Monday, June 30, 2008

BrittCon is over....and I am taking a vacation!

I promised you a detailed report of BrittCon today...but I realized that in order to do that, I would delay my trip to my dad and Mum's in Martha's Vineyard! I am taking a vacation with the kids for about 5 days, and going to do as little as possible since I did so much this last weekend...

But, I bringing my laptop to The Vineyard, so tonight, after all the house is asleep, I plan on doing an update. For now, as I am lazy and short on time, I will post my Flickr Account Page, so you can stop there and peruse a few of the 180 pictures I's just highlights of things, but still, about 30 pictures to get an idea of things....

(Don' rush me, I'm perusing the merchandise, Mistah Weasel!)

I had a blast at BrittCon. It was so great to meet everyone that I did and make new friends.

But man, am I tired and in pain from walking so much!

At least I lost some weight -- that is confirmed, I lost 5 lbs this weekend from walking and sweating so much! WOOT!!

Sunday, June 29, 2008

According to the Bible, even God took a day off...

....and who am I to argue with the Christians? Hey, I don't want to get put on a stake!

so today, as I spend my last day in New York City at BrittCon, I am leaving today mostly without a post...

Expect a detailed report on Monday!


Saturday, June 28, 2008

We're only happy if we shop until we drop. In search of bargains we will never stop.

Wednesday was a good day for me, I was especially proud of my self-control.

You see, I tend to be a bit of a shop-a-holic.

It all starts out innocently enough. I will make a list of things I need, and stick to that list dutifully. but somewhere in the mix, I will see something that I want, or have been wanting for a while, and if I know I have a little extra money, I grab it and put it in a cart. I will tell myself in my mind, naturally, that I am justified in what I have just put in the cart because we have the money, I've put off getting it, etc.

Most times, as I finally decide I am done at the store (or I am running late and need to leave) I will peruse my cart's contents and question whether or not I really can afford it, or need it, or deserve it. I have been known to literally empty out a whole cart except for the things that are on my list.

Wednesday, I didn't have a list. I went to the little salon where I occasionally get manicures and pedicures to wax my eyebrows. It's in a little plaza that is trumped by a Wal-Greens. As I had been in search for a backpack for a couple days for my trip to NYC for BrittCon, I decided to duck in there and see what they had...sometimes you will be surprised and find good stuff in the unlikeliest of places.

I ended up with a whole carry basket of stuff. i started to head to checkout, and sure enough, stopped and looked. it was filled with a bunch of crap I really didn't need. I forced myself to go back to where I had picked up each item, and place it back on the shelf. GO ME!

But I still needed a backpack. I headed to TJ Maxx....I didn't like the styles or prices, although I did see a bag for $7.99 that, at the time of this writing on Wednesday night, I may go back for on Thursday. But not before I perused the clothing, and seeing some stuff on sale, decided to go try a few things on....and then, I did it again. I made myself put back the 3 dresses and pj set I desperately wanted, but really did not need.

Having realized I was in compulsory mode, I quickly exited the store and headed home. I was proud that I had resisted the temptation. That day, anyway!

Friday, June 27, 2008

Oh Happy Day! Oh Happy Day!

As this post will be posted at midnight, that means it's Friday. And as it is Friday, that means it is BRITCON 2008!

I am in New Haven as you all read this. My bags are packed, and I am probably sleeping on my friend Tink's couch dreaming of all the fun I am about to have.

I actually downloaded "Carrying the Banner" from the Newsies soundtrack onto my iPod so that I can play it as we approach the city. I arrive at about 10:30 am, and will be meeting Hellohahnarf soon after, I believe, at Grand Central Station. We'll probably do lunch and do a little wandering, killing time until it's time to meet Britt and Karl. We'll be meeting Britt and Karl about 4 at the hotel, and then the adventure begins!

I hope Britt, Karl, Hellohahanarf, Poppy and Dawg are not too scared when I begin to burst into song at random points around the City.

I also will randomly spurt out movie lines. I can't help it. Sometimes I don't even realize I am doing it until I notice the funny looks. I really have seen some movies waaaay too many times....

Oh yeah, it's gonna be a GREAT weekend!


Thursday, June 26, 2008

HNT: Naturally, there's no time to do it all...

And so, though I had planned on another HNT original, I am gonna have to dig into my files and post an old pic....

This is my scorpion tattoo, representing Misk, who is a Scorpio. I got it over my heart, because that's where Misk is - my heart (awwww, sickeningly sweet, eh?).

I leave tomorrow for NYC but am heading to New Haven tonight so I don't have to get up as early as I anticipated...


Wednesday, June 25, 2008

I’ve got better things to do, Than my todo list anyway, Hide under the covers, And waste away the day...

Cissa's To-Do List for Wednesday

1. Shower & dress

2. Get kids dressed

3. get to 10 am free brake inspection on Misk's piece of shit truck

4. get brakes fixed (maybe)

5. lunch

6. Children's Museum w/kids

7. haircut so I don't look to scraggly for another 6 weeks

8. eyebrows waxed so I don't look like a crazy woman

9. dye hair at home so I don't look like white trash with roots

10. laundry

11. dinner

12. start to pack for BrittCon

13. listen to Jester's Radio show at 10 PM

14. slip in an episode of The Tudors somewhere because I love Jonathan Rhys-Meyers

15. somehow fit in a blog post or two for the weekend since I won't be at home and debating bringing the laptop

I hope I get it all done today! It's my first full day of summer vacation, and I am already super busy. At least I will get to go to the beach tomorrow -- I hope!


Edited to Add: Welll I've gotten some things accomplished, thank the Lord and Lady! As of 11:45 am, however, I am still waiting to hear back from the brake inspection, and this makes me nervous....I am thinking the worst...mega bucks to get the brakes done....*le sigh*

Yet another Edit: More accomplished today - YAY! Unfortunately the brake thing didn't work out because they wanted $525 just for the front end pads and rotors! I made some calls and have to take the truck in to another place tomorrow morning. Wish me luck.....

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it!

Wow,'s been one hell of a weekend for me. Mom's gone. We got her out Friday and now she's settled in RI and hopefully at this moment, looking for a job and applying for state aid.

Saturday at 9 am, I started cleaning. Angie arrived at 11 am. And holy smokies, did we clean my downstairs! It's so clean now! I think the last time it was THIS clean, it was when we moved into the house!

I mention my friends a lot on this blog. That's because I am always doing somethign with them, and Saturday was no different. Sex toy parties are fun, but they are even more fun with all of your closest friends! I didn't buy a lot, but only because I HAVE so much already! LOL

Sunday was spent doing the Pagan thing, and again, all of my friends were there. It was awesome. I'd go into detail,'s just one of those things that is hard to explain how it was.

Monday, I spent planning BrittCon via emails with Britt, Hellohahanarf, Karl, & Poppy. I swear those folks are gonna make me bust a gut this weekend!


Today I will start packing my clothes and stuff. It is the last day of school for the girls, so it's a half day. I am thinking a trip to Dairy Queen to celebrate is in order, but I will see how much I get accomplished this morning with packing and organizing. Oh yeah, and getting a babysitter for Friday so I can get to NYC early to meet Hellohahanarf, since she flies in at like 0-dark-30 am! I totally don't care..this weekend is gonna rock!

I hope you all are having a great week so far! I'm off to read my blogroll!


Saturday, June 21, 2008

In Memoriam of The Puppy Monster

Though I was not active in the blogosphere at this time, many of my blog buddies were.

But I can relate, in a way I wish I couldn't.

Out of respect for NYCWD, and naturally, DJ, I post this today. You are in all of our hearts and thoughts today, Dawg.

Friday, June 20, 2008

No good deed goes unpunished. No act of charity goes unresented....

Today is the day, it's finally here! 366 days ago (I forgot it was leap year this year) Misk and I loaded up my van and his truck worth of stuff and My Mom joined us in our tiny 1200 sq ft., 3 BR, gov't appointed duplex. It's been cramped in here this past year!

It's fitting that exactly one year to the day this happened, she's leaving.

I don't have time for a long post, because The Bug has a "Family Picnic" at school today for her Pre-K class. Then once school is over, it's off to pick up and load the U-haul. Then once we are done, we simply wait for Misk to get home, and we can head out to RI and unload.

I am guessing I won't be home til about 9 pm, which is just in time to send the kids to bed and for Me to do some cleaning. Oh yeah, I WILL do some cleaning tonight.

I hope you all have a great weekend. I know Tomorrow morning will be wonderful for me.

No work, no mom, just me, Misk and the kids....and Angie who has vowed to get my house clean along with me. But I am hoping she lets me sleep in til 9 am! It will be a big cleaning day in Fireheart House, and I actually cannot wait!

Enjoy your Friday!


Thursday, June 19, 2008

HNT - First in a Looooong Time....

So a loooong time ago (i.e. like at least a year), I participated in Half-Nekkid Thursdays. Then I stopped because quite honestly, my life went crazy, I hit a depression wall, and stopped blogging....

I finally feel comfortable enough to participate again. So here is my entry for the week....

I know, I know, not nearly as sexy as you wish it could be, but I love my Sun Tattoo. I promise better stuff in the weeks to come, but for now, the fact that I am even participating again is a big step for me.

Please click on the little HNT Icon above if you wish to see others who participate!

In other news.....

The U-haul place called to confirm my pick-up of the truck this morning...YAY!! After I get The Bug from school, I am going to be packing up the linens that I saved for Mom for her bed, and yay, be almost done!

Misk has informed me he will be getting out of work early on Friday to help up with packing up the truck. I think he won't have much to do, since there is so little she actually has....but whatever.

last night I participated in Jester's radio show. it was my first time, and I had a blast. I cannot wait for BrittCon next weekend. Seriously, I wish I was going to be able to meet everyone I talked to last night!

Not much else is going on for me, so I should hush now...maybe I will get struck with inspiration later, but until then....hasta la vista, amigos!


Wednesday, June 18, 2008

A Letter to My Sister....that she might not ever see....

Dear Sis,

You have grown up to be such a wonderful woman. You are beautiful, kind, caring, unselfish, I could go on for days and sing your praises. You make me envious that I could never be like you in some ways. I know I don't have the capacity for your patience and ability to not get dramatic over every little thing.

I am happy that you have found a wonderful man to share the rest of your life with. I am so glad that I will be a part of the celebration of your union, and that I am helping you to make your day so special. I have been wanting to tell you something for a while now, and although I think about it, I don't want to you think any less of me than you might possibly already.

You see, I am not a Christian anymore. I believe in a God, but not the Christian one. I don't believe that Jesus Christ was anything more than a man who had special gifts and powers, but wasn't the son of God, specifically. I will be more specific: I am a Wiccan.

I believe in many Gods and Goddesses, all that represent an aspect of this earth and the people, plants, and animals in it. I believe that everything on earth has a source of power, and it is possible to gather that power, feed off it, and manipulate it to bring a greater good to this world. I believe in honoring the earth, relishing in the beauty and force of Mother Nature and that although She is sometimes violent (storms, earthquakes, tornadoes, etc.) it is not because humans are evil, sinful, and deserve smiting.

I believe in tolerance, and in the theory that sex, whomever one wishes to engage in it with, is not something that is dirty, or should be hidden, or believed to be evil. it is a wonderful act of pleasure and should be celebrated and understood that it is a human representation of the union of the Goddess and God in the Wheel of Life. I believe this is not the first time, nor the last time, my soul is in this world. I have too many deep connections to people, including you, to think that we have been in each other's presence only once, and will never again.

There is so much more I believe, but it would take days to explain, and even then, it's hard because I am not so great at wording things the way I want to mean.

My problem about telling you is that I don't want to ruin your wedding. I don't want another reason for the family to be up in arms about things, and I don't want your special day to be marred by the opinions of people who will think I am wrong, evil, or whatever. I love you so much, that I am willing to keep quiet about my beliefs, and masquerade Christianity if it means your Wedding Day is a day that you and your husband-to-be will never forget. Most of all, I am scared that you, the woman that I look up to even though you are younger, will find it a reason to no longer love and accept me. I am already the "bad apple" in our family, but you always stick by my side and stand by me. You have always loved me without question, and I don't ever want to lose that. I fear that you, as the so-devout Christian that you are, will turn your back on me, and even the thought of what your reaction might be scares me so bad I stay silent. You are the one thing that scares me most of all of realizing my new personal beliefs, and although most people will say I shouldn't care what anyone thinks, it's my life....losing you in it would be a blow I am not sure I would ever recover from.

I love you little sister, but this is me. I'm a Wiccan, Witch, Pagan, whatever you want to call it, it's who I am. And now you know. I hope you still love me.

Love Always,

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

A size cringier.....I should be in advertizing!

Ok, I have this random blog entry today. I will forewarn you that the topic comes from the strange Nyquil induced thoughts that wander in my mind while drifting off to sleep.

I know that a very nice blog buddy of mine is on Jenny Craig, and she's lost a good amount of weight already and is only on her 3rd week. I saw a commercial for the company that's been on the last few weeks or so, and until last night, there was something that I couldn't put my finger on about it that bothered me.

Last night about 11:30 as I tossed and turned, hacked, and tried to fall into a blissful sleep, I realized what it was. For all the success that JC has had, why on earth, when using actual clients who lost a lot of weight, don't they ever find the ones who can ACT???

I mean c'mon people, Jenny Craig makes who-knows how much a year from the diet industry? You can't foot the bill for maybe 2 or 3 acting lessons for your big-loss clients so they don't sound so damn unenthusiastic in your commercials? For example, the latest campaign goes something like this:

Valerie Bertinelli is on some rocky ocean side location and talking about how much weight she lost and how she feels so great, etc. She's a size energized!

Real Weight Loser (with a fake smile): Hey. It's. Valeri. ! (her friends don't even turn around to look) I. lost. a . bunch. of. weight. too. I. love. my. consultant.

Valerie B: I know! Mine totally rocks! and the best is --

Valerie B: THE FOOD!!
RWL: The. food. !

Valerei : Race you to the top for a lemon cake !!

RWL: Let's. go. !

Wow, man, I cringe every time I see it. Now see, me, being an overweight person watches that and thinks: That woman does not seem too enthused. Maybe Jenny Craig isn't that great. I guess I won't spend a gazillion dollars and just try my best to lose weight the old-fashioned way.

If that were ME, who has had some acting experience, this is probably how it would go....

Valerie Bertinelli is on some rocky ocean side location and talking about how much weight she lost and how she feels so great, etc. She's a size energized!

Me: Holy crap! Valerie Bertinelli! You look fucking fabulous, lady! Dude, I lost, like 60 pounds! can you fucking believe it??? I swear to god, I have the BEST consultant in ALL of Jenny Craig!

Valerie B: I know! Mine totally rocks! and the best is --

Me & Valerie : THE FOOD!!

Me: Hell yeah! This is the best diet food EVER! SERIOUSLY!! I don't know how I possibly ate in my entire life before the Jenny Craig food!!

Valerie : Race you to the top for a lemon cake !!

Me: You're on, bitch! Bring it! (pushes Valerie out of the way and zooms past her!)

See? now that would sell some people on Jenny Craig....Granted, I know I want to do a diet, and start soon, since we are about 13 months form my sister's wedding...but honestly? I don't think it will be Jenny Craig. I just don't feel the sincerity in the "real clients" testimonies on their commercials. It feels forced. And to me, if it feels wrong, I won't do it....I do hear from my blog buddy though, and I am supper happy that she is off to a fabulous start...maybe SHE will be the one who sells me on this company, because the commercials certainly aren't doing it for me...

But to my blog buddy who is on Jenny's program? I wish you the best, lots of weight loss, and I can't wait to see you at BrittCon!

A size unimpressed,

p.s. As it is Blog Reader Appreciation Week and all, I just want to say THANK YOU TO ALL MY READERS!! ALL 30 OF YOU MAKE ME SMILE EVERYDAY!!

Except the one in Van Nuys, CA who won't ever talk to me through Woopra....that one? Whoever you are, you drive me nuts not letting me know who you are.....and it makes me sad...cause I love visitors.....and I love to know who you all are....


Monday, June 16, 2008

And a new day will dawn for those who stand long, And the forest will echo with laughter....

I am feeling a little better today, and I feel one large weight lifted off my chest.

I am done at my waitressing job! And I don't have to go back, except to pick up my last paycheck right before BrittCon. I made a decent amount of money because the girl who is supposed to replace me did not come in, and we had a good amount of tables plus a large party of 15, and they alone gave me a $35. then I remembered this was pay week, and after I was done working, I got my paycheck. combine that with the left over money from last paycheck, and I have enough to pay for train, hotel and some food in NYC! (this is assuming of course, that our stimulus check never arrives)


So after feelign the weight of no more work lift off my shoulders, I am ready for this week and all that it holds. I am busier than I thought, as I forgot about a social function I will be attending on Wednesday night as well! It's ok though, really, I am looking forward to it. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel for me. Freedom is a mere...well whatever that little countdown timer says over there away ---------------------------->

Let's see what else can I tell you all about?.....I dunno, I've got a racing mind and am looking forward to Friday like you wouldn't beleive. I am actually contemplating getting a bottle of Champagne for Misk and I. Nothing major, just somethign for us to drink while we clean! haha

Speaking of Misk, I think he had a nice Father's Day. He got breakfast in bed, spent the day watching movies in bed and only left the house to be taken out to dinner. That's pretty good for him, I think. He knew he wasn't getting a gift since his car repairs are this week, so, the fact that the kids gave him home made cards and stuff was good enough for him. I'm still holding out on him though hehe....he doesn't know I have the money for BrittCon, because I want to make sure he understands that he messed up. Because he did. Big Time

ANYWAY, I have got to work on cleaning this office! I want as much as possible cleaned of our own stuff upstairs by Friday so that when we get home, we only have the downstairs to deal with on Saturday. The real major things to be cleaned now are the office and upstairs bath and today is office day! I already managed to get $21.35 in cans and bottles from a bag of cans in the garage and The Leaning Tower of Dr. Pepper! Yes it's ALL Misk drinks, so we had a lot of it!

Totally insane, right? Seriously. Naturally, I have been trying to convince him to just take it all to the store and turn it in, and naturally, he always says he's so tired from work and just wants to be at home. So now he has no choice, and since I did all the work and got icky, sticky hands from it, the $21.35 goes to the BrittCon Fund! hahaha

Really, I am going now. It's so awesome to feel some semblance of relaxation and happiness. It's nice to know I will not have to endure the crap I have had to for the last year for much longer. It is amazing to think my family will feel "at home" at home again in just a short time!

Is it Friday yet????

Hope Everyone is having a good Monday,

Saturday, June 14, 2008

I cannot come up with a song lyric

You people are not going to believe this: I think I might have bronchitis...AGAIN!

Seriously, I have been hacking up a lung for the last few days, sucking down generic menthol eucalyptus drops like they are going out of style, and generally feeling miserable, including a stuffy nose and my nodes are swollen all nice and stuff. (TWKS)

I am sick, but I don't have the time to be.

Today and tomorrow are my last 2 days of scheduled work for my waitressing job. I doubt I will make much money, only for the simple fact that I have to share the shift with another waitress, my replacement, as she trains to fill my position (TWKS...damn I'm on a roll!).

This kinda sucks, because I am willing to bet that my tips would help a lot with my financial situation in trying to make it to BrittCon. but now that they are halved, maybe not. I don't' feel too bad because the girl who is taking my weekend shifts is a nice girl, and I actually am kinda sad I won't get to work with her. But still, lots of money would be nice too.

After being done with work, I have the following to do next week:

  • get mom finalized and all packed up (non-furniture stuff)
  • be a chaperone on a field trip for The Bug
  • attend a "end of year" class picnic for The Bug (must remember paper plates)
  • read up on Litha (Midsummer) rituals, which is this week and ritual is Sunday
  • get the U-haul (reservation made)
  • pack the U-haul, with just me and Mom to do it (Misk will conveniently be at work)
  • get the U-haul with mom's stuff to RI and then unpack it.
  • get back to CT not too late so Misk doesn't bitch more about having to drive somewhere after a "long week" of sitting on his ass in an air conditioned office until Friday when he actually does his work.
  • move my furniture that was in the garage for the last year back into my living room where it belongs...then vacuum and deodorize it....
  • Clean my house with lots of hot water, bleach, ammonia, anti-bacterial Mr. Clean, etc. on my knees scrubbing and throwing out a LOT of crap that mom will have left for me "to sell at a yard sale"
  • FINALLY set up a permanent altar in the living room, like I have been wanting to do for months.
  • get together with my friends for an "adult toy party" stay up late and drink, etc.
  • go to Litha Ritual on Sunday.
  • constantly remind Misk that I am not going to BrittCon because his piece of shit truck needed brakes And also remind him he isn't getting the lovin' from me.
  • check the mailbox with fervor everyday at 4 pm for that fucking stimulus check.
  • Revel in the fact that my Mother is going to be out of my house and after she is gone, enjoy my home once more!
Misk is still holding out hope for the stimulus check. He really wants to get laid. Yesterday's post still holds true. I refuse to have sex with him if I don't get to go to BrittCon and he gets his brakes on his piece of shit car.

But anyway. So as much as going to work thrills me, and I'm being ironical here, folks, I don't want to go because I feel like total crap. When I go in, I am willing to bet my boss (for 2 more days) will try to say I am faking it, make some disparaging/insulting comments about my home life/sex life/marriage/friends and I will be even more ticked off.

I totally will not miss his comments.

I hope I make it through today without too much crap from anyone. Maybe it's just PMS or something, but I will crack some skulls if I have to this week.

Enjoy your weekend, everyone!


Friday, June 13, 2008

You dropped a bomb on me, baby, you dropped a bomb on me...

And my own personal drama continues to rear its ugly head.....mix this with lack of sleep and I am in the foulest mood I have been in this week. And that's saying something!

Last night as Misk and I were laying in bed attempting to go to sleep, we were talking about costs of moving mom (which u-haul do we want and for how much), as today is Military Payday, and we would be doing our usual money stuff....our "out-loud budget" if you will...consider it saving a tree so we don't write it down. Then in the middle of this Misk drops a bomb:

Misk: "I need to get new brakes for my truck, I'd like to do that this weekend."

Me: ".................(long silence)............"

Misk: "Are you still awake?"

Me: *sniffle* (almost whisper) "yes.............(another long silence)........well I guess this means that unless we get that fucking stimulus check I am definitely not going to New York. (insert voice volume getting louder) I guess the little spark of hope I had to go is all but gone now. And to think I was actually getting excited that it was possible (just about a holler) and when exactly were you going to let me know? Before or AFTER I STARTED PACKING????"

Misk: "That's why I am telling you now. Sorry."

Me: (inject snarky sarcastic tone) "Oh gee thanks so much for apologizing now. Because yesterday when I told you about Mom and RI you couldn't have interjected then at all, huh? (change tone to hurt and slightly whiny) Especially when you knew I was so happy because this meant I could still go to New York!"

Misk:........(long pause)......"Sorry Baby." *cue him reaching out to touch me in comfort*

Me: (in the most angry yet disgusted tone I can possibly muster) *through my tears as I move as far away on the bed as possible* "Fuck off and don't even think about getting laid for at least a month. UNLESS I go to New York. Otherwise don't even look at me, douche bag."

So.....things aren't so peachy keen after-all....and now I am angry and hurt, deceived, and rather bitter about him asking me to quit my job, when I could have financed my trip to BrittCon single-handedly on my checks. I didn't have to quit, much as I wanted to, until the summer was over.

Now, see, I realize that was my decision. I know it's not his fault. But I am angry and more than irritated that he waited so long to clue me into the fact that he needs new brakes for a car he drives MAYBE 5 miles a day in. Like his peice of shit truck couldn't go another 2 weeks for brakes? Whatever. Fuck him. He's gonna get his fucking brakes all right.

I hope it's worth it to him. I know I can do fine without marital relations. Not having sex isn't such a big issue to me. I've forcibly abstained for 6-month deployments, a few weeks is a drop in the bucket to me....Afterall, that's what vibrators are for, right?

Pissed off, yet still looking forward to tonight because it is FRIDAY and Girls Night Out,

Thursday, June 12, 2008

There can be miracles, when you believe, though hope is frail....

No kidding. Seriously. I can't even begin to fathom how it happened.

A miracle occurred yesterday.

I have managed to find a place to get my mother out to, and not have to worry about her. What's more, she will be in a place that has not one but two RIPTA bus stops within 500 feet from her new abode. And the support of her side of the family, who are much better motivators than I am. This is a bloody miracle, and to be honest, I still can't believe how fast it all happened.

My Aunt Shirley is a life saver. And she came in (well called, really), set my mother straight and made me look good all in a 20 minute phone call. Amazing.

If things continue to work out, it will cost me no more than a tank of gas (that I would already be needing to put in my car as it is) to get her to Rhode Island a week from tomorrow. Yes, in 8 days, I will finally have my house back.

Money is still super tight, but, I think it might be possible for me to make it to NYC after all. Which is good. I just hope Britt and the rest of the folks understand when I refrain from anything that costs money while I am there. And eat a lot of hot dogs.....

Which at this point, I totally am willing to do!


p.s. my heart goes out to those of you who are having a hard time coping with some recent Net-Drama. To me it was a shock, but since things aren't as personal for me, I can't find myself feeling more than surprise and a bit of concern for the people involved in the actual relationship. I don't know as much detail as some of you, so perhaps that is why I don't feel qualified to really comment on it. I hope that doesn't make you all think I am a cold-hearted bitch, but...other than getting the news, it's not my business and I even feel a little bad for saying anything here at all.....but to those of you who had a more personal attachment to the situation, I hope you will find forgiveness in your heart and time will heal your wounds...we're all just human....

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Money don't get everything it's true, What it don't get, I can't use ...

What a crappy morning I have had so far. That's a fabulous way to start a blog entry, eh?

Things are not so good in Fireheart House. Misk has finally lost all patience and directed me to tell my mother she needs to leave, post haste. He's said we will buy her a bus ticket to Maine if we have to. Ok, so I go to tell my mom and...apparently, her boyfriend in Maine has not been keeping in contact with her, and it seems that...well, he's lost interest.

I knew this would happen, I just knew it.....I saw it coming, and I should have acted sooner to get her back there. Damn it all to Miami.....*sigh*Right, back to my story...

After having an in-depth talk with her and explaining that Misk has expressed his desire for her to leave now, that things, as great as I make them out to be, have been strained with us due to the lack of comfort and privacy in our home. She has pronounced, that hell or high water, she will be out in 2 weeks time.

Well, whether she goes to Maine or not, one thing is for sure:

I will not be able to make it to BrittCon, unless a miracle occurs, and I come into some money. We had depended on that lovely little Economic Stimulus check to arrive so I could go to New York, have a blast, and not worry about the finances, but it never did. Misk seems to think it still might, but I am not holding my breath. Just like we though my mom would only be staying with us for a few months (which turned into a YEAR), that's just not how it happened.

I am rather disappointed at the fact that I won't be able to tool around NYC with my Blogging Friends and Idols. And as much as it would be somewhat feasible for me to afford my train tickets and room at the Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen & Marine's Club, it would not be as feasible for me to survive in the food department. Unless by food, you mean $1 hot dogs from corner carts. While they are tasty, it would not be healthy or a good idea for 3 days straight. i could also live on fruit from Bodegas and bottle water, but again, probably not such a great idea...

So, that's little sheltered existence has imploded into one big disappointment. Yeah I'm being dramatical about it, but I was so very much looking forward to it.

I am still holding a birthday-sized candle of hope that the stimulus check shows up, but if it doesn't by the 22nd, I am canceling my reservation in NYC.

And, somehow, getting my mother out of this house.

I hope the rest of you are having a better week,

Monday, June 09, 2008

It's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes...

Well, I bet you all thought there would be a nekkid Cissa, eh?

Nope, not gonna happen. You would be mentally scarred, and I am afraid, my husband would probably try to make me shut down this blog.

Again, not gonna happen.

It's hot in Connecticut, today, I'm not talking just's like...the entire state got transplanted to Florida, without notice. And damn, is it hot!

At 7 am when I woke up, it was about 80 degrees outside my the shade. Now see, my gov't housing is nice and all, and the house I am in, provides air conditioner shafts (TWKS) for you to put your A/C in for the summer...which is nice. But I only have 2....and they are in the bedrooms. My office -- which is also the room which faces the sun for the most time of the day-- NO A/C VENT....and no A/C unit for that matter. And the heat will continue to beat down on Connecticut for the remainder of the work-week. I have never wanted an air conditioner more in my life, and can't afford one at the moment.

I think this will be remedied on Friday. Correction: if I have to live on $1 hot dogs from the corner carts in NYC during the weekend of BrittCon, I will do so, because it means another A/C unit in this sweatbox.

But until then, I predict I will loose about 5 lbs from drinking water and sweating like a pretty little pig all week. Except the the time I spend in my bedroom, which at this point, I am thinking will be about oh....17 hours a day? heh. New London County has a heat index (what the weather will feel like of 97 today. Ninety-seven. degrees. Fahrenheit. Damn!

It's just like being home in FL, minus central air conditioning...I really miss that right about now, seriously....

May you all stay cool and hydrated,

Sunday, June 08, 2008

And I can't fight this feeling anymore, I've forgotten what I started fightin fooooor....

A lot has been happening to me lately. The last week has truly been a trial of my character, my beliefs, my soul and my personality.

Between planning my sister's wedding, work, caring for other people's animal's, killing deer, and dealing with my family/home life, I have pretty much forgotten to be me this week. I hate it when that happens.

But good news is on the horizon. Yesterday I was told that I no longer have to work on Tuesday's and Thursdays. This is good, because I was freaking out about driving home from work at night again. I am trying to avoid driving at night as much as possible for a little while. Killing that deer really really affected me, and I think that in order to heal myself, I need to not drive at night and slowly learn to gain my confidence back in that department. It also means I will get to have more me time, and not worry that I have to get stuff done before work on those days. I can focus on my task of getting this house in shape. Because I have let it go, considerably bad, as of late.

My patience and tolerance has been tried especially in the last day. Last night Misk decided he was finally once and for all, tired of the kids' room looking like a pig sty and gave the order to clean it. If it wasn't cleaned to HIS liking, everything that was left on the floor, clothes excepted, would be thrown out. Emily took on the task, and in my opinion, did a very good job. Kaitlyn refused to do any such thing, and so Misk spent an hour throwing away everything under her bed. It was heartbreaking for me to see, and I know she was upset, but...what could I do? We fought of course, because some of the things he threw away were gifts from other people, and pictures. They are gone. I think he had the right idea, but he took it too far.

Now, he's got them on the floor picking up every tiny piece of garbage on the floor, including sunflower seed shells, lint, etc by hand. It will take them forever. Meanwhile, as he sleeps the morning away, I am forced to endure their whining, crying and complaints. It has been more than difficult to sit there and enforce his rule that they cannot use a vacuum. I think it's rather unfair, and they should be allowed to use a vacuum, especially since what is left on the floor is so small. But he doesn't care. I don't get what's up HIS ass anyway. He never goes in their room, barely acknowledges them when he's home, never does anything with them, other than yell at them, what right does he have to say they can't use a vacuum? Just because he provided the sperm to create them does not mean that he does a whole lot of parenting. He just steps in when he feels it's not going the way he thinks it should. He's rather elitist, and it pisses me off to no end.

But I have a plan, and as soon as he's gone back to work, I will carry it out.

I am throwing all of HIS shit that's all over our bedroom floor out. well, most-likely...

I am putting all of my clothes away, cleaning my side of the room, and when he gets home, he's got to clean his side, or else I will throw his shit away Tuesday morning.

We'll see how he likes it. I'm guessing he'll bitch about it. A lot. And I am going to point out that if he can't take it, he shouldn't be dishing it out. Oh and I am going to inform him he must pick up all the crap on the floor by hand. I will hide the vacuum if I have to.

Yeah, it's petty and childish, but he doesn't do anything in this house to help me at all -- unless I practically BEG him to do it-- yet feels he can reign supreme over the children and myself just because he is the breadwinner. He's in for one hell of a fight from me. I am through acquiescing simply because he earns the money. I run this house because he won't. I do it poorly sometimes, but at least I step up , as opposed to him, who only does when I am at my wit's end and tearing my hair out or crying hysterically. And I refuse to let him try to be domineering while also being lazy and not contributing.

Cissa is back, and she's ready to rumble.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

My horrible night...not for the faint of heart....or animal lovers...

It was just a normal night for me. I worked, and had just clocked out, lit a cigarette and began driving the 3 1/2 miles to my house from work. As it's nighttime, I drove the speed limit. I have poor depth perception in the dark, and didn't want to risk an accident. I'm funny like that.

Then it happened. A deer, a doe actually I think, bound out from the woods in front of my van, and I hit it, hard.

It flew, hit the ground and skidded, on it's side, a good 25-30 feet, as best as I can estimate.

I screamed and slammed my brakes, pulled over the side of the road and slammed the gear shift into park. I looked at the poor thing, still visible in my headlights, and somehow thought to hit my hazard lights. I prayed aloud that it was already dead and not suffered.

To my utter horror, it flailed a bit, made a bleating type noise that will be ingrained in my mind for some time to come, over and over, for a good 5 minutes before finally lying still. I burst into tears.

My hands shaking, trembling, hard, I reached for my purse and tried to search for my cell phone. I was shaking so hard, my mind in shambles, I couldn't locate it for a good minute or so. Finally my hand grasped it and I pulled it out of the vast black hole that is my handbag, flipped it over. I was faced witha black screen and cried even harder. Hands shaking so hard I could barely find the power button I cried out "please don't be dead, phone, please let me make one call!" It turned on, gave me the low battery message and I fumbled to find the number for Home.

Just as it rang once, the phone died again. I cried out loud again, screamed, really, I think. It's a bit blurry, even though, almost 2 hours later, I try to remember.

I put my arms on my steering wheel and wailed. I cried, hard. I am not sure how long I cried there in my car. I had killed a precious creature of this world. My poor vision had not enabled me to see the deer fast enough. Though looking back now, in my numbing shock (what Misk says I am in) I don't think it could have been prevented.

I somehow stopped shaking enough to drive home. Slowly. I turned off the car, apparently, leaving my lights on, and stumbled into the house and up the stairs. I almost made it to the top, before I called for Misk, collapsed, and wept. I cried so hard, my chest, stomach and throat hurt. I sobbed out choking on my own words to Misk to tell him what had happened. My mother came up the stairs, and tried to comfort me, but the guilt overwhelmed me. I somehow made it into my bedroom, where I cried more. Misk went away and came back. I think he turned off my headlights. I know there is damage to my front end, I glanced at it as I made my way back to my house, eyes blurred by my tears.

I am a murderess. I have killed another creature on this planet that gave no harm to myself.

In this numb moment, I am going to say something I may regret later. But I can't hold it in.

I am a Pagan. I am Wiccan. I am a WITCH.

I value the earth, I try to live in peaceful harmony with all of this earth's creatures. I worship a God and Goddess. I believe in preserving life, specially in nature. We have something called the Wiccan Rede: An it no harm, do what you will.

I have harmed. I have killed. I have made another creature suffer, and it tears my heart out of my chest.

After a bit, I finally calmed down. I am numb. I feel a tremendous weight of guilt. Even if I had no way to prevent it, I still inflicted harm on this innocent creature and caused its death.

Two glasses of wine have not softened the blow of what has happened. I just can't bring my body to react anymore. It's a blank. My mind however, will probably be haunted by the horrible images of watching that deer suffer and die for what seems like an eternity of pain.

It seems so melodramatic to some of you I am sure. To me, it is not, it is something that has impacted me greatly, and I think the tirade of guilt and sorrow I will be carrying inside of me will likely make me quite morose in the days to come.

this post is a downer. but it's my outlet.

tomorrow I assess the damage and decide if it is bad enough that I need to call my insurance company.

That stimulus check from the IRS better fucking come. I need it more than ever.


I once was lost, but now, am found....

I'll be wangoodled! I found something that's been missing for a while now, and honestly thought had "disappeared" forever into my Mother's hoarding possession, never to be seen again....

Remember when I was getting ready to go to Nessa's house about 2 months ago? And I could not for the life of me find my ditty bag?

Well, I found the bowls that is my linen closet!

How? Well, lemme es'plain my linen closet. It is literally bursting with linens,mostly ones I don't use anymore since I got a king-size bed. I am saving these linens for the sake of Miss Britt, who will eventually get an address, to send items to her tornado-devastated hometown of Parkersburg, Iowa. Anyway, this morning as I was digging for a facecloth for the kids' bath, my hand came across a rather stuff fabric. It was definitely NOT a towel or facecloth.

"What the hell...?" I muttered as I grasped it and pulled it out from a huge pile of towels, sheets, blankets, etc. And there, in all its navy-blue, light-weight glory, was my beloved hanging ditty bag!

"Oh! My ditty bag! Ohmigawd!" Oh yeah...the sweet bliss of finding something you lost. It's almost like a kid rediscovering toys from the bottom of the toy box. I moved it to a safe location (my bedroom which is it's own pile of clothing and stuff, but more accessable aftertoday when I start to fold and put away stuff) and am a very happy camper. I can't wait to pack it in 2 weeks and bring it to BrittCon!

Now if only the miracle of finding lost things would happen again for my earrings I misplaced last weekend....


The Mosaic of My Life (Right Now)

I stole this from Karl, who stole it from Someone, etc. etc.,,,,

My last day @ Wild Animal Kingdom is approaching and I have no time today....

The concept:
1. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
2. Using only the first page of results, pick one image.
3. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into Big Huge Lab’s Mosaic Maker to create a mosaic of the picture answers.

The questions:
1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food? right now?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. What is your favorite drink?
7. What is your dream vacation?
8. What is your favorite dessert?
9. What do you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. What is one word that describes you?
12. What is your flickr name?

And here's my results...

My Mosaic

1. Bog heather / Erica, 2. fettuccini Alfredo, 3. Vineyarders - Whalers 2007 Oak Bluffs MVRHS FOOTBALL, 4. i can taste summer! a.k.a. childhood summer! a.k.a. childhood reminiscence! a.k.a. those were the good times!, 5. Christian Bale, 6. Midori, 7. central london from the sky, 8. White Chocolate Strawberry Shortcake with Creme Fraiche, 9. Oscar snark, 10. Of Earth And Sea And The Oceans Free, 11. Halloween Pre-Paint, 12. Cissa

pretty neat huh?

See you all tomorrow...


Wednesday, June 04, 2008

You must not know 'bout me, you must not know 'bout meee...

I am incredibly bored. Yeah. I am taking a break today from Wedding planning for the plain and simple fact that I have lots of time. i worked almost all of my free time in the last 4 days on Wedding stuff. I think I can take a break.

But honestly? I have no freaking clue what to do....I am downloading puzzle pirates at the moment, as that was one of my favorite games to play before I got back into blogging.

No, I'm not taking a break from blogging...I literally just don't have anything to say. I've gone dry for a bit, and so, will try to stimulate my brain by playing games. I have even caught myself daydreaming about last night's dream while driving back from Wild Kingdom this morning, that's how bored I am....

Yeah Hilly, thanks so much for making me think about Christian Bale last night before I went to bed. I'm really not complaining...I am THANKING YOU!! :)

See you around the blogosphere,

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

I had no idea so many wedding websites out there. I am dizzy and actually got a headache today from trying to track down some things for my sister's wedding.

But anyway....

I actually don't have much to say. I am feeling OK, just ...overwhelmed and trying to organize my brain. Looking forward to summer, when I don't have to work, and can enjoy some outdoor activities. Like going to the beach. I really look forward to that...or maybe the pool, since I hate swimming in the North Atlantic. It's just too damn cold.

Misk got the date of his nose surgery. It's after BrittCon and the trip I have been planning to The Vineyard. This makes me happy. I'll be missing the big party for my mother's 50th birthday, but that's because I had already planned my trip to BrittCon before anyone even let me know there was a party. I'm showing up the day after the party, on her actual birthday, so that will just have to be good enough.

I never got a party for my 30th, nor did I want one, really, and so, there's no reason they can complain. 3 weeks notice for someone like me just doesn't work. *sigh* Plus they will be rewarded with seeing me and the kids 3 times this summer, and that's more than I've been in a whole year.

I just can't please everyone all the time. My main focus is my sister and her wedding. I am going to do everything in my power to get her everything she wants, the way she and her fiance want for this wedding. I love them so much, it's the least I can do....make their special day as perfect as humanly possible.

I looked at a calendar today and realized it's June. Time has flown so fast, so much in my life has happened since February. it's all a blur, with snippets of great memories. I wish time could slow down, just a little, so I could enjoy it a bit more.

Wow....I am just grasping for stuff to blog about...I think it's time to go back to wedding planning for now.


P.S. Nessa, if you are reading this, drop me a line! I miss you so much!

Monday, June 02, 2008

We'll sweep this clear in 'alf a year, if you don't mind the work....

Goodness, whre to begin?

Well, it's been one hell of a last few days for me, that is for sure. i suppose this all started on Thursday, when I had a rather melancholy post, mainly whining, and I was hit with a sudden sense of dread and depression. I wasn't sure where it came from, and to be honest, it felt like a blanket of sadness was trying to smother me, quite suddenly...I sent an e-mail to my two closest friends here, Nicky & Brandi, asking them to please let us get together because I felt suddenly very depressed and wasn't sure why and I needed to vent. I talked to them both within the next few minutes between calls and e-mails, and it was decided I would meet them at Nicky's after work that night.

Fast forward about....4 hours, I called Nicky to check in with her, and I was told to go to Brandi's house. She seemed rather short about it and I asked what was wrong. I then found out that Brandi had found out about 2 hours prior that her mother was very ill, we're talking, dying, as in, may not make it through the month. As soon as work was done I raced to Brandi's and found out that her mother was on dialysis for a very rare kidney disease that affects 1 in about 3 billion people. yes I said BILLION...Since her mother is currently residing in NORWAY - like, Oslo, or somewhere abouts -- Brandi was heading to Norway as soon as humanly possible.

Oh yeah, that was a shocker, but also explained to me why the hell my sudden depression hit like a mack truck. Long story a Pagan, when you perform Magick in a ritual or ceremony with, and also happen to be close friends with a person, a strong psychic bond is formed. I happen to be blessed with...foresight....about things from time to time. Ever get that feeling something is going to happen? Very specific, whether good or bad? About someone close to you? Yeah, I get those. Mainly it's about Misk or the kids, and for other people, I just get....a taste of what their emotional state of mind is going to be....I am still learning alot, and since I happen to suffer from depression and acute anxiety, I figured I was feeling this way because of my own life....nope, I was wrong, it was Brandi...freaky, huh?

So, Friday night, to keep Brandi from a meltdown and life as normal as possible for the rest of us, we all went to dinner and saw Sex and the City: the Movie. We laughed, we cried, we were was a good night. Cosmos before and after the movie were of course imbibed, and lots of good conversation was had by all.

The next day Brandi and another friend of ours, Kerri, headed to Norway. Nicky and I have been switching back and forth taking care of their Animals. All told, there are 7 ferrets, 2 dogs, 2 cats, and a parrot. It's been Wild Kingdom every other day for me, but fun as all heck. But between work, caring for animals and my family, that's left me little time to blog, so I've been twittering a bunch...(look to the right, under Follow Fireheart...yep, that's twitter)

So, another piece of interesting, and in my opinion, very exciting news, is that my sister Shell, was proposed to by her boyfriend on Friday night! Yes, my little sister is off the market, and marrying a wonderful guy! And guess who is Matron of Honor? Yours truly of course, and I couldn't be more thrilled. I am also happy to take on helping my sister to plan most of the wedding, and have even worked on finding her dress and a reception venue already! I am ON IT, lemme tell you people! I even went out and got a wedding planner book today at Borders! Woot!

So that, is pretty much how my weekend's been crazy, but I wouldn't have it any other way...I hope you all are having a good week so far...

And the best news (rumor) I've heard yet today is Hilary Clinton will be dropping from the Presidential race tomorrow, officially! What a great way to end this post!