Sunday, April 30, 2006

What do YOU want to see?

Well I have been blogging for about 8 months now. I usually use this blog to vent, to share about my family and to talk about the things I like in my life. But I want to ask you, the people who visit my blog (there have been almost 5,000 visit so far) what you'd like to see on here....

Please, please, please, if you are a frequent visitor, and don't comment, I ask you to PLEASE comment this one time and tell me what you want to see/read. I want to make my blog more appealing to others, and am even contemplating trying to make it a bit of a profession. So, I need to know what to do from those who visit. I also know I need to bring up my readership, and am trying to sign up for more things liek BlogMad, etc....

I really hope you'll all leave your input. Thanks Everyone...

Friday, April 28, 2006

Firing It Up On The Field

So Emily is in T-Ball as you all know. She's had 2 games so far. I am very proud of her playing. We've been throwing a ball back and forth, and she's getting more confident, and improving in catching, retrieving and throwing skills. But when it comes to actual games, I am the Soccer Mom From least that's what Hubby seems to think....

At the games, these kids are in La-La Land. They don't pay attention, they play with the rocks, grass, etc. Then there's the ones who pay attention ad nauseum. There is one little boy on Emily's team who I seriously want to bean for trying to be the "All-Star". He HAS to be anywhere the ball goes in the field, and often steals opportunity for the other players to try and throw, etc. because he just about tackles the ball. He has also, on 2 occasions, tried to push MY daughter out of her assigned defense spot. Once on 3rd Base, and once in the outfield.

Now maybe it's because I played organized spots in a different time, but that is not cool with me. I am a mother who wants her child to excell to the best of her ability, and I'll be damned if I am gonna let some punk ass 5-year-old whose parents don't discipline him get in her way. So I have taken to making sure I am watching him and making sure he knows it, during the games.

I also make sure to remind Emily what to do when she's out on the field, because, she's still a little unsure, but that's ok. She listens to me. If I yell "Get the ball! Throw it to first!" She does it. If I tell her to "RUN EMMY RUN!!!" She does it!! Why is that bad? I am trying to teach her what to do. Hubby told me that she is depending on me to tell her what to do, and that she'll never learn if I keep chiding her on. My thought is that she'll never learn because no one is telling those kids what to do, except the ONE coach, who clearly cannot be on all sides of the field at once. But anyway....

I am going to continue to help Emily. She actually has some skill in this, and it makes me proud, because I know she isn't the most co-ordinated in physical movements. So this is great for her. I know her confidence in physical activity has soared since this has started. And it makes me feel like I am in the "good parent mode" when she does well, gets excited about T-Ball, and tries her best for it.

Oh and yesterday when that little ball stealer tried to overtake Emily's opportunities? She grabbed the ball back or wrestled it from his hands. I couldn't have been prouder. Now if only she would be confident like that with her sister.....

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

30 Second Rule - Tagged

Jeopardygirl tagged me...I don't get why it's called 30 second rule either, but here I go....

The 30-second Rule

Rules: Bold the following that are true about you, italicize things you wish were true, add one true thing about you, and then tag five more people.

I miss somebody right now.
I don't watch much TV these days.
I love olive rice.
I own lots of books.
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games.
I've tried marijuana.
I've watched porn movies.
I have been in a threesome.
I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I curse sometimes.
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I'm TOTALLY smart.
I've broken someone's bones.
I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
I hate the rain.
I'm paranoid at times.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really, really fast.
I have fresh breath in the morning.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
I like the way that I look.
I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.
I know how to cornrow. (er, I know how to cornflake.. it counts? =)
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings.
I think prostitution should be legalized.
I think Britney Spears is pretty.
I have a hidden talent.
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
I have a lot of friends.
I am currently single.
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
I enjoy window shopping.
I would rather shop than eat.
I would classify myself as ghetto.
I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
I'm obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal. (or Blog)
I don't hate anyone.
I'm a pretty good dancer.
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in (a) God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I've rejected someone before.
I currently like someone.
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. (I'm having enough trouble figuring out THIS portion of my life)
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
I'm not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn. I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
I have scared people off with my enthusiasm.

I am shy around the opposite sex. (in certain situations)
I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
I have tried alcohol or drugs before. (just alcohol)
I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
I own the "South Park" movie.
I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal.
When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbour or chum.
I enjoy some country music. (old stuff, mostly)
I would die for my best friends.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I watch soap operas whenever I can.
I'm obsessive, and often a perfectionist.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story".
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
I have dated a close friend's ex.
I like surveys/memes.
I am happy at this moment.
I'm obsessed with guys.
I have pajamas with turtles on them

I am punk rockish.(or I was as a kid)
I am preppy.
I go for older guys/girls, not younger.
I study for tests most of the time.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
I can work on a car.
I love my job.
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever I can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup.
I believe in prophetic dreams.
I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient on a musical instrument.
I worked at McDonald's restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went to college out of state.
I am adopted.
I like sausage.
I am a pyro.
I love the Red Sox.
I have thrown up from crying too much.
I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved.
I love kisses.
I fall for the worst people.
I adore bright colors.
I love Dear Abby.
I can't live without black eyeliner.
I think school is awesome.
I think pigtails serve a purpose.
I don't know why the hell I just did this stupid thing.
I usually like covers better than originals.
I don't like multi-textured ice cream.
I think John Cusack is adorable.
I f**king hate chain theme restaurants like Applebees and TGIFridays.
I watch Food Network way too much.
I love coaching youth sports.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can't whistle.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I've ever written in.
I can't stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep.
I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I have jazz in my blood.
I would not be friends if they weren't family.
I wear a toe ring.
I have a tattoo.
I love vaginas.
I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I know who Santos L. Halper is.
I read trashy romance novels and I am ashamed.
I love wrestling.
I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all.
If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner.
I am an artist.
I have a goal to collect every Johnny Depp movie ever made.
I have an unhealthy Taco Bell obsession.
I have had a crush on a cartoon character when I was a kid.
I have spent more on anime and manga than many spend on computers or other high end products.
I only clean my room when neccesary.
Weight is my enemy!I'm a serious chocoholic.
I absolutely adore animals.
I love surprises.
I love to be seen.
I often act without feeling for people.
I like arguing for the sake of arguing.
I think most girls look better with spectacles
My skin is peeling because i had been under the sun.
I want to ORD.
I like men who are much taller than me.
I bite/chew my nails.

ok Time to tag 5 people:

Dr. John

Monday, April 24, 2006

What I'd Like to Do to

Thanks to their FABULOUS issues today (well yesterday) I couldn't read, post, or comment. When it finnally DOES post, I get multiple posts... GRRRRRR

You'd think they would ANNOUNCE if they were having a server maintenance or something? SHEESH

...and the idiocy continues...I went to put that picture in..and it came up 3 times in the edit mode....seriously, get a clue you freakin' people! HIRE TECHNICIANS WHO KNOW HOW TO DO THEIR JOB RIGHT!!! AARGH!!

Mother Nature Strikes Again!

Emily's lost another tooth! It was getting wiggly for a while now, but it didn't seem as loose as it was apparently. Emily woke up and came into my room this morning announcing that her tooth had fallen out.

Hubby and I got through the day yesterday. We had our emotional spots, mostly me, but we were together and stayed in bed most of the time with Kaity watching movies and just hanging out.

I got to sleep in this morning, and I actually feel very good for a change. I think I just needed the sleep.

Tonight the tooth faity will visit Emily. I've got to make sure I have a$1 in my purse...LOL

I'll be back later with more stuff.....

Sunday, April 23, 2006

In Memoriam

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Mae's Story: Part 2

It took me a while to get over just relaying the non-exciting part of things this morning. Now at 10pm at night, I am writing again. My throat is closing up, and my stomach has dropped. I feel nervous to talk about things next.

I will tell you that things are a little hazy. Not everything may make sense, because quite honestly, I can't remember it all. But I will do my best....

So we waited, and waited. Finally the contractions started to get heavy and painful. if you've never given birth in the conventianal way, or are a man, I will do my best to explain. ok. Imagine if you will (if you are a woman) your WORST menstrual cramps. Now multiply that by oh...we'll say 20...OW. They fucking hurt. Contractions were not fun. I distinctly recall that before I started asking for drugs, as the contractions were first beginning to get heavy, Hubby's dad called into the room. Hubby talked to him a few minutes, then I guess Dad wanted to talk to me. So here I am, trying to breathe through contractions, and trying to carry on a coherent conversation on the phone with my father-in-law. I am pretty sure sometime after that, I asked for my first dose of narcotics.

The doctor or nurse, not sure which one, kept coming in to check the cooter and see how effaced I was and if I was dialating. I was maybe maybe 3 cm dialated, but efacing nicely. They crnked up the pitocin. Oh yeah, THEN I asked for the first shot of drugs....I know at one point, two of Hubby's boat buddies, and friends of mine too, Eppie and Chris came in. Here I was, in a hospital gown, in labor, loopy on drugs, no bra. yeah, I am sure I was a sight to see. It was very nice for them to come visit though. Atthat point it was mid afternoon, I think, and still not dialated much, I turned to Debbie and realized the Sub Ball was that night. SHe assured me that if I hadn't delivered by a certain time, she wasn't going. I was happy. I need her, though I didn't realize how much I would until much, much later.

I remember the drugs wearing off and me getting the 2nd dose of narcotics. Looking back I wish I had rode out the 1st dose longer. I remember being checked again, and still no change in dialation, btu the baby was doing OK. So sometime around 6 or 7 the nurse told me to take a nap. I was pretty tired. Oh wait, I have to point out that sometime I ended up getting the epidural. I can't recall anything about when though. I do recall making sure to tell the Anestesiologist NOT to explain what he was doing as he did it (standard procedure). I didn't want to hear about it. "Just do it, and tell me when it's over. If you tell me what you're doing when you do it, I will get squirmy. We both know that's bad." He complied with my wishes....

So...I slept about oh, 45 minutes to an hour. I was checked again. I was at 6 cm!! The nurse told me to take another nap, because me relaxing seemed to work! so I napped again. I woke up again maybe an hour later. I was at 9 cm! YAY!! FINALLY!! I still was on the epidural, but I had an odd sensation. I looked at my friend Debbie. *THIS IS GRPAHICLY DESCRPTIVE - FEEL FREE TO JUMP OVER THE CONVO TO THE NEXT PARAGRAPH*

"This is going to sound weird..." I started out. I could feel myself blushing just with the thought.

"What is it?" She looked a bit concerned.

"Well...honestly? I feel I have to go to the bathroom. And I'm not talking peeing. Like I really really need to know...poop. A lot. "

I was probably a beet by then. Discussing bodily functions is not something I am comfortable with. Still not. My face is red now, and all I am doing is typing.

"Oh! Oh!" She exclaimed. "That's good! That means you want to push!"

"What??" I cried in disbelief. "You're telling me, that when people say you feel like you need to push, it really feels like you have to take the biggest dump in your life?? Why doesn't anyone ever TELL you that beforehand? I've been expecting an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT sensation!! You know, someone shoudl REALLY write this in those books..." I was rambling by now. I was pissed. I still really feel like the books/magazines need to be more descriptive.

So, if you are preganant for the first time, or trying to be, now you know "Feeling like you have to push" = "Feeling like you have to poop a cow". Continuing....

So my contractions were coming fast and hard. The epidural was wearing off. The nurses were having me try practice pushes. I didn't know what the hell I was doing. I just knew I wanted to push. They were making me breathe through one, then push through one. I remember saying to the nurse, in a very mean tone "What do you mean DON'T PUSH!! I WANT TO PUSH!!" I was probably muttering some nasty language too at this point. And I am guessing I was breaking Hubby's hand. And probably Debbie's. I was scared though. And then the Doc came in and told me something not good.

"The baby's heartbeat is racing and then slowing down when you push. That's why we are not letting you push so much, we think something's wrong." At this point, I remember telling them to give me a c-section. I was begging them, but they kept saying no. The doc said she was going to vaccuum her out, because she was getting worried. They tried 3 times with the vaccuum. Each time, a big clump of dark hair would come out, they couldn't get the damn thing to stick. It gets fuzzy right about now....

I remember them wheeling me into the delivery room. I remember that they knocked the gurney/bed into a wall and I screamed in agony. No more pain meds, no matter how much I begged. I remember sometime, in that delivery room, looking straight into Hubby's eyes and saying...

"I hate you! I hate you! I am never doing this again!" Two seconds later...

"I'm sorry baby. I'm sorry! I just want her out!" I have to stop for a minute............ok tears wiped...

I remember they got her head out using forcepts. Next thing I know, another doctor is up on the side of the bed, pushing on my stomach, trying to twist her inside of me. Finally, after what seemed like forever, but was actually about 5 minutes, she was was 2:19 AM on April 23rd, 2000. I didn't hear crying...they were bringing her to a table on the other side of the room.....

"She's not crying. I don't hear her crying! What's happeneing? Why isn't she crying? What's happeneing?" I asked about 50 times. I looked at Hubby. "Why isn't she crying? What's going on? SOMEBODY TELL ME SOMETHING!!!!!!" I have to stop again.......................

Finally a nurse came over. I think it was a nurse. I know it was a woman.

"She's not breathing. Her cord was wrapped around her neck twice, and she got stuck inside of you. You tore very badly and we have to stitch you. We're trying to get her to breathe again." All I could do was cry. Hubby was crying. Debbie was crying. I was wailing over and over "Please God, make her cry! I just want to hear her cry!" Stopping...........................

At 2:34 AM They stopped trying. She was gone. They couldn't bring her back.

It was Easter Sunday. April 23rd 2000.

Her name is Ruth Mae Hughes. She is my little Mae Flower.

Mae's Story: Part 1

I am about to share part 1 of the story, albeit a bit condensed -- I think, of losing my 1st daughter at birth. I am dividing it into 2 parts, because it would take about 3 hours to do it all in one post. So I will write some now and some later today. Some of the events may be graphic in detail, or may be sensitive to your heart. I am not going to be politically correct, because it coincided with a couple of BIG events. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

It was April 21st. I was living in Hawaii. Hubby had duty. I had gone down to the boat as usual, to visit, sit topside and hang out for a little bit. I was 37 weeks pregnant, and due May 7th. That night, the baby was being especially cruel to my insides, pushing up against my lungs and ribcage so much that several times while I was with Hubby, I keeled over in pain or was winded. I had asked Hubby to bring the big vaccuum upstairs for me when he got home in the morning, because I wanted to vaccuum the upstairs that weekend. It was a Friday night.

When I got home, I decided that I didn't want to wait for Hubby to bring the vaccuum up. It was a Kirby. It weighed a lot, but I brought it upstairs anyway. I vaccuumed like a freak. I got in all the crevices and even vaccuumed the ceiling fan and crown molding. I suppose in retrospect, that was my "nesting". I should have known something was up. I went to bed about 10 or so.

I woke up and looked at the clock -- it was 3:45. I had to pee REALLY BAD. I then noticed that I was already in a puddle in the bed. What the hell?? I thought to myself. But I still had to pee. So I went to the bathroom. After peeing and wiping, I went to pull up the fresh underwear. Still sitting on the toilet, I suddenly heard tinkle, tinkle, tinkle.

"That was NOT me," I said aloud to no one at all. I had an epiphany about that trickle and puddle in my bed. I waddled to my nightstand and opened my What to Expect When You're Expecting book. I looked up "water breaking". I read about the slow leak. I admit it now. I had to do a sniff test. I had another trickle in that time, so, I slid off the underwear and sniffed at the liquid on the crotch area. It didn't smell like urine. It was different. Exactly like the book described. Slightly sweet, and not overly odorous like urine is.

"FUCK!" I said aloud again. I called the Labor and Delivery ward at Tripler Army Medical Center. I explained the situation and they told me to come in right away to be checked out. The nurse asked if I had contractions. I didn't. They told me that if I started to get them, to pull over to the side of the road and wait them out, or call 911. I still had to get my husband who was on duty, then he could drive. They were ok with that. I rang off from them and callled the boat.

Riiiiiing, Riiiiiiiing, Riiiiiiing, Riiiiii--

"USS Olympia, this is a non-secure line, Petty Officer So-and-so speaking, how may I help you Sir or Ma'am?"

"Um, Hi. I'm sorry to be calling so late, but could you please get Petty Officer Fireheart? It's kind of an emergency," I was calm and collected. I didn't want to freak anyone out if it was a false alarm. I waited a few minutes and Hubby came on the line.

"Hi Baby, um, I think my water broke, but it's a slow trickle and I called the hospital and they said to come in right away to be checked out, so I need to come get you just in case, ok?" I rushed out. He agreed to that and said he would be waiting topside. It was now about 4 am. I decided while I put on clothes that I should call my Step-mom. It was 10 am on the East Coast, and she'd be at work. When I rung through to the store, she wasn't there. I left a message with my aunt of the situation and to have Mom call me right away. I also called Hubby's dad and my real Mom in Connecticut. I had to leave messages for them too.

I grabbed a couple towels and threw them on the seat in the car. I had my purse and cell phone. I headed out to the base about 3 miles away. I got on base, and as I was on the road that led to the pier, my cell phone rang. It was my step-mom and she was squealing with happieness. I told her what was going on a bit more in detail and told her I would call or have Hubby call when we got settled in, or when we got home. Just then I pulled up to Hubby's boat. There was a bunch of guys on the pier. Apparently the word had gotten around that I was in labor. I got out of the car and let hubby drive. I prayed that I wouldn't leak while I was walking or that I waould just completely drain, like in the movies and on TV, and give everyone on the pier a show. I was embarrased, and who wouldn't be?

As we drove home so Hubby could change and I coulld finish packing my bag (hey I technically still had 3 weeks still so it wasn't all done yet), he explained that he had only just fallen asleep when he heard someone shout at his rack "FIREHEART, wake up! Your wife's in labor!" I was pissed. I had never said that to the guy on the phone, and I didn't want Hubby to freak out. I also felt very bad, because poor Hubby hadn't had any sleep, and Lord knew when he was going to again. We were all changed and packed. We got in the car and made it to the hospital. It was 5 am on April 22nd. The Sub Ball was that night. I guess it was a good thing we didn't plan on going!

We got to the L&D ward. I explained to the nurse on duty at the desk the deal. She rememebered me calling. I sat in the waiting room while they found people to examine me. A bit later, I was called into the exam room. they did all the normal stats stuff. Then I had to be looked at down under. I showed the nurse my panties. She just looked at me like I was one of those women who comes in for every little pang in her stomach. She was examining the cooch and was about to tell me I was fine, when I felt the trickle. Apparently she saw it too because she said "Oh yeah, you have a slow leak. Well, I guess we'll admit you!" My heart leapt into my throat. This was it!

It's a bit fuzzy here. I know I was admitted, got put in a hosptal gown and taken to a labor room. It was a private room. I even had a TV. My nurse for teh day shift came in. She was a young pretty girl. really nice. I never had such a nice person care for me. The docotr came in and told me we were gonna wait for my contractions to start, since they hadn't yet. I was hooked up to the machines to monitor contractions/heartbeats, etc. While we waited, we watched TV. It had been a big night apparently.

Does anyone rememebr Elian Gonzales? The little boy whoo floated to Miami from Cuba with his mom? Well the mom had died, but he was staying with famiily in Miami. It was a big thing. Keep him here or send him back to Cuba with his Dad who wanted him back there? Well the night of the 21st the U.S. gov't had .... retrieved him via gunpoint. It was all over every station. The pictures, they analysees, the political debates. I will always think of that day I was in labor as "The Elian Aftermath Day". 6 years later I still am annoyed that there wasn't much else on the TV except for that. It angered me. I disagreed with the forceful nature in which he was procured from his family in Miami. But I agreed that it was neccessary. His father wanted him back. As his mother was dead, it was his father's right to have him returned to Cuba. Plain and simple....So back to the story.

I had called my Mom in Mass. and gave her our room info and the phone number. Hubby called his dad outside on the cell phone and left info. in a message. And my mom in CT. And his mom in Tennessee. Then when he came back, I asked him to call my friend Debbie. We had only met a couple weeks before, but we talked often and she had volunteered to come to the hospital with me if I needed her. I really wanted a woman there with me. I love Hubby, but this was his first pregancy too. He didn't know what the hell to do. Debbie agreed to come and I waited for her. I read some of my Expecting book, and watched TV. Debbie finally got there. I had been waiting for contractions to start for a few hours now. They had, but they were so weak, I barely noticed them. The docotrs put me on pitocin to start contractions better and got me on an IV and ready for when I needed pain meds.....and the waiting began.

I'm going to stop here. I will write more later. But this is how the worst day of my life started.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Who I Am in Fantasy, Apparently

Thanks for the quiz link, Fuzz!

Oh you Poor, Rich NYC People.....

I just read that all the people who OPEN DOORS for New Yorkers in their apartment buildings might go on strike! Holy Carp (and I do mean the fish), Rich New Yorkers may actually have to open their own doors, take out their own trash, and *GASP* push the buttons on the elevators!!!

How will Rich New Yorkers ever survive doing something for themselves??? I mean, how can we expect them to know how to shift weight back to pull and shift weight forward to push a door open? Will they be able to remember what floor they live on? and if so, will they recognize the number on the elevator buttons and think to push it???

Gimme a freakin' break! WHY is this a news story?????

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

I Need a New House

This house is small. The water runs cold. The water pressure is terrible. But most importantly....

The cable wiring in this house is completely FUCKED UP.

Yes dear readers, the reason why you didn't hear from me yesterday was because my LOVELY internet connection went out Sunday at about 6 pm and wasn't back on til nearly 4pm yesterday. By then I had things to do and wasn't in the mood to blog. The cable guy, Mike, who's been to my house 2 times in 3 weeks now, and I discovered that the cabling in my house is bad. So now my cable internet is hooked up directly to the box outside, with a wire going in my window to the modem. My new modem. yippee. I pray that no longer will I suffer outtages of almost 24 hours or more of no internet connection. If I do, Mike will be back....perhaps I will arrange for my sister to come to town and visit...He did ask me if I have a sister, after all!

So yesterday, I got my internet back and an attractive man flirting with me, and asking if I had a sister. Talk about an EGO BOOST!!

Yeah, this is my sad!

BTW, if any of you are wondering, YES, Hubby was right upstairs!

And Mike even arranged for me to get some credit on next month's bill for all my outtages the last 4 weeks. See? Blondes DO have it better!! ;)

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Hippidy Hip Hop, Easter's On Its Way....I Wish It Wasn't...

Tomorrow is Easter. We've got everything ready. The baskets are made, although I am considering going to Michaels and getting bigger baskets. The toys I got are overflowing from them, and it seems Emily will have 2...sorta. The Easter Bunny is brining her a helmet for T-Ball and it's got some candy and stuff in it....and when she finds the golden egg, The Bunny has left instructions on where Mom can find her prize -- A T-Ball bat in the shed. Mimi is gonna bring her son out to find a couple eggs too. It'll be a nice little egg hunt. I was up til 1 am filling those damn things...

Easter is my least favorite holiday. To be honest, other than the Bunny coming, we don't really celebrate. Well Hubby and I don't. It's always a bittersweet day for us.

You see, our first daughter died on Easter. And while this year Easter doesn't fall on April 23rd, it's still in April, and only a week before. 7 days...well, I am sure you can understand why Easter just isn't a big day for us. Honestly, if we didn't have any more kids, I highly doubt we'd do anything at all. The day my daughter died, I recall distinctly they asked if I wanted a chaplain to come talk to us. Now, this was a big Holy Day. Yeah, I grew up a Christian. Easter was a big day in my house. Still is at my dad's I think. I still am a Christian, but it seemed incredibly ironic that a chaplain would come talk to me on a day that is supposed to be about celebration when this most horrific, grueling, heart-wrenching event had just occured. I wanted nothing to do with him.

My daughter's death was the reason I did not go to church for nearly 3 years after. I was angry at God for taking away my daughter on Easter. I wanted to sue the people who decided what dates are holidays, because of the pain and suffering. I was angry. I still am. I hate this holiday.

Although I will have a smile on my face, and will delight in watching my children hunt for eggs and squeal at their basket of goodies, inside I will be wrenched with heartache and suffering with loss. I will daydream about what my oldest daughter would look like on her 6th Easter. I will wonder if anyone else who was in the hospital delivery room that day will remeber Easter of 2000 with guilt, or remorse, or heartache like me. But most of all, I will wonder why God chose to do His will on a Holy Day of celebration and happiness.

And then I will make it through the day, and wait and wait 7 more days...and then the real pain will begin for that 24 hours.....

Friday, April 14, 2006

Poor Baby

Well we made it through surgery. I say we, because I was a wreck worrying about Hubby until I saw him. We left at 7:45 to drive to Newport Hospital in RI. I have one thing to say about that. No, two things. Wait, make that 3:

1. RI has some FUCKED UP road signs and crazy ass roads to get lost in.

2. Bridges SUCK.

3. Mapquest couldn't find a shorter route if Jesus Christ Himself came down from Heaven and worte the bloody directions. I would have saved about 30 minutes driving if I had gone on instinct and taken an earlier exit on the way there.

Ok, so we get there and Hubby checks in. Then they take him back and say they will set him up and come get me. I go back in ther after about 10 minutes, Hubby's in his hospital gown on the gurney, and the nurse is going over paperwork with him. Then the Anthesteseologist (I can't spell it) comes and talks to us, along with the Doc who's cutting open the foot. Apparently, they are putting him COMPLETELY under, and this surprises me...but I go with it. Of course, now, I have flashbacks to Grey's Anatomy, and am starting to mentally freak out. I tell Hubby I love him about 100 times. I kiss him and hold his hand a few times. Then the nurse puts in the IV. Cue me averting my eyes, cause needles and blood make me queasy. I'm pacing now, kissing Hubby and repeating how much I love him another 100 times or so. So a few mintues later, it's time for him to go in. And the waiting begins.....

I actually was very prepared. I had food, drinks, and Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince to read yet again. I figured I'd go with something that I enjoyed. make the waiting seem less tedious. It ALMOST worked. It really wasn't a long wait. About an hour and 17 minutes later, the Doc comes out and tells me everything went great, and that he's just waking up from being out. I assume they're gonna call me back soon. 20 minutes later, still no call back. So I go to the reception and ask if they think I can go back anytime soon. I'm starving by now, and the leftover chili from the night before in my bag is calling to me...the nurse guy says "Go eat, it'll be at least another 30 mintues before they call you in". So I venture to the Cafeteria, heat up my chili and eat...then I head back up. Apparently I took longer than I thought because the nurse guy sends me straight back to recovery saying Hubby's been asking for me. They are signing Hubby's release forms. COOL. By 1 pm, we were out of the hospital, Hubby was in the back seat of the truck (leg propped up of course) and we were on our way home. Remember my #1 and #2 on the list up there? Yeah....they are to be noted right about now in my story.

So we get home. My Dad apparently had a fiasco cooking breakfast because there is burnt bacon and grease all over the back stoop. And all over the outside wall of my storage closet. My first thought I say aloud.."What the HELL....?" We go inside. It looks like my kitchen, or rather my garbage disposal has puked eggs and bacon grease all over the kitchen sink and counters. Great, I'll have to clean that now. But what's even better is the note on my kitchen table:

Cissa & Hubby,

GMH stopped by at 10 AM - Inspection next week - hide fence clean up carport.


WONDERFUL, so now, I have to do that too. I got Ed upstairs and settled on the bed, foot propped up, laptop set-up and a drink. Emily gets home from school. I take Dad home. Well, the weather is GORGEOUS, so I decide to take advantage and work on the carport. About 4:30 or so I start. WOW, it really was a mess, and a lot of leaves. I got it all looking pretty nice. Even Mimi said it looked good. I still have to move the fence today, but the weather is lovely again today, so the kids can play outside while I do that. But I am pissed about it for several reasons.

First, they would not have even noticed the car port needed cleaning if my truck had been parked there. Which, 90% of the time, it is. Maybe if they gave me a friggin' house that wasn't smaller than a bloody breadbox, I couldn't have my stuff all in the carport. Second, I have seen carports in MUCH MORE of a mess too. I plan on making sure to ask about that on my "inspection" day. Exactly how many other people did they tag with "inspection warnings" on my street? cause if they didn't I am going to make a list of the ones that looked worse than mine....and Lastly, my husband pays quite a bit of money for this tiny little house. The least these jerks could do is let me have a little bit of a mess ro compensate for the lack of storage space! Christ, I can't believe they are gonna ge upset over some leaves and boxes in my driveway....

So it's the next day. Hubby's still doing OK, although he says he's in a bit more pain. He's taking his meds, but I think the shock wore off, and now we're in for some not-so-fun times while he heals. Here's a few pictures of my man today. He's all set up again - laptop, drinks, tv remote....and one of his bandaged/cast foot.....

The Poor will he ever survive??

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

A Cute MeMe

Rebecca wasn't tagged, and neither did she tag I am going to volunteer....

1. Who was your first Prom Date? Fernando Parada. He did it as a favor to his cousin, my ex-boyfriend Juan. We ended up dating afterwards and Juan got jealous. I found it ironic -- he cared enough about me to find me a date, then gets mad when we go out more than just the prom? WHATEVER.

2. Who was your first roomate(s)? Her name was Julie. She was awesome. She was a junior at the college, and I was a freshman. She left after the 1st semester, but treated me like a little sister. I couldn't have asked for a cooler 1st roomate.

3. What alcoholic beverage did you drink the first time you got drunk? Double Sevens - Seagrams 7 Whiskey and Seagrams 7 Ginger Ale. I don't recall if I liked it or not.

4. What was your first job? Cashier/stockperson at Phillips Hardware in Oak Bluffs, MA. My step-mom's family owned the store. It was the family business. Still is actually...

5. What was your first car? 1979 Chevrolet Malibu station wagon; maroon with tan interior. Her name was Freedom. My parents bought her for me. I loved her to death. Damn the man who hit me and destroyed her the week before college started....

6. When did you go to your first funeral? When I was 17 or 18. A local teacher drowned. HE was a nice guy, and although I didn't have him for a teacher, I thought it would be respectful to attend.

7. How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown? Well To be technical, 16, but I moved to my dad's and I knew the area well. So we'll say 17 when I moved away to college. In Florida...which is a culture shock to a born and bred New Englander....

8. Who was your first grade teacher? Mrs. Saddler....she was born on Leap Year. she was an awesome teacher, I have fond memories of her class.

9. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane? I'm told I went to Ohio when I was 5. But I don't remeber that. I do remeber flying in a small 4 seat plane when I was about 11 or 12. It was a friend of the family's. It was the first time I saw the Vineyard from the air. I was surprised the Vineyard looked like the maps. LOL

10. When you snuck out of your house for the first time who was it with? Juan, my boyfriend at the time.

11. Who was your first Best Friend, and are you still Friends with them? Jane...I dunno, am I still your friend, JaneyGrrrl? ;)

12. Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parent's house? Does college count? cause if it was, then I can say Flagler College, St. Augustine, FL. If not, then I moved in with the guy who became Hubby to Norwich, CT.

13. Who is the first person you call if you have a bad day? My mom (step-mom), Donna.

14. Whose wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid/groomsman? My cousin Rita. I was her only bridesmaid, but I was honoured as hell. I was 15. I still have the present she gave me for being her bridesmaid. Was it really 13 years ago???

15. What is the first thing you do in the morning? Use the potty.

16. What is the first concert you ever went to? New Kids on the Block with JaneyGrrrl!

17. First Tattoo or Piercing? Um, Body Piercing, Nose. I was 18. My super cool roomate took me to the place. Even got me a discount. Told you she was wicked cool!

18. First celebrity crush? Believe it or not, though I can't understand why -- Prince. Formerly known as The Artist Formerly Known As Prince.

19. Age of first kiss? 8. Don't ask. Just know I grew up around a lot of kids who were way older than me, and I succumbed to peer pressure.

20. First Crush? Jason Gorman in 3rd grade. He was a new boy and all the girls liked him. He was cute back then. He didn't grow up to handsome though....

21. First time you did drugs? Age 16. Not detailing that.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Getting Ready to Serve...

...Hubby in bed for the next 18 days...

Hubby is getting surgery on his foot, finally. You may recall a while back I posted about his Issues with the Navy PRT and how he had failed the run -- again. For 3 years we've been trying to get his foot looked at more intensively to see if he had some real foot issues that could medically waiver him from the run. Yep. He's got Planar Fibrosis( I think that's what they called it) BOTH feet. Apparently this is rare. Most people get it in one foot. Nope, not Hubby. He's got to be a medical anomoly and have both feet, symetrically tumored, or scared, or whatever it is that's in his feet.

So he's getting one foot done for now. In two days. Did I mention there is a 6 week recovery? 18 days of convalecent leave, and then anohter 3 weeks of "light duty"(translation - on crutches and still can't climb down onto the boat). The first 3-5 days is the worst, I'm told. Did I mention I live in a two story house? Oh yes, 13 stairs. Oh, and the bathroom is upstairs. and the kitchen is downstairs. And hubby will be in bed. And needing help with doing simple things like ...walking the 10 feet to the bathroom, and bathing.

Have I mentioned that Hubby outweighs me by nearly 75 lbs? oh yeah. He's a big guy. And I am not a stong woman. This is TOTALLY gonna suck.

Did I mention that Emily's Spring Break from school starts Friday? Yep. So I will have 3 children to wait on hand and foot for approximately 10 days, 24/7. With no break at any time that I can forsee.

Is it any wonder I start seeing a shrink today?!?

So If I am quiet the next couple of days you know why. I am busy getting hubby his pain killers. Or getting him food. Or soda. Or trying to drag him to the bathroom. Or tending to the kids and their boredom. Please Dear Lord, have nice weather this next 10 days. Then the kids can play outside and I will have less stress....

I'm off to find the bed tray for Hubby....

Monday, April 10, 2006

Buddy and the Bird

I have a cat. His name is Buddy. He'll be 3 years old in June. He's a bit on the crazy side. The girls love him. Well...Yesterday we had a bit of excitement that involved him in the Fireheart Household. I told Jeopardygirl about it on the IM today, and rather than type it all out again, I will just show you the IM log. It has been edited to take out some personal info that need not be broadcast. Like our IM names, etc. But altogether, a very exciting episode for a Sunday.

CissaFireheart : OMG

CissaFireheart : I have to tell you about my cat and the bird

CissaFireheart : holy carp I can't believe I didn't tell you yet
(and yes readers, I did mean the FISH carp)

Jeopardygirl : what happened?

CissaFireheart : ok so yesterday I was getting dressed around 11:15 or so. Emily had a party at 12 to be at.

CissaFireheart : as I am drying off, I see Buddy is trying to get at something under the baseboards

CissaFireheart : well Buddy's a couple cards short of a full deck at times, so I passed this off as Buddy Being Weird Trying to get a marble or something from under there

CissaFireheart : but he's REALLY going at it, so I start to wonder to myself "Shit, maybe we have a mouse"

CissaFireheart : By now I’m ½ dressed, and I go around my side of the bed again to take a look at him and his going after this whatever

CissaFireheart : all of a sudden, he flings his head out from the baseboards, and there is something considerably good-sized and grey and has WINGS in his mouth!!

CissaFireheart : I yelped, ran out of the bedroom and slammed the door

CissaFireheart : somehow, a BIRD was in our house, under the baseboards!!!!

Jeopardygirl : holy carp!
(she meant the FISH too)

CissaFireheart : I called Hubby frantically and he comes up I gave him a frenzied shrieky rundown

CissaFireheart : he's like "Why didn't you just take it from him?”

CissaFireheart : I'm like “DUH!! BIRDS HAVE DISEASE!!!!”

CissaFireheart : I closed the door because I was afraid it might attack me or the kids and we'd get the bird flu or rabies

CissaFireheart : lmao

CissaFireheart : Hubby thought it was funny too

CissaFireheart : so we go in the bedroom

CissaFireheart : and Buddy is pawing at my slipper by my bed

CissaFireheart : SOMEHOW, the bird got OUT of Buddy's mouth, and had burrowed itself in the toe of my bedroom slipper

CissaFireheart : I was freaking out "Is it dead? Is it bleeding?!"

CissaFireheart : Hubby's like "No, he's alive and trying to hide"

CissaFireheart : So Hubby takes him downstairs and out the front door. As soon as Hubby taps the toe, the bird pops out and flies away.

CissaFireheart : I then direct Hubby to put the slipper in the washer because of germs

CissaFireheart : the end

CissaFireheart : lol

Jeopardygirl : I half expected you to throw the slippers in the garbage

CissaFireheart : lmao
CissaFireheart : nah hot water will disinfect it

CissaFireheart : with bleach
CissaFireheart : but now I have 2 questions

Jeopardygirl : Mo (her cat) caught a bird, once, but it was outside. She lunged out the front door after it, and brought it onto the front porch

CissaFireheart : 1.) when did the bird get under the base boards??
CissaFireheart : 2.) HOW THE HELL did the bird GET IN MY HOUSE and under the baseboards?!?!

And there you have it, readers...My Sunday Morning.....

$10 says Mimi freaks out and starts looking under her baseboards now! ;)

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Thank God for Small Miracles

It's not that I don't mind being busy. It's that when I have 500 things concurrent and I have to find time for all of them that I get cranky and stressed. ANd then I get E-Mails like this, this morning....

Opening Ceremonies and Saturday's Games Are CANCELLED! Because of the cold, nasty, rainy, New England, "springtime" haha, weather.

I only had one thing to say about it, and although Emily will be disapointed, I could not cease the whoop of joy and dropping to the knees, throwing my hands to the ceiling, and saying loudly "THANK YOU JESUS!"

ok time to deal with the 437 other things on my schedule today! ;)

Thursday, April 06, 2006

HNT - Go Gators!

HAPPY HNT! It's been a crazy week, but....

This is what I think of the NCAA BASKETBALL CHAMPIONS - The University of Florida Gators:

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Feeling Better...Kinda

Well after making my appoinment yesterday, my day went uphill. I love going to Emily's class. It always is a learning experience....and it's great to see these kids grow and develop. Amazing really.

But all day, I felt like a zombie. I feel that way today too. My sleep isn't very restful. I think it's time for a trip to the doctors again. I was told back in January that if the Ambien didn't help, that I may have to do a sleep study...which I think COULD help solve my rest issues. I tried doing the Ambien thing for the last 2 nights, but I feel like even more of a walking dead gal. So I will probably have to do that sleep study. My only problem? Hubby gets foot surgery in a week. So if I have to go to a sleep study up in Hartford, I will have to find alternative transportation. Or leave Hubby alone in bed recooperating with the kids. Maybe I can have my mom or dad come and spend the night or something....hrm....

ok. Remember last week when I said "Spring Has Sprung and I am Loving It"? Well, guess what?

IT'S SNOWING OUT!! I've been in IM with Jeopardygirl for..oh 1/2 hour maybe? And already the ground is WHITE...Frickin' Mother Nature. No wonder Emily's getting a cold. Just this last weekend it was 70 and she was riding her new bike. Now it's accumulating snow. *sigh*

So I won't be sending the kids outside while I attempt to clean today -- damn.

I'd like to say thanks to those of you who commented on my psycho ramblings the last couple days. I been freaking out about it since last night. I mean. I have been contemplating the mental health conditions I may possibly have and it is freaking me out. My family has a history of mental issues, so it wouldn't surprise me one bit if I had something more than just plain old depression. I've weened myself off of the Paxil after Kaity was born, and to be honest, I don't really want to be on meds again. It killed my sex life. And the sex has been awesome lately with hubby, and I REALLY don't want to screw that up. But I am also fearful that I'll have more "episodes" like Monday. Damn. I keep assuming. That's a problem for me...Maybe the shrink will be able to help. I sure hope so....

yeah I'm rambling. But my brain is going full throttle and I don't feel insane. Like all my rational thoughts we put on hold the last couple days, and all of a sudden - BAM - here they are, just flowing out of my hands as I type.

Wow, I really am a mental case, aren't I?

Gotta go. Kids want a different movie in the DVD and it't time to clean the pit of a house I live in. Maybe I'll send the kids to their room for 2 hours so I can clean....

Update: I don't know why I never thought of this before. We have a portable DVD player that we use on road trips. I hooked it up to the TV in the kids room after Emily said to me: "I wish I could watch DVD's in my room when I'm sick, Mom. Can we get a DVD player for our room?" That set off a thought for me, and ba-da-bing, I was inspired and remembered the portable DVD player. I swear, strokes of genius inspired by Emily are the best....