10 things in my life that begin with this letter and a little explination....I don't think I could have gotten a tougher letter. Most of this stuff is going to be very general I think....

Father - Just about everyone has on at some point in their life...even if it's just a sperm donor...Anyway, my father is the source of many emotional issues I have at the moment. I'm getting through them with my shrink...

Fruit - I try to have at least once piece of fruit per day. Usually as dessert. Lately I'd rather hav an orange than a bowl of ice cream....which is good because I need to lose some wieght this summer...

Freedom - As an American Citizen it is my right to have this. I am reminded daily that I have it and try to exercise it in some way....

Finances - this should be listed as something I have very little of, but want more of. Hell, who doesn't?

Feet - since spring is here and summer is emminent, I need to pay more attention to them and get the occasional pedicure. My feet deserve it after all the walking they do on a daily basis!

Feelings - My emotions. I wear them on my sleeve most of the time. They can be intense.

Family - A constant in my life. I feel I never get a break from them....sometimes it can be smothering and overwhelming, and then there are days I am so damn glad I have them I want to cry with joy. I am also looking forward to seeing the extended family this weekend on the Vineyard.

Friends - Whether through the internet, or real life friends, I have some really good ones. I'd be completely lost without them for support, a listening ear, or the favors they do for me...

Family Support Group - a.k.a. the Boat Wives. I have been very active in this group of people lately. Cookbooks, helping other wives in times of crisis, volunteering for projects, I have been doing it all.....

Friday - always a favorite. And the last few have been really nice. Visiting with friends, doing things with family, and overall having a good time on these days. I am truly truly looking forward to tomorrow..I get to see Nessa again!! :)

OK, that was a little easier than I thought. If you are interested in playing, leave a comment and I will assign you a letter too....

Stupid Lottery....

Yesterday was a sucky day. I was rushed around running errands and missed the names being pulled for the All-Day Kindergarten Lottery. Emily was in it. She didn't get her name pulled. I am very very sad about this. Emily is very very sad about this. We are hoping that her name will be pulled in the second lottery in August.

It was raining once again and a friggin tractor trailer truck nearly ran me off the New London Bridge.

Add in a lovely monthly female issue, and you can see why I hated yesterday. Thank god the sun came out today. I was really starting to get depressed....

crazy weekend coming up. I need to start packing....I hope to post again tomorrow, if not, then maybe on Sunday night or Monday

Have a nice week/weekend all...

The Actual Surprise...

So where did we leave off....? Oh yes, the phone rang...

Wait. I need to give a little background.

I have 2 sets of parents - Mom & Dad and Mum & Dad...ok ...clarify...right...ok...Mom and Bob (whom I call Dad), my biological mother, who raised me and I spent about 9 months and every other holiday with and her husband of 3 years, and Dad and Donna (who I call Mum), whom I spent every summer and every other holiday with, until senior year of high school when I moved in for the whole year. Dad and Mum married 25 years ago May 21st...right, ok, so Mom had a son after me, JP. He's 23, schizophrenic and lives in a group home in RI. Mum & Dad have two kids, Shell and Pokeman (not thier real names, duh). Now that we have that cleared away...

Shell graduated from college on Saturday. Mum & Dad drove up to see her graduate, and then packed her apartment up and they were driving back to the Vineyard on Sunday. There was a ever so slight chance that they would have time to stop. But this is my family, and they are 99.9% of the time late, or running late. So, I figured they weren't gonna stop by. In fact, I forgot all about them....until I picked up the phone seeing my sister's cell number on the Caller ID.

"Hey Shell! What's up?" I love to hear from my sister...I assumed she was calling to tell me they made it to the Vineyard safe. It's something we do as a family. Call each other when we get home from traveling...anyway....

"He-eey! Is it ok if we stop by? I need to figure out how to get to your house too," I glanced at my watch.

"Uuuum, ooookay? About when?"

"Well," she paused. I assumed she was trying to figure about where in CT she was.

"OK, well, where are you on the highway," I said, trying to get info to gage the distance. This would help me figure how clean I could get the house in a limited time.

"Um, we're taking the Groton exit right now," she said as quietly as possible on a cell phone.

SURPRISE!!!!

"You're on the exit?!?! So like, 5 minutes. Ok, um...sure! The house is a bit of a mess at the moment, and I hope you guys won't mind....EMILY!!!!" I then called my kids, got them dressed in about 2 seconds and got myself dressed while giving my sister directions to my house and managed to convince the kids to pick up the living room quickly. Litterally 5 minutes later, I was standing in my driveway, clothes thrown on, greasy hair (I was planning a relaxing bath later where Hubby could wash my hair), house a mess, and here come 2 cars, filled to the brim with Shell's things, and of course my parents, Shell and Pokeman. Emily recognized my parents SUV right away and was thrilled to pieces to see them. They were very polite about the house, and actually, made me feel better especially since my Mum knew about my crazy week.

Emily has been saving up money from the Tooth Fairy and her birthday to buy a new V-Smile game. Since she lost her 3rd tooth on Friday evening, she got her game on Saturday (paid with it too, she was so proud and told the cashier she saved the money herself LOL) So when my parents and siblings came, of course, they had to get a presnetation of the new game. It was funny to watch my parents help her play the game. Even Pokeman, who as you might have guessed is into the video game thing as well, was trying to help her with it. A nice time was had by all, especially Buddy the Birdhunter, who got LOTS of attention from my father.

They stayed about a half hour, and we had a nice visit. I am looking forward to seeing them this weekend for the Anniversary party.....

But you know what I did as soon as their car was out of the driveway and out of sight?

Changed back into my jammies and went straight back to bed! It was my day off, afterall...

Stress Levels Decreasing, Dr. Mc Dreamy....

So, my crazy week ended with a lovely Mother's Day. As many of you know, I stay up well past midnight most nights, and so on Saturday, after a fun 3 hour guild raid in EverQuest 2, at about 11:30 or so, I retired up to my room to read for a bit before I attempted to sleep.....

Hubby came up the stairs a little while later and wished me a Happy Mother's Day. It was after midnight after all, so it was nice. He then informed me he had something in his shorts for me. Har-har. I pulled his waistband open and told him with a snicker that I had already seen that, and wasn't in the mood for it. He then gave a whiny "Awwwww..." and proceded to fish in his pocket for something. I assumed it was to adjust himself. I was wrong. Oh so very wrong....

I would like to take this moment to say, that Hubby is reading over my shoulder while I type this. So anything he doesn't like, is just tough cookies.....

I have the most wonderful husband many days of the week. This fact was especially true about 5 minutes after midnight when I was presented with a little jewelery box that was pulled from his pockect where I mentioned earlier I assumed he was adjusting his ..... equipment.

I must inform you, I just got a good kiss and a chuckle while he asked "You really wanted the "equipment" didn't you?" "Yep" *rolled eyes*. "I knew you did."

ANYWAY..what was in the box, you ask? well after I squealed with delight, I opened the little box. I honestly was surprised, because I didn't really give any indication that I wanted anything for Mother's Day this year, except a day off. I was promised a day off. I got my day off, and it was FABULOUS. The least stressful day I've had in at least 2 weeks...oh yeah, back to the box....I opened it and here's what was inside....



I got LOVELY gold tear drop design post earrings that had real pearls at the bottom, and upon further inspection, I discovered that said earrings also had a tiny diamond accent on them. I gasped with awe and delight. I gushed about their beauty. Hubby told me that he got the idea last week when I was packing for Nessa's house, because I had packed a pearl necklace I have because it would have gone with one of the 5 outfits I had proposed for the Engagement Party...(which I know I still have to write about...Nessa I need Dave's email!). Incidentally, this is also the necklace I am wearing with the bridesmaid gown for the wedding. I have one pair of pearl earings, but the pearls are quite large, and I wasn't sure I was going to wear them....

ANYWAY, I put the earrings on and ran to look in the bathroom. I LOVE THESE EARRINGS!! They are classy and pretty, and Hubby has EXCELLENT taste in jewelry, but I am always amazed at how perfect the things he chooses look on me. Needless to say, my Mother's Day was getting off to a great start. All day I gushed about those earrings, making sure to thank Hubby over and over and tell him how much I love those earrings. Because I truly do. And I can't wait to wear them this weekend to my Parents' 25th Anniversary Party....

I am rambling, I know....but I cannot get over these earrings.....so Mother's Day was nice. I got a hand painted (litterally, it's a handprint) tile and samll jewelry box that Emily made in school. Hubby informed me that Kaity actually picked out the earrings, so they were partly from her too. I got to lounge in bed, and watch TV. Hubby even went to Dunkin' Donuts and served me breakfast in bed. I watched part of the Queer Eye marathon on Bravo. I was in the middle of picking a DVD to watch when the phone rang.....

damn I must leave you with a cliff hanger for now. It's time to get dressed and take Emily to school....I'll finish after I drop her off!!

Finnz Friendz - Semi- repost!

I am reposting this, because the CF walk is NEXT SATURDAY!!!

Please consider making an online donation...every penny counts to help the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation research for a cure....I read that in 2004 the average life expectancy for a person with CF is 34 years. Thanks to CF research and development, it's been increaded to 36 years!!

AND YOU CAN HELP THIS LITTLE BOY TO LIVE A LONGER LIFE!!!



I am going to participate in the Great Strides Walk for Cystic Fibrosis on May 20th in Providence, RI. An old high school friend of mine, Patrick, sent a bulletin message on MySpace about the walk and about his son's conditon with CF. I was inspired to help. So, I did the first thing I could think of -- I signed up to walk and raise money.

I like to donate to the Make-a-Wish Foundation in Mae's memory, but this year, my charity will go towards this. Please look over on the left and look for this logo and click on it, to learn more about this disease and the walk. And please consider making a donation to help me and Team "Finnz Friendz" raise money for CF Research.



Thanks in advance if you donate!

Like a Chicken With No Head

That's how I feel. I have been incredibly busy this week, and it's still not over...just a run through of my week...

Monday - was my slow day. But I did cleaning, because the house needed it. Took Em to school and picked up. See? Slow..

Tuesday - I volunteered in EM's class, then after school I went and got Mom, and had a Boat Wives meeting that lasted an INCREDIBLE 3 hours and 15 minutes....good thing I don't watch Americal Idol, I would have missed it.

Wednesday - got up early, and drove 1 1/2 hours to Newport. Hubby got the stitches out of his foot, YAY!! Took Mom home, rested for about an hour and then Emily had a T-Ball game at 5pm.

Thursday - Volunteering in Emily's class again today. After school getting together with Cookbook chairwoman (I stepped down in March) and hammer out what we are calling "Executive Decisions" because tomorrow.....

Friday - 9 am I have a Cookbook Committee Meeting. We are HOPING that the damn thing will be all finished. So long as a certain member of the committee doesn't decide to question everything AGAIN....then rush home, take Em to school.

Saturday - Emily has a T-Ball game. And that's it. THANK GOD...I really feel like I am the rope in a tug of war. I think that on Sunday, when I get to sleep in....it will all be worth it.

Oh yeah, I also am actively planning Nessa's shower, organizing an activity for wives to send calandar cards to the boat before the Big Deployment, Heading the Welcome Committee, getting ready for my CF walk (if you'd like to donate, please click the button on the left that says GREAT STRIDES), working on parent's 25th Anniversary party next weekend, and still trying to gear up myself for end of school, end of t-ball and the actual deployment this summer....

So if you don't see me for a while, you'll know why....

p.s. Jeopardygirl, you have me addicted to Cake Mania when I do get to relax - gahhhh!!

Home, Home Again

Well this weekend was fun for me.  Emmy did well at her T-Ball game.  Unfortuneately, I was running late, as per usual, and I was in a fit.  When we got to the game it was relaxing and fun.  After the game, Hubby asked me to stop by the mini-mart and get him some Dr. Pepper.  Fine. I just wanted to get home so I could LEAVE!!  as I was putting the Dr. Pepper case inthe car, the effing box broke and all the cans fell onto the ground and rolled in about 5 directions...2 of them spewed open, and the uncarriage of the truck and I got sprayed. I was PISSED. I got all the soda in the floor of the truck and headed home, grinding my teeth in anger.

We got home, and I quickly changed, packed up, and said my goodbyes to the kids and Hubby. Then I hit the road!  I blasted my RENT Soundtrack the whole way there, I sang my heart out.  I needed to feel better.  I was on my way for a fun evening afterall!  By the time La Vie Boheme came on, I was in a MUCH better mood.  I was also on the exit ramp off the highway and almost at Nessa's.

I got to Nessa's house about...5 minutes later.  Got my stuff upstairs and hung out with Nessa and Dave, her fiance'.  We hung out for a couple hours.  I even went downstairs and talked to Nessa's Mom about her shower.  I can't talk about it here, because Nessa comes to the blog, and she doesn't want to know too much about it...needless to say, decisions were made, a date was picked, and the invites will be in the mail in a week...YAY. Dave left to go to work, and we were on our own.

We decided that it would be better if we cooked dinner and hung out instead of paying more money for eating out... Headed out to the grocery store, got stuff for tacos and deserts, and it was only $20. Not too shabby!  As we cooked I called Hubby and checcked in.  Then Nessa started pouring the wine.  We ate dinner and then decided to work on what we would wear to the Engagement Party the next day. I tried on some outfits and we picked mine out. Nessa then decided she had nothing, and since she had recently aquired a Burlington Coat Factory gift card, we headed there. 

It was fun, we tried on stuff (me too) and had fun trying to aquire the perfect outfit that would be nice for the party, but that she could double as a work outfit at her new job.  We found a great skirt and sweater-weight tank, and she realized she could use a great blazer with it for work -- PERFECT!  She looked great in it and so we paid for it and went home.

Oh wait, I need to mention a couple things - first the store.  Actually make that the customers.  There was a group of people who had their kids at the changing rooms, and they were NOT paying attention to them, and letting them run around and act like animals. TWICE a little head popped under my changing room door while I was half-nekkid.  Now, normally, if it were my kids, I would not be bothered. But I didn't knwo these people, and I didn't appreciate having to be guarded about my changing room experience.  Ness and I were disgusted with the apathy of the parents.  I hate trash like that. grrrr...

Second - Nessa also had to get a pair of sandals. she promised the person who gave her the gift card that she would get some with it, so we headed to shoes. Now I love shoes, but I am not a big fan of heels. BCF has MOSTLY heels and old lady shoes. Nessa found some great wedge heels from Steve Madden and she was in heaven.  I was looking around for prosterity, and I found 2 pairs of heeled sandals that I AM going to buy eventually.  My problem is I have wide feet. Dress shoes/heels are usually nrrow in nature. My feet and heels do not mix well.  But the 2 pair I tried on, OH MY GOD!!  They were awesome!!  I mean it was like 7 at night, my feet were about as swelled as they would get, and these two pairs were comfy, and the height of the heel wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be.  AND both pairs were under $15 EACH...yeah, I am going to the BCF here in town and getting them next week....

So we went home, drank some more wine, ate some desserts and watched Monty Python's The Meaning of Life.  This is my favorite Monty Python flick.  We talked, laughed, and had a good time.  Then we realized - we...were...tired!!

So, we climed into bed and started to watch SNL. Tom Hanks was the host.  It was ok.  I called Hubby again to say good night, and watched SNL until after the musical guest (Red Hot Chili Peppers) did their first song.  I actaully dozed off in the middle of it, and at the end when the audience was cheering I woke and turned off the tv...then it was off to slumber land.....

I'll stop there.  I can't write about the Engagement Party just yet anyway. I am waiting to get pictures from Dave.  I HAVE to have the pictures to explain it better...truly I do....

So that was my Saturday.  I had a great night, and I know Nessa did too.....I am so glad that we are friends! YAY! And I get to see her again in 2 weeks!  I'll bring the wine this time Nessa! And be prepared for CHINESE!! YEAH!

MIMI IS HOME!! :)

Mimi got hom from the hospital a few hours ago.  She says she feels "crappy" but I know she's glad to be home.  She says the meds they put her on have given her some "crazy ass dreams"  and she's a little bit lost on track of reality cause she's been sleeping so much. 

So she's home. Still in a bit of pain, but home.  YAY!!

I know some of you have been checking here for progress reports.  I am sure she'll be back online in a few days...

YAY!! MIMI IS HOME!!

Cinco de Mayo & The Weekend Ahead

Hola Muchachos!! Hoy es Cinco de Mayo! Una dia mucho impotante para los Mexicanos y Norte Americanos.

Translation: Hello friends! Today is the 5th of May. An important day for Mexicans and North Americans. OK So my spanish is bad...but I had fun.  I could be fluent if I had people to talk to in spanish...My dad is Colombian afterall, so I have a natural tendancy to pick up the language...but enough about me...it's Cinco de Mayo!!

I thought in the spirit of the holiday I woud enlighten you all about why this day is so important to the Mexican heritage, as well as many Americans. This is from Wikipedia....

El Cinco de Mayo ("The Fifth of May" in Spanish) is a national celebration in Mexico. It commemorates the victory of Mexican forces led by General Ignacio Zaragoza over the French expeditionary forces in the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862.

Historical Background

In 1861, in response to Mexico's refusal to pay off its debt, Britain, Spain and France sent troops to Mexico; they arrived in January of 1862. The new democratically-elected government of President Benito Juárez made agreements with the British and the Spanish, who promptly recalled their armies, but the French stayed, thus beginning the period of the French intervention in Mexico. Emperor Napoleon III wanted to secure French dominance in the former Spanish colony, including installing one of his relatives, Archduke Maximilian of Austria, as ruler of Mexico.

Confident of a quick victory, 6,500 French soldiers marched on to Mexico City to seize the capital before the Mexicans could muster a viable defense. Along their march, the French already encountered stiff resistance before Zaragoza struck out to intercept the invaders.

The battle between the French and Mexican armies occurred on May 5 when Zaragoza's ill-equipped militia of 4,500 men encountered the better-armed French force. However, Zaragoza's small and nimble cavalry units were able to prevent French dragoons from taking the field and overwhelming the Mexican infantry. With the dragoons removed from the main attack, the Mexicans routed the remaining French soldiers with a combination of their tenacity, inhospitable terrain, and a stampede of cattle set off by local peasants. The invasion was stopped and crushed.

Zaragoza won the battle but lost the war. The French Emperor, upon learning of the failed invasion, immediately dispatched another force, this time numbering 30,000 soldiers. By 1864, they succeeded in defeating the Mexican army and occupying Mexico City. Archduke Maximillian became Emperor of Mexico.

Maximilian's rule was short-lived. Mexican rebels opposed to his rule resisted, seeking the aid of the United States. Once the American Civil War was over, the U.S. military began supplying Mexicans with weapons and ammunition, and by 1867, the rebels finally defeated the French and deposed their puppet Emperor. The Mexican people then reelected Juárez as president.

Celebrations in North America

Cinco de Mayo is widely celebrated by Mexican-Americans and their descendants in the United States and Canada. Many cities with significant Mexican and Chicano populations throughout the US schedule special events on the 5th of May. In Los Angeles, most notably, revelers fill the streets in front of City Hall for speeches and performances by Mexican entertainers on this day.

Although the celebration of this holiday has historically been limited to Latin-American communities, particularly in the southwest, it has become increasingly popular across the US and Canada, and among all ethnic groups in the last 10 years. In recent years, it has been celebrated widely and in a similar style as St. Patrick’s Day — namely a celebration and identification with Mexicans, their culture, food, and music by Anglos and other unrelated ethnic groups. However, many Americans and Canadians have only a cursory understanding of the significance of this day; it is often mistakenly assumed to be Mexico’s independence day, and in practice, it is usually celebrated on a superficial level.

Wasn't that informative? I thought so.

Mimi is still in the hospital, but doing better.  I expect she will be home tonight or tomorrow at the VERY latest.  I think because t was major abdominal surgery, that is the only reason she is staying so long.  I am going to attempt to visit her tonight if she does stay overnight again....if I can get Emily out of the Kids Karnival in a decent amount of time...

This is a crazy/fun weekend for me! I am volunteering in Em's class today then Kids Karnival tonight. Tomorrow at 12 PM Emmy has a game.  Then I come home, change and head to RI to spend the night at Nessa's. We're going to drink, hang out, reminicse about our youths, and probably laugh so hard we almost pee our pants.  This is typical when I spend time with Nessa.  I CAN'T WAIT!!!  Sunday is Nessa's Engagement Party.  It's being thrown by her soon-to-be Mother-in-law.  Nevermind the fact that I am working on planning her Bridal Shower for NEXT MONTH! LOL...But Nessa says this is the way the woman is.  Wants to do things her way.  Whatever.  I'm going for my friend.  I am sure it will be lovely.....

So that's my weekend...hope all of you have a good one!

Mimi Update!

Hello All!! I just got off the phone with Durk, Mimi's husband. Wait, I am ahead of myself....

I wrote my post at 10:45 or so. I didn't hear from Durk until he got in the house at 3:15 AM. She was transferred to the Big Hospital and had her appendix removed. He said at the time she was doing well and sleeping. I went home and back to sleep.

This morning I called him, she is doing fine. She's a little tired, given the late night, but said she was feeling much better, and they are both hoping Mimi will be home tonight. I am thinking she will be home tomorrow though. Durk will call me later and let me know if she is staying overnight again, and if she is, I will go visit her tonight after T-Ball Practice...if there is T-Ball practice...

So, Mimi is doing well, she feels better and that nasty old appendix is gone! YAY!!

Worried about Mimi

A little while back (like about a week or so), Mimi, who is my neighbor and one of my closest friends here in CT, was complaining about having stomach pain. The pain went away though. Well, apparently, she had more. Tonight, she could not take the pain, this time longer and more intense than before. She called me to sit over at her house while Durk took her to the ER Clinic down the road. It was right before Baby Boy was to go down for the night, so of course, I was more than willing to watch/listen out for him.

About 7:50 PM they left. Durk called once, to let me know the cell number about 8:30. 2 hours later, just about 15 minutes ago, Durk called the house again. The ER Clinic thinks Mimi has apendicitis. What does that mean? Well...it means we probably WON'T be going to Bingo tomorrow night. It means my friend will have to have surgery again. This woman has had more than enough crap to deal with in the last year. Cancer, her son had muscle problems in his neck, she's in a place that she hates, and has had to fight to get a decent place to even live from housing. My friend does not need to have to have this scare. She is probably scared to death about her son who she loves more than anything. She is going to be freaking out that she might die and leav him with no mommy. I know her - she's doing it righ tnow. I would probably doing the same thing if it was me. I wish I could do more for her than just sit here, btu I know that watching her son is the best thing I can do for her right now.

I just hope that everything works out quickly and she's OK. I am waiting with baited breath for the phone to ring again...I'll keep you all updated.....

No Rest For the Weary

I didn't even have that much of an eventful day yesterday. We went to the mall. Hubby braved it on his crutches (with a few rest stops, thank goodness for benches). I got me a PINK Red Sox hat. Hubby got 2 hats for The Big Deployment this summer. The kids were relatively well-behaved (only one incident where Emily was whiny, but she obeyed me without questions much of the day).

On the way home from the mall, I stopped at a craft store and broke down and bought a Knitting starters kit and another "learn to knit" book. I figure it will give me something to do on nights when Hubby isn't home and I am lying awake in bed, trying to relax. I sleep worse when he's not home, but I figure maybe something I have to concentrate on to wind down will help.

So we get home. Hubby and I relax on the bed and watch the tube. The kids are watching TV downstairs and playing. We ordered Chinese (Thanks Mimi for telling me about Peking Kitchen, they ROCK). We watched out Sunday Night ABC Lineup (yay! a NEW Grey's Anatomy after a MONTH!!!). When the news came on, I attempted to start knitting. I actually did decent! I need ot work on it though, my gauge was all over the place...but anyway...

About 12:30 I turned off my light and hubby started to read. I had a headache and had taken some Naproxen at 11 or so. I still had it though. I slept terribly. I mean, fitful, and I feel this morning like I didn't sleep a wink. It took me a full 20 minutes to gather the strength to get out of bed and go downstairs this morning. I even made coffee instead of my usual sweet tea this morning. I need caffiene. I need more. A full travel mug wasn't enough.

I don't get it. I got about 8 hours. Why am I so tired? I think I am seriously going to have to go to the doctors again. This is getting ridiculous.

damn. It's already 11:45 am. I need to get dressed, get Emmy dressed and get her to school. Then it's grocery shopping and laundry. And I have a mountain of clothes.

I know this is going to sound terrible, but I can hardly wait for Hubby to go back to work tomorrow. Sure, he's on light duty, and he probably won't be at squadron long, but I need him out of the house so I can get back into my routine. For the last 18 days it's been blown out of the water and the house looks like a bomb hit it. I could have cleaned, but I felt like I had an obligation to be with him, play video games and do the family thing. Of course it took away from my cleaning schedule, and the house has suffered. NO MORE. Tomorrow it will all change...thank GOD. Plus, I hate him watching me clean. I feel self concious about it, and I feel like a maid. He just watches me. Or ignores me when I do it, and I feel like I am not a part of the household really. This is MY house, damn it. I clean it, I cook, I care for the kids 90% of the time. Why do I let myself feel like this when I clean and he's around?? It's weird I know, but I feel more productive and more independant when he's not there. I feel like a bad wife for wanting him out of ths house so I can get my stuff done, btu honestly, things go smoother when he's not here.

I am gonna go to bed early tonight. Like as soon as the kids go. I need a full nights sleep. Especially if I am going to get this house in order tomorrow.....

Hopefully things will be better in the morning....after a full night's RESTFUL sleep.

ETA: And of COURSE blogger is going to give me hell by taking forever to load a picture. This is one of those days wehre I feel like the whole world is out to sabotage me. I need a nap *sigh*

What do YOU want to see?

Well I have been blogging for about 8 months now. I usually use this blog to vent, to share about my family and to talk about the things I like in my life. But I want to ask you, the people who visit my blog (there have been almost 5,000 visit so far) what you'd like to see on here....

Please, please, please, if you are a frequent visitor, and don't comment, I ask you to PLEASE comment this one time and tell me what you want to see/read. I want to make my blog more appealing to others, and am even contemplating trying to make it a bit of a profession. So, I need to know what to do from those who visit. I also know I need to bring up my readership, and am trying to sign up for more things liek BlogMad, etc....

I really hope you'll all leave your input. Thanks Everyone...

Firing It Up On The Field

So Emily is in T-Ball as you all know. She's had 2 games so far. I am very proud of her playing. We've been throwing a ball back and forth, and she's getting more confident, and improving in catching, retrieving and throwing skills. But when it comes to actual games, I am the Soccer Mom From Hell....at least that's what Hubby seems to think....

At the games, these kids are in La-La Land. They don't pay attention, they play with the rocks, grass, etc. Then there's the ones who pay attention ad nauseum. There is one little boy on Emily's team who I seriously want to bean for trying to be the "All-Star". He HAS to be anywhere the ball goes in the field, and often steals opportunity for the other players to try and throw, etc. because he just about tackles the ball. He has also, on 2 occasions, tried to push MY daughter out of her assigned defense spot. Once on 3rd Base, and once in the outfield.

Now maybe it's because I played organized spots in a different time, but that is not cool with me. I am a mother who wants her child to excell to the best of her ability, and I'll be damned if I am gonna let some punk ass 5-year-old whose parents don't discipline him get in her way. So I have taken to making sure I am watching him and making sure he knows it, during the games.

I also make sure to remind Emily what to do when she's out on the field, because, she's still a little unsure, but that's ok. She listens to me. If I yell "Get the ball! Throw it to first!" She does it. If I tell her to "RUN EMMY RUN!!!" She does it!! Why is that bad? I am trying to teach her what to do. Hubby told me that she is depending on me to tell her what to do, and that she'll never learn if I keep chiding her on. My thought is that she'll never learn because no one is telling those kids what to do, except the ONE coach, who clearly cannot be on all sides of the field at once. But anyway....

I am going to continue to help Emily. She actually has some skill in this, and it makes me proud, because I know she isn't the most co-ordinated in physical movements. So this is great for her. I know her confidence in physical activity has soared since this has started. And it makes me feel like I am in the "good parent mode" when she does well, gets excited about T-Ball, and tries her best for it.

Oh and yesterday when that little ball stealer tried to overtake Emily's opportunities? She grabbed the ball back or wrestled it from his hands. I couldn't have been prouder. Now if only she would be confident like that with her sister.....

30 Second Rule - Tagged

Jeopardygirl tagged me...I don't get why it's called 30 second rule either, but whatever...so here I go....

The 30-second Rule

Rules: Bold the following that are true about you, italicize things you wish were true, add one true thing about you, and then tag five more people.

I miss somebody right now.
I don't watch much TV these days.
I love olive rice.
I own lots of books.
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games.
I've tried marijuana.
I've watched porn movies.
I have been in a threesome.
I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I curse sometimes.
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I'm TOTALLY smart.
I've broken someone's bones.
I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
I hate the rain.
I'm paranoid at times.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really, really fast.
I have fresh breath in the morning.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
I like the way that I look.
I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.
I know how to cornrow. (er, I know how to cornflake.. it counts? =)
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings.
I think prostitution should be legalized.
I think Britney Spears is pretty.
I have a hidden talent.
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
I have a lot of friends.
I am currently single.
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
I enjoy window shopping.
I would rather shop than eat.
I would classify myself as ghetto.
I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
I'm obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal. (or Blog)
I don't hate anyone.
I'm a pretty good dancer.
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in (a) God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I've rejected someone before.
I currently like someone.
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. (I'm having enough trouble figuring out THIS portion of my life)
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
I'm not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn. I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
I have scared people off with my enthusiasm.

I am shy around the opposite sex. (in certain situations)
I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
I have tried alcohol or drugs before. (just alcohol)
I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
I own the "South Park" movie.
I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal.
When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbour or chum.
I enjoy some country music. (old stuff, mostly)
I would die for my best friends.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I watch soap operas whenever I can.
I'm obsessive, and often a perfectionist.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story".
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
I have dated a close friend's ex.
I like surveys/memes.
I am happy at this moment.
I'm obsessed with guys.
I have pajamas with turtles on them

I am punk rockish.(or I was as a kid)
I am preppy.
I go for older guys/girls, not younger.
I study for tests most of the time.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
I can work on a car.
I love my job.
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever I can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup.
I believe in prophetic dreams.
I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient on a musical instrument.
I worked at McDonald's restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went to college out of state.
I am adopted.
I like sausage.
I am a pyro.
I love the Red Sox.
I have thrown up from crying too much.
I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved.
I love kisses.
I fall for the worst people.
I adore bright colors.
I love Dear Abby.
I can't live without black eyeliner.
I think school is awesome.
I think pigtails serve a purpose.
I don't know why the hell I just did this stupid thing.
I usually like covers better than originals.
I don't like multi-textured ice cream.
I think John Cusack is adorable.
I f**king hate chain theme restaurants like Applebees and TGIFridays.
I watch Food Network way too much.
I love coaching youth sports.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can't whistle.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I've ever written in.
I can't stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep.
I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I have jazz in my blood.
I would not be friends if they weren't family.
I wear a toe ring.
I have a tattoo.
I love vaginas.
I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I know who Santos L. Halper is.
I read trashy romance novels and I am ashamed.
I love wrestling.
I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all.
If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner.
I am an artist.
I have a goal to collect every Johnny Depp movie ever made.
I have an unhealthy Taco Bell obsession.
I have had a crush on a cartoon character when I was a kid.
I have spent more on anime and manga than many spend on computers or other high end products.
I only clean my room when neccesary.
Weight is my enemy!I'm a serious chocoholic.
I absolutely adore animals.
I love surprises.
I love to be seen.
I often act without feeling for people.
I like arguing for the sake of arguing.
I think most girls look better with spectacles
My skin is peeling because i had been under the sun.
I want to ORD.
I like men who are much taller than me.
I bite/chew my nails.

ok Time to tag 5 people:

Mimi
Dr. John
Kristi
Phoenix
Rebecca

What I'd Like to Do to Blogger.com....

Thanks to their FABULOUS issues today (well yesterday) I couldn't read, post, or comment. When it finnally DOES post, I get multiple posts... GRRRRRR

You'd think they would ANNOUNCE if they were having a server maintenance or something? SHEESH

...and the idiocy continues...I went to put that picture in..and it came up 3 times in the edit mode....seriously, get a clue you freakin' people! HIRE TECHNICIANS WHO KNOW HOW TO DO THEIR JOB RIGHT!!! AARGH!!

Mother Nature Strikes Again!

Emily's lost another tooth! It was getting wiggly for a while now, but it didn't seem as loose as it was apparently. Emily woke up and came into my room this morning announcing that her tooth had fallen out.

Hubby and I got through the day yesterday. We had our emotional spots, mostly me, but we were together and stayed in bed most of the time with Kaity watching movies and just hanging out.

I got to sleep in this morning, and I actually feel very good for a change. I think I just needed the sleep.

Tonight the tooth faity will visit Emily. I've got to make sure I have a$1 in my purse...LOL

I'll be back later with more stuff.....

In Memoriam

Mae's Story: Part 2

It took me a while to get over just relaying the non-exciting part of things this morning. Now at 10pm at night, I am writing again. My throat is closing up, and my stomach has dropped. I feel nervous to talk about things next.

I will tell you that things are a little hazy. Not everything may make sense, because quite honestly, I can't remember it all. But I will do my best....

So we waited, and waited. Finally the contractions started to get heavy and painful. if you've never given birth in the conventianal way, or are a man, I will do my best to explain. ok. Imagine if you will (if you are a woman) your WORST menstrual cramps. Now multiply that by oh...we'll say 20...OW. They fucking hurt. Contractions were not fun. I distinctly recall that before I started asking for drugs, as the contractions were first beginning to get heavy, Hubby's dad called into the room. Hubby talked to him a few minutes, then I guess Dad wanted to talk to me. So here I am, trying to breathe through contractions, and trying to carry on a coherent conversation on the phone with my father-in-law. I am pretty sure sometime after that, I asked for my first dose of narcotics.

The doctor or nurse, not sure which one, kept coming in to check the cooter and see how effaced I was and if I was dialating. I was maybe maybe 3 cm dialated, but efacing nicely. They crnked up the pitocin. Oh yeah, THEN I asked for the first shot of drugs....I know at one point, two of Hubby's boat buddies, and friends of mine too, Eppie and Chris came in. Here I was, in a hospital gown, in labor, loopy on drugs, no bra. yeah, I am sure I was a sight to see. It was very nice for them to come visit though. Atthat point it was mid afternoon, I think, and still not dialated much, I turned to Debbie and realized the Sub Ball was that night. SHe assured me that if I hadn't delivered by a certain time, she wasn't going. I was happy. I need her, though I didn't realize how much I would until much, much later.

I remember the drugs wearing off and me getting the 2nd dose of narcotics. Looking back I wish I had rode out the 1st dose longer. I remember being checked again, and still no change in dialation, btu the baby was doing OK. So sometime around 6 or 7 the nurse told me to take a nap. I was pretty tired. Oh wait, I have to point out that sometime I ended up getting the epidural. I can't recall anything about when though. I do recall making sure to tell the Anestesiologist NOT to explain what he was doing as he did it (standard procedure). I didn't want to hear about it. "Just do it, and tell me when it's over. If you tell me what you're doing when you do it, I will get squirmy. We both know that's bad." He complied with my wishes....

So...I slept about oh, 45 minutes to an hour. I was checked again. I was at 6 cm!! The nurse told me to take another nap, because me relaxing seemed to work! so I napped again. I woke up again maybe an hour later. I was at 9 cm! YAY!! FINALLY!! I still was on the epidural, but I had an odd sensation. I looked at my friend Debbie. *THIS IS GRPAHICLY DESCRPTIVE - FEEL FREE TO JUMP OVER THE CONVO TO THE NEXT PARAGRAPH*

"This is going to sound weird..." I started out. I could feel myself blushing just with the thought.

"What is it?" She looked a bit concerned.

"Well...honestly? I feel like...like I have to go to the bathroom. And I'm not talking peeing. Like I really really need to ...you know...poop. A lot. "

I was probably a beet by then. Discussing bodily functions is not something I am comfortable with. Still not. My face is red now, and all I am doing is typing.

"Oh! Oh!" She exclaimed. "That's good! That means you want to push!"

"What??" I cried in disbelief. "You're telling me, that when people say you feel like you need to push, it really feels like you have to take the biggest dump in your life?? Why doesn't anyone ever TELL you that beforehand? I've been expecting an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT sensation!! You know, someone shoudl REALLY write this in those books..." I was rambling by now. I was pissed. I still really feel like the books/magazines need to be more descriptive.

So, if you are preganant for the first time, or trying to be, now you know "Feeling like you have to push" = "Feeling like you have to poop a cow". Continuing....

So my contractions were coming fast and hard. The epidural was wearing off. The nurses were having me try practice pushes. I didn't know what the hell I was doing. I just knew I wanted to push. They were making me breathe through one, then push through one. I remember saying to the nurse, in a very mean tone "What do you mean DON'T PUSH!! I WANT TO PUSH!!" I was probably muttering some nasty language too at this point. And I am guessing I was breaking Hubby's hand. And probably Debbie's. I was scared though. And then the Doc came in and told me something not good.

"The baby's heartbeat is racing and then slowing down when you push. That's why we are not letting you push so much, we think something's wrong." At this point, I remember telling them to give me a c-section. I was begging them, but they kept saying no. The doc said she was going to vaccuum her out, because she was getting worried. They tried 3 times with the vaccuum. Each time, a big clump of dark hair would come out, they couldn't get the damn thing to stick. It gets fuzzy right about now....

I remember them wheeling me into the delivery room. I remember that they knocked the gurney/bed into a wall and I screamed in agony. No more pain meds, no matter how much I begged. I remember sometime, in that delivery room, looking straight into Hubby's eyes and saying...

"I hate you! I hate you! I am never doing this again!" Two seconds later...

"I'm sorry baby. I'm sorry! I just want her out!" I have to stop for a minute............ok tears wiped...

I remember they got her head out using forcepts. Next thing I know, another doctor is up on the side of the bed, pushing on my stomach, trying to twist her inside of me. Finally, after what seemed like forever, but was actually about 5 minutes, she was out.....it was 2:19 AM on April 23rd, 2000. I didn't hear anything...no crying...they were bringing her to a table on the other side of the room.....

"She's not crying. I don't hear her crying! What's happeneing? Why isn't she crying? What's happeneing?" I asked about 50 times. I looked at Hubby. "Why isn't she crying? What's going on? SOMEBODY TELL ME SOMETHING!!!!!!" I have to stop again.......................

Finally a nurse came over. I think it was a nurse. I know it was a woman.

"She's not breathing. Her cord was wrapped around her neck twice, and she got stuck inside of you. You tore very badly and we have to stitch you. We're trying to get her to breathe again." All I could do was cry. Hubby was crying. Debbie was crying. I was wailing over and over "Please God, make her cry! I just want to hear her cry!" Stopping...........................

At 2:34 AM They stopped trying. She was gone. They couldn't bring her back.

It was Easter Sunday. April 23rd 2000.

Her name is Ruth Mae Hughes. She is my little Mae Flower.

Mae's Story: Part 1

I am about to share part 1 of the story, albeit a bit condensed -- I think, of losing my 1st daughter at birth. I am dividing it into 2 parts, because it would take about 3 hours to do it all in one post. So I will write some now and some later today. Some of the events may be graphic in detail, or may be sensitive to your heart. I am not going to be politically correct, because it coincided with a couple of BIG events. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

It was April 21st. I was living in Hawaii. Hubby had duty. I had gone down to the boat as usual, to visit, sit topside and hang out for a little bit. I was 37 weeks pregnant, and due May 7th. That night, the baby was being especially cruel to my insides, pushing up against my lungs and ribcage so much that several times while I was with Hubby, I keeled over in pain or was winded. I had asked Hubby to bring the big vaccuum upstairs for me when he got home in the morning, because I wanted to vaccuum the upstairs that weekend. It was a Friday night.

When I got home, I decided that I didn't want to wait for Hubby to bring the vaccuum up. It was a Kirby. It weighed a lot, but I brought it upstairs anyway. I vaccuumed like a freak. I got in all the crevices and even vaccuumed the ceiling fan and crown molding. I suppose in retrospect, that was my "nesting". I should have known something was up. I went to bed about 10 or so.

I woke up and looked at the clock -- it was 3:45. I had to pee REALLY BAD. I then noticed that I was already in a puddle in the bed. What the hell?? I thought to myself. But I still had to pee. So I went to the bathroom. After peeing and wiping, I went to pull up the fresh underwear. Still sitting on the toilet, I suddenly heard tinkle, tinkle, tinkle.

"That was NOT me," I said aloud to no one at all. I had an epiphany about that trickle and puddle in my bed. I waddled to my nightstand and opened my What to Expect When You're Expecting book. I looked up "water breaking". I read about the slow leak. I admit it now. I had to do a sniff test. I had another trickle in that time, so, I slid off the underwear and sniffed at the liquid on the crotch area. It didn't smell like urine. It was different. Exactly like the book described. Slightly sweet, and not overly odorous like urine is.

"FUCK!" I said aloud again. I called the Labor and Delivery ward at Tripler Army Medical Center. I explained the situation and they told me to come in right away to be checked out. The nurse asked if I had contractions. I didn't. They told me that if I started to get them, to pull over to the side of the road and wait them out, or call 911. I still had to get my husband who was on duty, then he could drive. They were ok with that. I rang off from them and callled the boat.

Riiiiiing, Riiiiiiiing, Riiiiiiing, Riiiiii--

"USS Olympia, this is a non-secure line, Petty Officer So-and-so speaking, how may I help you Sir or Ma'am?"

"Um, Hi. I'm sorry to be calling so late, but could you please get Petty Officer Fireheart? It's kind of an emergency," I was calm and collected. I didn't want to freak anyone out if it was a false alarm. I waited a few minutes and Hubby came on the line.

"Hi Baby, um, I think my water broke, but it's a slow trickle and I called the hospital and they said to come in right away to be checked out, so I need to come get you just in case, ok?" I rushed out. He agreed to that and said he would be waiting topside. It was now about 4 am. I decided while I put on clothes that I should call my Step-mom. It was 10 am on the East Coast, and she'd be at work. When I rung through to the store, she wasn't there. I left a message with my aunt of the situation and to have Mom call me right away. I also called Hubby's dad and my real Mom in Connecticut. I had to leave messages for them too.

I grabbed a couple towels and threw them on the seat in the car. I had my purse and cell phone. I headed out to the base about 3 miles away. I got on base, and as I was on the road that led to the pier, my cell phone rang. It was my step-mom and she was squealing with happieness. I told her what was going on a bit more in detail and told her I would call or have Hubby call when we got settled in, or when we got home. Just then I pulled up to Hubby's boat. There was a bunch of guys on the pier. Apparently the word had gotten around that I was in labor. I got out of the car and let hubby drive. I prayed that I wouldn't leak while I was walking or that I waould just completely drain, like in the movies and on TV, and give everyone on the pier a show. I was embarrased, and who wouldn't be?

As we drove home so Hubby could change and I coulld finish packing my bag (hey I technically still had 3 weeks still so it wasn't all done yet), he explained that he had only just fallen asleep when he heard someone shout at his rack "FIREHEART, wake up! Your wife's in labor!" I was pissed. I had never said that to the guy on the phone, and I didn't want Hubby to freak out. I also felt very bad, because poor Hubby hadn't had any sleep, and Lord knew when he was going to again. We were all changed and packed. We got in the car and made it to the hospital. It was 5 am on April 22nd. The Sub Ball was that night. I guess it was a good thing we didn't plan on going!

We got to the L&D ward. I explained to the nurse on duty at the desk the deal. She rememebered me calling. I sat in the waiting room while they found people to examine me. A bit later, I was called into the exam room. they did all the normal stats stuff. Then I had to be looked at down under. I showed the nurse my panties. She just looked at me like I was one of those women who comes in for every little pang in her stomach. She was examining the cooch and was about to tell me I was fine, when I felt the trickle. Apparently she saw it too because she said "Oh yeah, you have a slow leak. Well, I guess we'll admit you!" My heart leapt into my throat. This was it!

It's a bit fuzzy here. I know I was admitted, got put in a hosptal gown and taken to a labor room. It was a private room. I even had a TV. My nurse for teh day shift came in. She was a young pretty girl. really nice. I never had such a nice person care for me. The docotr came in and told me we were gonna wait for my contractions to start, since they hadn't yet. I was hooked up to the machines to monitor contractions/heartbeats, etc. While we waited, we watched TV. It had been a big night apparently.

Does anyone rememebr Elian Gonzales? The little boy whoo floated to Miami from Cuba with his mom? Well the mom had died, but he was staying with famiily in Miami. It was a big thing. Keep him here or send him back to Cuba with his Dad who wanted him back there? Well the night of the 21st the U.S. gov't had .... retrieved him via gunpoint. It was all over every station. The pictures, they analysees, the political debates. I will always think of that day I was in labor as "The Elian Aftermath Day". 6 years later I still am annoyed that there wasn't much else on the TV except for that. It angered me. I disagreed with the forceful nature in which he was procured from his family in Miami. But I agreed that it was neccessary. His father wanted him back. As his mother was dead, it was his father's right to have him returned to Cuba. Plain and simple....So back to the story.

I had called my Mom in Mass. and gave her our room info and the phone number. Hubby called his dad outside on the cell phone and left info. in a message. And my mom in CT. And his mom in Tennessee. Then when he came back, I asked him to call my friend Debbie. We had only met a couple weeks before, but we talked often and she had volunteered to come to the hospital with me if I needed her. I really wanted a woman there with me. I love Hubby, but this was his first pregancy too. He didn't know what the hell to do. Debbie agreed to come and I waited for her. I read some of my Expecting book, and watched TV. Debbie finally got there. I had been waiting for contractions to start for a few hours now. They had, but they were so weak, I barely noticed them. The docotrs put me on pitocin to start contractions better and got me on an IV and ready for when I needed pain meds.....and the waiting began.

I'm going to stop here. I will write more later. But this is how the worst day of my life started.

Who I Am in Fantasy, Apparently

Thanks for the quiz link, Fuzz!

Oh you Poor, Rich NYC People.....

I just read that all the people who OPEN DOORS for New Yorkers in their apartment buildings might go on strike! Holy Carp (and I do mean the fish), Rich New Yorkers may actually have to open their own doors, take out their own trash, and *GASP* push the buttons on the elevators!!!

How will Rich New Yorkers ever survive doing something for themselves??? I mean, how can we expect them to know how to shift weight back to pull and shift weight forward to push a door open? Will they be able to remember what floor they live on? and if so, will they recognize the number on the elevator buttons and think to push it???

Gimme a freakin' break! WHY is this a news story?????

I Need a New House

This house is small. The water runs cold. The water pressure is terrible. But most importantly....

The cable wiring in this house is completely FUCKED UP.

Yes dear readers, the reason why you didn't hear from me yesterday was because my LOVELY internet connection went out Sunday at about 6 pm and wasn't back on til nearly 4pm yesterday. By then I had things to do and wasn't in the mood to blog. The cable guy, Mike, who's been to my house 2 times in 3 weeks now, and I discovered that the cabling in my house is bad. So now my cable internet is hooked up directly to the box outside, with a wire going in my window to the modem. My new modem. yippee. I pray that no longer will I suffer outtages of almost 24 hours or more of no internet connection. If I do, Mike will be back....perhaps I will arrange for my sister to come to town and visit...He did ask me if I have a sister, after all!

So yesterday, I got my internet back and an attractive man flirting with me, and asking if I had a sister. Talk about an EGO BOOST!!

Yeah, this is my life....how sad!

BTW, if any of you are wondering, YES, Hubby was right upstairs!

And Mike even arranged for me to get some credit on next month's bill for all my outtages the last 4 weeks. See? Blondes DO have it better!! ;)

Hippidy Hip Hop, Easter's On Its Way....I Wish It Wasn't...

Tomorrow is Easter. We've got everything ready. The baskets are made, although I am considering going to Michaels and getting bigger baskets. The toys I got are overflowing from them, and it seems Emily will have 2...sorta. The Easter Bunny is brining her a helmet for T-Ball and it's got some candy and stuff in it....and when she finds the golden egg, The Bunny has left instructions on where Mom can find her prize -- A T-Ball bat in the shed. Mimi is gonna bring her son out to find a couple eggs too. It'll be a nice little egg hunt. I was up til 1 am filling those damn things...

Easter is my least favorite holiday. To be honest, other than the Bunny coming, we don't really celebrate. Well Hubby and I don't. It's always a bittersweet day for us.

You see, our first daughter died on Easter. And while this year Easter doesn't fall on April 23rd, it's still in April, and only a week before. 7 days...well anyway...so, I am sure you can understand why Easter just isn't a big day for us. Honestly, if we didn't have any more kids, I highly doubt we'd do anything at all. The day my daughter died, I recall distinctly they asked if I wanted a chaplain to come talk to us. Now, this was a big Holy Day. Yeah, I grew up a Christian. Easter was a big day in my house. Still is at my dad's I think. I still am a Christian, but it seemed incredibly ironic that a chaplain would come talk to me on a day that is supposed to be about celebration when this most horrific, grueling, heart-wrenching event had just occured. I wanted nothing to do with him.

My daughter's death was the reason I did not go to church for nearly 3 years after. I was angry at God for taking away my daughter on Easter. I wanted to sue the people who decided what dates are holidays, because of the pain and suffering. I was angry. I still am. I hate this holiday.

Although I will have a smile on my face, and will delight in watching my children hunt for eggs and squeal at their basket of goodies, inside I will be wrenched with heartache and suffering with loss. I will daydream about what my oldest daughter would look like on her 6th Easter. I will wonder if anyone else who was in the hospital delivery room that day will remeber Easter of 2000 with guilt, or remorse, or heartache like me. But most of all, I will wonder why God chose to do His will on a Holy Day of celebration and happiness.

And then I will make it through the day, and wait and wait 7 more days...and then the real pain will begin for that 24 hours.....