What a long strange trip it's been.....

...so, I didn't get the job. I'm OK about it though.....it wasn't meant to be apparently.

I appreciate that you all left messages of encouragement on Twitter, and email and comments. I just didn't have the time to answer back. I had one hell of a weekend.

Thursday, my kids had their school and sports physicals. That meant a great chunk of my day was spent at the NACC. Kaity got 5 shots, but she did great. She even asked them for sticker for her sister so Emily wouldn't be jealous. how sweet!

Friday...well Friday I was up at 8 am, so I could be at Borders before 9 am so I could get my wristband for the Breaking Dawn release party....I met with Brandi & Kerri and my kids, and was first in line! woot! As I was leaving, Brandi asked if I wanted to go with her to Lake Compounce, her treat. I was up for it, as long as I was at Borders by 10 PM, so we changed, packed some towels, and headed there. After an incredibly crazy drive (high speeds, unfamiliar area, me the defensive driver do not make a good combo) we had a great day of rides, food, water fun, then headed back (I let Kerri drive home cause I hate driving at night) and I literally dropped the kids, flew into a change of clothes and headed out to Borders!

I met Brandi and Kerri again at Borders and we hung out until 12:01, when I got my book, flew home and started to read Breaking Dawn at about 12:30. I finally passed out around 5:00 am and slept til 12pm, when Misk decided that I should be woken up because he wanted to go to lunch. I sent him and the kids off, and read some more, after many interruptions from the kids, I finally was able to finish the book.

If you have read any of the Twilight Series by Stephenie Meyer, you will understand that this was the most anticipated book sine the last Harry potter. I am still, 3 days later, processing everything that happened in Breaking Dawn. My Lord & Lady, it was AWESOME!!

I got a call from Brandi about our Saturday night plans, showered, and headed out to meet the Ladies. We had dinner, then went back to Brandi's to change, gussy up and headed to Shrine, the newest nightclub at MGM grand at Foxwoods. It was smaller than I was anticipating, but there was no lack of good looking people, male and female, and I was feeling particularly...uncomfortable about my size, until about halfway through the night, and after about 5 drinks that I finally stopped giving a damn, and danced my little heart out.

Apparently the key to attracting guys to dance with is confidence (something I tend forget after being married for almost 10 years), because after that I was dancing with attractive men all night long. It was a definite boost to my ego, and I had such a good time! Erin got extremely tipsy, and we all had a lot of laughs on the way home at each other's expense, because we all were flying high from the night. We finally got to bed about 3 am, with Erin deciding that talking until she passed out, in her groggy state, was the way to go hehe (sorry Erin, I had to mention it!)

Sunday morning, we were actually all up by about 9:30am, but after 5 women are up, showered, and out the door, it was nearly 10:45 and we still had to go to the store for food for the Lughnasadh Sabbat Ritual. The location was a 1 1/2 hour drive from there, so, by the time we finally got there, got started and started the ritual it was nearly 2. I was asked to be a "maiden" to invoke one of the Elements, and I was honored. I invoked Air from the East. It was a powerful ritual, and I thoroughly enjoyed it, as per usual. After the ritual was our usual feast and hanging out, and by the time we left it was 7:30 PM, then another 1.5 hours back to Brandi's and another 45 minutes home (I had to stop and get Misk and the kids dinner because he was too damn lazy to drive the 1.5 miles to KFC).

After arriving home, it was about 9pm, and I was just too tired to update, so I watched Army Wives with Misk and went to sleep...and that brings us to the here and now :)

So that was my weekend. Crazy but absolutely loads of fun. The job search continues today, and hopefully, I will find a few prospects :)

Have a great Monday, all!

~Cissa

I'm not angry it's never been enough, It gets inside and it tears you up

I am going to write today about something that really bothers the hell out of me. A good friend of mine is dealing with this issue, and because I am so passionate about defending friends when they are wronged, I need to vent. I am really in a fabulous mood to be honest, but this is a topic that affects a LOT of people, so I am going to talk about it...among other things....

Ladies, girls, women...ALL FEMALES...

YOU DO NOT NEED A MAN/WOMAN/PARTNER IN YOUR LIFE TO FEEL YOU ARE OF ANY WORTH IN THIS WORLD!!!

I guess I am a modern woman. I do have some notions of...what's the word, women's liberation and equality. Yes, I am married, and devoted to my husband. And yes, I do like him to get me flowers and open doors for me, so maybe I am a little traditional as well. But you know what? I don't have to be the perfect little wife and mother to be happy with my life. I love my kids, and am blessed to have brought them into this world...I know I could pull my own weight if Misk suddenly decided he didn't want to be with me anymore. And I would be OK with that. My mother may not have been a stellar mother, but the ONE thing she taught me was to always rely on myself before anyone else. Yes, I may have faltered here and there, but not for any amount of time that would constitute outright sacrifice of self worth and be the representation of my own life.

A loooong time ago, I was an actress. Yep, I was in college for theatre. Then I met Misk. I fell in love with him. I gave up theatre and acting for a while, but I always had a longing to continue -- and you know what? Misk encouraged me to pursue my happiness. So I did. I have performed in a few productions of local theatre companies in the places I have lived over the last 10 years. I've done quite a few auditions. Misk has always been there to support me when I have a role or if I don't get cast. I am lucky. I am very lucky because I know for a FACT that some of my friends' husbands would not be as supportive.

It drives me mad with anger that a man would try to suppress a woman in pursuing a dream. Even if it was a dream to learn to paint, or to grow a garden in the crappy little patch of dirt in front of the house. Nothing should be discouraged. How much do women give up to support their partners? SO MUCH. And yet, if a woman finds she is sad, depressed, or feels unfulfilled, it's assumed that she must be a terrible woman because she is not doing her job of supporting well enough. Which then leads to more feelings of inadequacy and "counseling" or medications. If she does start to pursue her dream, she is considered not being supportive of that partner enough...It's a double edged sword and it is NOT RIGHT.

I don't care what religion you practice. All religions have a basic "Golden Rule" about treating others as you would want to be treated. But how much does that rule apply when the "other" is your partner? More often than not, it is not even applied.

I am so angry, I cannot see straight when I see an example of this. I probably am not even making sense because my anger is distracting me and I am unable to conjure the words that I want to.

I don't talk alot of religion, but I will say this. There are religions out there where the main deity is a Female force. Obviously they are not Christian. And you know what? There is nothing wrong with that. I've got a news flash for you people out there who think that anything before Christ is not worth mentioning. For probably more than double of your religions time of existance, those other religions were thriving. The only reason why the top 3 world religions came about to be so popular was because Men decided they should be in charge and they did everything they could to get there -- including raping, killing and destroying any woman who did not want to conform. Over the last couple thousand years, Judaism/Islam/Christianity has been the dominating force, and that's the reason why women are so suppressed now. At least, from what I have been reading it is.

I thought I knew my heart. I thought I knew what I believed - with much conviction. I think I had that decision in my mind because it's the only thing I've been told for nearly my last 30 years. But I am not so closed-minded anymore. I know who reads this blog. Some of you are family even. Some of you are Good Christian People, and I do not have any malice for you. You believe what you believe, and it works for you. I think it's great. You are happy, and I say good for you that what you believe is what's for you. It's just not for me anymore. And I am not saying that I don't believe in God. I am just saying perhaps God isn't the only one out there.

So ...to sum up my entry for today....Women do not need a life partner to be worthy in this world, no matter what society/your religion says. A good successful marriage should include a support system from both sides. I do not consider myself a Christian anymore.

back to the cleaning...

~Cissa