Friday, April 18, 2008

I'm not angry it's never been enough, It gets inside and it tears you up

I am going to write today about something that really bothers the hell out of me. A good friend of mine is dealing with this issue, and because I am so passionate about defending friends when they are wronged, I need to vent. I am really in a fabulous mood to be honest, but this is a topic that affects a LOT of people, so I am going to talk about it...among other things....

Ladies, girls, women...ALL FEMALES...


I guess I am a modern woman. I do have some notions of...what's the word, women's liberation and equality. Yes, I am married, and devoted to my husband. And yes, I do like him to get me flowers and open doors for me, so maybe I am a little traditional as well. But you know what? I don't have to be the perfect little wife and mother to be happy with my life. I love my kids, and am blessed to have brought them into this world...I know I could pull my own weight if Misk suddenly decided he didn't want to be with me anymore. And I would be OK with that. My mother may not have been a stellar mother, but the ONE thing she taught me was to always rely on myself before anyone else. Yes, I may have faltered here and there, but not for any amount of time that would constitute outright sacrifice of self worth and be the representation of my own life.

A loooong time ago, I was an actress. Yep, I was in college for theatre. Then I met Misk. I fell in love with him. I gave up theatre and acting for a while, but I always had a longing to continue -- and you know what? Misk encouraged me to pursue my happiness. So I did. I have performed in a few productions of local theatre companies in the places I have lived over the last 10 years. I've done quite a few auditions. Misk has always been there to support me when I have a role or if I don't get cast. I am lucky. I am very lucky because I know for a FACT that some of my friends' husbands would not be as supportive.

It drives me mad with anger that a man would try to suppress a woman in pursuing a dream. Even if it was a dream to learn to paint, or to grow a garden in the crappy little patch of dirt in front of the house. Nothing should be discouraged. How much do women give up to support their partners? SO MUCH. And yet, if a woman finds she is sad, depressed, or feels unfulfilled, it's assumed that she must be a terrible woman because she is not doing her job of supporting well enough. Which then leads to more feelings of inadequacy and "counseling" or medications. If she does start to pursue her dream, she is considered not being supportive of that partner enough...It's a double edged sword and it is NOT RIGHT.

I don't care what religion you practice. All religions have a basic "Golden Rule" about treating others as you would want to be treated. But how much does that rule apply when the "other" is your partner? More often than not, it is not even applied.

I am so angry, I cannot see straight when I see an example of this. I probably am not even making sense because my anger is distracting me and I am unable to conjure the words that I want to.

I don't talk alot of religion, but I will say this. There are religions out there where the main deity is a Female force. Obviously they are not Christian. And you know what? There is nothing wrong with that. I've got a news flash for you people out there who think that anything before Christ is not worth mentioning. For probably more than double of your religions time of existance, those other religions were thriving. The only reason why the top 3 world religions came about to be so popular was because Men decided they should be in charge and they did everything they could to get there -- including raping, killing and destroying any woman who did not want to conform. Over the last couple thousand years, Judaism/Islam/Christianity has been the dominating force, and that's the reason why women are so suppressed now. At least, from what I have been reading it is.

I thought I knew my heart. I thought I knew what I believed - with much conviction. I think I had that decision in my mind because it's the only thing I've been told for nearly my last 30 years. But I am not so closed-minded anymore. I know who reads this blog. Some of you are family even. Some of you are Good Christian People, and I do not have any malice for you. You believe what you believe, and it works for you. I think it's great. You are happy, and I say good for you that what you believe is what's for you. It's just not for me anymore. And I am not saying that I don't believe in God. I am just saying perhaps God isn't the only one out there.

So sum up my entry for today....Women do not need a life partner to be worthy in this world, no matter what society/your religion says. A good successful marriage should include a support system from both sides. I do not consider myself a Christian anymore.

back to the cleaning...


2 flame(s) added to the fire:

metalmom said...

YAY! You have echoed the sentiments that I have tried to drum into my sister's head. (This topic is the main reason for the rift we are currently experiencing)She claims that without a man she ceases to exist.She never married her first kid's dad, but married the next. He left her and she ran straight into an on-line romance(!!) Needless to say, that didn't go well either.

She is highly intelligent,has been an office manager in a medical practice and has always earned far more than the men she's been with.

I don't understand the "needing a man" business and I suppose I never will!

Lori said...

Amen, my sister.

One of the many reasons I love my husband is the fact that he always supports my writing.
He could be the knuckle-dragging caveman and tell me to go back to my "real" job and make more money.
But he applauds me for getting freelance writing jobs, making much less money, staying home with the kids ... and all because it makes me happy.
(And a happy wife should be what all men want, right?)

It's what I want, so it's what he wants.
I rarely take him for granted, (because I have a few cavemen in my past) but posts like this one remind me of what a gem he is.

I hope your friend realizes that she doesn't need someone else to make her happy - she needs to be happy with her life, and be with someone who values that also.