Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Christmas Outcome and Blogger...PITA!

Christmas was good. got a hair straightener, some coooking pots, and a nifty new coffee maker among other things. Had a bunch of people over for dinner. It turned out pretty good. The kids enjoyed all their presents, and only one problem-- the refurbished computer I got for Emily from Santa is already messed up. I'll be forking out at least $75 this week to take it to a comp repair place to hopefully get it fixed. If not, I am gonna be royally pissed, and so will Emily. She's been dying to play the 15 games she got for Christmas......This "deal" is turning out to be as expensive as if I had gone out and bought a new unit....damn it all!

Got a new tattoo yesterday. As soon as my digital camera is fixed (yep more $$ out the window), I will let y'all see it. It's a scorpion over my heart. That's Hubby's sign. The claws are open, so if (God forbid) Hubby and I ever divorce, I can fix it so that the scorpion is breaking my heart....but I am trying to remain positive that will never happen! I made sure I did not put hubby's name on me....That would defintely guarantee we'd not be together forever. I'm superstitious like that. Maybe after 50 years I will finally put his name on me...or wait til he're old and greay and he passes away....but let's not think those morbid thoughts, eh?

Well, as many people that have Blogger will attest, this whole thing with the "New Blogger" is becomming a pain in the ass....with the beta I couldn't leave comments, my blogroll never updates, and, to top it all off, in order to switch, I need a google account.

Did I mention I already have, like, 50 gazillion email accounts already? I may just do what Jeopardygirl did and switch to WordPress....I am gonna check it out at least...because Blogger is getting on my bloody nerves. I also sent a message to Pixie to see if my template can be switched to WordPress format. I am keeping my fingers crossed. I really don't want to move, but if I have to, I will!!

Hope you all had a great Christmas. I have to go take a computer to the repair shop now.....

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Merry Christmas! :D

It's 9 pm on Christmas Eve, and the kids are tucked in. I will check on them in a few minutes and then Santa Claus will stop by to leave his gifts for the kids. It was magical today making brownies for Santa and putting "Reindeer Food" out on the lawn so Santa will find our house.

I am so glad my kids still believe in Santa Claus. The magic of this night will be lost in a few years, but I will always have the memories of my girls preparing for Santa's arrival....and see the excitement on thier faces when they realize there is new stuff under the tree that wasn't there before. My one sadness is Hubby isn't here this year to see Kaity's excitement. It's her first Christmas that she truly understands about Santa, and Hubby can't be here to see it...

I hope you all have Merry Christmas! And Happy Hannukah to those of you who celebrate it as well!

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Holiday Doldrums

I have been feeling pretty introspective the last few days. I sense a feeling of morose existence. I think it's because the Holiday Doldrums have paid me a visit.

Normally this time of year, I am enjoying things so much. This year, with a noted absence in the house, I feel somewhat apathetic, and am celebrating merely because I don't want my children disappointed. If I didn't have kids, I doubt I would have even put up my tree to be quite honest, nevermind lights on the house and gone nuts with shopping.

I can understand most of the reason behind my feelings, but wonder how I came to be this way, so suddenly. It may be the lack of communication as of late, which has dampered my spirits considerably. It may be the fact that since I got to Groton I haven't had a strong faith community to immerse myself in, and which would help rub off the Joy of Christmas on me. Heck, it could be just that I am having a depression relapse and I need to get back on meds....

I am going to stick it out til Hubby's return. If I am still feeling this way, I will seek professional help, but honestly, I think it's because he's not here. This is a special time of year for us, and we've only been apart for it 1 other time. That's not a bad track record for 8 years of marriage!

Of course I am trying to mask my feeling by keeping busy with friends, the kids, and boat stuff...Smiling, laughing and being my generally loud, boisterous, feisty self...But when I have moments of quiet, it hits me how lousy I truly feel....I hope it ends soon. Maybe Christmas will make me feel better...Seeing the kids' delight as they open presents, making Christmas dinner and having family and friends over to break bread with me.

But for now...It pretty much sucks big time.....

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Kitty Mental Damage

Today I am bringing the cats to get thier second round of shots. They should have had them earlier. I am a bad cat owner I know, but honestly with everything else in my life, I simply forgot. But I am getting it done, and that's gotta count for something, right? Not only are the cats getting shots today but Sweetie Pie, Emily's cat will be getting neutered on Friday morning.

He's started spraying, and I didn't realize he's already 7 months old! It's time. I am hoping againt hope that since I am doing this so early (I think I waited for a year with Buddy), the spraying will stop and soon. I am tired of cleaning up after him, and the room in which he does it contains the girls toys. yeah, its getting quite annoying to wash all those damn toys in the diswasher or washer and dryer. Or simply throw them out. After all they are getting this Christmas, I don't want that to happen anymore.

So please keep my poor cats in your prayers for the next few days. They will need it -- especially Sweetie Pie.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Fisher of (Wo)men

I hooked another one! Damn, I am good at recruiting....

Since my last entry, the friend who was cheated on by Adam has started her own Blog. She went through the new Beta on Blogger, so you can't leave comments, but please stop y and visit Tink, and make sure that if you CAN leave comments, to tell her I sent you!

Welcome to the circus Tink! Can't wait to hear more from you!

Sunday, December 10, 2006

What an Idiot!

In the immortal words of Hermione Granger in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, "WHAT an idiot!"

You all may recall back in October when my "friend" Adam ditched me at the casino, when he was supposed to be looking out for me and making sure I got home safe. Well as time wore on, I found out that Adam had not been meeting friends and then heading back to New Haven as he claimed, he was picking up his girlfriend to stay the weekend in our area at his apartment . I met this girlfriend a couple weeks later, and we became fast good friends. We talked a bit and the "Casino Incident" as I have so dubbed it, came up. She told me the truth, and she also told me she had no idea Adam was supposed to be hanging out with me that night, and that the weekend had been planned for a while....She was confused as to why he would lie to me. So was I. I would have gladly told him to go be with his girl and found another friend to go to the casino with. He was my friend, and I wanted him to be happy.

Fast forward almost 2 months, and the girlfriend comes up here. She's going to be hanging out with me while Adam goes on a "guys night out" with a buddy from work. He's going to pick her up in the morning because she has to take an early train home to New Haven. She tries to call him when she finds out she doesn't have to be home early in the morning -- but he doesn't answer. He turns off his phone after that and we can't get a hold of him the rest of the night. We reason that maybe where he was (supposedly Hooters, then Dave & Buster's in Providence) there was no signal. But she's still irked, and with good reason. She calls again in the morning, and we think *MAYBE* he got too drunk and is passed out on his buddy's couch. We drive by there (it's a couple streets over) and Adam's truck is not there. We go home have breakfast. An uneasy feeling is among us, we know something is up.

After breakfast, we decide to drive to Adam's apartment. We can't imagine he'd head home and not pick her up, but whatever. She goes inside and knocks on the door. Finally he comes to the door in only boxers and does not want her to come in. She sees women's shoes on the floor. He tries to usher her outside so they can talk. She states that NO, she wants the girl who's in his room to hear her, so that the other woman can hear what a "SKANK" he is. He tries to say he just met the girl the night before and that he was drunk. She doesn't buy it. She proceeds to rip him a new backside exit and tells him it's over. She's MAD now. She tells me to drive to the buddy's house. She wants to confront the buddy as to why he would cover up for Adam. Not wanting to say no to her because I am upset for her, we go. She finds out that the buddy did not in fact go out with Adam, and that they never had plans. The wife of said buddy then offers to show my friend the receipt of the dinner they went to when Adam was supposedly out with the buddy. She politely declines, and is even angrier now, hurt, betrayed, among other things.

This guy did the same thing to me, essentially. It took me longer to put the puzzle pieces together, and I am just a friend, but essentially, we both got ditched for another woman for Adam to sleep with. Only in my friend's case, Adam was her boyfriend. He knew me and the girl we good friends. How he thought we wouldn't exchange information is stupid. That he though he could pull the same stunt twice and NOT get caught is unfathomable. To top it all off that he was CAUGHT RED HANDED is bloody HILARIOUS!! HE IS A EFFING IDIOT!!!

Adam is a MAJOR JERK, and honestly, I am better friends with his now-ex-girlfriend. Karma will get him someday, in the end , he will pay -- somehow-- for hurting her, and me, and every other person, friend or romantic interest, that he's pulled this on. I do not plan on keeping him as a close friend as he was in the past. It hurts, because I thought he was a good person and to find out that a person you thought was your friend would do this to ANYONE is a blow to the soul. I have a trusting nature that all people have some good in them. For Adam, his goodness is pre-meditated, so that he can take advantage of a person's trust, and is not genuine.

I feel bad for my friend. She is a good person and does not deserve this. Especially at Christmas. But honestly, we both thought something was up with Adam lately. He claimed it was the Holiday Doldrums, but it was really that he was cheating, lying, and hurting people.....He'll get his in the end.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

White Dust

This morning I woke up as usual with the radio playing some soft rock song. I cannot wake to loud rock, as it nearly scares me into a shaking fit, so soft rock, at a decent volume is my preferennce. As I debated hitting the snooze button once more, the DJ came on in his faux pleasantly happy voice and announced to the listeners, who probably like me were debating rising and shining, that there was snow falling over much of Connecticut, some places with "squalls" of it. I groaned and hastily got up looking out my window to the backyard.

Yep, there were white flakes in the sky. It was falling, and hitting the ground. But it was barely sticking. I went to the kids' room and informed them of the weather. This is the second winter they have ever really experienced, and you'd think we didn't get nearly 3 feet last year. No, it was marvelous to them. Almost instantly I heard the dreaded question:

"Can we go outside and play in the snow???"

"No hon, it's barely a dusting. By the time you get on the bus it will be melted, I am sure."


The disappointment was hanging in the room like a heavy rancid odor. I instantly felt like the meanest mom on the planet, simply because the snow wasn't quite yet heavy enough to have produced snow for the kids to play in….Oh to be God for one day so I could give the kids a treat...

By the time Emily and I went out to wait for the bus, it had stopped snowing altogether. The light dusting was barely even that. It simply looked like the world had a light fog around it. The asphault was clearly visible through the white dust. I did make a half hearted attempt to make a few snowballs for Emily to throw at me. They caused some giggles. At least I redeemed myself, well partially anyway.

It's now nearly 9:30 am, and barely 2 hours since I woke. And the snow has already melted, and it seems as though the sun is trying it's damndest to make an appearance for the sake of parents everywhere who, like me, cannot stand snow past the "pretty phase". Kaity is upset because I told her she cannot go outside and play in the snow...I can never win it seems.

But alas it appears that the lovely weather we had been enjoying for the majority of the fall has truly dissipated. The forecast shows temperatures in the low 40's as highs all week, and I don't doubt that snow will again grace the hills and plains of Southeastern Connecticut and beyond. This is a sign of the world dying, for Persephone has been drug to the Underworld by Hades, and Demeter does not allow anything to grow whilst her beloved daughter is a prisoner below the earth...For me it is a melancholy time. The void of winter will drag for me, and being alone for it for a while makes it even tougher on my soul to bear.

I am hoping the joy of the holidays will lighten my mood, and perhaps even the anticipation of Hubby's return will keep my occupied long enough so that I do not suffer the winter doldrums too long.

Time will tell, I suppose, and so will the weather forecast...

Friday, December 01, 2006

Insomnia Rears It's Ugly Head

It's past midnight and while I have been trying to get some decent sleep in the last few days, tonight I simply can't. Tossing and turning, a million things going through my mind.

Thinking and trying to organize Christmas in my head for the girls. Trying to figure out what Santa will bring me, trying to figure out what to get friends, trying to figure out what to get for Hubby now, while the sales are good.

Getting ready for Yule, and SCA event, and praying that the dress I ordered gets here by tomorrow night so I can try it on, and hem it if neccessary. And if it doesn't fit, trying to get another garb outfit ready for Saturday.

Wondering how Hubby's doing. Missing him a lot tonight. Worrying about my friend who's pregnant and due any day because I am her "labor coach". Everytime the phone rings i hope it's not her, not because I don't want to be there for her, but it would just work so much better for my schedule if she goes into labor on Sunday or Monday....

Hoping that Emily is doing well in school. Trying to figure out when I can volunteer in her class.

Feeling hotter than Hell on Sunday because the temperature in the house is 77 with the heater turned OFF.

I actually dozed off for a while, but then Kaity woke up and my mind started spinning again. So I got up and started making lists. Lots of lists....

there's not enough time and money. No wonder I feel like I haven't rested in 6 months. I have been going, going, going for so long, and when I do get to stop and take a moment, I realize something else I have to do....and the break is over.

So I sit here and ramble, somewhat incoherently. My mind wanders over a milion topics, and I can't type them all fast enough before they are out of my mind and replaced with a new one. And all I want to do is sleep. Sleep for a long time.

Sorry for the ramble, but I didn't know what else to do. Myabe I will try reading for a little while....Bella tagged me for a thing, but I will get to it tomorrow night. I can't concentrate at the moment....