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Saturday, December 29, 2007

And so it goes, and so it goes.....

Christmas is over and a New Year is almost upon us.

Here's Emily with her new haircut all styled, right before she sings into the microphone at school. I was so damn proud, I cried...a lot.....of course 2 days later she broke out in scarlet fever, 2 days before christmas, but that's not important now, is it?

Emily Looking Spiffy

I have lots to say on my Holidays. I spent last Friday at Nessa's house. We conspired to write about how we conspired with each other to blog about how her husband was telling her what to blog about. We'd had a few glasses of wine and lemoncello by then. I also promised to post pictures of our evening....so here they are....

Nessa enjoying some wine...

Emily by the fire that Nessa and I made

Dave's Big screen TV with Christmas DVD's playing


The lovely fire again...Dave couldn't believe us GIRLS knew how to do it LOL


Dave looking all suave before he goes to hang out with his buddies (too many girls in the house for him :P

I also saw my aunt in RI and had a good talk with her about my mom. I am hoping that Mom's visit with Auntie will get her motivated to get the hell otu of my house....my next option is taking her to an appointment for social services. Although I don't knwo how much help they will be. SHe doesn't want to help herself. She wasnts someone else to take care of her. I already have 2 children, I don't need a thrid...nor do I need my mother with me until I die. My whole life she taught me to be independant and not to have to rely on anyone, yet here she is, sticking to me like a fucking leech. Iroonic, isn't it? Anyway...

Christmas was a nice afair. The night that Emily went to the Urgent Care Clinic for her Scarlet fever (which is just a warm to the touch rash that pops up if strep throat isn't reated right away...it starts with headaches, then vomiting, then the rash...Em had them all), I was not feeling so hot myself with a bad headcold, and so Hubby decided to give me one of my presents (he only got me 2) I figured, what the hell, why not? Here's what I got....


1/3 ct. TW

yep they are real. Sorry about the bad pic quality.....my camera just will not cooperate..yes it made me feel just a little bit better that night....After all, Hubby swore after losing my first pair of diamonds at Nessa's during the wedding time, I wasn't going to get anymore...ever.....

Come Christmas day, I had one more gift. I waited patiently while the kids IMpatiently opened all their gifts and had a blast discovering what Santa brought them. This is what I got....

It's a Coach!!

It's small but fits all the essentials. I love it. I screamed and jumped up to call my friend Nicky. Hubby thought I was calling Nessa, which maybe I should have...but she reads this so she will be delighted....firstly that I finally updated, and second that I got this purse!!

Well that's enough from me for now...I have to go to work today. Then I am hoping to go out and do something with Hubby...but I am not holing my breath. We already went out and used a gift card we got this week for dinner. knowing him it will be all we do the rest of the time he's on leave...

I wish you all a Happy New Year....I'll blog again in January!!

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

It's Almost Over....Thank God

Don't get me wrong, I like Christmas. But I will be so glad when it's over. Not even because the Holidays stress me or anything really....I just....carry so much guilt this time of year. Between Hubby and I there are 4 sets of parents. We only get to see some some years and some not at all, and I always feel terrible that I am not such a good communicator.

This year I sent pictures of the girls in the Christmas cards, because, honestly, no one will see us this year. We are staying here in CT. We wanted to go to FL, but even now, we still don't know Hubby's leave schedule. The Navy does not always allow for planning trips. Then we were gonna go to The Vineyard, but all the guilt over my Mom's first Christmas after my step-dad died...and the fact that we can't make a reservations because WE DON"T KNOW when Hubby's leave is....and the guilt from my step-mom has left me in more than a couple tears a few times. I know she wants me to come home and all, but it makes it worse when she tries to play on the kids about it....even making me feel guilty because my cousin (who's 6 months younger than Em) will be soooo disappointed we aren't coming. Like I control the Navy not telling Hubby what part of the Christmas leave he's gonna get....I need a drink, I am getting upset again.....

Ahh, nice hot tea, much better.....I started to delegate more things from the Boat Wives this month. It's been less stressful. I am glad for it. I look forward to getting a new Treasurer who actually wants to do the job and isn't distracted by other things. Not that I blame the current treasurer for stepping down...but honestly, I am not sure why she did it in the first place if she didn't want to and had such an insane college schedule...

I am almost done shopping. Only 3 more things for the kids, 2 more for Hubby and stocking stuffers...it's gonna be mostly oranges and apples and candy this year for the kids....save me some pain and suffering....and money....heh...

I am gonna go watch all the Extras on the Pirates 3 DVD...Hubby's not home tonight so I am free to drool over Johnny and Orlando without disturbance!

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

A Meme For Jeopardygirl

My friend Jeopardygirl posted a Meme, and since I haven't done one in a while, and since I am procrastinating what I really need to do today, I will do it...and even though she didn't tag me, I think she'll appreciate it...

8 Things You May Not Know About Me

1. In order to be successful at quitting smoking, I have taken on another bad habit - eating Sunflower Seeds. The shells get everywhere, but I can't stop. I buy two 14.5 oz. bags a week and they barely last me 7 days.....but hey, I smell better!

2. I want to go back to school. Well, I want to go to Cosmetology school, really. Someday I want to own my own little salon, maybe in the back room of my house, like Dolly Parton's character in "Steel Magnolias". You know, regular clients that all become my friends, and just enough money made to really cover the expense and maybe a little more to pay a couple bills, but at least I would be doing something with my life for once....

3. I ran into a guy I went to jr and sr. high school with over the summer, and even though I have been with Hubby for 10 years, and love him very much, my crush for this guy came back instantly, and I felt like a teenager again.....complete with blushing and butterflies in the tummy.

4. I think my Step-mom is a better mother than my real mom, and I harbor a lot of guilt because there are many times I wish I was really her biological child instead of my own mother's...

5. I am so afraid of heights, I get vertigo and shaky on a 3 ft stepladder, clinging for dear life...yet I could fly in the window seat of an airplane, and feel completely at ease....

6. In the last year, I contributed to purchase an item for a person I don't like. And the other contributor mailed this item to the person we don't like from a place neither of us is from, so that the person we don't like would get an anonymous gift that was meant to prove a point about their attitude and treatment of others. I have done this for several different people over the last 15 years. Sometimes I do the mailing.

7. No matter how much I've spent, or how many stores I have been to that day, I ALWAYS stick $1 in the Salvation Army bucket outside the store I've been in at Christmastime, OR donate a toy or clothing from the Angel Tree in the store. If the girls are with me, I let them put the money in or pick out the toy/clothing. I feel my children need to learn about charity somehow, and by seeing me do those things, it will instill a sense of responsibility and compassion in them, and hopefully they will carry on the tradition of giving to charity when we have so much, and letting their children help too.

8. I very much believe that Hubby and I were together in a former life. At least once, but probably twice in the last 150 years. Don't ask why or how. I just know.



So it's my turn to tag...

Nessa, Dr. John, Mimi, Tink and Betty (Dr. John's lovely wife)

Monday, November 19, 2007

Friends....

Sometimes the friends we make last a lifetime. For instance, Ness and I , even though there was a 6 year gap where we had lost contact, have remained friends, and even now are the best of friends. Some friends you make only last a little while. As a military wife I see this a lot. You make friends in a homeport, then 2-3 years later, one of you moves to another place, and though at first the emails and phone calls continue, eventually they putter out.

I've had good friendships, and not so good ones. I've been used, blow-off, insulted, hurt, annoyed, etc. by some and some I don't know how I ever lived without because their generosity, kindness, sense of humor and even cooking have helped me stay sane.

I've been the bad friend, the good friend, the confidant, and some of my friends have been this to me as well.

There are some people who I thought were friends, only to find out later that they were friends with me to gain something -- knowledge, power, preference, whatever....some simply need a person to bitch about everyone and everything, and I seem to be a good target for these people.

But you know what? Not once, ever, have I had a friend do to me what another one of my friends had happen to her recently. I refuse to name names on this one particular incident, but all I will say is....when spouses of friends fight, a friendship doesn't need to end. Don't be a coward and use that excuse if you want to end a friendship. Grow some balls and face the person you want to walk out on. Don't use a disguise, be honest......it's less hurtful that way.

I hope my friend knows, that though I cannot be there for her, I am thinking of her during this hard time. I have lost very good friendships due to my own mistakes, or theirs, but I cannot imagine having a long standing friendship go down in flames like this under such a false pretense. My heart aches for my friend, and I wish I COULD do something for her to make her feel better....

Friend...and I know you read this...... That person does NOT deserve your friendship, your heart (platonic of course), or anymore thought after this. You are a good person. You deserve more that what that person gave you, and they & their spouse should be ashamed of their behavior. You may not be religious, but they will be judged one day....and/or Karma is going to bite them in the ass....do not allow them to run to you for a band aid when it does!

Cheer up , friend...you have ME! ;) and I am there for you in spirit and email, whenever you need me!

~Cissa

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Poor Kaity Bug

Kaitlyn and I have spent the last 2 days at L&M Hospital in New London. It all started on Sunday evening about 8pm when I noticed that the little "heat rash" on her backside she had developed had become not only more red and irritated, but was speading to both cheeks and down her thigh on one leg. I took her to the urgent care, suspecting they would give e some Benedryll, some ointment and send me on my merry way. What I wasn't expecting was the docotr to be baffled, get another dsoctor for a 2nd opinion and then decide my child had an infection and needed to be hospitalized.

By the time we got to the hospital it was 1 am.

I didn't leave the hospital until 10 am today. Kaity got 24 hours worth of antibiotics, and then some. She also has a prescription for the next 10 days and a tube of A&D ointment....for her excema...which I plan on finding out exactly what that means....

The upshot to all this was....Hubby was home to help me, support me, and be there for his little girl....that hasn't happened for a long time. It was the only high point of the whole stay in the hospital.

BTW, that hospital rocked. They ordered me meals no charge, and made sure I had anything I could need (except fresh clothes, although I did get jammies)

Hope you all are well, and I will try to write again soon....

~Cissa

Friday, November 02, 2007

Bad Cissa, No Pizza!

Yep, I am the worst blogger ever. I really have no good excuse. I mean, I work...but only about 25 hours a week. I have the kids, but I am always out doing things like shopping or....walking, or....working on getting stuff for Boat Wives Club....So you'd think I would have more time to blog to you all. And the funny thing is...I intend to do it, and as soon as I sit in front of this machine, my mind glazes over and I spend an hour trying to get my (fluff)friend all maxed out racing and earning munny on pet other (fluff)friends....

If you don't know what I am talking abut, that's probably a good thing.

Vacuums suck...except when they don't which brings me to today's activities....I had to clean the house today. For a number of reasons really...I was tired of the disgusting way the house looked, my mother is a lousy house cleaner, I had the Captain's Wife coming to my house tonight for a meeting and I didn't' want her to think I was a slob.... and I spent the better part of 6 hours getting my house to FEEL like it wasn't gross and grimy.....yeah so I was having issues with the vacuum...I took it apart, cleaned the rotating brush, dumped out the hose, cleaned the filters, EVERYTHING...and still, no sucking action...so I gave up and headed to Wally World, in search of a vacuum...and I got one....here it is.....

Dirt Devil Purpose for Pets Cyclonic Upright Vacuum

Ok seriously? Let me ask you people something: if you vacuum the same spot for 3 weeks, and it never seems to get clean, wouldn't you think MAYBE there MIGHT be something wrong with the vacuum? Just checking, because that's what my mother did. She vacuumed with the vacuum that did not suck up all the dirt and gross stuff...so my house got grosser. I actually vacuumed my 5 X 7 rug only, with the new vacuum...and I swear to you on my daughter Mae's grave, I filled the doggone dirt cup to the brim; that's how dirty it was!!

yeah...this vacuum, today alone was worth every penny of the $80 I spent on it. Some people will argue that it wasn't enough. But the last vacuum I bought was only $50 so believe me, this was a step up!

So I have work tomorrow, and then I will come home and do some follow-up cleaning, and then I am going to watch movies and relax...because I am NOT WORKING ON SUNDAY!! This hasn't happened for a while. Sure, I took that trip to Florida a few weeks back, but seriously, I hadn't had a Sunday off in 6 weeks prior to that. And now, I will have one off. I am very excited. I can watch the Patriots beat the Colts in the comfort of my own home...preferably on my bed and the new sheets and quilt....but hell, I'll settle for just not working on Sunday if I can't see the game....

So my house is clean, I have only 5 hours of work until 2 days off in a row. But Monday doesn't count...because, c'mon, I still get up to get the kids ready and off to school...which reminds me....

Make sure your kids wash their hands a lot. because if they don't...they will get pink eye. I think Kaity might be getting it...the McDreamy Doctor at the Urgent Care clinic said it might not be....but her eye looked bad tonight, trust me...and a lot of it is from contact with someone else who has it in her class....so I've been making her wash her hands more often...so I urge you to do that.....

Oh yes, one last thing. before you turn your clock back tomorrow night (Yay! An extra hour of sleep on my day off!!) PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE change the batteries in your smoke detectors!

Have a great weekend!

~Cissa

Friday, October 12, 2007

A Confession & Anniversary

Okay, well I lied to you all....I didn't exactly just take a trip on a whim. But....I was legally obligated not to mention WHY I really went to Flroida until after I got back....

See, the thing is, Port Calls don't happen everyday near Hubby's hometown...so We took advantage of it. We had a great time. It was AWESOME to be with Hubby at home...We went to Sea World for free, thanks to the folks at Anheuser-Busch. So really, I couldn't say no....especially since really, it was a hell of a lot cheaper than it could have been as far as vacations go....

So here's some pictures.....


Hubby a mere 100 ft away...he stood there for a while ignoring me as I paced on the pier

So I zoomed in on him, cause I was antsy

Us at a sitting spot at Sea World....we're so adorable!


One of the dolphins at Dolphion Cove. He was smart, he saw the camera and proceeded to angle himself for optimal picture taking! I have several awesome shots of him like this.


Angie and Mike on the paddle boats. We had a water fight and all got soaked. It was hilarious.


So today is my 9th Anniversary of Marriage to Hubby. We reasoned that this trip was our Anniversary present. Makes perfect sense to me! I do miss Hubby a lot today, but I know that soon enough he will be home again! I hope you all liked the pictures! Have a great weekend!

~Cissa

Monday, October 01, 2007

Taking a Little Trip

So Myself, Ang, and Nicky (two fellow Navy Wives), are taking a trip to Florida this week. We're going to see my In-laws right outside of Orlando, and there will be no children. I'm burnt out and ready for a change of scenery, and Ang found me an awesome deal I could not pass up.....I am very very excited.

So Thursday morning , like 3 am, Ang and I leave for TF Green. . Nicky will be meeting us on Friday Morning. We all plan to take a drive to see Nicky's in-laws that morning in Cocoa Beach, and maybe work on our waning tans. I will make sure to take pictures of the beautiful Florida.....rain....

Yeah, it's supposed to rain. I am rather pissed about it, but oh well...it'll still be relaxing....no kids....sleep whenever I want, maybe I'll even go to Disney World one day for the hell of it...or a mall that's bigger than a postage stamp...yeah, that'll be nice....

So I hope you all have a lovely Columbus Day Weekend. I definitely will!

~Cissa

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Happy Birthday Kaity-bug

Today is Kaitlyn's 4th birthday!

She's had a great day so far. I brought cupcakes to her Pre-K class for snack. Then after school we went to the "all" (she can't say Mall), and got her ears pierced. Tonight is her party. Bowling, pizza and cake for all! I hope some kids show up. She will be happy no matter who shows up, but I know I will be disappointed if not a lot of kids show for her...Anyway, here's the Birthday Girl: looking pretty with her Birthday Ribbon and beautiful pierced ears!


Happy 4TH Birthday Kaitlyn!!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

September Updates and Tributes

School started for the kids a week ago today. It seems unreal that both my kids are gone in the morning, and then only one is here for a few hours before the other arrives home. It's been so lovely to enjoy getting things accomplished without both of them on my back. Heres are some pictures of the girls on their first day...


Kaity and Emily all dressed and ready to go!

Emily in line for 1st grade!


Kaitlyn looking absolutely adorable for Pre-K!

Yes, mom is still here, and NO she HAS NOT gotten a job so she can get back on her feet on her own. She has turned into a leech, and quite honestly, it's starting to grate my nerves immensely. She may help with laundry and dishes, but that's it. She's not bringing any money onto this house, and in the meantime eats all our food (which we have to buy more of with 5 people now), not to mention the fact that I have no privacy and can't relax in my own home because I feel like she hovers over me all the time. I am sure I sound like a whining heartless bitch, but she's done this to me before. It took us moving half way around the world for her to get off her ass and get a job because she had no were to go and Hubby refused to take her with us. She's 50 years old and more than capable of taking care of herself, but she won't because she knows I will. The guilt I carry because she's my mother and she just lost my step-fatehr has made her take advantage of me, and while I realize it now, it still weighs me down and will not allow me to actually kick her out like needs to be done....

With all the financial strain of her now living wiht us, and not being willing to get up off her ass and get a job, I've had to get a job. I am waitressing part-time at a place that I frequent. It's not a lot of work, and I don't make crazy money, but in the first 2 weeks, I definitely have seen myself make some good tip money and a regular paycheck...not too shabby! I am enjoying being able to do things and not depend on Hubby's moeny to sustain us. I think Hubby will be happy too. He's been gone for a while, and willl still be gone for a while...but what's new about that?

The last thing that is an update around here is the fact that today I will be elected Family Readiness Group President. What this means is...as far as the "Boat Wives Club" goes, I am president. I had no one running against me, and hey, that's a sight better than running against someone and finding out later the election was rigged so you definitely would not win...even though you actually had.....I could go into a long list of why the last "regime" was horrid for myself and a few others, but I won't....but I will say, I've written a little speech once it's official, and I am sure some people won't like it. But I don't give a damn. I'm not here for a popularity contest, I'm here to support my husband, the crew and the rest of the families of this command. and I won't let some petty, rank-wearing, politician bitches try and derail that for their own personal glory and power trips.

But now let's change the subject....and pay tribute.....




.....Today is Patriot Day here in the US. Everyone knows what September 11th is for the USA. We lost a lot of good people this day, heroes, helpers, mothers, fathers, children......military and civilian. I know I can vividly recall that day, try as I might to forget at times. It helps me to remember why I do what I do to support my husband. I hope you will remember those who lost their lives this day. I hope that you will remember why we are at war. terror will not prevail. I hope you all will honor the lives lost with living each day as though it might be your last and enjoy it.

May America be blessed with perseverance and healing. May our soldiers, sailors, airmen and marines come home safe. May we remember those who have served and sacrificed their lives for this country. May we remember and honor those who are families of service members, and realize that we too give our lives, our hearts, to help keep it free....



Friday, August 31, 2007

The Big 3-0!




Well it's here...I am now Officially 30 years old. I thought it would feel different, but it doesn't...yet....

I got pancakes for breakfast from Mom, and a hug and kiss from Emily. Tonight Nessa and I head to Bingo at Foxwoods before heading to a great local bar to meet a couple friends....all in all not a bad day at all....and it's only 9:30 am!

Now if only that million dollar check would show up, and Hubby pulled into a port, then it would be a great birthday.....

Have a great and Safe Labor Day Weekend to my US friends!

~Cissa

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Super Summer Update




I am totally turning 30 again next year. 30 has been a stellar Birthday, and it's not even here yet. I still have 12 days to go!

New York City was.....in a word...AMAZING! I had such a great time. I should have written about it, but I didn't. RENT was...phenomenal. I cried so hard, I screamed so much, I was hoarse for 2 days after. Anthony Rapp was a mere 15 feet from me at one point, and I got his autograph...twice....His performance was so moving, I still have giddy dancing flashbacks thinking about it.

I could totally see Myself living in NYC. I wish I could go back with the hubby. He would have had a fun time...except for the karaoke and Broadway...and shopping....hehe. seriously, Shell and I are already talking about going back next spring or summer. But first, I promised a trip to Boston. I think I will go in October sometime.....

Well I came back and Hubby went out to sea for a short trip. I got to go see Keith Urban, and it was SO AWESOME!! At one point He and his band came down to an island in the middle...probably about 100 feet away....so cool...he's a great performer! My god, even sweating he's gorgeous!! Yeah so that fabulous seat? Free! A gift from Angie for my birthday....can't complain!!

I read The Secret for the FRG (Boat Wives) Book Club. Kind of a disappointment. Don't waste the money, send me an email and I will tell you The Secret....

The kids spent a week at Dad and Mum's on the Vineyard. Kaity got a spider bite, but thank the lord it's all better now. Both kids had a blast, and My Mum said that my kids were very well-behaved and I should be proud at raising them so well.....I was a bit floored by that statement, but it made me feel good to know my kids were good, and knew better than to act bad away from home. Maybe I am doing this mommy thing right.....

I'd love to post some more pictures, but I haven't the patience to resize them all for Blogger right now....so, go to http://www.myspace.com/cissafireheart and then click on My Pics under the picture there on the top left.....the NYC pictures are in there somewhere!

I've got to go make dinner, but I hope you all are having a lovely end of summer! I'll update again soon!

~Cissa

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Post-Hallows Update

I know I said 7 days, and I am keeping to it....I am sure some of you wondered about me, if I've had a stroke or something, over all the Harry Potter Hype of the last week or so.... no, no, I am fine.....but I do have a few things to explain without giving away any plot points or spoilers til Saturday...

- I was about 75th in line to get my book. That means I got it about 12:15 am....I was so happy...

- I started reading about 12:45 am, and read straight through until I apparently passed out, sometime after 7:30 am, so I am guessing about 7:35 LOL, by then, I had read about 2/3 of the book....a good 400 pages or so. Hubby says when he came home from duty, I was sprawled on our bed, lights still on, my arm draped over the book, and somehow I had managed to get a bookmark in there! HAHA

- At 11 am, I woke, and picked up where I left off, finishing the book about 2:30 pm....the math, as best as I can figure, is minus the naps, approximately 10 hours from start to finish

And now, my thoughts, minus spoilers...

OH MY GOD -- BEST BOOK EVER!

I laughed, I cried, I flipped out.....it was an emotional journey from start to finish for so many reasons...it's the last book, AND it was quite an adventure. There's a sense of closure, but it's bitter sweet. Some of the deaths.....were so painful to read through...one character in particular, and only because that character's death affected Harry in a way that was unexpected.

It was a great great read, and I look forward to letting you all know my thoughts about plot points come Saturday.....

Hope You all enjoy reading and finish your copies soon!

~Cissa Fireheart

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Where for art thou, Harry?



I am on edge....

The waiting is absolutely killing me.....

I thought seeing the 5th movie twice would complace me for a few days, but I was wrong... I wanted it more....
I cannot contain my excitement for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
I even re-read Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince to try and fill the hunger...but it was useless, I still am hungry for it...

I cannot wait much longer...I am going mad.....
I think I may combust soon if Friday night doesn't roll around fast enough....

I will not be around for nearly 3 days after it is released...I refuse to go on the internet until I have finished it and either mourned or celebrated...or both....

But I want to know....I am aching to know.....
Just a few things really...and this is only the beginning of My list.....
Did My beloved Professor Snape kill Dumbledore out of Malice? or Did he do it because he had to under Dumbledore's orders to carry through with the Unbreakable Vow with Narcissa Malfoy?

Will Snape die?

Will Harry live? Will Voldemort, once and for all be destroyed?

Who is going to die? Will the Golden Trio prevail intact?

Will History repeat itself and Harry will end up with Ginny, just like James ended up with Lily?

For that matter, will the "dance" between Hermione and Ron end and they will finally admit thier true feelings for each other?

Wow....this sounds like a friggin' soap opera...

a REALY REALLY GOOD one....the kind you think about for the whole day until the next episode....except this wait has been over 2 years.....

I won't talk about it on here for 7 days....after that, I cannot make any promises....but for now I am impatiently waiting and counting down...
as of this writing, only 3 days 14 hours and 42 minutes left.....HURRY UP HARRY!!!


Until next time...


~Cissa Fireheart




Monday, July 02, 2007

An Interview by Jeopardygirl

So on Jeopardygirl's blog, she had some questions asked of her, and in turn, offered to ask some questions if people wanted to be interviewed. It's 5 questions, but I am going to be in-depth...

I'd like to add that if you liked reading my interview and would like to be asked 5 questions by ME, leave me a comment and let me know!

oh yes, and one more thing...I am candidly ...uhm, upfront about a couple things, so you might want to make sure the kids are out of the room if you don't want them to accidentally read a profane word or two....I am going to try and sound intellectual, but it probably won't come off like that HAHA...

1) You have been involved in community theatre in the past. What made you want to get involved, and what productions you have participated in have been your favourites?

Well You see, honestly, I met Hubby when I was still in college -- as a drama major. I was the drama queen of my first high-school, and even managed lead role in my graduating one. It's in my blood. I love it -- being on the stage. It's better than any drug, and is a close second to sex that ends in a mind blowing orgasm (there is a difference, you know LOL)....but being married and popping out babies didn't exactly leave a whole lot of room for completing my degree. I missed it so much, so when I see that the local theatre companies are having open call, I go. Sometimes I get cast. Sometimes not, but maybe once every 2 years I will do a production. It's been that long, just about, since my last...and I miss it terribly....

My favorite production? Hands down, Smoke on the Mountain in Panama City. It was a musical, and I love to sing. Plus the character I played was using "sign language"...well she certainly tried, anyway. It was zany and funny, and I LOVED the fact that it was an ensemble piece. Everyone got either a little monologue and a song, or a BIG monologue....it was pretty nice. And the cast? Good Lord, they were the nicest people on earth! And fun, and hilarious, and the talent some of these men and women had -- wow, I left like I had never set foot on stage before sometimes after watching a rehearsed act I wasn't "active" in. Plus, and this is NOT why I do theatre, I got PAID....and not like $50...it was an actual percentage of ticket sales, maybe like 1%, but it was almost $300 for like, maybe 9 shows....it was awesome. The best experience ever, all around. Professional theatre. Damn, there are days when I think about it now, and I almost regret having met Hubby....I'll never be where I wanted to be 10 years ago....but I have accepted it, and still try to have a little theatre in my life once in a while.

2) What do you miss the most about the Baleheads?

Maybe first I should say that Baleheads are fans of Christian Bale. Ok, that being said, what I miss most is the Chats...Harrison Cheung, who was at the time CB's publicist, used to run them, and at the beginning he asked pertinent questions about the characters of movies CB was in. Plus he would always update us on a few personal tidbits...Plus, I KNOW, Christian came into those chats a few times...once as himself, and a few other times, under names of Characters from his movies. You could always tell he was there, cause he didn't say much, but when he did, he would go into the how's and why's....As an actress myself, there is no way a man would go that deep into a character analysis without actually having to think about it for a reason. And the fact that it was always the same style, no matter the name, gave it away...

Not to mention that we met some great people through the Baleheads Chats. I really miss some of those people...Kristi, Elph, Roq, Sonja, just to name a few...great gals, and I think of them fondly....

3) Would you rather go shopping for clothes or make-up?

Clothes. And that is because, make-up is a no brainer. I love Mary Kay make-up. I found my brand, my colors, etc. I hate trying to find new colors...except for lipstick. Yeah that's the only make-up I like to buy....but clothes? It's fun to find new stuff, try it on, hopefully it will look good on you, and then YAY -- NEW OUTFIT! Plus, I love when I have an occasion I have to dress for. It gives me an excuse to shop for new clothes. Plus when new fashions come out, if I like it enough, I do try to find a few things that are trendy. Makes me feel cooler than a almost-30 mom with 2 kids and a minivan. Yes, clothes - hands down. I say that phrase a lot don't I?

4) What was your first car, and did you name it? If so, what was the name?

My first car was a 1979 Chevrolet Malibu station wagon. It was Maroon with a yellowy-tan interior, bench seats, and I loved that damn car. I could fit 12 people in it, I swear. it was massive, and perhaps that's part of the reason why some asshole slammed into it when I was trying to come out of my driveway 3 days before I left for college. The front end was about the size of a full-size bed, honestly....I had to edge it out past these bushes that blocked my view to see if anyone was coming. well, one day, someone was, and he seemed to miss the HUGE maroon hood protruding from them.

Yes I named her. Her name was FREEDOM. And that's exactly what she was, My Freedom from my Father's house. I was 17, stuck on an island that, short of athletics - which I did participate in, had NOTHING for a teenager to do...except drive around with my friends and go to parties....and anything else I could find to do to rid myself of the constant boredom that we endured.
5) You're going to NYC soon. What are the sights and/or activities (besides the theatre) you are most looking forward to experiencing?

Well, the first thing I can't wait to do is actually SEE the theater - The Nederlander. I am also looking forward to the free film in Bryant Park that HBO presents every monday night. It's "All the King's Men". I read some info about the movie, to get an idea of what it's about, and it looks good. Post-WWII filmmakers, and this is pre-McCarthyism, did a lot of political based films that didn't feel like it at the time. They weren't like the political films today - in your face about what's wrong with america and who's to blame, etc., really, they were more subtle. It's funny, but after reading a synopsis of the film, it's clear to seee the message of the film I am going to see still holds true today. Isn't that scary? Now, don't get me wrong, I am not gonna get into politics in particular, but the general theme of corruption of politicians is something that never goes away. And the great thing abotu this film is you get to see the eveolution of how it happens, how this man turns into the exact type of person he first wanted to conquer when he first ran for office. I am looking forward to it. Plus, picnic in the middle of NYC at sunset? that's frickin' cool.

Another thing I am goign to attempt to do, is go to the Today Show. Growing up at my Father's, spending summer there, every morning while we had breakfast, and I still do this at his house when I go to the Vineyard, we watched the Today Show. I always wanted to be one of those people. And my sister, man, she LOVES Al Roker. I don't get why, but she's convinced she's going to cry if she gets to shake his hand. C'mon! How fun is that gonna be?? All around my sister and I are going to try to have as much FREE fun as humanly possible in a span of 3 1/2 days. Part of the fun of this trip is the finding of the free or low cost things to do around town. I never new about Bryant Park's free movies. It's like a secret that only New Yorkers know about...well, and those of you who read this now know.

ok, ok, last thing, I promise....I am looking forward to going to central park. whether it's walking around, or reading under a tree or something....just hanging out there is going to be nice. I don't get to read, or relax really, outside without kids much. I even might just go to Greeley Square and sit at a bistro table and read while I drink an iced coffee. It's going to be nice.....

Bad Friend/Good Friend

So this weekend marked two birthdays for two good friends of Mine...I might have mentioned them a couple times....

JEOPARDYGIRL and NESSA

See, the Bad Friend part of the post is NOT leaving a message for Jeopardygirl on either MY blog or HER Blog on Friday. The truth of the matter is, I plain old forgot. I was distracted by family, moving my mom in, and the fact that it was my step-mum's birthday. I had a lengthy phone convo with Mum to wish her a great one....and even felt bad because I didn't get around to calling her til nearly 7 in the evening....

So when I realized that I forgot to wish Jeopardygirl a Happy Birthday...it was already Nessa's birthday on Saturday, and I was in the car, driving to her house, for her surprise party.

Yes, I was a good friend. So good, I LIED. OK, well, it was more like ACTING like the drama queen I used to be in high school to Nessa. I had her convinced that her special milestone birthday was going to be spent here in CT for dinner and gambling at one of the casino's with our Hubby's.....I almost feel bad about it....until she cried with joy for having a party....cause her husband told her up, down, and sideways he was NOT gonna have a party for her, since they just moved into their house like, a month ago, and it "wasn't ready for people" yet.

Oh boy, was she surprised. And I was so glad I could be there for her Big 3-0....

Hey Nessa ... there are now 60 days to get me back.....or just do something really nice for me! hehehe

So this is for BOTH my good friends.....albeit late on the blog, the sentiment is still the same.....


Free Comments and Graphics at pYzam.com


HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEOPARDYGIRL AND NESSA!!
I AM SO LUCKY TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU BOTH!!

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Fireheart Summer Update

Well it's been a while since I updated, and I thought those of you who still read the ole Heart of Fire might want to know if I am still alive or if I did something that would make my blog cease to exist.

Nope, still here, obviously, it's just been a busy summer...and it's only June 28th....

We'll start with the first weekend of June....Despite some financial hardships from recent events (funerals are not cheap, and neither is preparing for them, I've discovered once again), the girls and I went to Martha's Vineyard to see my youngest brother, Chris, graduate from High School. This is the same high school I attended my Senior Year and graduated from. It's the same high school my sister, step-mom, aunt and uncle went and graduated from. It's a big deal in our family's community to goto graduation. Almost the entire island shows up for it. The weekend was fun, relaxing and busy...if it's possible to bunch that all in. I saw people I hadn't see in a while, and all in all, I was glad to have made the trip.

Well then Emily had her last couple weeks of school. She did very well this year and is more than ready for first grade. Her "Kindergarten Progress Report" (that's Special Report Card for Kindergartens for those who didn't know) stated that her reading comprehension for educational material and leisure is that of a second grader. Doesn't surprise me one bit. And can't say that I am not doggone proud of my oldest kid. I've said it time and time again -- the kid is too smart for her own good! LOL

So that brings us to this week, which was the first week of camp. The town has a program for an all day camp (8-3pm which starts an HOUR earlier than her flippin' school, which means I am spending my SUMMER getting up at 6:30 am!!), that runs until the middle of August for a mere $125 flat. If you don't have kids, and they don't go to summer camp, you don't realize this, so I am going to say this as calmly as I can -- I couldn't get a better deal for her if I ran the dang camp myself!! Em loves the camp, and a few of our friends also have their kids enrolled in it, so she gets to play with kids she knows...pretty nice for all of us this summer.

There's been some other changes around the Fireheart House too.....Hubby has finally returned to full-time work on the boat...YAY!! Unfortunately he's still in pain at the end of the day, but I am managing to get things accomplished around here without the guild or puppy dog eyes which would normally persuade me not to lift a finger. You all should see my kitchen...it's not been this clean since BEFORE Hubby came home from deployment.....

Another big change around here is the fact that Mom has moved in with us. She was recently unemployed right before Dad went into the hospital and then subsequently passed. She's attempted to get aid from the VA and the SSA, as well as State and Federal assistance, until she can find a job....none of it has worked out for her, and she was broke, alone, and living in a tiny apartment that was dad's before it was both of theirs, thus making everything even harder for her to bear. Every corner of that place was a reminder of Dad and his death. Hubby and I agreed she would come live with us until she can get back on her feet, and get back on her own. We've been slowly getting all her stuff transferred over to my house in my van, but she had a lot of cleaning out. My dad was a pack-rat. and in their tiny apartment, it was a big hindrance. Mom is left to clean, sort and haul it all out to the street. It's been hard on her, but I know she is glad she will not be staying there. The memories and pain is just too much for her right now. I get my sensitivity from her, and trust me, I can truly relate to what she's dealing with.


So, Mom's moving in, Hubby's back out of the house on a regular basis, Em's at camp....that leaves Kaity....Kaity's got big news too!

Kaity was accepted and drawn from the lotto to attend the integrated Pre-K program at Emily's school as a Model Peer to pre-schoolers who have emotional, social, physical and other education-related issues/disabilities. As a model peer, Kaity will be one of the students in the class to set the example for these kids, so they will be able to blend in with the regular classes once they go into Kindergarten. This is the same program that Emily was in at age 4. I cannot tell you how proud I am of Kaity for even being good enough to be considered for the program. To be able to actually accepted in and going is like a dream. Kaity is ecstatic that she is going to school like a Big Girl in the fall. She's so ready to go, she asked if she could go this week. I had to let he know that unfortunately no, she has to wait til September. She's OK with that....My Mum (step-mom is called Mum, Mother is MOM, to clarify) has even told me that she will be getting both Kaity and Em backpacks and lunch boxes from the store. woot! $30 I don't have to spend, works for me!

July is rapidly approaching (it's in like 3 days, I think) and soon MY TRIP TO NYC will be upon us! I am so excited. I am buying my bus ticket tomorrow (buying at least 14 days in advance with military discount saves a lot of money!), and Mum says my present from her and Dad is a AMEX gift card for spending in the Big Apple. Pretty frickin' awesome if you ask me.

With all the changes going on, I haven't had time to really blog lately, and I suspect I won't blog again, except randomly for a little while. I will from time to time of course.....I also noticed that my layout is being wonky and the background and most of the pictures are not working. As I don't really have the time to fiddle with it right now, I am going to switch to a pre-made template that blogger offers, at least til I have the time to sit down and figure it all out....

I hope everyone has a great Summer, and I promise to check in from time to time and keep you all updated!

Thursday, June 07, 2007

For Jeopardygirl

So Jeopardygirl tagged me for this....and I feel obliged to do it.....I am having an emotional day, so this is a good way to channel it, I think....

1. Go to www.popculturemadness.com
2. Pick the year you turned 18
3. Get yourself nostalgic over the songs of the year
4. Write something about how the songs affected you
5. Pass it on to 5 more friends

Well the year I turned 18, was 1995. A big year, actually. in 1995 I graduated High School, I started college. I fell in love, not for the first time, but it did happen....

Many of the songs here I can remember being in a particular place and dancing, or singing to them. Some examples?

Alright, #2 for 1995 was "One Sweet Day" by Mariah Carey and Boys II Men....C'mon, everyone knows that song! And if you went to high school in the mid 90's, chances are you went to at LEAST ONE school dance or function where this was played. I know it was played at My Prom.....so I get to thinking about Prom, and the fun, the friendships, and I am beginning to feel an aching to go home and see the familiar places....this is not the place I want to be at emotionally right now....I'm already upset about Home.....so I will pick another song....

Ohh "Gansta's Paradise" by Coolio...not that is a kick ass song. It had a powerful message. And it was teamed up with a Movie.....a really good movie with Michelle Pfiffer. I remember the video and she was in it, sitting in a chair while Coolio rapped to and around her. Powerful. He's a good artist. And even though he doesn't sing a whole lot, he does have a good voice. I remember being moved by this song, and the movie, it made me realize how sheltered I really was in my upbringing. Not necessarily a bad or good thing, but I was open to more things after this song.

Looking down the list some more, I see a song that brings back such powerful memories, I am laughing and tears spring to my eyes. "One Hand In My Pocket" by Alanis Morrisette. It was a fun little song. but I remember quite clearly an incident with this song....My friends and I were driving to Daytona Beach to go clubbing (I went to college in St. Augustine, a mere 1 - 1 1/2 hours away), and there was an accident or something on I-95. Traffic was at a standstill for like an hour at least. this song came on, and my friend Drew started lip syncing. there is a line "I've got one hand in my pocket, and the other is giving a peace sign" well, he acted it out, so flamboyantly, like He was a vaudville actor or something. His facial expression, his movements wer so comical, My friends and I who were with him, were litterally rolling on I-95 laughing so hard, that we were crying. It was a small moment, but it stands out.

And so I will end this Meme on a happy note...there were a ton of other songs I could have written about, but at this moment, I won't...maybe another day.....

Monday, May 28, 2007

Out of Nowhere...

Summer is here!!

We've been spending a lot of time outdoors in the Fireheart House. Emmy goes off with friends as soon as she's off the bus or as soon as 9 am rolls around on the weekends. Kaity is in and out of the backyard all day. The heat barreled down on us this past week, and we had to install the A/C in our bedroom....

Hubby was supposed to go to sea, but his foot is not healing as well as the Doctor would like. So, he's still home...which is a blessing and a curse.....He'll get to go with Me and the kids to the Vineyard for my little brother's graduation.....I will need all the help I can get!

Other than that, life is pretty dull here in Connecticut. I am glad summer is here. The beach, the fun, the carefree feeling....It's something I have always treasured. And I am looking forward to Hubby being here for most of it. We will take romantic walks on the beach on the Vineyard, go watch a sunset and walk some trails, I hope, if his foot is up to it....I am looking forward to it. We haven't had a whole lot of romantic moments over the years....it will be nice to have his time while the kids are spending time with My Dad and Step-mom...

HAPPY SUMMER!

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Broadway for My Birthday!!

So this year, August 31st to be exact, I turn the BIG 3-0.....It's a big milestone, considering when I was a teenager I thought I would never SEE this age.....I still feel like that teenager sometimes...especially today....

I found out a few weeks ago via MySpace that 2 of the original Broadway Cast members of RENT were going to be performing for a limited time in the show this summer. I was so excited. I wanted to go. I HAD TO GO.....I MUST GO!!!

I AM GOING!!!

My sister, Shell, and I are going to NYC for 3 days at the end of July/Beginning of August. While it is not technically My birthday then, it is close enough for me! I will spend 3 nights in The Big Apple....longer than I have ever gone to The City, and be children-free!!

My sister and I already have started planning what we'll do.....Today Show...Stalk the Nederlander Theater for Anthony Rapp and Adam Pascal's autograph...SEE RENT!! That's just the 2nd night

I am so excited, I can't believe it is happening....I am at a loss for words to describe my excitement....

Please don't let me wake up from this dream!

Monday, May 14, 2007

Getting On With Life

The Funeral was May 3rd. It was very nice. It was short, and more people than I had any idea Dad knew came. Even some of Mom's friends from The Casino came to pay their respects to Dad and comfort Mom. I was happy to see that people cared for Mom and Dad. The Pastor who spoke at Dad's Viewing was a family friend, and had grown up just down the street from Dad. He was very sincere in his words, and I think Dad would have appreciated his brevity.

Mom stayed with us til the following Monday. She felt she was ready to be alone in the apartment her and dad have shared for nearly 8 years....I half expected her to call me and tell me she couldn't do it yet. But she did. She is a trooper. We talk at least once a day just to check in....I think she is going to be OK.

Tomorrow Dad's ashes will be buried. We've had a small amount saved for a keepsake necklace we got Mom. She will always have a little bit of him with her always.

Well, life for me has kept going. The kids are out and playing almost every available moment of daylight. Hubby is still home, working on charts, but will most likely go back to work after his appointment with the Doc next week. He's been walking a little bit on his feet, both of them, and I think with the right supportive sneakers (I am pulling for him to ask the doc that he be able to wear sneakers at work for at least 30 days), he will be fully recovered by July 4th.

Funny thing happened this past week. My Mother's Day Gift this year was a new computer case. Hubby is going to be rebuilding me a computer (quieter, faster, and upgraded sound and video) but we thought that it would be nice to put my old stuff in the new case to make things a little more quiet around here (the other case had like 6 fans and was louder than anything!) Well it all went well until we went to boot up......after about 3 hours of working on it, Hubby decided that one of my hard drives had somehow corrupted, and I lost everything. I was calm, composed, and surprisingly, having an OK outlook on it. a couple hours later he decided that I would be able to retrieve all my pictures and files for work....things were looking up.....windows was re-installed, my files were saved, and this weekend was mostly spent trying to re-download and install all my programs. wow. talk about a long process.....but I am more or less back to it. I have a few more files I need to install (Microsoft office, for instance), and i will be all set.

I am looking forward to the summer. Emmy will be going to camp all day, Hubby will be home for mostof it, and next school year it looks like Kaity will be in Pre-K. I am almost shaking with the anticipation that my house will be child free for at least 3 hours a day! Combine that with Hubby going back to sea sometime, and holy cow, I may actually be able to achieve A CLEAN HOUSE on a regular basis!!

Not that I don't love Hubby and him being home for 2 months HASN'T been a nice time...but it has seriously screwed with my schedule. I am sure I have mentioned this before, but when he is home, I feel compelled to spend time with him and neglect my Housewife Duties. Then the house looks like crap....then Hubby complains....but then he gets the "do something with me" look in his eyes while I am cleaning and we are back to square 1! When Hubby is back to work or Sea, I have a set schedule of how my day goes....and by now, I am doing the chores I have tasked myself with for the day....or at least reminded myself that I want to finish them by lunch....it doesn't take a long time to clean 1 or 2 rooms in the house....but with Hubby around....I can't always do it...especially when he is still sleeping...like today.....

So that's a brief (or not so brief) update of how things around here are going.....I hope you all are doing well! Thank you for the emails and comments. I have appreciated them very much.

Monday, April 30, 2007

Not The Post I Want To Make

My Dad is dead. He died today. I can't believe I am writing this right now.

I should start at the beginning......

So I didn't want to talk last post...there were a lot of things going on. Mae's 7th Birthday/Deathday had just passed, this year with minimal upsettage....I had a fairly normal day actually.

What I didn't want to talk about was my step-dad. The Thursday before Easter, he suffered a stroke, but he didn't know it was a stroke, and refused to let my mom call 911. Good Friday, he finally agreed, and by days end was in ICU of the hospital. It was an emotional, scary blow for my mom especially. She's only been with my "Dad" for 7 years.

It was touch and go, and we were told he might not make it past Easter. I prayed to God that Dad would not die that day. I couldn't handle losing another person I love on Easter. But he made it through and even improved. My mother was very optimistic he was going to wake up and kick her butt for letting them put him on an intubator.....a week and a half later he was off it...and moved to neurology. The doctors told us that the area of the brain he had the stroke in was affecting his consciousness and ability to wake up. They told us if he did wake up, it would only be for brief moments of time, and that he probably wouldn't be able to talk.

My mom kept her optimistic hope up that the doctors were wrong and that he was going to wake up any day and be completely fine. Stranger things have happened. Miracles happen everyday, right? last week He was even awake and conscious for a large amount of time. Mom took this as a sign he was going to recover. I wanted to believe it, but the looks on the doctor's faces said it all. They were expecting him to go any time....I couldn't say that to my mother, but deep down, I knew. But I couldn't crush her hopes. She loves my dad so much.

Today it happened. My mom and Dad's sister and her husband were in the lunchroom while visiting Dad and were called back up to the room. Probably about 30 seconds after they got there, he passed....My mom was there. He held out long enough so she could be there when he went. Then he was gone.

This day has been full of sorrow. My mother is devastated. I am sad. I lost my second father. He loved me. He loved my husband. But he loved my children more than anything on this planet. I haven't told them yet. My friend whisked them away before we even went to the hospital to get mom. I don't think I would be able to get through the day if I had to look Emily in the eye and tell her that her Papa is gone forever.

I dread tomorrow. Tomorrow I will sit my children down and Hubby will tell them. i can't bear to speak the words. I know my mother is going to be there and it is going to rip her heart out as well. She's asked us to give her a picture of the girls to put in his casket. of course I will. He would not want to be honored without the girls being known as the light of his last few years on this earth.

As for me? I go between states of shock, numbness and crying my eyes out. I've not been able to get through this post without stopping several times to weep. I loved my Dad, Bob. He made my mother happy after a very long life where she was unhappy and alone. They were perfect for each other. he took me in as his own daughter, and my husband as his son. He loved us, and we love him. He was a gruff man, a stubborn man, but he never was unkind, he always gve what he could, and he always was there for us when we needed him.

I know he is not in pain. I know he is not suffering. I know he loved us all and is with my daughter Mae, and my Nana and Papa, keeping watch over us all.

But I miss my Dad.

Rest in Peace, Robert Hansen.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Stolen Meme's

Stole these from Jeopardygirl....doing them cause I don't really talk about much else right now....I will explain another day...

Meme #1

1. Quick! You have to decide whether you will give up all internet/cell phone/text communication for 24 hours OR give up showering for the same amount of time. Which do you choose?

Shower.

2. Friday the 13th….friend, foe or just a bunch of hooey?

Foe...My Nana died on Friday the 13th in 1999.

3. Does sex really sell?

Yes, and I make money off sex toys. Why not? I enjoy sex with my husband and I like to help women enjoy sex with their partners....

4. What are three traits that the next man to steal your heart must possess

Drop dead gorgeous looks, be rich, and good in spirit, humor and bed... I would never leave Hubby.....but if things didn't work out, those would be the minimum for me to even consider being with a man in a relationship.Call me shallow if you like, but the only thing Hubby doesn't have is the rich part.....

5. Finally an easy one…what is your current “foodgasm” item?

Fettuccini Alfredo from my own kitchen....it's heaven every time I have it....

Meme #2

1. If you could talk to your 16-year-old self, what would you say?

DUMP JUAN AND DO NOT GO BACK! He will, if he hasn't already, abuse you mentally and physically. YOU DESERVE BETTER!! And for heaven's sake, if you are in the school play still, GO OUT WITH DEREK O. AND NOT BACK WITH JUAN!!

If Juan is over, and you've been with David, GET OFF THE DRUGS.....

Do not give up acting. Even if you are not an award winning one, it's still something you love. Start basic jazz and ballroom dancing classes. Respect yourself!! DO YOUR HOMEWORK...you can get scholarships to good acting colleges with your grades if you just put in some effort.....

and if you don't do all that.....if you stay the same.....get your pelvis bones examined. You can't give natural birth, have it confirmed in your medical record. TRUST ME!!

2. If you were given one day to live, what would you do?

Cry a lot. Do everything my children want to do so they will have a pleasant last memory of me. Tell them I love them in every other breath. Make love to my husband and tell him I love him in the same sentence as telling my children. Call as many people as I can to say good bye and tell them the truth about everything I may know. Beg God for forgiveness of my sins once more.

3. Do you believe “we are not alone” in the universe?

Yes I do. Other life forms are out there. When they are ready for us to meet them, they will let us know. We shouldn't waste so much money in the gov't on beings that don't wish to be found just yet.

4. Do you consider yourself graceful?

Very rarely

5. Tell me a secret.

I dream about past ex's and find myself waking up wishing things had gone the way they did in my dreams, if only to see what life would be like.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Not So Loud!

Life in the Fireheart house has gotten pretty quiet in the last 24 hours, for a number of reasons...Emily got her ear tubes surgery and the effect was immediate. I was able to whisper lightly and she could hear me from a few feet away.....I don't have to yell out her name anymore...and the volume on the TV's and computer have been lowered....I love it!

Today Emily got a new bike. I want to show you all, but getting it, and then a helmet, then getting it all set up for Em to ride has tired me. I am upstairs in the office and here I will stay.....it's so quiet in the house because for the first time in nearly a week, the weather is GORGEOUS!! That Nor'Easter that was all over the news this weekend past is over, thank God, and today brought sunny skies and warm breeze...today feels like spring!

My computer is strating to die...I lost all my saved emails last night and had to reset-up my email accounts....that was right after my computer completely froze while playing EverQuest 2....I cried...but I am ready for a new one...this is loud with all the fans....I think I am going deaf now!

I will be glad for tomorrow. Hubby gets his stitches from surgery out! He'll start to slowly walk again! YAY! And then he goes back to light duty at work on Monday...and Emily's school vacation is over on Monday too!!

FINALLY!! I will be able to have some PEACE and ORDER in this house! IS IT MONDAY YET?!?!

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Putting Our Feet Down

So Hubby and I have decided, mutually, that the kids need to be a bit more.....involved in cleaning the messes they make all over the house. I should rephrase....Hubby and I have removed OUR involvement, and told the kids they are solely responsible.

For example: The kids had to spend last night cleaning their bedroom. They were told that anything left on the floor, under their bed, etc. that wasn't picked up or put in a place would be thrown in the trash today. Emily cleaned but spent the whole time complaining that she was working and Kaitlyn wasn't. I repeatedly told her to worry about her own space, not Kaitlyn's. I did not pick up one toy, piece of clothing or trash. It was rather nice actually....

I am just tired and fed up of doing everything for these kids, then they watch and as soon as I am done, they destroy the place all over again.....

It's a stance that the kids are not liking. Kaitlyn especially. In the past week, I have, out of nowhere, decided she is DONE wearing pull-ups, except at night. From now on, she will wear panties and use the potty. She's 3 1/2. Enough is enough!

Hubby says I am too soft with the kids, so part of this is to prove to him I am not. The other half is me reaching my breaking point. if they don't start learning the consequences of their actions, I am going to turn into my step-mother and end up coddling them for the rest of their lives. One look at my brother Christopher is reason enough to stop the insanity now, while they are still fairly young, and pray that it is effective enough to change their ways now, so they can grow to be independent people and not need me to be their bloody slave for the rest of their lives.

Well time to go do some cleaning that only I can do....vaccuuming and dishes...I'd ask Hubby, but he's on crutches from surgery and can barely stand without falling....

See You all soon!

Saturday, March 24, 2007

The Feeling is Brewing Inside

Today I looked at a calendar, and realized with a sudden dread that March is almost over. This means that April will soon be upon us.

I hate April.

Last April I was taken over by a demon. A proverbial demon, of course, and since I was able to quell that demon, I have dreaded April even more than before.

My first daughter died in April.

But that's not what's so disturbing to me about last April. It's how I treated one person that I love dearly. I was horrible to Emily. I yelled, I insulted, I was plain old mean to a 5 year old who had done nothing to deserve the terrible verbal abuse I had thrown onto her. With shock, when I realized what I had been doing, I broke down my wall of denial and went to a therapist.

Honestly, it didn't help much, other than to realize WHY I had been so horrible to my wonderful, bright, beautiful oldest child. And it all boils down to the fact that April is the month my first child died.

I have vowed that I will not let it happen again. But with morose anticipation of next weekend, I fear I won't be able to actually follow through. I don't want it to overtake me as it did last year. But I haven't got much to help me with. I love my daughter, I will not allow her to receive the brunt of my anger, grief, and depression.

I can't let it happen again. I refuse to allow her to be affected by my problems. I love her too much to look at her face, and see the pain in her eyes that I saw almost a year ago. She doesn't deserve it. She is a wonderful child.....

It will not happen again. As God, and all of you, as my witnesses......I'll never be the April Demon again.

Hubby will be home this year, maybe that will help.

Or maybe I will just check myself into the hospital for 30 days until it all passes.....

Friday, March 23, 2007

Holy Carp! What a week!!



Yes, I said CARP...as in the fish....it's a little joke with Me and JeopardyGirl, and even to this day, probably about a year after we made a joke about a typo, it's still holding strong in my mind....

It's been a CRAZY week or so since My last post....Mentally and physically exhausting in some parts....

Emily and I went to RI to visit Nessa...we had dinner at the usual spot...My favorite Chinese Restaurant...the next day, Emmy had her appointment at RI Hospital, and the doctor at first was talking about taking out her adenoids!! I was a little worried, but then after consulting another doctor, He came back and said we'd do the tubes first....and pray that was all we need to do....so Emily has surgery next month for those. I'm told it will be a short procedure, btu this is my first baby. I easily freak out when I am faced with anything pertaining to her...it goes back to when she was a baby and was in the hospital for 4 days after Christmas, Hubby was on deployment, and I had a nervous breakdown....but anyway....Thank God Huuby agreed to be the one to go in the OR with her....I'd be a wreck if He wasn't going tobe there....

So we got home from RI, in the middle of a snow storm....driving was slow, as the roads were slick, and visibility was gradually decreasing by the minute. I HAD to get home, because I had a party to do that night ...my first sex toy party, and I still had prep to do! I got it all done, and spoke with the hostess, to make sure that she still wanted to do it. She assured me that her guests were all still coming, and she did not want to cancel....I should have insisted She reschedule, because a grand total of 4 people showed, and I barely made $250 in sales....I came home to Hubby, disappointed and dismayed. The customers at the party were not overly enthusiastic, nor were they in the mood to spend money, apparently....Even my branch Manager, Chelle, told me not to get too down...my next party would be better.....

So Tuesday, I had a party for another friend, Ang...when I talked to her on Monday, she told me she was expecting about 25-30 people...I was like no way.....I'll be damned, she wasn't lying!! there were a total of 24 people who showed up!! My sales? Over $700!!!

HOLY CARP!!

I was so bloody happy, I was on an adrenaline rush for the next day and a half!! It was a fun party, but BOY, was it LOUD!! I can't complain too much though....The women who showed up were funny, enthusiastic, and eager...perfect customers, and I tried to match them, making sure everyone had a good time...I really think they did too.....

So now I am getting ready for Hubby's foot surgery NEXT Thursday. Keep your fingers and toes crossed for Him....It's minimally invasive, but of course, He's the Love of My Life.....naturally I will be a little worried!

Well I must go. Time to call corporate and discuss an issue with an order that was placed. Ruddy technology...as much as I love it, it is sometimes a pain in the ass!!

Hope Y'all have a great weekend!!

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

I Need To Write More!

Well seeing as it's been nearly a MONTH, since my last post, maybe I should gett off my ass and write, eh? Seriously though, I have been so SUPER insanely busy, I don't even know which way is up most of the time....so, let's see, where to begin....

FIRST OFF -- I want to tell you all about a neat blog that is run by my friend Stu. It's called GNMP and it's a website/blog for parents. it is a very good blog and although I've only had time to look into it a few times, it seems very cool. Lots of info, resources and the like....a great site if you have kids of just about any age! GO CHECK IT OUT!!

SECOND -- You might remember last year, when I participated in the Great Strides for Cystic Fibrosis. Well I am happy and proud to say that once again, I am walking for Finnz Friendz, the team created by my friends Pat & Kerry to help support their son Finnegan, who has Cystic Fibrosis. There isn't much more to say other than what I said in the post from last year. My goal this year is to hit $150. I am happy to say I am half-way there, but I could use the support from any of you, my readers and friends, who might have an extra $10 or more that you'd be willing to give for this cause. here's the link to my Great Strides page. THANK YOU IN ADVANCE if you have the heart and money to donate!!

Here's a recent picture of Finnegan, holding a poster signed by the ENTIRE CAST of the Wicked Tour this year


THIRD -- I have started a Home Business. I admit, being a stay-at-home-mom can be a bit boring. I can only clean and deal with the kids for so long before I want to escape and talk with other adults. I went to an Adult Toy party for a friend before Hubby came home. It was fun, but the girl was quiet and shy and I actually demonstrated some of the products FOR her because she was so embarrassed! My friends all told me I would be great at it...so, I did some research of the various companies, and picked one to work with! The company is very great and flexible...I am even able to use a trade name and name my own business...now, to come up with a name was EASY ...HEART OF FIRE PARTIES!! Yep, My blog and Business have the same name! Pretty cool, huh? If you are in the CT or RI area, drop me a line at heartofire@tvcconnect.net, and I would love to have a party with you! My first party is Friday and I am SUPER excited! It's going to be a fun way to make a living, and the company has a lot of products -- so many that I am insanely trying to make a binder of it all! LOL The catalog only carries the most popular and best sellers, but I want my customers to see EVERYTHING we offer.....

Well that's about it for now from me as far as big stuff I needed to say...there's other stuff, of course, let's see if I can list it all....

EMILY IS 6! Her birthday was Friday. We had a party at Monster Mini Golf. Everyone who came had a GREAT time, and Emily got a lot of stuff! She is reading so well now...I can't believe she's reading on her own...I am SO PROUD of her!

Hubby is getting foot surgery on his other foot (he had it done last year on one) at the end of the month. He'll be bed bound for a week, and in recovery for another few weeks...

Emily and I are going to RI to visit Nessa and go to an appointment for her ears. She needs tubes put in them, and it's not going to be fun, but at least her hearing will improve! Bertha, my minivan, has received her new CT license plates. YAY!

Yep, that's about it from me....Hope y'all are doing well and I will try to catch up on my reading in the next couple weeks!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Not-So-Happy Valentine's Day

OK to catch up...I DID get a minivan! I love it. It's a Ford Windstar. It's green. It's big. I named her Bertha.

The getaway was great. We ate in great restaurants, gambled, had lots of sex in the middle of the day....definitely NOT what we can do at home....it wasn't long enough. I wanna go back!

Hubby reported back from leave. Which brings us to today - Valentine's Day. How did I spend my day? Bundled up in my house, due to a lovely Nor'easter named Agatha. Oh yes, and with NO HUBBY! You read that right folks, I was alone. The first holiday since Hubby's return and he has duty. But it's Valentine's Day....so of course we wouldn't be together. Let me explain...

We met in Nov. 1997.
Valentines of 1998 - He was out to sea - 1 for alone
Valentines of 1999 - He was on restriction on base, although we did get to be together - 1 for together
Valentines of 2000 - He was out to sea - 2 for alone
Valentines of 2001 - He was home from a deployment - 2 for together.
Valentines of 2002 - He was out to sea - 3 for alone
Valentines of 2003 - He was home on shore duty - 3 for together
Valentines of 2004 - He was home on shore duty - 4 for together- BUT had a 5 month old and we didn't celebrate because 4 days later I had surgery and wasn't allowed to do anything rigorous, including sex.
Valentines of 2005 - I was in Atlanta and then drove to Iowa to help a friend move - 4 for alone
Valentines of 2006 - He was out to sea yet again - 5 for alone, however he did send me expensive roses
Valentines of 2007 - He's home, but he's got DUTY...I didn't even get a phone call from him today. I am not making a big deal though because he bought me a car and a Dooney and Bourke Purse AND matching wallet, and lemme tell ya, none of it was cheap - 6 for alone

The Tally? 6 alone and 4 together...almost 50/50...which most people who are in the Navy will tell you aren't bad numbers....after the 3rd year where we were apart, we stopped really caring about the holiday anyway....so yeah I'm disappointed that the holiday that makes the Jewelry, Teddy Bear, Floral and Greeting Card industries a nice chunk of change was spent alone...but by now, I'm used to it.....

I hope those of you out there who are lucky to have a love in your life, in form or another had a great day....Me? I just hope Emmy has school tomorrow. She was devastated that she missed giving out Valentines to her classmates.....I hope they do it tomorrow....other wise, that's $10 down the drain for valentines and candies!!

Friday, February 02, 2007

Oh Really, Phil???

So Puxatawny Phil proclaimed this morning that he did NOT see his shadow and we will have an early spring. I beg to differ on this point, because today in the Nutmeg State, we acquired approximately 3" of snow, depending on where in the state people are. Yep, Hubby's been home a grand total of 6 days, and we were "blessed" with the white stuff.

Emily was hoping school would be cancelled, but alas, not even a delay....Kaity is too busy playing on the computer at the moment, and I believe Hubby and I have had our share of it for now, while we shoveled and took Em to the bus stop.

The snow is beautiful, but it kinda screwed with my plans for today....you see, I wanted to buy a car...or at least go looking...but I am not quite sure Hubby will want to now.....but a girl can hope...My goal is to have it before my sister Shell arrives next weekend.

oh yes, I wanted to post a couple pictures of hubby, so you can understand what it was like to see the weight difference from 6 months ago...

This is Hubby last spring with me...not much different than the summer, in fact, I'd say about the same weight as when he left...

And here is Hubby this past Saturday....


Can you see the difference??? I certainly can....and damn, he got hotter than before!! Why, just yesterday and this morning alone I had to restrain myself from doing sexual things to him because the kids were there.....I cannot wait for our mini-vacation....wow, I sound like a sex-crazed fiend.....BUT ANYWAY...

Enjoy your weekend! I'll post when I am back on Wednesday!

~Cissa

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

He's Home!!

After 6 long months, Hubby has returned to me! He arrived home Saturday, 2 days early, and I only had 6 hours to prepare. Needless to say, I was running around like a Chicken with my head cut off!! But we made it to the pier, and soon enough (although at the time it seemed to take forever) the boat pulled u to the dock and the guys came off. My friend Sophia won first kiss, and it was awesome to see it. Then ZB and Ange also got their kisses, and I waited a few more minutes...after what seemed an eternity, I saw Hubby's amble, and tried not to show the shock of his weight loss...WOW...I ran up to him, Kaity in my arms, and gave him a long kiss....As I hugged Him, I could hear Kaity say quietly "Daaaddyyyy!" It was awesome...

So, Hubby's been back a few days now, and we all are trying to get back into a regular grove here at Fireheart House. We're doing alright, and I think all adjusting well. I am glad to have him home. He's on a couple weeks leave, and during that time, we'll be taking a little getaway to Foxwoods Resort Casino without the kids, My sister is coming to visit from Boston, and even shopping for a car for me. All in all, it's looking to be a good year so far...

So if you don't hear from me for a while, I am sure you will all understand why....

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Testing...1...2....3....

Is this thing on? yes I am here...sorta...I have been super busy and/or had no motivation for writing lately. Everything will be explained in time, but now is not the time to do it. Sorry folks, too much to do, and not enough hours in the day. But I wanted to let you know I am here...the template may go a little nuts in the upcoming weeks. I switched to the new blogger and am trying to figure it out. I need to contact Pixie, I am sure...so please bear with me......

I hope Everyone's New Year has been off to a good start!

~Cissa