Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Things are gonna change around here...

Okay, Cissa! Have a great time! Don't worry about a thing. Bye-bye now!

Okay, she's gone. Boy, that was a long hug she gave me. I think she grabbed my butt. That was a little awkward.

Okay...let's get to work. I can't stay here unless I make a few changes. A lot of this pink is gonna have to go. It hurts my eyes. It's burning into my retinas. And I'm not sure, but I think it's shrinking my testicles as well.

I like the title, and the flames on the banner are pretty cool. But the big pink heart has to go. I want it replaced with...zombies. Six, zombies. In a conga line. And the zombies have to be on fire. And one has a funny hat on.

Red and black. That's what I want for the template. Something with some balls, you know? Something that grabs ya.

And all these hearts in the sidebars: cut 'em loose. Replace them with dancing monkeys. People like monkeys. Have one of the monkeys be wearing a pair of lederhosen and have another one kicking a puppy in the ass. I don't care what the rest of them are doing.

That carrot thing in the right sidebar. Replace it with a dildo. A black one. I only want products displayed that I use myself. I'm no hypocrite.

Toward that end, let's see if we can't get some ads for Spermamax, Vietnamese Spin-Fuck Chairs, and Caffeine Free Diet Dr. Pepper up and running.

This is making me thirsty. Stu, get me a drink, willya?

Huh? Lemurs? Nah, this place isn't ready for lemurs. Besides, I can't spare any right now, I'm shorthanded. I've got three out sick, five on vacation, two on maternity leave, and Little Oscar is in jail again.

Okay, that should do it for now. Let's get these changes implimented. Don't worry, it's all authorized. I take full responsibility. I'm gonna go on home for now. But I'll be back.

I'll be back.

11 flame(s) added to the fire:

Stu said...

Caffeine Free Diet Dr. Pepper?

Y'know, I was fine with the rest of your demands, but Caffeine Free Diet Dr. Pepper? Are you kidding? That is some repugnant shit right there.

Mr. Fabulous said...

It's not for me. It's for a friend. I swear.

I'm a Coke Zero man.

Cissa Fireheart said...

WOW...I'm not even gone a whole day and Mr Fab is planning changes to the place???? Stu, DO NOT GIVE HIM ANY MORE IDEAS!!

haha -- I didn't grab your ass, Mr. Fab, I grabbed your wallet. Gotta pay for the drinks at the wedding somehow...and since Hubby don't get paid enough, you are footing the bill!! HAH TAKE THAT!!

Change my blog around will you? I'm calling Mrs. Fab...boy are YOU in trouble!


Stu said...

I was gonna wait until Wednesday to post anything, but Mr. Fab has clearly laid down the gauntlet. I'm actually intimidated as to what direction to go in for my next post.

Mr. Fabulous said...

Ass, wallet, whichever. It counts as action for me!

Dr.John said...

I want Cissa back. This can not go on. Please tell me this won't go on.

Jay Noel said...

I love dancing monkeys!

Bluepaintred said...

dude, i totally give you permission to pimp my blog! you have some great Ideas.... I have some ideas concering the babies of the pregnant lemurs.... can I borrow three?

Mr. Fabulous said...

Dr. John--It's exhilirating, isn't it? :)

The Phoenix--Who doesn't?

Anonymous said...

Cissa - Don't let Mr. Fab bully you into anything too ballsy. He's overcompensating. Oh, and Virgos rock. Happy Birthday in 6 days!

Stu said...

Shannon, now that Pluto is no longer a planet, what will you say to your friends who are Scorpios? Are they left to drift aimlessly through a sea of nebulous conceptions?