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Thursday, December 08, 2005

Why I am Not a Gardener


See this bug? This is a North American Assasin Bug. It's actaully about this big ----------- in actual size. It's kinda like a bee. It flies a little, and is brightly colored....and is supposedly good for the life of a flower, etc.... Except it attacks for no reason....last spring, while in Florida still, I was attempting to go from Black thrumb to Green thrumb once again. I was spraying the box in front of my house designated by housing for a garden. Well this fucker didn't like the herbacide, and jumped on me, crawled up my baggy-crappy-housework shirt, and bit me -- 3 times. I yelped, and began to flutter my shirt to get the bee (or so I thought) out of my shirt. the bug fell out, and I rean into my house.

The areas it bit (and two places were in my chest area, mind you) started to swell -- much like a bee sting. I took some benadryl, found the damn thing, and bagged it.

I never saw a bug like that before. Neither had any of my neighbors. Scared that it was a posionous bug, I called the Endotologist at the Florida State Univeristy branch in town. I described the bug to him (it was now in a baggie, in a tupperware container outside on the back patio) He asked some questions. I answered. He told me what it was, and said rather glibly:

"It's a good thing it's not the South American variety -- you'd be dead by now."

Yeah THAT made me feel better. It also turned me off from gardening. So I have a black thumb -- oh fucking well. They have people who are good at that shit. They are called Landscapers. Or Professional Gardeners. If I REALLY want a garden, I'll hire one of them.

I also learned that next tiem I need to go outside for yard work, I will wear a tight t-shirt. Bugs can't crawl up or fly into a shirt that is plastered to your body. Although they may sting thruogh it, but I am not about to test that theory. If it happens, it happens. And if I do get stung or bit through my tight t-shirt, it will be a good reason to never go outside again.

I post about this because Jeopardygirl and I were discusing gardening, and I promised to show her the picture and tell the story...so now you all know!

6 flame(s) added to the fire:

jeopardygirl said...

Yikes abooboo, that is one scary-ass bug! I'm sure it wouldn't do well in New England, though.

:P fuzzbox said...

I was bit by one of those bugs years ago. Be thankful that you had some benydril, I didn't and I thought that my finger was going to explode from the swelling and damn did it hurt.

Laurie said...

EWWWW!!!!!!!

I don't garden, either, don't feel bad.

Reiki said...

I think wearing a tight t-shirt to do yard work is always a good idea...especially if it "accidentally" gets wet!

Dick the Boomer said...

Ah yes... the accidental spilling of a watering can on the tight t-shirt. "Why yes, I would love to mow your lawn. I do windows too"

Seriously - that's a scary bug. We don't have too many bugs in Wyoming. It's either too cold for them or not enough people to bite.

Rebecca said...

Yeah, see - that's why I could never live anywhere than in MA. I don't think we have anything here that can kill ya! No weather....no bugs....no fires....no mudslides....no volcanos....no earthquakes.....it's pretty darn safe here. ;)