Toys or Telephone?

Well all, Christmas has readred it's pretty head. I was getting into the season. I bought cards and started on them. I put up the tree with the kids last night...amid shrieks of happieness and candy cane fueled hyperactivity. Last week I was faced with a dilema:

I had to start the shopping. I have 2 car payments in the middle of the moneht so the big chunck of Hubby's pay goes to that. And insurance. I had about $250 to spare. Should I pay the phone bill, and hope the phone stays connected tilthe 15th, or start shopping for the kids? I am sure you can all figure out what I chose.

I was planning on spending another $50 - $100 on clothes for them next paycheck. Now I will not. My phone is off...and will stay off until the 15th. *sigh*

So I am a bit down. I hope no one important tries calling me. Fuck. I knew in my heart I should have paid the bill. But I want my kids to have a good Christmas. Ever since the Christmas before Kaity was born when I had only 2 things under the tree for Em and they weren't even from me. (a VERY WONDERFUL friend sent a care package so that my child would have presents on Christmas, since I had spent all our money on moving into a new apartment only 4 days shy of the actual Holiday) I didn't even buy that much this year, really -- prices of things are insane.

So I guess the good thing is my kids will be happy on Christmas morning. The bad thing? I don't have a phone for 9 days. Damn it all to hell.

WHY did I spend so irresponsibly? When I KNOW that the phone bill was already late? What posessed me? I am a Christmas junkie, and I want my kids to be happy. Stupid me.

I want to bang my head on my keyboard, but I already have a headache and am stressed. And it's only the 6th! AAARGH....

*sigh*