Monday, October 31, 2005

T-minus 15 hours and counting

NaNoWriMo starts in less than 15 hours. I am ready -- almost. I don't have a clean house, but I plan on doing as much as I can between 10:30 am and 4:30 PM when I start trick or treating with the kids. I already have laundry going, and that will be my first task. the dishes and living room will come during Em's school time....

I have my first 2 chapters planned. I plan on writing for two hours starting at midnight. I figured if I write 1667 words a day, I will make 50,000 words by Nov. 30th. Wish me luck....

On a lighter note, I want to say hi to my friend "Levine" who has just joined reading this blog.


Sunday, October 30, 2005

The Nine Layers of Me

Got this from Jen, who got this from Lushy. Thanks Ladies.

Yep, more stuff about me ;)

Layer One

Name: Cissa Fireheart...I said earlier you'd only get my real name once!

Birthdate: August, 31, 1977 10:50 P.M.

Birthplace: Providence, Rhode Island, USA

Current Location: Groton, Connecticut, USA (about 50 miles south west of Providence)

Eyes: Green/Hazel

Hair: Honey brown

Height: 5' 2"

Zodiac sign: Virgo

Layer Two

Heritage: Colombian, Italian, English, Irish - yes Colombian. My father emmigrated here from South America

Shoes today: Probably my imitation Birkie clogs. I haven't dressed yet.

Weaknesses: bluntness, I tend to be negative, and I give into my kids too easily

Fears: husband telling me he doesn't love me anymore, death of my children/husband, becomming poor and living on the street.

Perfect pizza: Made by my father-- cheese and pepperoni

Goals: never get divorced. get a real career after the kids are in school. someday be recognized-either by review or award- for my acting abilities.

Layer Three

Your most over-used AIM phrase: "BRB gotta deal with kids"

First waking thought: "Oh God, it's morning already? why can't the kids ever sleep LATE?"

Best Physical feature: my chest. I'm quite proud of it.

Most missed memory: talking to my Nana.

Layer Four

Pepsi or Coke: Coke - Diet Coke.

McDonald's or Burger King: Burger King, but I don';t eat there often anymore.

Single or group dates: actually group dates. Aftre being married a while, having more people to talk to is always nice for both of us. Of course doing anything without kids thrills us, so really I'm not picky about it.

Adidas or Nike: Nike. I have a pair that I've had for over 6 years. I want to replace them, but I am afraid I won't find a pair as comfortable as them, so I keep wearing them.

Lipton Iced Tea or Nestea: ICK! Home made Southern Sweet Tea, thank you

Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate.

Cappucino or Coffee: Coffee. with fat free creamer and Splenda

Layer Five (this is starting to sound like a wedding cake)

Do You/Have You/Did You:

Smoke? yes.

Swear? Fuck Yeah!

Sing? Not often enough anymore

Shower everyday? Only when I can get the time away from the kids for 10 minutes. (about every other day or every 3 days. gross I know, but what can I do?)

Ever been in love? Two times. Once I wish I hadn't, and once, I hope I never stop.

Want to go to college? Not again. My college days are far behind me.

Like High School? As long as I wasn't being tortured by mean people, or being mistreated by my boyfriend at the time. yes, it was decent.

Want to get married? Um, I already am. So nope, I'm good now. But thanks for thinking of me!

Believe in Yourself? Well of course I do. if I didn't belive in myself, I wouldn't exist. Or maybe I would, but only in someone else's imagination!

Get motion sickness? Yep, in cars and on certain rides that only go in circles.

Think you're attractive? yup. I never went without a boyfriend if I wanted one, and managed to find someone who thought I was attaractive enough to grow old and saggy with, so I must be decent looking, I think!

Are you a health freak? No. But I am on a diet, and watching what I eat.

Get along with your parents? Yes. but only if I don't have a lot of direct contact with them.

Like thunderstorms? Terrified of them. I can be dead to the world, and if a big one starts, I am awake instantly.

Play an instrument? I have played violin, clarinet, and am attempting to learn guitar currently.

Layer Six

In the past month:

Drank alcohol? Several drinks at cast parties.

Smoked? yep

Done a drug? nope, not this month LOL

Made out? Yes.

Gone on a date? Yes.

Gone to the Mall? Yes.

Eaten an entire box of Oreos? No

Eaten sushi? Hell No.

Been on Stage? Yes. 8 times.

Been dumped? Nope.

Gone skating? No.

Made homemade cookies? Nope.

Skinny dipping? After 6 years in tropical climates, I don't do North Atlantic water anymore. so that's a NO!!

Stolen anything? Stole some ciggerators from the husband, cause he stole some of mine LOL

Layer Seven


Played a game that required the removal of clothing? Yes. hehe

Been trashed or extremely intoxicated? Yes. I went to college after all, didn't I? LOL

Been caught "doing something?" define doing something? but probably yes.

Been called a tease? Yes, hehe.

Gotten beaten up? Yes, but you should have seen the OTHER girl! she looked worse. Espeically after those 2 days in the hospital....

Shoplifted? yes, as a little girl. But my mom found out and made me bring it back and apologize to the manager.

Changed who you were to fit in? Sometimes, but only if it was appealing to me, I would do it. If it was cause I was afraid no ne would like me, no.

Layer Eight

Age you hope to be married: I'm already married.

Number and Names of children: I have three Ruth Mae - deceased, Emily Jane - age 4, Kaitlyn Rhea - age two. I always wanted a boy though. His name would have been Elijah Edward.

Describe Dream Wedding: In the Tabernacle on Martha's Vineyard in June. Bridesmaids wear flattering dresses in a pastel rainbow assortment. Husband in long Victorian length suit. me in a dress that's got some sort of corset. Flowers would be daffodills, roses and carnations. yeah.....a girl can dream.....

How do you want to die? When I am old, and my life has been lived as much as my physical body wouuld let me, I want to pass in my sleep, with no pain, peacefully. Hoepfully it won't be long before or after my husband. And I hope it will be LONG before my remaining children.

Where do you want to go to college? I would love to go to AFI or a good acting school in NY. But alas, that ship has sailed.

What do you most want to be when you grow up? Happy and Loved by my family

Country you'd most like to visit? England/UK

Layer Nine

Number of:

Drugs taken illegally: If memory serves me correctly- 8. But it might be more...

People you trust with your life: about 10

CDs owned: maybe close to 1000

Piercings: 2 in each ear.

Tattoos: 6 - two on upper arms. three on legs, one on back left shouler blade. all pretty small and easy to hide except the one on my shoulder.

Times your name has appeared in the paper: 15 maybe?

Scars on your body: Lord, I don't know. 20 maybe?

Things from your past you regret: 5 that I can think of off the top of my head. But I'm not gonna name them.

Saturday, October 29, 2005


It's hit me finally. It could be a combination of my wonderul female issues, and the weather (cold, just cold). But it hit me about 5 minutes ago that I feel like total and utter crap. My throat hurts, my mid section hurts, my nose is stuffing up, and I ache all over. I think I even have a fever Ugh...

I'm going to bed.

I am a pathetic sick person. A whiny baby, and I want sympathy. ;)

Sniffles and Hacking and Boogers, Oh My!

My kids have colds. My oldest started coughing a few days ago, mostly during sleep, but I heard it all the same. I do the temperture check, gland check - everything normal. She begs to go to school. I let her. The youngest is fine. Well, a runny nose, but that's almost normal in this house. My husband has had a stuffed up nose for nearly 32 years. Of course my kids would inherit that.

Two days later, today, both my girls are practically hacking up hairballs. Runny noses have become rivers of boogers. Sneezing, and yep, even a slight fever. I know Emily is feeling like crap because even though she had a "camp out" on the couch downstairs last night, as I type this, she is snuggled in bed, in her room. This is the child who will try ANY tactic to go to bed later, or try to convince me she doesn't need to at all. And she has voluntarily climbed in -- in broad daylight. I am hoping against hope that they get over this by Monday. If they are too sick to go trick or treating, I'll never hear the end of it!

Their sickness is a sign that I will soon contract it myself. When most of my day is spent with them, it's only a matter of time before the boogers jump from their noses to mine. It will be mere moments before my throat swells, and I feel like I was hit by a Mack truck. Oh Lord, I just sniffled. It's already begun! NOOOOOOO!!! I already have another issue within my body to deal with! I don't want to be sick too!! AH-CHOO! Serioulsy? I did just sneeze........oh shit. This sucks!

Friday, October 28, 2005

The Challenge

Yesterday, in my 100 questions, I mentioned that I talked to a friend for a long time on the phone. She had called to chat 'cause the last time we had spoken, all she did was vent, and the girl needed to, and she wanted to have an actual converstation with me. I was happy to talk to her. I always am!

Nessa is one of these friends that, no matter how long I go without contact to her, as soon as we connect again, it's like we're still in school, and we always have something to say. We've known each other since the 4th grade, when we were thrown together in the "gifted program" I mentioned in the Incredibly Average post. Anyway, so after a while, we started talking about our 10 year reunion. We both talked about how we still wanted to lose a little weight so we'd look INCREDIBLY good for it. I told her about how I'd lost 17 lbs this summer, and I only had about 15 to go to get to where I truly wanted to be. It was then that I issued The Challenge.

Nessa and I are going on a basic Weight Watcher's regime. Add in some crunches, lots of emails and phone calls, and we hope to lose about 10lbs this month, at least. I think she'll lose 5 the first week. I know I did back in the summer! I'd be thrilled with losing 10 lbs. And damn it, I WILL!!

Now, I am not going to reveal our starting weights, because 1 -I think Nessa would shoot me, and 2 - you certainly don't need to know how fat I am! Not that I'm FAT, but I could stand to lose 15 lbs. However, watch every Friday for progress with Nessa and me. See how much weight we've lost, and cheer us on. I'm off to a good start, points wise, and see no reason to fail, as of yet. The Challenge has begun!

Thursday, October 27, 2005

More Stuff About Me

Stole the idea's from Jen's Blog -- THANKS JEN!!

Your Personality Is

Guardian (SJ)

You are sensible, down to earth, and goal oriented.
Bottom line, you are good at playing by the rules.

You tend to be dominant - and you are a natural leader.
You are interested in rules and order. Morals are important to you.

A hard worker, you give your all at whatever you do.
You're very serious, and people often tell you to lighten up.

In love, you tend to take things carefully and slowly.

At work, you are suited to almost any career - but you excel in leadership positions.

With others, you tend to be polite and formal.

As far as looks go, you are traditionally attractive. You take good care of yourself.

On weekends, you tend to like to do organized activities. In fact, you often organize them!

That's pretty accurate....

You Are Changing Leaves

Pretty, but soon dead.

OK, If you say so....

You Are 70% Boyish and 30% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.
Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.
You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.
You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.


Your Band Name is:

The Screaming Puppets

LMAO OK then!

You're an Passionate Kisser

For you, kissing is about all about following your urges
If someone's hot, you'll go in for the kiss - end of story
You can keep any relationship hot with your steamy kisses
A total spark plug - your kisses are bound to get you in trouble

Yep! Ask the Husband-- he'll verify it! ;)

100 Things About Me

So I decided to asnwer some questions I found online....some of them are lame, but what the hey, I'm bored.....I also want to add that the perso's site that I got these from is absolutely my LEAST favorite kind of young person today, the kind of person who can't use proper English for more than 2 words at a time, and has taken the "netspeak" into everyday life -- "I luv u ppl , bt I saw Orlando Bloom b4 ne1 elz!!" I actually was physically pained reading her answers while editing them out to put my own. I have a headache from cringing at the disgustingly excessive idiocy my eyes and brain were subject to. I actually think I MAY have lost IQ points by reading it!

The fact that she shares the same name as my youngest child has filled me with fear that my child will become one of these mindless idiots...oh hell no! I will see to it that my child knows proper English and uses it constantly-- or die trying!

but I digress; my questions & answers: **EDITED March 2008**

1. Whats your full name? I am not answering this question...NEXT?

2. Whats the colour of your hair? Blonde

3. Whats your starsign? Virgo

4. Do you sing in the shower? Occasionally

5. Why? If I got something stuck in my head (usually a song from kids' TV shows or movie) or if I ever get a radio in there again it will be more regular singing.

6. How many people do you trust with your life? About 10, I'd say

7. Whats your eye colour? Green/Hazel - depends on my mood and clothing

8. Right or left handed? Right

9. What do you spend most your time doing? Blogging, sitting on my computer and surfing, housework, getting my kids juice or food, working at Raya's in Gales Ferry, CT!

10. Whats your 5 favourite items? Bed, Computer, coffee maker, wedding ring set, diamond earrings and Coach purse I got for Christmas.

11. What do you look for in friends? trust, compassion, empathy, sense of humor, patience

12. What do you want in a relationship? Love, laughter, good sex, understanding, patience, trust

13. Do you fall in love easily? I used to as a younger person.

14. Do you believe in love at first site? Abso-floggin-lutely! My husband is my example.

15. Are you happy? Yes

16. What colour is your room? off-white walls

17. Do you prefer night or day? night -- kids sleep and I get peace

18. What do you want to be when you are older? A grandmother

19. Who lives with you? Husband, 2 daughters - ages 7 and 4, and for a few more weeks my mother.

20. How much do you think about the opposite sex? Always. I'm married to a guy afterall.

21. Do you have any piercings? ears - two holes each

22. What kind is your phone? GE cordless DECT 6.0, whatever that means...

23. Have you ever won any special awards? yes. Most improved in Softball in 1990. Most improved in Cheerleading - 1995. Gold Medals at International Music Festival 8th and 9th grade chorus.

24. Do you like comedy or horror movies better? Comedy. Horror movies give me nightmares - bad ones.

25. Whats your favourite perfume? Vanilla Musk, Lady Stetson

26. Do you prefer hugs or kisses? Both

27. Whats your favourite ice cream? Chocolate

28. If you died tomorrow (god forbid) who would you leave everything to? My husband & my children.

30. Whats your greatest fear? Death of a loved one

31. Do you have any enemies? Not that I know of

32. What car do you want to drive when your older? um...a Jaguar

33. What cant you live without? caffeine

34. Do you care what you look like? Only if I am trying to impress someone

35. What School do you go to? I don't go to school. But my daughter does. Not gonna saw what school though.

36. Have you ever fell asleep in class? Yes. I am surprised I passed the 11th grade.

37. Do you believe in yourself? Depends on the issue. I have low-self esteem when it comes to my parenting abilities, my cleaning abilities, and my long-term goals. I do however believe I can sing, act and write pretty well.

38. Do you believe in your friends? Um, yes. Even the imaginary ones.

39. How many people are on your msn contact list? I have Yahoo....not sure how many people...probably about 20 or so...

40. Whats your favourite shops? Target, Wal-mart (they have EVERYTHING), Old Navy, Borders, Best Buy, Toys R Us (I like to buy my kids stuff), Christmas Tree Shopps, Bed, Bath & Beyond, Micaels, AC Moore, Home Goods....

41. Do you look older or younger than your age? I look younger than my age. I still get carded at bars, and sometimes when I bought my cigarettes too.

42. Do you act older or younger than your age? It depends on the day! I can act like a responsible adult sometimes, but most days, I act younger than my age. It's hard not to with two kids 7 and under around most of my day!

43. Whats your favourite website? wow. that's a toughie...Ummm...We'll go with (see sidebar for link) :)

44. Do you prefer summer or winter? summer. I hate winter. Remind me again why I convinced my husband to have us move to Connecticut again?!?!

45. Do you prefer lace or satin? Satin.

46. Have you ever belonged to a gang? Um, NO!! oh wait, yes..LMFAO. The Beachmont Avenue Posse. It was a bunch of us who used to walk to junior high together. We started it, because another group of kids who walked together, The Walk-Home Posse wouldn't "let us in" thier "cool kids" club. Too bad they were all geeks mostly anyway! LMAO AHHHH, the memories!

47. Whats your favourite alcoholic drink? Midori Sour. My good friend Kerri turned me onto them at 20, and I've never looked back! I also am very partial to Sex on the Beach's lately....

48. What radio station do you listen to the most? WCTY 97.7, 104.7 The Wolf, 98.6 WNLC

49. What tv station do you watch the most? VH1 and Hallmark Channel both about 4 hours a week.

50. Do you prefer hangin out or chillin? Um, what would be the difference?? See what I mean about losing IQ points?

51. Do you prefer lads or girls? Lads mostly, girls occasionally ;)

52. Double dates or just the two of you? What's a date? haven't had one of those in AGES!

53. Whats a major turn-on for you? personality. Intellect. You can be hot as hell, but if you're dumber than a fence post or meaner than a cat in a shower stall, I lose interest! Besides, looks aren't always everything -- I mean look at me! I still managed to get laid regularly, and then MARRIED even! I'll tell you, it wasn't for my looks all the time! And certainly not for my income!! ;P

54. Whats a major turn-off for you? Stupidity, ignorance, disrespect.

55. How far would you go on a first date? Well seeing as I haven't had a first date in nearly 10 years...I'll say probably just a kiss goodnight.

56. Would you rather type or write? Type. I have atrocious handwriting. I only hope my kids get good handwriting, because then they won't be able to forge mine!

57. On the phone or in person? For what? That's a little too vague for me to answer.

58. Is it right to flirt with other people when you have a gf/bf/spouse? I added Spouse. And I think it's OK to flirt. It's an ego boost, a chance to show you still got it. I may be married, but I'm not dead. I still find men attractive, and I know my husband still finds women attractive. To say otherwise is a blatant and intentional lie, to yourself and others. To me, flirting is like shopping; I may see a killer Vera Wang dress and drool at it's beauty, but it doesn't mean I am gonna take it home with me!!

59. How old will you be/were you when you have/had sex for the first time?13. I was raped. By my friend's brother. He was 16. I had a crush on him(who didn't? he was hot), and he knew it. He took advantage of it. Now he's in an unhappy marriage and stuck in the small town he grew up. He got his payback. At least on Earth for now.

60. Do you plan on having kids? Yes. In fact, I already have given birth 3 times!

61. What age? 23, 24, and 26 for each birth respectively

62. Do you plan on getting married? Um, NAH!! Well, I am already married as I have mentioned a FEW times...

63. What age? 21

64. Who would you get married to? Johnny Depp? Seriously? Hubby ...He's said we can have a real wedding on our 20th anniversary...I am gonna hold him to that!!

65. Where would you go on your honeymoon? We had a week in Hawaii when we moved there before he had to go to work. It may have been 10 months into the marriage, but it was still fun :)

67. Do you prefer sunset or sunrise? Sunset. I don't have to lose sleep to see it!

68. Whats the best feeling in the world? Knowing I have a family that loves me very much.

69. Whats the worst feeling? Learning that the child that you have just given birth to is dead.

70. Whats your favourite girls names? Victoria, Veronica, Anne, Josephine

71. Whats your favourite boys names? Elijah, Hunter, Josiah, Phillip, Severus

72. How much do you love your job? I love being a mom. I only wish I had shorter hours sometimes. Oh yea, and a bigger paycheck ;)

73. Have you ever had your heart broken? Yes, very severely ...but I am just about over it, I do believe....

74. Whats your favourite day of the week? Monday. I don't have work, AND the children go back to school after the weekend! YAY for breaks from the kids!

75. Favorite day of the year? My birthday - August 31st. It's ALL about me that day!!

76. What do you do to vent anger? Cry, scream, kill things in EverQuest 2

77. How many cities have you lived in? 11.

78. What colour is your bedroom carpet? dark brown tight woven all-purpose carpet...It's all over my upstairs and stairway.

79. What do you do when you are bored? I Blog, or I read other's blogs, or I play Everquest 2.

80. Whats your e-mail address? There is a button on the left you can click on to e-mail me.

81. Do you prefer skirts or dresses? Dresses... less to wash & hang

82. Are you shy or outgoing? Outgoing

83. What was the last thing you drank? Diet Coke

84. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My friend Vanessa . I've known her since I was 9. That's over 20 years! EEEK!! I AM GETTING OLD!! (edit to add: eerily enough, 2 years later, this answer is EXACTLY the same, even though I hadn't talked to Nessa in about oh...3 weeks! crazy!)

85. Do you prefer shower or bath? Shower. It's more refreshing to me. Baths are nice on occasion, but it's a lot of hassle and time consuming. And with 2 kids, time is not something I have a lot of to clean myself for.

86. What are you thinking of doing at Christmas? Going to my Dad & Step-mom's house with the husband and kids. I've missed Christmas at their house! :)

87. Whats your favourite song?I have 2-- "I Can Only Imagine" by Mercy Me and "Seasons of Love" from the Rent Original Motion Picture Soundtrack

88. Do you prefer your phone or computer? computer. I can use chat programs to talk on it to friends and family for free! Anything that saves me money and hassle is GOOD!

89. Do you prefer talking or singing? Talking. Less effort, and you don't have to worry about sounding off-key with your normal voice.

90. Do you prefer going out or staying in? Depends on the day. Some days I just wanna hang out. Some days I need to escape the house!

91. Whats your favourite club? Um.....Chuck E. Cheese? LOL kidding. Seriously?Either Raya's or The Spot. They are both a restaurant/lounge here in the area I live in. Food and drinks in one place? that's for me. I don't dance anymore anyway. I am not into the club scene. I'm too old for that shit. Plus Raya's has Karaoke...I LVOE karaoke!

92. What are you wearing just now? jammies, unmentionables & socks

93. Are you picky about who you go out with? Well there always has to be a Designated Driver! ;)

94. Do you like roller coasters? not really. I am afraid of heights. Oh yeah, and when I was 18, I was on one in an amusement park in RI that is no longer there called Rocky Point. Anyway, they didn't lock us in the car properly and if we hadn't screamed like banshees that it wasn't locked as we headed up hill of the first giant slope, we would have fallen out and died. For the most part, after that experience, I have been turned off from roller coasters overall.

95. Who is your favourite friend? Ouch. Another tough question. I like all my friends for different reasons. I am gonna play it safe and say my husband. He's my best friend.

96. What is your favourite sport? Football -- GO PATRIOTS!!

97. Can you whistle? not well. and not to a tune.

98. Do you prefer blonde or brunette? Either. But my husband is a brunette, so I'll say Brunette. I did marry him after all!

99. Did you like this quiz? I've taken worse. Some of the questions were a little vague, but overall, not too painful of an experience.

100. How long has this quiz taken you? about 30 minutes.

And there you have it! ALL ABOUT ME!!

Renaming my Kid Radar O'Riley

My kids have a radar. Honest to God. It doesn't matter if they went to sleep an hour before sunrise -- they can sense when I have had very little sleep, or had a lot to drink the night before. They will wake at the first sign of light, and start yelling for me. It never fails. For example:

Last night, I stayed up until 2 am. I suffer from insomnia on occasion, an last night was one such occasion. I got sucked into M*A*S*H once again, and then was still awake after the last episode went off. So, I watched The West Wing -- another great show that, incidentally, Alan Alda (the guy I used to want to be my daddy as a little girl) stars in now. But I did like the show before he came on it, I swear. And anyway, he wasn't in this episodde, cause it was a rerun on Bravo...I don;t think they got to the season he started in yet...Wait --Where was I? Ohh yeah, the kids...

So at 6:48 am, I hear crying. With all the power I can muster, I crack my eyelids open, roll over to check the clock, and go see what the youngest, Kaity, wants. There she is, propped up in bed, arms behind head, waiting for me to enter.

"Hi Mama!'

"Hi Baby, what do you need?" she smiles and points at the little TV on the dresser.

"You want TV? Can you say TV Please?" I'm praying to God, she'll fall back asleep if I turn it on, but she's 2, and doesn't talk so much as babble. I am trying to get her to talk more. Even half-asleep, I have it inground into my mind to coax her to speak..

"Tee PLEASE!" she says, a bit too loudly for my sensitive ears after 4 hours sleep. She flashes me a smile and a big nod.

"Okie Dokie baby" Mom walks to the TV, hits the power button and makes sure to switch it to Playhouse Disney. Higglytown Heroes. ok, good to go!

"Thanks, Mom!" At least I don't have to prompt her for I trudge back to my warm, cozy bed.....for a few more minutes of unconciousness...


A deafening roar from the kids' room. I groan lightly- more like sigh heavily with a bit of of a tickle in the back of my throat, roll over, look at the clock - 7:17. My first though is God, I need a life. Or more sleep. Or both.

Oh yes, that's right, Kaity needs juice. I am reminded about that by her yelling once more for it. So I get up, make it downstairs, get her juice, and bring it back to her ("Thanks Mom!"), praying that getting up twice has not woken my body too much causing me unable to get back to sleep for a few more minutes. Thanks be to God, it's not. I settle down, and in seconds float into oblivion....A 1/2 hour later....

"Mama! How come you got Kaity Juice and not me?!"

I growl this time -- no mistake about that... Of course Emily would say that. Forget the fact that she was DEAD to the world when Kaity woke. She's awake now, and how DARE I do something for Kaityln, and not her? Who cares if Mom is trying to sleep? Really, it's not that important, right? Emily needs juice, and the world WILL stop so Mom can get her some. Someone shoot me, please!

I've accepted it. My fate is sealed. There is nothing else left to do, now. So, I get up, go in the girls' room, and say:

"OK, everyone downstairs, time for breakfast!"

It's obvious I won't be sleeping anymore this morning.

What's that, Radar? Choppers? DAMN!

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Maybe It's Genetics...

...that keeps my children from being more tidy than I'd like. Don't get me wrong, I know they are kids, and will play, etc. But honestly? I think my kids are slobs!! I can't keep the main area of my house clean for one day without my kids making it look like a bomb hit it ..... here's what some of my house looks like right now:

My Living Room

The Dining Room (Emily at the table)

Now, I know the kids have got something against them that keeps them from not being somewhat "clean" players -- MY genes.

Yep, I am a slob. I always have been. Evidence of my sloppines you ask? Here's my desk - which hasn't been cleaned properly for about a month. and I just did a tidy up on it last week:

But eventually I will take a look around my living space, and just get FED UP and clean like a maven. I mean, I clean. But the problem is, it takes a LOT of motivation to get my ass in gear to do it. My husband is not much better. We were made for each other: Two slobby peas in a messed-up pod. But even he gets sick of the mess before I do, more often than not. So I clean to shut him up. My children, however, do not seem to follow this little characteristic.

Emily, my oldest, will complain to me when I tell her to clean up her messes:

"But Mama, I'm too tired! It's so hard!"

My response?

"Well, maybe I need to throw out your toys/papers/clothes and then you won't make such a mess!!"

This is often followed by shous of:

"NO! I'll clean it up Mama!"

Which is then followed by tears, and one or two things removed from the floor. Then the whole process starts all over.

Kaitlyn, well, she can barely put 5 words into a tangible sentance. I can barely keep her from running around my house nekkid all the time. Asking her to clean, no, asking her to do anything I ask of her, is like trying to ask a local where a clean bathroom is in Mexico: you're not gonna get him to understand what you want.

Like I said, I'm no June Cleaver. I certainly don't clean as often as she did. And it'll be a cold day in Miami Beach when I wear 3-inch heels to vaccuum the rug in the living room. But while musing over the ruins caused by Hurricanes Emily and Kaitlyn, I had a thought: my mom was a slob too. And I'm a slob. So maybe it's not really their fault.....but then why do I get the bug to clean, almost obsessively to the point where I will spend an hour just organizing my food pantry because the dishes and counters are clean and I want everythign to look perfect? Why don't my kids get that? Did my mom ever get that? I don't remember her ever being a tidy person. Our house always looked like a bomb hit it. It was embarrassing. But I never did much to improve it myself, either.

Ya know what? I have a friend, John, who has the uncanny ability to drop by on his lunch hour when my house is looking it's ABSOLUTE worst. I feel the familiar sting and burn in my cheeks just thinking about my reaction to openeing the door and seeing him on my stoop. Of course I invite him in, and apologize for the mess -- but I don't think he's YET to see my house clean. Seriously....

My point, and I am pretty sure I have one, is that I think my mother's side has always been slobs. I think that my kids' kids will be slobs. And their kids, and their kids.... I can only hope that the "get a fire under the ass and start cleaning" gene will eventually kick in, and like me, they will be very thorough about their cleaning -- once they get around to it!

Now to light that fire......anyone got a match?

Incredibly Average

I have been re-reading my blog posts. It's ironic in my last post I mention that I want the people who teated me like crap thoughout my school years to seeme as a success in some sort of light. I find myself to be incredibly average in so many ways - it's quite sad.

I can sing, yes, but no way would I be in the running for American Idol. I can act, but I don't see any Oscars on my mantle (if I had one of course). I can write, but then I read other blogs, and their writing blows my average little posts away. I know I have the potential of being extrodinary, but as my lot in life often is, I can't seem to get off my ass and excell.

This started early in my life. As an 8 year old, I stopped doing my homwork in school. But I would ace the tests. The teacher thought I was cheating - she moved me to the front so she could watch me. I aced another test. So she made me sit away from everyone else. I aced the next test. She made me stay afterschool. I aced another one. Quite asnnoying really. I knew the stuff, why didn't she get it? Why did I have to prove to her I knew it with homework? It was a waste of time!

I got some testing done at the school department and it was discovered I was practically a genius (IQ of 135 at age 8). My reading level was at 6th or 7th grade. I knew math like it was a little song. They offered to my mom to let me skip a grade so I would be challenged. My mom turned it down. She was afraid of the social implications, afradi I would be an outcast. Too bad she was wrong....I bet I would have ended up a popular person. I always had friends who were older than me. Hell, I married a man 4 years my senior! But it was too later. So, then they (bthey being the beauraucrats that are the department of education in my old city) put me in the "gifted program" in 4th grade. By then it was too late. I hardly ever did my homework. Andf this was when it really started to count. If I had just put the effort in, I could have excelled. But, I'm a procrastinator. to this day, I even put off my housework until the last possible moment in order to do other things. Like blog....and that's what I did most of the rest of my educational life; procrastinated, or didn't do the homework.

So anyway. Incredibly Average. Me.

I am reminded of a M*A*S*H episode in which Hawkeye Pierce gets newspapers form back home about how this "Incredibly Average" doctor he knows of gets all these accolades, grant money for projects, etc. It bothers him to a point where he gets a physical ailment from his annoyance that he could be home in Crabapple Cove pushing this guy ito the dirt. Some days, I see myself as that rival of Hawkeye's -- only I don't get all the incredible offers. Soem days, I feel like Hawkeye, almost: forced into a life that I do excell at, but knowing there's a better opportunity I could be kicking ass at. Not that I hate my life. I love it. I just get the notion that maybe my talents are being wasted. Hell yeah, I can cook, and when I do get into cleaning, I am very thorough....but isn't there more to life than that sometimes?I'm sure there is, but I'm simply too lazy to try. I'm comfortable, and don;t want to put in the effort -- again.

I dunno. I am happy where I am, that's for sure. I could be lying under a dumpster wondering where I will get my next coke fix. I could be divorced, working full time and barely living. I could be six feet under, pushing up dandelions. Things ARE better than they seem. But all this self-reflection makes me feel restless.

I think I'll go cook comething fantastic....I bet I'll feel better abotu myself when I eat it...LOL

And then I'll go do some crunches....

School Days, School Days

My 10th High School Reunion is coming up. But before I get into that totally, let me explain something...I grew up about an hour from where I live now in a suburb of Providence, RI - the city of Cranston. I actually moved there from Providence when I was 6 years old. Long story short, we moved in with my Nana because we had gotten robbed in the projects of Providence one too many times, and my mom wanted a better life for me and my brother.

OK, so from 1st grade through 11th grade, I lived in Cranston. I went to Cranston Public Schools. from 9th-11th grades I went to Cranston High School East. Well technically 9th grade I was still physically at a Jr. High, but that's because our school system was weird; but I digress. So for most of my life, I went to school with the same group of people. My senior year, I moved to my Dad's in Massachusetts, because I needed a change of scenery. I had gotten out of a long-term mentally and sometimes physically abusive relationship, and had turned to drugs. I knew I had to get away from the place, the guy, even my freinds, because I was going to end up either a teenage mother, a drug addict or dead before I even graduated. It was a big step to leave my senior year, but I wanted a better life for myself, and if I had stayed in Cranston, I wouldn't have gotten it.

So techincally, I graduated from a different High School. But most of my class in Cranston I had known at least 5 years, some of them 10....I still really felt like Cranston was my high school.....

Fast Forward to last May. I find out that my HS reunion is Thanksgiving Weekend. I even know the girl who's head of the Reunion Committee! I e-mail her to see if it's possible for me to go, because even though I didn't graduate with them all, I WAS with these people for MOST of my educational life. I even was at Graduation, and threw my mortar board, standing next to my friends (my toher HS graduation was the week before, so I had it already). I got the green light to be included and I was estatic!

Well, I have waited, waited and waited for my invite. I have checked the website every week for updates. I find out the invites were sent out at the end of September. I never got one. I e-mailed to find out what's the deal. Apparently one was sent, but I never go it. Then I am told that the deadline for money is OCTOBER 31st!! HELLO?!?!

Well, finally after spamming this woman, I get the info I need, and the check is ready to be sent out. Watch me get the invite on Nov 1st. It's the way my life is....

And I had all these reasons why I wanted to go. But of course in the infinate way my universe goes, I went to do a spellcheck on the blog and half of the whole thing got deleted. so I will summariaze, because my hands are starting to cramp and I don't want to retype it all again...LOL

1. I want to see old friends I still have contact with and relive the good times.

2. I want to see how some other people turned out - from morbid curiosityfor some and hope some of them got better lives than they had in HS for others.

3. I want to show off to the people who tortured and teased me throughout the years. I want my life to be better than theirs and I want them to know it. I want to look better than them, and I want them to know it. I want them to regret their teasing and see me as the awesome person I am, and then feel horrible about how they treated me. It's very petty, I know -- but that's what I want. A sense of having the upper-hand, of being better, happier, and prettier-- and of them knowing it.

And so with that, I will continue my regimen of crunches to get rid of the tummy pooch 4 years of pregnancy has brough to my body. I can't look hot with a pooch now can I? LOL

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Gone with the Wind

Hurricane Wilma has hit Florida and 6 million people are out of power at the moment. It's a bit of a downer. The US is just getting Blindsided by the weather. Since last summer (2004), when I was evacuated TWICE out of Panama City Beach, I had a gut feeling about the weather. I was glad we were moving in less than a year. Now I am SO GLAD....kinda....

Not that the lovely weather up here has been much better in the last month. Parts of Connecticut have been flooded so bad, sink holes have occured, people have been flooded out of their homes. Almost like a Mini-Katrina experience. In the last 14 days, it's rained about 9 of them. And then we got about 4 days of sun. And now, it's raining again....but now it's worse.

We have flood watches all over CT. Being on the coastline, we are at risk of the Thames River rising. It's not gonna be so bad. Excpet for at my house. Oh wait, did I mention a Nor'Easter? That's right, high winds, and lots of it for the next 3 days.

The way my "duplex" unit in housing is set up, I am in the middle of a hill. there is a house about 500 feet from me up hill. then my side of my building, then my neighbors, then the rest of the slope on the other side of their driveway. When it rained for that 9 days straight earlier this month, my driveway was flooded with about 6 inches of water. try carrying two kids in and out of a car for 5 days. needless to say, my laundry was filled with soaked clothes all the time. I am still catching up.

But Nor'Easters are different. yes, there's rain...and the wind. I'm now more afraid my house will blow away than anything. the wind will blow leaves and water and everythign else into MY carport because I am in the MIDDLE. Clean up is gonna be a pain in the ASS because the husband isn't gonna be home for a little bit. Oh yeah, did I mention that? I have to deal with this weather alone. No help. Bugger!

so all this lovely weather is making me thnk about winter. It's gonna start snowing here in a few weeks, and guess what?? I will be buried in a mountain of snow because I am in the middle of the damn hill....AAAARGH!!!

well I gotta go venture out in this lovely weather. My mom needs to do her laundry....ugh...pray I make it over the bridge to New London and back without getting blown off it!

Monday, October 24, 2005

I got my NaNoWriMo Idea!

My friend Jen told me to write about something I know about, and something I like. I actually have very little I am interested in at this point in my life, believe it or not. For a couple days now, I have been thinking about it, on and off, and then the lightbulb in my head went off while I was at one of my regularly visited websites: I should write about a Navy Submarine Wife.

Heck, I know about it -- I am one! I have lots of friends who are Sub Wives, why the heck not? I've got some doozy stories to write about. Things that have happened over the years that I can have happen to my main character. And anything I haven't experienced, I can ask my fellow Sub Wives for ideas and stories. Sounds good to me!!

So now, I need to come up with an outline, and Character names.

Off to the baby name sites I go!

"There's a Better Place for You in Heaven..."

"...if you give our church a lot of money!" That's the sermon I was present for yesterday. We ended up not going to the original church we planned on visiting -- they didn't have child care. So we tried another church down the road. It was a fairly contemporary church, which was nice. We were used to that, having come froma Southern Babptist church in FL. Then the sermon started. All these scriptures were given and twisted to make it sound like the more you give to the church, the better your spot in heaven is. Sorry, but the Husband and I dont agree with that. The only place in Heaven that is better than anywhere else is sitting at the right hand of God. And guess what? Someone's already got THAT spot!

So we were definitely turned off by that church. I am going to try another church next week while Ed's on duty. I did some looking on the 'Net, and found a couple I am interested in checking out. I've also been invited by a friend who attends another church to go to his.

Poor Hubby. His whole theory for being against organized religion in previous years was proven yesterday. He hates it when a church tries to make you feel bad about not giving money. Sure, there's Tithing....but to blatantly say that giving more than that gets you better treasure in heaven? I really don't think that's the message God wants us to get....the whole sermon just left a bad taste in my mouth. The whole time I was in our church in FL, even before the Husband started coming with us, not ONCE did I feel like I wasn't as blessed and worthy of Heaven as the person next to me. Never once was a WHOLE 30 minute sermon all about money. It angers me to think a church would do that to its congregation members!

I understand that "stewardship season" is upon us for many churches. But this one experience I have never encountered before. And Even though in the last 8 years I have been to church less than most of my life, I don't ever recall being present for a sermon so ludicrissly pushing for money. And that's saying something!

Hopefully next week I won't get that thrown in my face again. A 5 minute mention of stewardship, ok, fine, perfectly understandable....but PLEASE Lord, not another 30 minute sermon on it! We just want to find a good church. *sigh*

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Feeling a Bit Nervous

I decided this weekend that I want to go start going to church again. My kids and I, and eventually my husband sarted attending in Flroida. When we move up here to CT, we just never got around to going yet. So now we are. We are going to go to the church that is right down the road, and oddly coincidental enough, it is the church that the Navy Chaplains run.

So why am I nervous? well, this is New England. It's a whole different kettle of fish than a Southern Baptist church, which is what we were in last. I don;t knwo that any of us will feel comfortable here, and that worries me. I want to find a church I enjoy. I just hope my first try is the right one....

now to go find my Bible...

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Losing My Mind...Maybe....

So my friend Jen (her blog is listed over on the right) tells me about this thing called NaNoWriMo . So I look into it. and for some reason, I think it's a good idea and signed up to do it. I must be bloody insane. Guess I'll find out on Nov. 30th!

I'm off to think of a topic and start an outline....

Some Questions Answered

While reading one of my favorite Blogs, I came accross these questions, and decided I want to answer them too....So Jerk, thanks for the words, sorry I had to plagerize (if you can all it that)...

1. If money were no object, what would you be doing with your life?

That's easy. Living the life in a mansion, with an Au Pare to help me, maids to clean, a cook staff, and enjoying the things I wish I paying the bills on time, buying clothes when the styles change. Paying for the kids' college tuitions..taking trips to wherever, whenever....

2.Money IS just that-an object, so why aren't you doing it?

Well that's a stupid question. Obviously what I want to do I don't have said objects to pay for it all!

3. What's better: Horses or Cows?

I would have to say cows. More versatile. you can use more parts for more things. I mean how many of you wear Italian Horse Shoes? My point exactly.

4. What do you think the secret to happiness is?

Finding love - whether it be platonic, romantic, or the love of a child (being a parent). I've never been happer than when I knew someone loved me.

5. When was the last time you had a dream that you either remember well or did not want to wake from? Can you share a bit?

Last night. It involved me and my husband and some fun adult activities. I won't go into detail, but I did enjoy it!

6. When you were a little kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

An award-winning actress. I used to practice acceptance speeches inthe bathroom.

7. Complete this statement: Love is never having to say...

I don't love you anymore.

8. Can you tell a good story? (write one!)

Two days ago, I stabbed myself. Not on purpose, mind you, but all the same it hurt. I was trying to get the stupid cap off a bottle of grape juice for my daughter. It was a new bottle and the plastic preforated seal just wouldn't bend and break, thus allowing me to turn the cap completely and open it.

It was not one of my brightest moments, but i grabbed a knife from my knife block, and started to wedge it in between the bottle and the plastic preforation that keeps the bottle sealed. I was making progress, when my right hand slipped, and stabbed my left hand on the lower base of my thumb, close to the skin that attaches it to the rest of my hand.

I cried out in pain. With a flourish of colorful language, and tears coming to my eyes, I grabbed my hand and bent over in angony. After my initial shock wore off, I looked at my hand and I was bleeding profusely. My 4 year old heard me cry out, and was witness to the profanity that I used. I looked at her and asked if she was happy that I stabbed my self. The look of hurt in her eyes was painful to me. More than the wound on my hand could ever have been. It was like I had stabbed her heart with the knife I had stabbed myself with. Not at all my proudest moment as a human and mother.

I eventually stopped the bleeding. And I've lost partial use of my left hand for 2 days running. I can't grip well, or else I get shouting pain. I think I may have damaged a nerve. But I won't go and get it looked at. I consider it pennance for the emotional pain I caused my child, for simply asking for a cup of juice.

9. Can you remember your last daydream? What was it about?

I day dreamed yesterday about how the Cookbook Meeting would go. Too bad it didn't go the way I daydreamed it would...*sigh*

ok, that's all of them.....hope you enjoyed.....

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

New York, New York!

Yesterday, me, my two kids, and my mom step-dad went to New York City for the day. I was up at 2 am, because I couldn't sleep and was excited. The cab got us at 4:30 and the bus left New London at 5:15. We got to NYC about 9 am. I walked outside from the Port Authority, and I got sensory overload immediately!

We did a lot of walking, a lot of shopping....there are so many people on Manhattan Island, I am surprised the place hasn't sunk yet! The tall buildings are georgous. The little parks in the middle of it all are great. And the weather was wonderful to walk around the city.

I met a friend, Ross, in mid-town for lunch. He was good-natured about my step-dad and his gruff personality. He chilled with my kids. He must think we're loony tunes! LOL

Then we went to Toys R' US in Times Square. First of all, it's insane. Times Square I mean. Lights, cars, people...only 3 times that of the rest of the city. I saw people screaming for the cameras at MTV studios. What a bunch of freaks. So you MIGHT get seen on TV by a friend or two, so what?? Why scream and look like an idiot? *rolls eyes*

So we go to the Toys R' Us. by this time, we had been on our feet about 8 hours. I was tired, so was Mom. She was freaking because my oldest didn't find a toy right away. OK, they had built up this place ALL DAY, and it's the only place Emily wanted to go. LET THE POOR KID EXPLORE!!! If they didn't want to take an hour in the store, they should have let us go there FIRST THING!!! I was starting to get cranky about everything. It was time to go home.

The bus ride home was hellish for me. Kaitlyn, who had napped for part of our day in the stroller, decided she wanted to be held for 3 hours...but she wouldn't sit still. I have the bruises toprove it. And then if I put her down at all, she screamed and cried. On top of holding her for nearly 3 1/2 hours, it was FREEZING in the bus -- the vents at our feet were blowing cold air right up my pantlegs! Oh yeah, and this annoying-ass business man talked on his cell phone --QUITE LOUDLY -- about the same stuff over and over. Some guy in his office had a trip and got reimbursed for a higher rate and made money off it from the company....over and over and over, in great detail about how this was achieved. I wanted to throttle him. He wouldn't shut up!

So we got to New London, then got a Taxi home. I was tired, but the kids were not. They didn't settle down until 11pm. I didn't get to sleep until around Midnight....and was awoken at 7am...ugh...

Next time we go, the husband is coming with us! Let HIM carry the 40 lb backpack....and maybe we can space it over 2-3 days...all that stuff in 1 day was too much for me....

Now, to rest today...hopefully.....