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Wednesday, April 23, 2008

No music lyric for this post.....

Today is my oldest daughter's birthday. It is also the day she died.

Her name was Ruth Mae. She would have been 8 years old.

I am going to direct you to 3 links, because I've already told the story once on here, and that was a hard enough thing to do.

Mae's Story Part 1

Mae's Story Part 2

In Memoriam

Most years I do not do anything on her birthday, literally; I lie in my bed and shut out the rest of the world, crying all day and clutching to the few remnants I have to remember her by. But because of circumstances beyond my control, this year is different. I am heading to New Haven today to sit for Angie in dental school, and then I am going to work this evening.

Usually I lock myself away from the world, for this one day, and mourn my baby girl. Probably not the healthiest thing to do, but I didn't know how else to handle my grief. This year is different. I have resolved to remember her, as always, and I will do my ritual of bringing out her box and looking at her lock of hair, her pictures, her blanket, etc. But this year, I will not dwell on it all day. I will allow myself to be a part of the rest of the world, and try to find peace within, despite the grief that swells up as it always does. I will not allow it to overwhelm me as it has in the past.

This year has been so crazy, Navy-wise, Life-wise, family-wise, that I almost didn't realize today was here until this weekend when my boss asked me to work on Wednesday. I knew it was coming, because it is April. I just didn't realize how fast.

Now it's here. But I can can handle it.....

I love you, My little Mae Flower.

~Cissa

8 flame(s) added to the fire:

Avitable said...

That is a heartbreaking story.

Miss Britt said...

I wish I had words that could bring you comfort.

(HUGS)

metalmom said...

Punkin I can't make it better, but I offer virtual hugs...(Cissa)

Dr.John said...

It sounds like your handling it well.
My mother handled the loss of my brother Robert by taking in state babies. They stayed with us until they were adopted.
I think that was a mistake because every time a baby left it was like losing Robert again.
But everybody does what they have to do to cope.

Trukindog said...

Bless your heart darlin.

Lori said...

Honey- I am writing this through big fat tears. I cannot begin to tell you how much my heart goes out to you. But I think it's very meaningful and special that you celebrate her - not her birth or her death - in this extraordinary way.
I'm sending you big, tight, squeezy hugs right now.

Nanna said...

Ah little one, I am thinking of you both today today. How special you both are.

jeopardygirl said...

Cissa, I think this is a giant, healthy step forward. Good luck!