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Wednesday, June 18, 2008

A Letter to My Sister....that she might not ever see....

Dear Sis,

You have grown up to be such a wonderful woman. You are beautiful, kind, caring, unselfish, I could go on for days and sing your praises. You make me envious that I could never be like you in some ways. I know I don't have the capacity for your patience and ability to not get dramatic over every little thing.

I am happy that you have found a wonderful man to share the rest of your life with. I am so glad that I will be a part of the celebration of your union, and that I am helping you to make your day so special. I have been wanting to tell you something for a while now, and although I think about it, I don't want to you think any less of me than you might possibly already.

You see, I am not a Christian anymore. I believe in a God, but not the Christian one. I don't believe that Jesus Christ was anything more than a man who had special gifts and powers, but wasn't the son of God, specifically. I will be more specific: I am a Wiccan.

I believe in many Gods and Goddesses, all that represent an aspect of this earth and the people, plants, and animals in it. I believe that everything on earth has a source of power, and it is possible to gather that power, feed off it, and manipulate it to bring a greater good to this world. I believe in honoring the earth, relishing in the beauty and force of Mother Nature and that although She is sometimes violent (storms, earthquakes, tornadoes, etc.) it is not because humans are evil, sinful, and deserve smiting.

I believe in tolerance, and in the theory that sex, whomever one wishes to engage in it with, is not something that is dirty, or should be hidden, or believed to be evil. it is a wonderful act of pleasure and should be celebrated and understood that it is a human representation of the union of the Goddess and God in the Wheel of Life. I believe this is not the first time, nor the last time, my soul is in this world. I have too many deep connections to people, including you, to think that we have been in each other's presence only once, and will never again.

There is so much more I believe, but it would take days to explain, and even then, it's hard because I am not so great at wording things the way I want to mean.

My problem about telling you is that I don't want to ruin your wedding. I don't want another reason for the family to be up in arms about things, and I don't want your special day to be marred by the opinions of people who will think I am wrong, evil, or whatever. I love you so much, that I am willing to keep quiet about my beliefs, and masquerade Christianity if it means your Wedding Day is a day that you and your husband-to-be will never forget. Most of all, I am scared that you, the woman that I look up to even though you are younger, will find it a reason to no longer love and accept me. I am already the "bad apple" in our family, but you always stick by my side and stand by me. You have always loved me without question, and I don't ever want to lose that. I fear that you, as the so-devout Christian that you are, will turn your back on me, and even the thought of what your reaction might be scares me so bad I stay silent. You are the one thing that scares me most of all of realizing my new personal beliefs, and although most people will say I shouldn't care what anyone thinks, it's my life....losing you in it would be a blow I am not sure I would ever recover from.

I love you little sister, but this is me. I'm a Wiccan, Witch, Pagan, whatever you want to call it, it's who I am. And now you know. I hope you still love me.

Love Always,
~Cissa

7 flame(s) added to the fire:

Queenie said...

Cissa - I have been to your blog only once before and came here today as a result of a comment you left at Britt's place....I have so much to say to you as a result of this post. I am emailing. And bookmarking you. :)

Queenie said...

Damn...can't find your email addy anywhere!!! Care to share it with me???

Dr. Cissa Fireheart said...

Queenie --
I tried to go to YOUR site and email you, but no e-mail there! LOL
heartofire@tvcconnect.net

look forward to hearing from you privately

~Cissa

Ms. Karen said...

These are the same reasons I don't tell my husband anything other than I'm Pagan, and even then I don't say much about it. As a Christian, he wouldn't understand why I'd want to wear what he's been taught is a "symbol of the devil." I'm not Wiccan, but I wear a silver Pentacle (only when he's not around.)

I would love to be able to explain my belief, show my faith, and my walk to him and have him accept me, but I was a Christian when we got married and now I'm walking a different path.

Isn't it strange how a community of believers who profess to love Jesus, and swear that Jesus loves everyone, can be so unloving and intolerant of those same people their savior is touted to love?

Ah, Universe, your sense of humor is, at times, mind boggling...

metalmom said...

If and when you tell her, point out that she loved you yesterday when she didn't know and how have changed? I would wait until after the wedding to let her know.

good luck with what I am sure is a tough decision.

Pamela said...

"Isn't it strange how a community of believers who profess to love Jesus, and swear that Jesus loves everyone, can be so unloving and intolerant of those same people their savior is touted to love?"

I'm a Christian, and that very statement is something that pisses me off about lots of other Christians. I don't understand why some people behave this way, as if Jesus was the kind of guy who wants us to use his teachings as a baseball bat over the heads of others.

I hope your sister is not That Kind Of Christian. I hope she's the sort that Gets It. Good luck.

Tink said...

I'm sure you will still be treated the same, with the same unconditional love that only a sister can have. Now if only I could be this bold to venture out from the comfort zone of what I know. I'll get there... but I'm sure you already knew that.