Broadway for My Birthday!!

So this year, August 31st to be exact, I turn the BIG 3-0.....It's a big milestone, considering when I was a teenager I thought I would never SEE this age.....I still feel like that teenager sometimes...especially today....

I found out a few weeks ago via MySpace that 2 of the original Broadway Cast members of RENT were going to be performing for a limited time in the show this summer. I was so excited. I wanted to go. I HAD TO GO.....I MUST GO!!!

I AM GOING!!!

My sister, Shell, and I are going to NYC for 3 days at the end of July/Beginning of August. While it is not technically My birthday then, it is close enough for me! I will spend 3 nights in The Big Apple....longer than I have ever gone to The City, and be children-free!!

My sister and I already have started planning what we'll do.....Today Show...Stalk the Nederlander Theater for Anthony Rapp and Adam Pascal's autograph...SEE RENT!! That's just the 2nd night

I am so excited, I can't believe it is happening....I am at a loss for words to describe my excitement....

Please don't let me wake up from this dream!

Getting On With Life

The Funeral was May 3rd. It was very nice. It was short, and more people than I had any idea Dad knew came. Even some of Mom's friends from The Casino came to pay their respects to Dad and comfort Mom. I was happy to see that people cared for Mom and Dad. The Pastor who spoke at Dad's Viewing was a family friend, and had grown up just down the street from Dad. He was very sincere in his words, and I think Dad would have appreciated his brevity.

Mom stayed with us til the following Monday. She felt she was ready to be alone in the apartment her and dad have shared for nearly 8 years....I half expected her to call me and tell me she couldn't do it yet. But she did. She is a trooper. We talk at least once a day just to check in....I think she is going to be OK.

Tomorrow Dad's ashes will be buried. We've had a small amount saved for a keepsake necklace we got Mom. She will always have a little bit of him with her always.

Well, life for me has kept going. The kids are out and playing almost every available moment of daylight. Hubby is still home, working on charts, but will most likely go back to work after his appointment with the Doc next week. He's been walking a little bit on his feet, both of them, and I think with the right supportive sneakers (I am pulling for him to ask the doc that he be able to wear sneakers at work for at least 30 days), he will be fully recovered by July 4th.

Funny thing happened this past week. My Mother's Day Gift this year was a new computer case. Hubby is going to be rebuilding me a computer (quieter, faster, and upgraded sound and video) but we thought that it would be nice to put my old stuff in the new case to make things a little more quiet around here (the other case had like 6 fans and was louder than anything!) Well it all went well until we went to boot up......after about 3 hours of working on it, Hubby decided that one of my hard drives had somehow corrupted, and I lost everything. I was calm, composed, and surprisingly, having an OK outlook on it. a couple hours later he decided that I would be able to retrieve all my pictures and files for work....things were looking up.....windows was re-installed, my files were saved, and this weekend was mostly spent trying to re-download and install all my programs. wow. talk about a long process.....but I am more or less back to it. I have a few more files I need to install (Microsoft office, for instance), and i will be all set.

I am looking forward to the summer. Emmy will be going to camp all day, Hubby will be home for mostof it, and next school year it looks like Kaity will be in Pre-K. I am almost shaking with the anticipation that my house will be child free for at least 3 hours a day! Combine that with Hubby going back to sea sometime, and holy cow, I may actually be able to achieve A CLEAN HOUSE on a regular basis!!

Not that I don't love Hubby and him being home for 2 months HASN'T been a nice time...but it has seriously screwed with my schedule. I am sure I have mentioned this before, but when he is home, I feel compelled to spend time with him and neglect my Housewife Duties. Then the house looks like crap....then Hubby complains....but then he gets the "do something with me" look in his eyes while I am cleaning and we are back to square 1! When Hubby is back to work or Sea, I have a set schedule of how my day goes....and by now, I am doing the chores I have tasked myself with for the day....or at least reminded myself that I want to finish them by lunch....it doesn't take a long time to clean 1 or 2 rooms in the house....but with Hubby around....I can't always do it...especially when he is still sleeping...like today.....

So that's a brief (or not so brief) update of how things around here are going.....I hope you all are doing well! Thank you for the emails and comments. I have appreciated them very much.

Not The Post I Want To Make

My Dad is dead. He died today. I can't believe I am writing this right now.

I should start at the beginning......

So I didn't want to talk last post...there were a lot of things going on. Mae's 7th Birthday/Deathday had just passed, this year with minimal upsettage....I had a fairly normal day actually.

What I didn't want to talk about was my step-dad. The Thursday before Easter, he suffered a stroke, but he didn't know it was a stroke, and refused to let my mom call 911. Good Friday, he finally agreed, and by days end was in ICU of the hospital. It was an emotional, scary blow for my mom especially. She's only been with my "Dad" for 7 years.

It was touch and go, and we were told he might not make it past Easter. I prayed to God that Dad would not die that day. I couldn't handle losing another person I love on Easter. But he made it through and even improved. My mother was very optimistic he was going to wake up and kick her butt for letting them put him on an intubator.....a week and a half later he was off it...and moved to neurology. The doctors told us that the area of the brain he had the stroke in was affecting his consciousness and ability to wake up. They told us if he did wake up, it would only be for brief moments of time, and that he probably wouldn't be able to talk.

My mom kept her optimistic hope up that the doctors were wrong and that he was going to wake up any day and be completely fine. Stranger things have happened. Miracles happen everyday, right? last week He was even awake and conscious for a large amount of time. Mom took this as a sign he was going to recover. I wanted to believe it, but the looks on the doctor's faces said it all. They were expecting him to go any time....I couldn't say that to my mother, but deep down, I knew. But I couldn't crush her hopes. She loves my dad so much.

Today it happened. My mom and Dad's sister and her husband were in the lunchroom while visiting Dad and were called back up to the room. Probably about 30 seconds after they got there, he passed....My mom was there. He held out long enough so she could be there when he went. Then he was gone.

This day has been full of sorrow. My mother is devastated. I am sad. I lost my second father. He loved me. He loved my husband. But he loved my children more than anything on this planet. I haven't told them yet. My friend whisked them away before we even went to the hospital to get mom. I don't think I would be able to get through the day if I had to look Emily in the eye and tell her that her Papa is gone forever.

I dread tomorrow. Tomorrow I will sit my children down and Hubby will tell them. i can't bear to speak the words. I know my mother is going to be there and it is going to rip her heart out as well. She's asked us to give her a picture of the girls to put in his casket. of course I will. He would not want to be honored without the girls being known as the light of his last few years on this earth.

As for me? I go between states of shock, numbness and crying my eyes out. I've not been able to get through this post without stopping several times to weep. I loved my Dad, Bob. He made my mother happy after a very long life where she was unhappy and alone. They were perfect for each other. he took me in as his own daughter, and my husband as his son. He loved us, and we love him. He was a gruff man, a stubborn man, but he never was unkind, he always gve what he could, and he always was there for us when we needed him.

I know he is not in pain. I know he is not suffering. I know he loved us all and is with my daughter Mae, and my Nana and Papa, keeping watch over us all.

But I miss my Dad.

Rest in Peace, Robert Hansen.

Stolen Meme's

Stole these from Jeopardygirl....doing them cause I don't really talk about much else right now....I will explain another day...

Meme #1

1. Quick! You have to decide whether you will give up all internet/cell phone/text communication for 24 hours OR give up showering for the same amount of time. Which do you choose?

Shower.

2. Friday the 13th….friend, foe or just a bunch of hooey?

Foe...My Nana died on Friday the 13th in 1999.

3. Does sex really sell?

Yes, and I make money off sex toys. Why not? I enjoy sex with my husband and I like to help women enjoy sex with their partners....

4. What are three traits that the next man to steal your heart must possess

Drop dead gorgeous looks, be rich, and good in spirit, humor and bed... I would never leave Hubby.....but if things didn't work out, those would be the minimum for me to even consider being with a man in a relationship.Call me shallow if you like, but the only thing Hubby doesn't have is the rich part.....

5. Finally an easy one…what is your current “foodgasm” item?

Fettuccini Alfredo from my own kitchen....it's heaven every time I have it....

Meme #2

1. If you could talk to your 16-year-old self, what would you say?

DUMP JUAN AND DO NOT GO BACK! He will, if he hasn't already, abuse you mentally and physically. YOU DESERVE BETTER!! And for heaven's sake, if you are in the school play still, GO OUT WITH DEREK O. AND NOT BACK WITH JUAN!!

If Juan is over, and you've been with David, GET OFF THE DRUGS.....

Do not give up acting. Even if you are not an award winning one, it's still something you love. Start basic jazz and ballroom dancing classes. Respect yourself!! DO YOUR HOMEWORK...you can get scholarships to good acting colleges with your grades if you just put in some effort.....

and if you don't do all that.....if you stay the same.....get your pelvis bones examined. You can't give natural birth, have it confirmed in your medical record. TRUST ME!!

2. If you were given one day to live, what would you do?

Cry a lot. Do everything my children want to do so they will have a pleasant last memory of me. Tell them I love them in every other breath. Make love to my husband and tell him I love him in the same sentence as telling my children. Call as many people as I can to say good bye and tell them the truth about everything I may know. Beg God for forgiveness of my sins once more.

3. Do you believe “we are not alone” in the universe?

Yes I do. Other life forms are out there. When they are ready for us to meet them, they will let us know. We shouldn't waste so much money in the gov't on beings that don't wish to be found just yet.

4. Do you consider yourself graceful?

Very rarely

5. Tell me a secret.

I dream about past ex's and find myself waking up wishing things had gone the way they did in my dreams, if only to see what life would be like.

Not So Loud!

Life in the Fireheart house has gotten pretty quiet in the last 24 hours, for a number of reasons...Emily got her ear tubes surgery and the effect was immediate. I was able to whisper lightly and she could hear me from a few feet away.....I don't have to yell out her name anymore...and the volume on the TV's and computer have been lowered....I love it!

Today Emily got a new bike. I want to show you all, but getting it, and then a helmet, then getting it all set up for Em to ride has tired me. I am upstairs in the office and here I will stay.....it's so quiet in the house because for the first time in nearly a week, the weather is GORGEOUS!! That Nor'Easter that was all over the news this weekend past is over, thank God, and today brought sunny skies and warm breeze...today feels like spring!

My computer is strating to die...I lost all my saved emails last night and had to reset-up my email accounts....that was right after my computer completely froze while playing EverQuest 2....I cried...but I am ready for a new one...this is loud with all the fans....I think I am going deaf now!

I will be glad for tomorrow. Hubby gets his stitches from surgery out! He'll start to slowly walk again! YAY! And then he goes back to light duty at work on Monday...and Emily's school vacation is over on Monday too!!

FINALLY!! I will be able to have some PEACE and ORDER in this house! IS IT MONDAY YET?!?!

Putting Our Feet Down

So Hubby and I have decided, mutually, that the kids need to be a bit more.....involved in cleaning the messes they make all over the house. I should rephrase....Hubby and I have removed OUR involvement, and told the kids they are solely responsible.

For example: The kids had to spend last night cleaning their bedroom. They were told that anything left on the floor, under their bed, etc. that wasn't picked up or put in a place would be thrown in the trash today. Emily cleaned but spent the whole time complaining that she was working and Kaitlyn wasn't. I repeatedly told her to worry about her own space, not Kaitlyn's. I did not pick up one toy, piece of clothing or trash. It was rather nice actually....

I am just tired and fed up of doing everything for these kids, then they watch and as soon as I am done, they destroy the place all over again.....

It's a stance that the kids are not liking. Kaitlyn especially. In the past week, I have, out of nowhere, decided she is DONE wearing pull-ups, except at night. From now on, she will wear panties and use the potty. She's 3 1/2. Enough is enough!

Hubby says I am too soft with the kids, so part of this is to prove to him I am not. The other half is me reaching my breaking point. if they don't start learning the consequences of their actions, I am going to turn into my step-mother and end up coddling them for the rest of their lives. One look at my brother Christopher is reason enough to stop the insanity now, while they are still fairly young, and pray that it is effective enough to change their ways now, so they can grow to be independent people and not need me to be their bloody slave for the rest of their lives.

Well time to go do some cleaning that only I can do....vaccuuming and dishes...I'd ask Hubby, but he's on crutches from surgery and can barely stand without falling....

See You all soon!

The Feeling is Brewing Inside

Today I looked at a calendar, and realized with a sudden dread that March is almost over. This means that April will soon be upon us.

I hate April.

Last April I was taken over by a demon. A proverbial demon, of course, and since I was able to quell that demon, I have dreaded April even more than before.

My first daughter died in April.

But that's not what's so disturbing to me about last April. It's how I treated one person that I love dearly. I was horrible to Emily. I yelled, I insulted, I was plain old mean to a 5 year old who had done nothing to deserve the terrible verbal abuse I had thrown onto her. With shock, when I realized what I had been doing, I broke down my wall of denial and went to a therapist.

Honestly, it didn't help much, other than to realize WHY I had been so horrible to my wonderful, bright, beautiful oldest child. And it all boils down to the fact that April is the month my first child died.

I have vowed that I will not let it happen again. But with morose anticipation of next weekend, I fear I won't be able to actually follow through. I don't want it to overtake me as it did last year. But I haven't got much to help me with. I love my daughter, I will not allow her to receive the brunt of my anger, grief, and depression.

I can't let it happen again. I refuse to allow her to be affected by my problems. I love her too much to look at her face, and see the pain in her eyes that I saw almost a year ago. She doesn't deserve it. She is a wonderful child.....

It will not happen again. As God, and all of you, as my witnesses......I'll never be the April Demon again.

Hubby will be home this year, maybe that will help.

Or maybe I will just check myself into the hospital for 30 days until it all passes.....

Holy Carp! What a week!!

Yes, I said CARP...as in the fish....it's a little joke with Me and JeopardyGirl, and even to this day, probably about a year after we made a joke about a typo, it's still holding strong in my mind....

It's been a CRAZY week or so since My last post....Mentally and physically exhausting in some parts....

Emily and I went to RI to visit Nessa...we had dinner at the usual spot...My favorite Chinese Restaurant...the next day, Emmy had her appointment at RI Hospital, and the doctor at first was talking about taking out her adenoids!! I was a little worried, but then after consulting another doctor, He came back and said we'd do the tubes first....and pray that was all we need to do....so Emily has surgery next month for those. I'm told it will be a short procedure, btu this is my first baby. I easily freak out when I am faced with anything pertaining to her...it goes back to when she was a baby and was in the hospital for 4 days after Christmas, Hubby was on deployment, and I had a nervous breakdown....but anyway....Thank God Huuby agreed to be the one to go in the OR with her....I'd be a wreck if He wasn't going tobe there....

So we got home from RI, in the middle of a snow storm....driving was slow, as the roads were slick, and visibility was gradually decreasing by the minute. I HAD to get home, because I had a party to do that night ...my first sex toy party, and I still had prep to do! I got it all done, and spoke with the hostess, to make sure that she still wanted to do it. She assured me that her guests were all still coming, and she did not want to cancel....I should have insisted She reschedule, because a grand total of 4 people showed, and I barely made $250 in sales....I came home to Hubby, disappointed and dismayed. The customers at the party were not overly enthusiastic, nor were they in the mood to spend money, apparently....Even my branch Manager, Chelle, told me not to get too down...my next party would be better.....

So Tuesday, I had a party for another friend, Ang...when I talked to her on Monday, she told me she was expecting about 25-30 people...I was like no way.....I'll be damned, she wasn't lying!! there were a total of 24 people who showed up!! My sales? Over $700!!!

HOLY CARP!!

I was so bloody happy, I was on an adrenaline rush for the next day and a half!! It was a fun party, but BOY, was it LOUD!! I can't complain too much though....The women who showed up were funny, enthusiastic, and eager...perfect customers, and I tried to match them, making sure everyone had a good time...I really think they did too.....

So now I am getting ready for Hubby's foot surgery NEXT Thursday. Keep your fingers and toes crossed for Him....It's minimally invasive, but of course, He's the Love of My Life.....naturally I will be a little worried!

Well I must go. Time to call corporate and discuss an issue with an order that was placed. Ruddy technology...as much as I love it, it is sometimes a pain in the ass!!

Hope Y'all have a great weekend!!

I Need To Write More!

Well seeing as it's been nearly a MONTH, since my last post, maybe I should gett off my ass and write, eh? Seriously though, I have been so SUPER insanely busy, I don't even know which way is up most of the time....so, let's see, where to begin....

FIRST OFF -- I want to tell you all about a neat blog that is run by my friend Stu. It's called GNMP and it's a website/blog for parents. it is a very good blog and although I've only had time to look into it a few times, it seems very cool. Lots of info, resources and the like....a great site if you have kids of just about any age! GO CHECK IT OUT!!

SECOND -- You might remember last year, when I participated in the Great Strides for Cystic Fibrosis. Well I am happy and proud to say that once again, I am walking for Finnz Friendz, the team created by my friends Pat & Kerry to help support their son Finnegan, who has Cystic Fibrosis. There isn't much more to say other than what I said in the post from last year. My goal this year is to hit $150. I am happy to say I am half-way there, but I could use the support from any of you, my readers and friends, who might have an extra $10 or more that you'd be willing to give for this cause. here's the link to my Great Strides page. THANK YOU IN ADVANCE if you have the heart and money to donate!!

Here's a recent picture of Finnegan, holding a poster signed by the ENTIRE CAST of the Wicked Tour this year


THIRD -- I have started a Home Business. I admit, being a stay-at-home-mom can be a bit boring. I can only clean and deal with the kids for so long before I want to escape and talk with other adults. I went to an Adult Toy party for a friend before Hubby came home. It was fun, but the girl was quiet and shy and I actually demonstrated some of the products FOR her because she was so embarrassed! My friends all told me I would be great at it...so, I did some research of the various companies, and picked one to work with! The company is very great and flexible...I am even able to use a trade name and name my own business...now, to come up with a name was EASY ...HEART OF FIRE PARTIES!! Yep, My blog and Business have the same name! Pretty cool, huh? If you are in the CT or RI area, drop me a line at heartofire@tvcconnect.net, and I would love to have a party with you! My first party is Friday and I am SUPER excited! It's going to be a fun way to make a living, and the company has a lot of products -- so many that I am insanely trying to make a binder of it all! LOL The catalog only carries the most popular and best sellers, but I want my customers to see EVERYTHING we offer.....

Well that's about it for now from me as far as big stuff I needed to say...there's other stuff, of course, let's see if I can list it all....

EMILY IS 6! Her birthday was Friday. We had a party at Monster Mini Golf. Everyone who came had a GREAT time, and Emily got a lot of stuff! She is reading so well now...I can't believe she's reading on her own...I am SO PROUD of her!

Hubby is getting foot surgery on his other foot (he had it done last year on one) at the end of the month. He'll be bed bound for a week, and in recovery for another few weeks...

Emily and I are going to RI to visit Nessa and go to an appointment for her ears. She needs tubes put in them, and it's not going to be fun, but at least her hearing will improve! Bertha, my minivan, has received her new CT license plates. YAY!

Yep, that's about it from me....Hope y'all are doing well and I will try to catch up on my reading in the next couple weeks!

Not-So-Happy Valentine's Day

OK to catch up...I DID get a minivan! I love it. It's a Ford Windstar. It's green. It's big. I named her Bertha.

The getaway was great. We ate in great restaurants, gambled, had lots of sex in the middle of the day....definitely NOT what we can do at home....it wasn't long enough. I wanna go back!

Hubby reported back from leave. Which brings us to today - Valentine's Day. How did I spend my day? Bundled up in my house, due to a lovely Nor'easter named Agatha. Oh yes, and with NO HUBBY! You read that right folks, I was alone. The first holiday since Hubby's return and he has duty. But it's Valentine's Day....so of course we wouldn't be together. Let me explain...

We met in Nov. 1997.
Valentines of 1998 - He was out to sea - 1 for alone
Valentines of 1999 - He was on restriction on base, although we did get to be together - 1 for together
Valentines of 2000 - He was out to sea - 2 for alone
Valentines of 2001 - He was home from a deployment - 2 for together.
Valentines of 2002 - He was out to sea - 3 for alone
Valentines of 2003 - He was home on shore duty - 3 for together
Valentines of 2004 - He was home on shore duty - 4 for together- BUT had a 5 month old and we didn't celebrate because 4 days later I had surgery and wasn't allowed to do anything rigorous, including sex.
Valentines of 2005 - I was in Atlanta and then drove to Iowa to help a friend move - 4 for alone
Valentines of 2006 - He was out to sea yet again - 5 for alone, however he did send me expensive roses
Valentines of 2007 - He's home, but he's got DUTY...I didn't even get a phone call from him today. I am not making a big deal though because he bought me a car and a Dooney and Bourke Purse AND matching wallet, and lemme tell ya, none of it was cheap - 6 for alone

The Tally? 6 alone and 4 together...almost 50/50...which most people who are in the Navy will tell you aren't bad numbers....after the 3rd year where we were apart, we stopped really caring about the holiday anyway....so yeah I'm disappointed that the holiday that makes the Jewelry, Teddy Bear, Floral and Greeting Card industries a nice chunk of change was spent alone...but by now, I'm used to it.....

I hope those of you out there who are lucky to have a love in your life, in form or another had a great day....Me? I just hope Emmy has school tomorrow. She was devastated that she missed giving out Valentines to her classmates.....I hope they do it tomorrow....other wise, that's $10 down the drain for valentines and candies!!

Oh Really, Phil???

So Puxatawny Phil proclaimed this morning that he did NOT see his shadow and we will have an early spring. I beg to differ on this point, because today in the Nutmeg State, we acquired approximately 3" of snow, depending on where in the state people are. Yep, Hubby's been home a grand total of 6 days, and we were "blessed" with the white stuff.

Emily was hoping school would be cancelled, but alas, not even a delay....Kaity is too busy playing on the computer at the moment, and I believe Hubby and I have had our share of it for now, while we shoveled and took Em to the bus stop.

The snow is beautiful, but it kinda screwed with my plans for today....you see, I wanted to buy a car...or at least go looking...but I am not quite sure Hubby will want to now.....but a girl can hope...My goal is to have it before my sister Shell arrives next weekend.

oh yes, I wanted to post a couple pictures of hubby, so you can understand what it was like to see the weight difference from 6 months ago...

This is Hubby last spring with me...not much different than the summer, in fact, I'd say about the same weight as when he left...

And here is Hubby this past Saturday....


Can you see the difference??? I certainly can....and damn, he got hotter than before!! Why, just yesterday and this morning alone I had to restrain myself from doing sexual things to him because the kids were there.....I cannot wait for our mini-vacation....wow, I sound like a sex-crazed fiend.....BUT ANYWAY...

Enjoy your weekend! I'll post when I am back on Wednesday!

~Cissa

He's Home!!

After 6 long months, Hubby has returned to me! He arrived home Saturday, 2 days early, and I only had 6 hours to prepare. Needless to say, I was running around like a Chicken with my head cut off!! But we made it to the pier, and soon enough (although at the time it seemed to take forever) the boat pulled u to the dock and the guys came off. My friend Sophia won first kiss, and it was awesome to see it. Then ZB and Ange also got their kisses, and I waited a few more minutes...after what seemed an eternity, I saw Hubby's amble, and tried not to show the shock of his weight loss...WOW...I ran up to him, Kaity in my arms, and gave him a long kiss....As I hugged Him, I could hear Kaity say quietly "Daaaddyyyy!" It was awesome...

So, Hubby's been back a few days now, and we all are trying to get back into a regular grove here at Fireheart House. We're doing alright, and I think all adjusting well. I am glad to have him home. He's on a couple weeks leave, and during that time, we'll be taking a little getaway to Foxwoods Resort Casino without the kids, My sister is coming to visit from Boston, and even shopping for a car for me. All in all, it's looking to be a good year so far...

So if you don't hear from me for a while, I am sure you will all understand why....

Testing...1...2....3....

Is this thing on? yes I am here...sorta...I have been super busy and/or had no motivation for writing lately. Everything will be explained in time, but now is not the time to do it. Sorry folks, too much to do, and not enough hours in the day. But I wanted to let you know I am here...the template may go a little nuts in the upcoming weeks. I switched to the new blogger and am trying to figure it out. I need to contact Pixie, I am sure...so please bear with me......

I hope Everyone's New Year has been off to a good start!

~Cissa

Christmas Outcome and Blogger...PITA!

Christmas was good. got a hair straightener, some coooking pots, and a nifty new coffee maker among other things. Had a bunch of people over for dinner. It turned out pretty good. The kids enjoyed all their presents, and only one problem-- the refurbished computer I got for Emily from Santa is already messed up. I'll be forking out at least $75 this week to take it to a comp repair place to hopefully get it fixed. If not, I am gonna be royally pissed, and so will Emily. She's been dying to play the 15 games she got for Christmas......This "deal" is turning out to be as expensive as if I had gone out and bought a new unit....damn it all!


Got a new tattoo yesterday. As soon as my digital camera is fixed (yep more $$ out the window), I will let y'all see it. It's a scorpion over my heart. That's Hubby's sign. The claws are open, so if (God forbid) Hubby and I ever divorce, I can fix it so that the scorpion is breaking my heart....but I am trying to remain positive that will never happen! I made sure I did not put hubby's name on me....That would defintely guarantee we'd not be together forever. I'm superstitious like that. Maybe after 50 years I will finally put his name on me...or wait til he're old and greay and he passes away....but let's not think those morbid thoughts, eh?

Well, as many people that have Blogger will attest, this whole thing with the "New Blogger" is becomming a pain in the ass....with the beta I couldn't leave comments, my blogroll never updates, and, to top it all off, in order to switch, I need a google account.

Did I mention I already have, like, 50 gazillion email accounts already? I may just do what Jeopardygirl did and switch to WordPress....I am gonna check it out at least...because Blogger is getting on my bloody nerves. I also sent a message to Pixie to see if my template can be switched to WordPress format. I am keeping my fingers crossed. I really don't want to move, but if I have to, I will!!

Hope you all had a great Christmas. I have to go take a computer to the repair shop now.....

Merry Christmas! :D

It's 9 pm on Christmas Eve, and the kids are tucked in. I will check on them in a few minutes and then Santa Claus will stop by to leave his gifts for the kids. It was magical today making brownies for Santa and putting "Reindeer Food" out on the lawn so Santa will find our house.

I am so glad my kids still believe in Santa Claus. The magic of this night will be lost in a few years, but I will always have the memories of my girls preparing for Santa's arrival....and see the excitement on thier faces when they realize there is new stuff under the tree that wasn't there before. My one sadness is Hubby isn't here this year to see Kaity's excitement. It's her first Christmas that she truly understands about Santa, and Hubby can't be here to see it...

I hope you all have Merry Christmas! And Happy Hannukah to those of you who celebrate it as well!

Holiday Doldrums

I have been feeling pretty introspective the last few days. I sense a feeling of morose existence. I think it's because the Holiday Doldrums have paid me a visit.

Normally this time of year, I am enjoying things so much. This year, with a noted absence in the house, I feel somewhat apathetic, and am celebrating merely because I don't want my children disappointed. If I didn't have kids, I doubt I would have even put up my tree to be quite honest, nevermind lights on the house and gone nuts with shopping.

I can understand most of the reason behind my feelings, but wonder how I came to be this way, so suddenly. It may be the lack of communication as of late, which has dampered my spirits considerably. It may be the fact that since I got to Groton I haven't had a strong faith community to immerse myself in, and which would help rub off the Joy of Christmas on me. Heck, it could be just that I am having a depression relapse and I need to get back on meds....

I am going to stick it out til Hubby's return. If I am still feeling this way, I will seek professional help, but honestly, I think it's because he's not here. This is a special time of year for us, and we've only been apart for it 1 other time. That's not a bad track record for 8 years of marriage!

Of course I am trying to mask my feeling by keeping busy with friends, the kids, and boat stuff...Smiling, laughing and being my generally loud, boisterous, feisty self...But when I have moments of quiet, it hits me how lousy I truly feel....I hope it ends soon. Maybe Christmas will make me feel better...Seeing the kids' delight as they open presents, making Christmas dinner and having family and friends over to break bread with me.

But for now...It pretty much sucks big time.....

Kitty Mental Damage

Today I am bringing the cats to get thier second round of shots. They should have had them earlier. I am a bad cat owner I know, but honestly with everything else in my life, I simply forgot. But I am getting it done, and that's gotta count for something, right? Not only are the cats getting shots today but Sweetie Pie, Emily's cat will be getting neutered on Friday morning.

He's started spraying, and I didn't realize he's already 7 months old! It's time. I am hoping againt hope that since I am doing this so early (I think I waited for a year with Buddy), the spraying will stop and soon. I am tired of cleaning up after him, and the room in which he does it contains the girls toys. yeah, its getting quite annoying to wash all those damn toys in the diswasher or washer and dryer. Or simply throw them out. After all they are getting this Christmas, I don't want that to happen anymore.

So please keep my poor cats in your prayers for the next few days. They will need it -- especially Sweetie Pie.

Fisher of (Wo)men

I hooked another one! Damn, I am good at recruiting....

Since my last entry, the friend who was cheated on by Adam has started her own Blog. She went through the new Beta on Blogger, so you can't leave comments, but please stop y and visit Tink, and make sure that if you CAN leave comments, to tell her I sent you!

Welcome to the circus Tink! Can't wait to hear more from you!

What an Idiot!

In the immortal words of Hermione Granger in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, "WHAT an idiot!"

You all may recall back in October when my "friend" Adam ditched me at the casino, when he was supposed to be looking out for me and making sure I got home safe. Well as time wore on, I found out that Adam had not been meeting friends and then heading back to New Haven as he claimed, he was picking up his girlfriend to stay the weekend in our area at his apartment . I met this girlfriend a couple weeks later, and we became fast good friends. We talked a bit and the "Casino Incident" as I have so dubbed it, came up. She told me the truth, and she also told me she had no idea Adam was supposed to be hanging out with me that night, and that the weekend had been planned for a while....She was confused as to why he would lie to me. So was I. I would have gladly told him to go be with his girl and found another friend to go to the casino with. He was my friend, and I wanted him to be happy.

Fast forward almost 2 months, and the girlfriend comes up here. She's going to be hanging out with me while Adam goes on a "guys night out" with a buddy from work. He's going to pick her up in the morning because she has to take an early train home to New Haven. She tries to call him when she finds out she doesn't have to be home early in the morning -- but he doesn't answer. He turns off his phone after that and we can't get a hold of him the rest of the night. We reason that maybe where he was (supposedly Hooters, then Dave & Buster's in Providence) there was no signal. But she's still irked, and with good reason. She calls again in the morning, and we think *MAYBE* he got too drunk and is passed out on his buddy's couch. We drive by there (it's a couple streets over) and Adam's truck is not there. We go home have breakfast. An uneasy feeling is among us, we know something is up.

After breakfast, we decide to drive to Adam's apartment. We can't imagine he'd head home and not pick her up, but whatever. She goes inside and knocks on the door. Finally he comes to the door in only boxers and does not want her to come in. She sees women's shoes on the floor. He tries to usher her outside so they can talk. She states that NO, she wants the girl who's in his room to hear her, so that the other woman can hear what a "SKANK" he is. He tries to say he just met the girl the night before and that he was drunk. She doesn't buy it. She proceeds to rip him a new backside exit and tells him it's over. She's MAD now. She tells me to drive to the buddy's house. She wants to confront the buddy as to why he would cover up for Adam. Not wanting to say no to her because I am upset for her, we go. She finds out that the buddy did not in fact go out with Adam, and that they never had plans. The wife of said buddy then offers to show my friend the receipt of the dinner they went to when Adam was supposedly out with the buddy. She politely declines, and is even angrier now, hurt, betrayed, among other things.

This guy did the same thing to me, essentially. It took me longer to put the puzzle pieces together, and I am just a friend, but essentially, we both got ditched for another woman for Adam to sleep with. Only in my friend's case, Adam was her boyfriend. He knew me and the girl we good friends. How he thought we wouldn't exchange information is stupid. That he though he could pull the same stunt twice and NOT get caught is unfathomable. To top it all off that he was CAUGHT RED HANDED is bloody HILARIOUS!! HE IS A EFFING IDIOT!!!

Adam is a MAJOR JERK, and honestly, I am better friends with his now-ex-girlfriend. Karma will get him someday, in the end , he will pay -- somehow-- for hurting her, and me, and every other person, friend or romantic interest, that he's pulled this on. I do not plan on keeping him as a close friend as he was in the past. It hurts, because I thought he was a good person and to find out that a person you thought was your friend would do this to ANYONE is a blow to the soul. I have a trusting nature that all people have some good in them. For Adam, his goodness is pre-meditated, so that he can take advantage of a person's trust, and is not genuine.

I feel bad for my friend. She is a good person and does not deserve this. Especially at Christmas. But honestly, we both thought something was up with Adam lately. He claimed it was the Holiday Doldrums, but it was really that he was cheating, lying, and hurting people.....He'll get his in the end.

White Dust

This morning I woke up as usual with the radio playing some soft rock song. I cannot wake to loud rock, as it nearly scares me into a shaking fit, so soft rock, at a decent volume is my preferennce. As I debated hitting the snooze button once more, the DJ came on in his faux pleasantly happy voice and announced to the listeners, who probably like me were debating rising and shining, that there was snow falling over much of Connecticut, some places with "squalls" of it. I groaned and hastily got up looking out my window to the backyard.

Yep, there were white flakes in the sky. It was falling, and hitting the ground. But it was barely sticking. I went to the kids' room and informed them of the weather. This is the second winter they have ever really experienced, and you'd think we didn't get nearly 3 feet last year. No, it was marvelous to them. Almost instantly I heard the dreaded question:

"Can we go outside and play in the snow???"

"No hon, it's barely a dusting. By the time you get on the bus it will be melted, I am sure."

"AWWWW!!"

The disappointment was hanging in the room like a heavy rancid odor. I instantly felt like the meanest mom on the planet, simply because the snow wasn't quite yet heavy enough to have produced snow for the kids to play in….Oh to be God for one day so I could give the kids a treat...

By the time Emily and I went out to wait for the bus, it had stopped snowing altogether. The light dusting was barely even that. It simply looked like the world had a light fog around it. The asphault was clearly visible through the white dust. I did make a half hearted attempt to make a few snowballs for Emily to throw at me. They caused some giggles. At least I redeemed myself, well partially anyway.

It's now nearly 9:30 am, and barely 2 hours since I woke. And the snow has already melted, and it seems as though the sun is trying it's damndest to make an appearance for the sake of parents everywhere who, like me, cannot stand snow past the "pretty phase". Kaity is upset because I told her she cannot go outside and play in the snow...I can never win it seems.

But alas it appears that the lovely weather we had been enjoying for the majority of the fall has truly dissipated. The forecast shows temperatures in the low 40's as highs all week, and I don't doubt that snow will again grace the hills and plains of Southeastern Connecticut and beyond. This is a sign of the world dying, for Persephone has been drug to the Underworld by Hades, and Demeter does not allow anything to grow whilst her beloved daughter is a prisoner below the earth...For me it is a melancholy time. The void of winter will drag for me, and being alone for it for a while makes it even tougher on my soul to bear.

I am hoping the joy of the holidays will lighten my mood, and perhaps even the anticipation of Hubby's return will keep my occupied long enough so that I do not suffer the winter doldrums too long.

Time will tell, I suppose, and so will the weather forecast...

Insomnia Rears It's Ugly Head

It's past midnight and while I have been trying to get some decent sleep in the last few days, tonight I simply can't. Tossing and turning, a million things going through my mind.

Thinking and trying to organize Christmas in my head for the girls. Trying to figure out what Santa will bring me, trying to figure out what to get friends, trying to figure out what to get for Hubby now, while the sales are good.

Getting ready for Yule, and SCA event, and praying that the dress I ordered gets here by tomorrow night so I can try it on, and hem it if neccessary. And if it doesn't fit, trying to get another garb outfit ready for Saturday.

Wondering how Hubby's doing. Missing him a lot tonight. Worrying about my friend who's pregnant and due any day because I am her "labor coach". Everytime the phone rings i hope it's not her, not because I don't want to be there for her, but it would just work so much better for my schedule if she goes into labor on Sunday or Monday....

Hoping that Emily is doing well in school. Trying to figure out when I can volunteer in her class.

Feeling hotter than Hell on Sunday because the temperature in the house is 77 with the heater turned OFF.

I actually dozed off for a while, but then Kaity woke up and my mind started spinning again. So I got up and started making lists. Lots of lists....

there's not enough time and money. No wonder I feel like I haven't rested in 6 months. I have been going, going, going for so long, and when I do get to stop and take a moment, I realize something else I have to do....and the break is over.

So I sit here and ramble, somewhat incoherently. My mind wanders over a milion topics, and I can't type them all fast enough before they are out of my mind and replaced with a new one. And all I want to do is sleep. Sleep for a long time.

Sorry for the ramble, but I didn't know what else to do. Myabe I will try reading for a little while....Bella tagged me for a thing, but I will get to it tomorrow night. I can't concentrate at the moment....

Exciting News!

Helloooooo Everyone! I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving and are gearing up for the Holiday Season with as much ferver as possible. While at my parents, the kids put up the tree and some selected Christmas decor around the house. When we arrived home on Sunday afternoon, we headed straight out to get decor for our house. Most of my outdoor decor got water logged back in the spring when I lived in my old house next to Mimi. Completely unsalvageable...so we got a few things for now and I will get more Friday on payday....

But the BEST thing about my trip? Checking my voicemail and hearing a message from the school principal that EMILY HAS A SPACE IN ALL DAY KINDERGARTEN!!!

I called this morning first thing to make sure she still had the slot. She does, and she will start TODAY!! Thats right, from now until 3:30 PM it's just me and Kaity!!!!

I am so doggone excited. We have all wanted her to be in all day since the summer. I thought for a while that it wasn't going to happen, but I guess praying for miracles does work afterall!!

Well, I am off. I have to unpack my suitcases, wake Kaity and get some stuff done around here...now that I have all day to do it, I am not sure where to start!!

HOORAY FOR TODAY!!!

Time In a Bottle

If I could put time in a bottle...

I'd have some left over to keep up with blogging! Hubby's been in and out of port. I've gotten to talk to him quite a bit, which is ALWAYS a nice thing. Though I wish he would go back out to sea. Time passes faster when I am not worried about missing his calls!

I have been busy, of course. Spending time with friends, dealing ith Navy Wife drama, dealing with kids, being active in the SCA, and of course, trying to keep this house clean!

I am taking a little break right now as I sit here and chat to you all. My dad and step-mum and brother Chris will be arriving in about 2 hours. They are coming to CT to go see a concert for a band Chris likes. Did I mention Chris is 17? Yeah, he's being chaperoned. *shakes head*. Almost in college, and my parents are still hovering over him. He's gonna be in a world of hurt next year at college when Mum and Dad aren't around to help him get his butt in gear!

So they stay until tomorrow. Then Monday afternoon I am off to Nessa's house for the night! YAY! I've gotten to see Nessa a few times since the wedding, but this will be the first time I will be able to spend QUALITY time with my best friend. Even if the kids are gonna be there, I am still looking forward to it. The next day, I am driving to take the ferry to the Vineyard for Turkey Day. 5 days at Mum & Dad's. I have already prepared myself by making loose plans with as many friends as possible - haha! I am hoping "Grandma and Grandpa" will want to spend LOTS of quality time with their grandkids. Besides, I need to go have a drink with my sister!

After 5 lovely days with the family, I will head back to Nessa's for another day of quality time! YIPPEE!! Then head home the next day. Two days after that, I have to drive to get my friend H at the airport in Hartford, then back to New Haven where she lives, and then back to the New London area. Lots of driving. Maybe I should get an oil change for the truck!

The following Saturday is Yule for my SCA Barony. Yep, I get to dress up in medieval clothes and do a traditional Yule celebration, including dancing and a 4 course meal. I am looking forward to this all day event. Mostly because I will get to enjoy it without kids! I think they are a bit young at this time to take them. 8 hours would drain them and I wouldn't enjoy myself because I would be busy trying to keep them occupied. Maybe when they are older, although I am hoping next year to get Hubby to go with me and this can be a day to ourselves.

So as you can see, a lot going on in the real world. With the holidays looming over us, and then Hubby's Homcoming to worry about, I will try to write more, but I don't know if it is a reality.

I hope everyone who's in the US has a good Thanksgiving. Remembers that the best thing to be truly thankful for is life, love, and liberty!

Sucked Her In!

Nessa has started her own blog, and even mentions me in it! I feel incredibly humbled that I inspired her...I can now chalk up two people I got into blogging...Mimi being the other one...anyway, here's Nessa's Blog - Write Life Crisis

Hope you enjoy! And make sure to tell Nessa that Cissa sent you!

Happy Birthday Hubby

Hubby turns 33 today. I wish I could be with him so that we could have celebrated. Hopefully next year...

I don't have much to say. I am constantly tired, stressed, worried, missing Hubby and being driven crazy by the girls.....I could use a vacation.....

Happy Halloween!

Tonight all the ghouls and boys will be out!! I am volunteering at Emmy's school because she has been Star Student the last 7 days. That means she has been line leader, snack helper, etc. for a week, and I was asked to come in and read a story to the class after the "Pumpkin Party" they are having today. Since we live in a Politically Correct world these days, the kids are not allowed to wear costumes to school, which I think is a shame, because honestly, MOST KIDS, don't understand the religious background of Halloween, so why should they suffer? GIMME A BREAK!!

Besides, this is NEW ENGLAND!! WE HAVE WITCHES HERE!! Seriously, there are a lot of Wiccans here, and guess what? THIER HOLIDAY IS BEING SUPPRESSED!!! If I were wiccan I'd be protesting all over that bloody school. As it is I am seriously considering showing up in costume. I can claim I am a witch and today is a holiday, so I am dressing up...technically, they can't disallow ME, as an adult, the right to freely express my religion.....but..it would be a lie, so that's the only reason I won't...but it does burn me up in the gut, lemme tell you!

ANYWAY...I've got 200 popcorn balls, 4 bags of candy and ZB will be bringing about 500 pieces herself to pass out while I take the girls around trick or treating. After about a block or two, I will bring Kaity home, and ZB will take Emmy out for some more houses. It will be a fun night, and the weather is not too cold, thank the good lord, my cloak over my Medievil garb should be plenty....

I hope you all have a great night, and HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

In Pain in a Number of Ways....

So the weekend after my anniversary, my friend Adam ditchedme at Mohegan Sun Casino fro some friends in New Haven...meaning I was all alone, looking dead sexy, and drunk in the casino and he was 1 1/2 hours away having a good old time not worrying about me...a kind stranger drove me home. Had he not been a military man, I would not have accepted. Adam got a reaming of the importance of ditching a drunk hot woman when she's depending on him...He also did not answer his cell phone the rest of the weekend, and by the time he called on Sunday, I was LIVID. He is lucky I didn't kick in his genetalia in the middle of Wal-Mart.....he promised to make it up to me....he hasn't really done that yet...and it hurts that he was so glib about the whole ordeal....

The following Tuesday, ZB took me to my wisdom tooth extraction. I was in bed most of Tuesday and Wednesday, in extreme pain and on lots of medication... but by Thursday, my good friend Angie was turning 21 and I couldn't ignore that! We went out for drinks after dinner at a friends...it was a good time...but I was glad to have my vicodin....the pain was still bad...

Friday I went to see The Prestige with Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman....why CB has not gotten an Oscar nomination for any of his work over the last 25 years yet is beyond me...go to IMDB.com and look him up...he's done A LOT of quality stuff....Adam and Angie accompanied me to the movie and when we took Angie home, half of a tree was in her backyard!! It was crazy....Adam took me out for a couple drinks to "make up to me" for ditching me the weekend before...but I am still kinda pissed at him because he's pulling the "Oh, well, I was sleeping alll day" excuse on me when he makes plans to hang out this week....I think he has a girlfriend, which would be good cause the guy needs to get laid, but seriously....he keeps letting me down, and I think it's a sign the friendship isn't what I thought it was.....

It's Tuesday again and I got my stitches out from the wisdome teeth extraction. I have had severe pain in the bottom right of my mouth, the side in which my most impacted tooth was. The doc had to give me more vicodin...The pain was gettign so bad it was giving me migraines...on the upside, my first "real meal" after the tooth extraction? Steak and Cheese grinder from D'Angelos's....and lemme tell you ...it was the BEST steak grinder (sub, hoagie, whatever you call it in your own neck of the woods) EVER.....

I spent $150 on a new bedset today. 400 count Egyptian Cotton Sateen sheets, and a luxury jaquard/velvet comforter set....do I feel guilty? NOT IN THE LEAST...Hubby missed a birthday, an anniversary, and will miss Christmas, AND he spent well over $1000 in foreign ports so far on himself and hasn't ONCE even sent me a fucking card....so he can kiss my ass...I deserve some nice new bedding, damn it!

I've been a bit manic in my moods lately, hence why I haven't been writing....I just feel like I'm in the bottom of a hole right now...I hate to feel like this, but I do...eventually I'll climb out, and Hubby will be almost home....someday.....

Happy Anniversary Cissa & Hubby

Today is my 8th wedding anniversary. Hubby and I were married in Norwich, CT back in 1998 at a justice of the peace. We had about 7 people at the service, and at our apaprtment afterwards 9. The only member of my family present was my mom. We feasted on Hawaiian meatball subs, cookies, beer and champagne. It was a cloudy day.

Hubby isn't around this year, and it's the first time in a long time we have not been together for it. I can only think of one other time - 2001. Not a bad track record for a Navy Couple.

Here's some more pictures from the wedding.....







I'd write more, but I am a little sad today. I miss Hubby......

Updates Abound

Well Saturday was the Renaissance Faire. It was fun! But I think next year I am going to buy season tickets so that one day Hubby and I can go with the kids and another day we can go by ourselves. It was hard to see all the shows and goings on, not to mention the fact that the kids required a lot of attention and wanted to do things as well. But overall, a very nice time. I did end up getting a cloak to go over my ensemble, as it was a bit chilly in the morning and towards the end, and even with long johns under my skirt, my topside was a bit exposed and cold! hehe. The kids had tea with Queen Morgan, Sister of Arthur, and sat with ladies in waiting to the Queen. They even got to see a special visitor -- the Dame Knight who represented Queen Morgan on the Jousting Fields brought her horse for all the Ladies, Dames and Princesses of the Tea Party to meet!! They had SUCH a great time! They were knighted by King Arthur himself too! I can't wait for next year!

I had a good time too. One of my favorites was the human chess match. It was very cool. And one of the Kings Noblemen hit on me!! oh yes and Merlin got me to dance with the Royal Party. It was such a good time! Man, I really wish Hubby could have gone with us. I am getting him an outfit for next year....I want to do it again!!!

In other news, Emily is starting to READ!! YES READ!! She did some coloring the other day, and made a "book" called "I wish I had an apartment". And no kidding, she actually wrote I WSH I HD APTMNT . I could actually see that she was writing this! so I got one of the beginner books out for her and she read the whole thing...well I did help her out with sounding some of the words, but she really was reading the words! I was so proud of her. I couldn't believe it. She is so doggone smart!

Today I spent a lot of my day putting up pictures on the wall. I've been in this house almost 6 weeks, it was time to start personalizing the place. I have a lot of cleaning to do because I am having guests over on Saturday evening. I've got my list and have been ferverently getting things done. I also went shopping with my friend ZBabygirl, who will be known forevermore as ZB. We were looking for used or inexpensive kitchen chairs, as my kitchen set is starting to fall apart, and 2 of the chairs have already broken. I suppose that's what 5 moves in 4 years will do to them, eh? No luck in finding anything I could use that would closely match what I have...but maybe later in the week I will have some luck...

I am off to bed. More cleaning and decorating to be had tomorrow. Hope you all are having a wonderful week!

Is It Saturday Yet??

I cannot wait for Saturday. I have been looking forward to this Saturday for about a month now...Why? It's just the 2nd Saturday of the month, what could possibly be so exciting this Columbus day weekend? The Connecticut Renaissance Faire, that's what!!

I have always wanted to go to a Renaissance Faire. I had a friend growing up who always went to King Richard's Faire in the fall, and I was always so doggone jealous. As a drama-type person, the idea of all the Chivalry of the medieval times really gets me pumped. Well now I am a grown-up, and thanks to Hubby's income, I can afford to do things I never could as a kid. Like go to the Ren Faire. I even bought an outfit to wear, and outfits for the kids too!! Of course, the outfits are doubling as Halloween costumes, so I am getting my money's worth....Isn't my outfit beautiful?? ( I won't be wearing the hoop skirt underneath like in the picture, so it won't be as poofy)




Well, then I decided to up the ante and go for something I REALLY always wanted to do. Join the SCA. Yep, I am a geek at heart, and I love this stuff. I want to learn how to make the clothing and do the cooking stuff. I really am a woman, aren't I?

So me, the kids, my friends Kristen, Adam, and Mimi & Durk and their son, are going to be heading to Hebron on Saturday morning for a full day of Renaissance Fun! I think Nessa & Dave are even gonna meet us there! It's so rare that I get excited for something like this, I just cannot contain it. Every time I talk to someone who is going with me, I gush like a kid waiting to go to FAO Schwartz or something. This is MY kind of fun, and I can't wait!!

I will try to take pictures, but since the digital camera still hasn't been taken to the shop, I am going to use my 35 MM SLR. I am sure I will still get some great pictures. I may even drag out the scanner for them!

For heaven's sake, SATURDAY GET HERE ALREADY!!!