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Thursday, December 14, 2006

Holiday Doldrums


I have been feeling pretty introspective the last few days. I sense a feeling of morose existence. I think it's because the Holiday Doldrums have paid me a visit.

Normally this time of year, I am enjoying things so much. This year, with a noted absence in the house, I feel somewhat apathetic, and am celebrating merely because I don't want my children disappointed. If I didn't have kids, I doubt I would have even put up my tree to be quite honest, nevermind lights on the house and gone nuts with shopping.

I can understand most of the reason behind my feelings, but wonder how I came to be this way, so suddenly. It may be the lack of communication as of late, which has dampered my spirits considerably. It may be the fact that since I got to Groton I haven't had a strong faith community to immerse myself in, and which would help rub off the Joy of Christmas on me. Heck, it could be just that I am having a depression relapse and I need to get back on meds....

I am going to stick it out til Hubby's return. If I am still feeling this way, I will seek professional help, but honestly, I think it's because he's not here. This is a special time of year for us, and we've only been apart for it 1 other time. That's not a bad track record for 8 years of marriage!

Of course I am trying to mask my feeling by keeping busy with friends, the kids, and boat stuff...Smiling, laughing and being my generally loud, boisterous, feisty self...But when I have moments of quiet, it hits me how lousy I truly feel....I hope it ends soon. Maybe Christmas will make me feel better...Seeing the kids' delight as they open presents, making Christmas dinner and having family and friends over to break bread with me.

But for now...It pretty much sucks big time.....

3 flame(s) added to the fire:

jilouise said...

well hey there! Why not come on back to the SWC?!? We've missed you. We'll be there for ya! Much better than going it alone :)

~jill from the SWC

Mimi said...

I think your feelings are because of your hubby being gone. And honestly It is kinda expected. I am sure all the wives on his boat, at least the faithful sane ones;-), feel the same way. I am always here for you. And I am sure finding a faith communtity would help too. We talked about it but never did it.

The Phoenix said...

You miss your hubby, plain and simple.