Tuesday, May 06, 2008

So thanks for making me a fighter...

Ok, I am really ticked off this morning. Yesterday was a crappy day, and I thought, after cooling off and doing some breathing exercises to calm me down, I'd head to the bookstore and get some more books. Because, you see, 10 shelves over flowing ith books between Misk and I is not nearly enough.

After spending an hour and $60 on books, I settled into a comfy chair at the cafe with my small Mocha (damn place was out of Javakula mix!), and started reading. After another hour I felt much better indeed. I picked up The Bugaboo (Kaitlyn) from school, let her have a little play date at her friend's, then headed home to chill out some more before work.

Work, you ask? But Cissa, wasn't it Monday, your DAY OFF?? Why, yes, dear friends and readers, it was. But, alas, the girl who had been gone for 2 weeks (and whom I had covered MOST of her shifts, mind you) was apparently NOT able to make it because she wasn't back yet, or so I was told.

So, fiddle-dee-dee, there I am at work, a few tables but still pretty quiet, blah blah blah. The phone rings, and I look at the caller ID, inform my boss that it is the girl who's shift I am covering, and let him pick up the kitchen extension. He's chatting away and I hear...

"So, did you just get back?"

"Oh. Uh-huh..."

"Mm-hmm...a Chicken Gyro? OK see you in a bit."

If my face wasn't previously severely sunburnt at that point, it would have quickly gone as red as it was already. I'm rather certain I did start to turn purple, though. I. was. pissed.

Apparently the girl was back, in town, and had been all day. Not only that, but she had the effing GALL to call in a TAKE OUT ORDER AND COME IN AND PICK IT UP WHILE I WORKED HER EFFING SHIFT!!

Breathe Cissa, breathe......ok, I'm good.

Now, perhaps some of you may think I am over-reacting. Seriously? I am not. If you are going to call in and say you can't come in to work a shift at your job, why would you think it is OK to come in to the place for take-out ??? A couple people I have talked to about it have told me I should have said no to working the shift. Perhaps this is true. But I honestly do not think it would have changed a thing. She still would have come in, thus showing off to whoever was working. It's rude. It's incinsiderate. It's just plain wrong. Especially when I found out what happened at home after arriving back there about 9:30 last night.

Apparently, all the extra shifts I have taken on in the last 2 weeks is really upsetting my kids. Emily more than Kaitlyn, but I think that's because Kait sees me for a few hours after Pre-K, and I am already gone by the time Em gets home. When she got home and asked where I was, my mother told her. She cried hysterically for quite a while.

"She Lied! She Lied! She doesn't love us! Why is she always working?!"

I just about broke down and cried myself when my mother told me how upset Emily got. It's still ripping my heart out. Looking back on yesterday evening, I am more upset about the girl coming in because of my child's reaction to me not being home. She could have worked, but didn't. I know the other waitress who was offered the shift and she also turned it down to spend time with her kids. I am angry at myself for being so nice, because honestly, at that moment, I felt so taken advantage of, and that also angers me.

I don't know what to do. The money has been good, as far as getting my paychecks anyway. But I feel like I am burning out of this job lately. It's starting to affect my kids, and I'd rather live a simpler life and be home more than make my children need therapy because I gave them abandonment issues.

I talked to Emily today and explained to her why I worked, and apologized for not letting her know Monday before school. She was OK about it, but I could tell she was still very upset, and when she asked me if I was working again tonight, the broken look on her face when I answered yes said it all.

As I have said time and time again, Mother of the Year, I am not. And I continue to prove it over and over again.

Hope you all have had a better day. I'm going to go drown in a Diet Coke and a cigarette.


3 flame(s) added to the fire:

othurme said...

That must be some Chicken Gyro! Hope your (and your daugher's) day goes better today.

Dr.John said...

You have to learn to say no.
You have to learn to say no.
Your child needs you now.
You have to learn to say no.

Lori said...

I would have been incredibly pissed off! And I may have been tempted to spit in her gyro.
And I feel your pain with the work/kids balancing act. I was a latchkey kid myself, and still had a hard time explaining why I had to go off to work all the time to my own kids.
I swear, it won't scar them for life. You handled it the best way you could have - just keep reassuring them. I really believe they'll be stronger for it, and appreciate time with you more.
I'm rambling ... but I support you 101%