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Sunday, June 08, 2008

And I can't fight this feeling anymore, I've forgotten what I started fightin fooooor....

A lot has been happening to me lately. The last week has truly been a trial of my character, my beliefs, my soul and my personality.

Between planning my sister's wedding, work, caring for other people's animal's, killing deer, and dealing with my family/home life, I have pretty much forgotten to be me this week. I hate it when that happens.

But good news is on the horizon. Yesterday I was told that I no longer have to work on Tuesday's and Thursdays. This is good, because I was freaking out about driving home from work at night again. I am trying to avoid driving at night as much as possible for a little while. Killing that deer really really affected me, and I think that in order to heal myself, I need to not drive at night and slowly learn to gain my confidence back in that department. It also means I will get to have more me time, and not worry that I have to get stuff done before work on those days. I can focus on my task of getting this house in shape. Because I have let it go, considerably bad, as of late.

My patience and tolerance has been tried especially in the last day. Last night Misk decided he was finally once and for all, tired of the kids' room looking like a pig sty and gave the order to clean it. If it wasn't cleaned to HIS liking, everything that was left on the floor, clothes excepted, would be thrown out. Emily took on the task, and in my opinion, did a very good job. Kaitlyn refused to do any such thing, and so Misk spent an hour throwing away everything under her bed. It was heartbreaking for me to see, and I know she was upset, but...what could I do? We fought of course, because some of the things he threw away were gifts from other people, and pictures. They are gone. I think he had the right idea, but he took it too far.

Now, he's got them on the floor picking up every tiny piece of garbage on the floor, including sunflower seed shells, lint, etc by hand. It will take them forever. Meanwhile, as he sleeps the morning away, I am forced to endure their whining, crying and complaints. It has been more than difficult to sit there and enforce his rule that they cannot use a vacuum. I think it's rather unfair, and they should be allowed to use a vacuum, especially since what is left on the floor is so small. But he doesn't care. I don't get what's up HIS ass anyway. He never goes in their room, barely acknowledges them when he's home, never does anything with them, other than yell at them, what right does he have to say they can't use a vacuum? Just because he provided the sperm to create them does not mean that he does a whole lot of parenting. He just steps in when he feels it's not going the way he thinks it should. He's rather elitist, and it pisses me off to no end.

But I have a plan, and as soon as he's gone back to work, I will carry it out.

I am throwing all of HIS shit that's all over our bedroom floor out. well, most-likely...

I am putting all of my clothes away, cleaning my side of the room, and when he gets home, he's got to clean his side, or else I will throw his shit away Tuesday morning.

We'll see how he likes it. I'm guessing he'll bitch about it. A lot. And I am going to point out that if he can't take it, he shouldn't be dishing it out. Oh and I am going to inform him he must pick up all the crap on the floor by hand. I will hide the vacuum if I have to.

Yeah, it's petty and childish, but he doesn't do anything in this house to help me at all -- unless I practically BEG him to do it-- yet feels he can reign supreme over the children and myself just because he is the breadwinner. He's in for one hell of a fight from me. I am through acquiescing simply because he earns the money. I run this house because he won't. I do it poorly sometimes, but at least I step up , as opposed to him, who only does when I am at my wit's end and tearing my hair out or crying hysterically. And I refuse to let him try to be domineering while also being lazy and not contributing.

Cissa is back, and she's ready to rumble.

1 flame(s) added to the fire:

metalmom said...

I have been your shoes before. Babygirl never heard me tell her to clean her room. It must be a guy thing because Hubs did the same thing and it worked. The next time(if it happens again) the kids will know that it's not an empty threat.

AND I agree that turnabout is fair play. Just remember to pick and choose your battles carefully. Sometimes it's not worth the fight to press your point.

Good luck!