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Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Nervous, nervous, nervous, nervous, whoa-oh-oh

I am out of my funk, so to speak....having a few days to clear my head and re prioritize myself mentally and for the purpose of my existence has helped a bit.

And then I realize, Holy Carp (and I do mean the fish), it's WEDNESDAY!!

Today is my job interview!

And then the realization that I am attempting to become of the "grown-ups" workforce, the fact that I have been waiting 5 years to actually enter this phase of my life, the fact that I can't turn back, I truly am, an almost-31-year-old woman hit me like a ton of bricks.

This is my first real job interview, in nearly 7 years. And I have no fucking clue waht the hell I am getting myself into.

Yes, I have had jobs, waitressing, temp work, and I did actually apply to be a permanent hire in some places, but Emily was a baby, and I was living in Hawaii. That's a lifetime ago, to be honest. But I get this....feeling. I can't explain it. This is it. This is the job.

Perhaps I am over-excited at the prospect of making nearly 5/6ths of what my husband makes and he's been in the Navy for 14 years. Perhaps it is the prospect of not being solely a "mommy" anymore. I used to stand around the school yard with my kids and it would make me ill to think that this was going to be the basis of my identity - Emily & Kaitlyn's Mom.

Nu-uh, no way. I'll get by on my own merits, thanks. I don't need my kids (though love them as I do with all my core) to be the reason I get up in the morning. I've always known that, though for the last 7 years, it's been how I have existed. And I have a problem with that; it doesn't make me happy. Does that make me a bad mom? Probably not, it just makes me a different mom from all the others who try to live vicariously through their children's lives, basing all their decisions on their children's wants, not knowing, outside of scrapbooking, shopping and playdates, and sports games, what they want out of life because this is all they have ever known since taking their marriage vows.

I am soooo not that person.

And today, I am going to prove it. I am going to go to that interview, hide the nerves, focus on my "interview prep" that I have been reading about all morning (I'm a last minute crammer, I admit, but I always ace the test), and come out victorious with a job that even reading the want ad, made me want the job so bad I could taste it.

How odd, eh? I can already envision myself in the job.

I hope that I don't get disappointed. If I do, well, I'll just have to dust myself off and learn from my experience.

But I just get this feeling....this is it.

Of course, I ask for all your good juju for today. especially around 12:30 PM EST....

It doesn't hurt to have some back-up, right? :)

~Cissa

6 flame(s) added to the fire:

Tink said...

You have exatly 2 minutes until your interview - - according to my clock. You're probably sitting there bouncing your leg, tapping your finger, or staring at that little spot on the other end of the room - - anything to keep yourself calm, right?

Ooooo... I think they may have just called you into the room.

YOU'LL DO FINE!!!! I know you will! I have faith in you, and know that you're perfect for whatever it is you want.

You're cool like that!

Karl said...

I hope the interview went well!

jeopardygirl said...

Hope it went well, kiddo.

hello haha narf said...

welllllllllllllllll, have you heard anything yet? when will you know? this is killin me!

Vanessa said...

update, pleaaaassseee!

Trukindog said...

I sure hope you got the job, we're all waitin to hear with positive karma vibes in your direction.