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Friday, December 16, 2005

Sad Christmas Story - Part 2

So Emily was admited to the Pediactic Wing of Tripler Army Medical Center. The doc said she'd probably be out by the next afternoon. I called a few friends, and the Ombudsman to ask her to get in contact with the boat (this warranted as being important enough for Hubby to know while underway). We had a room to ourselves, which was fine....The thing that WASN'T fine was the "hospital crib" they put Emily in. It was more like an animal cage - bars to the ceiling...she had an IV drip of antibiotics to get stuff cleared up. Tests were scheduled for the next day. About midnight the hospital phone rang. It was Hubby. I told him everything I knew, and tried to remain calm. He only had 3 weeks left of deployment, and I did not want him sent home early. I wanted to greet him with everyone else on the pier, dammit. I could do this!

The first night was hard for me. The ombudsman had brought clothes and a couple books for me. And chocolate. She was a cool lady. Definitely was glad she was there to handle things. The night finally ended about 1 am, when Emily finally fell asleep, albiet uncomfortably, with IV's etc, and not in her own bed....

The next day, a barage of tests were done, to see how well she was taking to the anti-biotics. She also had an untrasound done of her insides. It was apparently not good and I was told, "maybe tomorrow she can go home". They offered to let me go home and they could care for her. Like Hell was I going to leave my child alone! Most of the day I was bored out of my gourd. My friend Betty stopped by, with a couple small toys for Em to play with fromt he house, and some magazines for me. I blew through them. I was bored. Emily was bored. She wanted me to hold her, and the doctors told me not to hold her too much because she wouldn't sleep in the cage - ahem- crib if I did. It was agony. I just wanted my baby to be better so we could go home. And I missed my bed. That hospital pull out thing was hell on my back, and the lights kept me awake most of the time the night before.

About 8 pm that night, Emily started crying. I tried everything to calm her down. Nothing worked - holding her, singing, cuddling....talking, reading books...nothing worked. I was tired. I was worried. This was the same hospital that about 18 months earlier my first child had died in at birth. I started crying in frustration. Then I started screaming and rockign back and forth. I completely lost it. I had a nervous breakdown. I rememeber the whole scene like I was watchign a movie of myself. My mind was gone. I was watching my own downfall. an that scared me even more and sent me round the next bend...

The nurses came in and took Emily from me. She calmed down almost immediately. This did not do well for my nerves, as I saw it as my own child did not want me. They gave me a sedative and told me to sleep - I needed it. What I didn't know, as I fell away to oblivion, was they were callign the psyche ward for an evaluation for me. They also had Family Services on call in case I was deemed unfit to care for my child, until they could get Hubby home from being out to sea.....The next morning I woke and was told that a psychiatrist was coming to talk to me. Great. I then knew they thought I was Looney Tunes. Wonderful. More stress to deal with. I called my friend in Washington State, and told her what was going on. I let her know she was authorized to take Em until Ed got back if it came to that. She was going to be back in Hawaii the next day -- thank god.

So the Shrink comes in. My first sentance - "I think I went a little crazy last night..." It's in my official medical record. I have seen it a dozen times at least. I talked to him about everything. and I mean Everything. He was there for like 3 hours. At the end, he diagnosed me as clinically depressed, and put me on meds. He told me I could get the meds when Emily was ready to check out, and not to take them until I was home because I would be a little nauseated for while. I had scheduled an appointment with him for the next week. He said I was fit to care for my child, but did inform me what the nurses had been up to the night prior after they had me knocked out. He was a good doctor. I hope he's doing well these days.....

OK, so, another boring ass day. Emily was getting better. She was livelier, and wetting diapers. The docs told me she would definitely go home the next day. YIPEEE!! All I had to do was get through the boring ass rest of the day and night. I got another call from Hubby. I told him everything. He was as supportive as he possibly could be while 5,000 miles away....it was all going to be ok.....and I would be home on New Years Eve.

That's the second installment. I'll finish tomorrow......

5 flame(s) added to the fire:

Reiki said...

so sorry to hear about sick baby over christmas. I hate when kids get sick b/c it takes much longer to figure out what's wrong with them...esp. babies. It's even harder when you are dealing with it alone...

Ann Alsex said...

Your story saddens me but I look forward to a happy ending on the next post. I hope all of yours little Emily's Christmas's are perfect to make up for this scary one.

Dick the Boomer said...

{{{HUG}}}
I feel for you, Cissa. I'm looking forward to the happy ending.

Laurie said...

"She wanted me to hold her, and the doctors told me not to hold her too much because she wouldn't sleep in the cage - ahem- crib if I did."

BULL! I can't believe that they told you that.

Dr. Cissa Fireheart said...

Laurie -- Beleive it Sister. This was a Military Hospital, where most residents rotate every 2 years. Most of the time Dependants are treated like 2nd class citizens. And 90% of the staff are residents. It's a learning hospital. While I was in the delivery room, both with Emily and my daughter mae who died, I had "observers". They didn't know theri ass from their elbows and that's what they told me, because they thought it was the right thing....pffft. Idiots!