Post-Hallows Update

I know I said 7 days, and I am keeping to it....I am sure some of you wondered about me, if I've had a stroke or something, over all the Harry Potter Hype of the last week or so.... no, no, I am fine.....but I do have a few things to explain without giving away any plot points or spoilers til Saturday...

- I was about 75th in line to get my book. That means I got it about 12:15 am....I was so happy...

- I started reading about 12:45 am, and read straight through until I apparently passed out, sometime after 7:30 am, so I am guessing about 7:35 LOL, by then, I had read about 2/3 of the book....a good 400 pages or so. Hubby says when he came home from duty, I was sprawled on our bed, lights still on, my arm draped over the book, and somehow I had managed to get a bookmark in there! HAHA

- At 11 am, I woke, and picked up where I left off, finishing the book about 2:30 pm....the math, as best as I can figure, is minus the naps, approximately 10 hours from start to finish

And now, my thoughts, minus spoilers...

OH MY GOD -- BEST BOOK EVER!

I laughed, I cried, I flipped out.....it was an emotional journey from start to finish for so many reasons...it's the last book, AND it was quite an adventure. There's a sense of closure, but it's bitter sweet. Some of the deaths.....were so painful to read through...one character in particular, and only because that character's death affected Harry in a way that was unexpected.

It was a great great read, and I look forward to letting you all know my thoughts about plot points come Saturday.....

Hope You all enjoy reading and finish your copies soon!

~Cissa Fireheart

Where for art thou, Harry?

I am on edge....

The waiting is absolutely killing me.....

I thought seeing the 5th movie twice would complace me for a few days, but I was wrong... I wanted it more....

I cannot contain my excitement for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

I even re-read Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince to try and fill the hunger...but it was useless, I still am hungry for it...

I cannot wait much longer...I am going mad.....

I think I may combust soon if Friday night doesn't roll around fast enough....

I will not be around for nearly 3 days after it is released...I refuse to go on the internet until I have finished it and either mourned or celebrated...or both....

But I want to know....I am aching to know.....

Just a few things really...and this is only the beginning of My list.....

Did My beloved Professor Snape kill Dumbledore out of Malice? or Did he do it because he had to under Dumbledore's orders to carry through with the Unbreakable Vow with Narcissa Malfoy?

Will Snape die?

Will Harry live? Will Voldemort, once and for all be destroyed?

Who is going to die? Will the Golden Trio prevail intact?

Will History repeat itself and Harry will end up with Ginny, just like James ended up with Lily?

For that matter, will the "dance" between Hermione and Ron end and they will finally admit thier true feelings for each other?

Wow....this sounds like a friggin' soap opera...

a REALY REALLY GOOD one....the kind you think about for the whole day until the next episode....except this wait has been over 2 years.....

I won't talk about it on here for 7 days....after that, I cannot make any promises....but for now I am impatiently waiting and counting down...

as of this writing, only 3 days 14 hours and 42 minutes left.....HURRY UP HARRY!!!

Until next time...

~Cissa Fireheart

An Interview by Jeopardygirl

So on Jeopardygirl's blog, she had some questions asked of her, and in turn, offered to ask some questions if people wanted to be interviewed. It's 5 questions, but I am going to be in-depth...

I'd like to add that if you liked reading my interview and would like to be asked 5 questions by ME, leave me a comment and let me know!

oh yes, and one more thing...I am candidly ...uhm, upfront about a couple things, so you might want to make sure the kids are out of the room if you don't want them to accidentally read a profane word or two....I am going to try and sound intellectual, but it probably won't come off like that HAHA...

1) You have been involved in community theatre in the past. What made you want to get involved, and what productions you have participated in have been your favourites?

Well You see, honestly, I met Hubby when I was still in college -- as a drama major. I was the drama queen of my first high-school, and even managed lead role in my graduating one. It's in my blood. I love it -- being on the stage. It's better than any drug, and is a close second to sex that ends in a mind blowing orgasm (there is a difference, you know LOL)....but being married and popping out babies didn't exactly leave a whole lot of room for completing my degree. I missed it so much, so when I see that the local theatre companies are having open call, I go. Sometimes I get cast. Sometimes not, but maybe once every 2 years I will do a production. It's been that long, just about, since my last...and I miss it terribly....

My favorite production? Hands down, Smoke on the Mountain in Panama City. It was a musical, and I love to sing. Plus the character I played was using "sign language"...well she certainly tried, anyway. It was zany and funny, and I LOVED the fact that it was an ensemble piece. Everyone got either a little monologue and a song, or a BIG monologue....it was pretty nice. And the cast? Good Lord, they were the nicest people on earth! And fun, and hilarious, and the talent some of these men and women had -- wow, I left like I had never set foot on stage before sometimes after watching a rehearsed act I wasn't "active" in. Plus, and this is NOT why I do theatre, I got PAID....and not like $50...it was an actual percentage of ticket sales, maybe like 1%, but it was almost $300 for like, maybe 9 shows....it was awesome. The best experience ever, all around. Professional theatre. Damn, there are days when I think about it now, and I almost regret having met Hubby....I'll never be where I wanted to be 10 years ago....but I have accepted it, and still try to have a little theatre in my life once in a while.

2) What do you miss the most about the Baleheads?

Maybe first I should say that Baleheads are fans of Christian Bale. Ok, that being said, what I miss most is the Chats...Harrison Cheung, who was at the time CB's publicist, used to run them, and at the beginning he asked pertinent questions about the characters of movies CB was in. Plus he would always update us on a few personal tidbits...Plus, I KNOW, Christian came into those chats a few times...once as himself, and a few other times, under names of Characters from his movies. You could always tell he was there, cause he didn't say much, but when he did, he would go into the how's and why's....As an actress myself, there is no way a man would go that deep into a character analysis without actually having to think about it for a reason. And the fact that it was always the same style, no matter the name, gave it away...

Not to mention that we met some great people through the Baleheads Chats. I really miss some of those people...Kristi, Elph, Roq, Sonja, just to name a few...great gals, and I think of them fondly....

3) Would you rather go shopping for clothes or make-up?

Clothes. And that is because, make-up is a no brainer. I love Mary Kay make-up. I found my brand, my colors, etc. I hate trying to find new colors...except for lipstick. Yeah that's the only make-up I like to buy....but clothes? It's fun to find new stuff, try it on, hopefully it will look good on you, and then YAY -- NEW OUTFIT! Plus, I love when I have an occasion I have to dress for. It gives me an excuse to shop for new clothes. Plus when new fashions come out, if I like it enough, I do try to find a few things that are trendy. Makes me feel cooler than a almost-30 mom with 2 kids and a minivan. Yes, clothes - hands down. I say that phrase a lot don't I?

4) What was your first car, and did you name it? If so, what was the name?

My first car was a 1979 Chevrolet Malibu station wagon. It was Maroon with a yellowy-tan interior, bench seats, and I loved that damn car. I could fit 12 people in it, I swear. it was massive, and perhaps that's part of the reason why some asshole slammed into it when I was trying to come out of my driveway 3 days before I left for college. The front end was about the size of a full-size bed, honestly....I had to edge it out past these bushes that blocked my view to see if anyone was coming. well, one day, someone was, and he seemed to miss the HUGE maroon hood protruding from them.

Yes I named her. Her name was FREEDOM. And that's exactly what she was, My Freedom from my Father's house. I was 17, stuck on an island that, short of athletics - which I did participate in, had NOTHING for a teenager to do...except drive around with my friends and go to parties....and anything else I could find to do to rid myself of the constant boredom that we endured.

5) You're going to NYC soon. What are the sights and/or activities (besides the theatre) you are most looking forward to experiencing?

Well, the first thing I can't wait to do is actually SEE the theater - The Nederlander. I am also looking forward to the free film in Bryant Park that HBO presents every monday night. It's "All the King's Men". I read some info about the movie, to get an idea of what it's about, and it looks good. Post-WWII filmmakers, and this is pre-McCarthyism, did a lot of political based films that didn't feel like it at the time. They weren't like the political films today - in your face about what's wrong with america and who's to blame, etc., really, they were more subtle. It's funny, but after reading a synopsis of the film, it's clear to seee the message of the film I am going to see still holds true today. Isn't that scary? Now, don't get me wrong, I am not gonna get into politics in particular, but the general theme of corruption of politicians is something that never goes away. And the great thing abotu this film is you get to see the eveolution of how it happens, how this man turns into the exact type of person he first wanted to conquer when he first ran for office. I am looking forward to it. Plus, picnic in the middle of NYC at sunset? that's frickin' cool.

Another thing I am goign to attempt to do, is go to the Today Show. Growing up at my Father's, spending summer there, every morning while we had breakfast, and I still do this at his house when I go to the Vineyard, we watched the Today Show. I always wanted to be one of those people. And my sister, man, she LOVES Al Roker. I don't get why, but she's convinced she's going to cry if she gets to shake his hand. C'mon! How fun is that gonna be?? All around my sister and I are going to try to have as much FREE fun as humanly possible in a span of 3 1/2 days. Part of the fun of this trip is the finding of the free or low cost things to do around town. I never new about Bryant Park's free movies. It's like a secret that only New Yorkers know about...well, and those of you who read this now know.

ok, ok, last thing, I promise....I am looking forward to going to central park. whether it's walking around, or reading under a tree or something....just hanging out there is going to be nice. I don't get to read, or relax really, outside without kids much. I even might just go to Greeley Square and sit at a bistro table and read while I drink an iced coffee. It's going to be nice.....

Bad Friend/Good Friend

So this weekend marked two birthdays for two good friends of Mine...I might have mentioned them a couple times....

JEOPARDYGIRL and NESSA

See, the Bad Friend part of the post is NOT leaving a message for Jeopardygirl on either MY blog or HER Blog on Friday. The truth of the matter is, I plain old forgot. I was distracted by family, moving my mom in, and the fact that it was my step-mum's birthday. I had a lengthy phone convo with Mum to wish her a great one....and even felt bad because I didn't get around to calling her til nearly 7 in the evening....

So when I realized that I forgot to wish Jeopardygirl a Happy Birthday...it was already Nessa's birthday on Saturday, and I was in the car, driving to her house, for her surprise party.

Yes, I was a good friend. So good, I LIED. OK, well, it was more like ACTING like the drama queen I used to be in high school to Nessa. I had her convinced that her special milestone birthday was going to be spent here in CT for dinner and gambling at one of the casino's with our Hubby's.....I almost feel bad about it....until she cried with joy for having a party....cause her husband told her up, down, and sideways he was NOT gonna have a party for her, since they just moved into their house like, a month ago, and it "wasn't ready for people" yet.

Oh boy, was she surprised. And I was so glad I could be there for her Big 3-0....

Hey Nessa ... there are now 60 days to get me back.....or just do something really nice for me! hehehe

So this is for BOTH my good friends.....albeit late on the blog, the sentiment is still the same.....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEOPARDYGIRL AND NESSA!!
I AM SO LUCKY TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU BOTH!!

Fireheart Summer Update

Well it's been a while since I updated, and I thought those of you who still read the ole Heart of Fire might want to know if I am still alive or if I did something that would make my blog cease to exist.

Nope, still here, obviously, it's just been a busy summer...and it's only June 28th....

We'll start with the first weekend of June....Despite some financial hardships from recent events (funerals are not cheap, and neither is preparing for them, I've discovered once again), the girls and I went to Martha's Vineyard to see my youngest brother, Chris, graduate from High School. This is the same high school I attended my Senior Year and graduated from. It's the same high school my sister, step-mom, aunt and uncle went and graduated from. It's a big deal in our family's community to goto graduation. Almost the entire island shows up for it. The weekend was fun, relaxing and busy...if it's possible to bunch that all in. I saw people I hadn't see in a while, and all in all, I was glad to have made the trip.

Well then Emily had her last couple weeks of school. She did very well this year and is more than ready for first grade. Her "Kindergarten Progress Report" (that's Special Report Card for Kindergartens for those who didn't know) stated that her reading comprehension for educational material and leisure is that of a second grader. Doesn't surprise me one bit. And can't say that I am not doggone proud of my oldest kid. I've said it time and time again -- the kid is too smart for her own good! LOL

So that brings us to this week, which was the first week of camp. The town has a program for an all day camp (8-3pm which starts an HOUR earlier than her flippin' school, which means I am spending my SUMMER getting up at 6:30 am!!), that runs until the middle of August for a mere $125 flat. If you don't have kids, and they don't go to summer camp, you don't realize this, so I am going to say this as calmly as I can -- I couldn't get a better deal for her if I ran the dang camp myself!! Em loves the camp, and a few of our friends also have their kids enrolled in it, so she gets to play with kids she knows...pretty nice for all of us this summer.

There's been some other changes around the Fireheart House too.....Hubby has finally returned to full-time work on the boat...YAY!! Unfortunately he's still in pain at the end of the day, but I am managing to get things accomplished around here without the guild or puppy dog eyes which would normally persuade me not to lift a finger. You all should see my kitchen...it's not been this clean since BEFORE Hubby came home from deployment.....

Another big change around here is the fact that Mom has moved in with us. She was recently unemployed right before Dad went into the hospital and then subsequently passed. She's attempted to get aid from the VA and the SSA, as well as State and Federal assistance, until she can find a job....none of it has worked out for her, and she was broke, alone, and living in a tiny apartment that was dad's before it was both of theirs, thus making everything even harder for her to bear. Every corner of that place was a reminder of Dad and his death. Hubby and I agreed she would come live with us until she can get back on her feet, and get back on her own. We've been slowly getting all her stuff transferred over to my house in my van, but she had a lot of cleaning out. My dad was a pack-rat. and in their tiny apartment, it was a big hindrance. Mom is left to clean, sort and haul it all out to the street. It's been hard on her, but I know she is glad she will not be staying there. The memories and pain is just too much for her right now. I get my sensitivity from her, and trust me, I can truly relate to what she's dealing with.


So, Mom's moving in, Hubby's back out of the house on a regular basis, Em's at camp....that leaves Kaity....Kaity's got big news too!

Kaity was accepted and drawn from the lotto to attend the integrated Pre-K program at Emily's school as a Model Peer to pre-schoolers who have emotional, social, physical and other education-related issues/disabilities. As a model peer, Kaity will be one of the students in the class to set the example for these kids, so they will be able to blend in with the regular classes once they go into Kindergarten. This is the same program that Emily was in at age 4. I cannot tell you how proud I am of Kaity for even being good enough to be considered for the program. To be able to actually accepted in and going is like a dream. Kaity is ecstatic that she is going to school like a Big Girl in the fall. She's so ready to go, she asked if she could go this week. I had to let he know that unfortunately no, she has to wait til September. She's OK with that....My Mum (step-mom is called Mum, Mother is MOM, to clarify) has even told me that she will be getting both Kaity and Em backpacks and lunch boxes from the store. woot! $30 I don't have to spend, works for me!

July is rapidly approaching (it's in like 3 days, I think) and soon MY TRIP TO NYC will be upon us! I am so excited. I am buying my bus ticket tomorrow (buying at least 14 days in advance with military discount saves a lot of money!), and Mum says my present from her and Dad is a AMEX gift card for spending in the Big Apple. Pretty frickin' awesome if you ask me.

With all the changes going on, I haven't had time to really blog lately, and I suspect I won't blog again, except randomly for a little while. I will from time to time of course.....I also noticed that my layout is being wonky and the background and most of the pictures are not working. As I don't really have the time to fiddle with it right now, I am going to switch to a pre-made template that blogger offers, at least til I have the time to sit down and figure it all out....

I hope everyone has a great Summer, and I promise to check in from time to time and keep you all updated!

For Jeopardygirl

So Jeopardygirl tagged me for this....and I feel obliged to do it.....I am having an emotional day, so this is a good way to channel it, I think....

1. Go to www.popculturemadness.com
2. Pick the year you turned 18
3. Get yourself nostalgic over the songs of the year
4. Write something about how the songs affected you
5. Pass it on to 5 more friends

Well the year I turned 18, was 1995. A big year, actually. in 1995 I graduated High School, I started college. I fell in love, not for the first time, but it did happen....

Many of the songs here I can remember being in a particular place and dancing, or singing to them. Some examples?

Alright, #2 for 1995 was "One Sweet Day" by Mariah Carey and Boys II Men....C'mon, everyone knows that song! And if you went to high school in the mid 90's, chances are you went to at LEAST ONE school dance or function where this was played. I know it was played at My Prom.....so I get to thinking about Prom, and the fun, the friendships, and I am beginning to feel an aching to go home and see the familiar places....this is not the place I want to be at emotionally right now....I'm already upset about Home.....so I will pick another song....

Ohh "Gansta's Paradise" by Coolio...not that is a kick ass song. It had a powerful message. And it was teamed up with a Movie.....a really good movie with Michelle Pfiffer. I remember the video and she was in it, sitting in a chair while Coolio rapped to and around her. Powerful. He's a good artist. And even though he doesn't sing a whole lot, he does have a good voice. I remember being moved by this song, and the movie, it made me realize how sheltered I really was in my upbringing. Not necessarily a bad or good thing, but I was open to more things after this song.

Looking down the list some more, I see a song that brings back such powerful memories, I am laughing and tears spring to my eyes. "One Hand In My Pocket" by Alanis Morrisette. It was a fun little song. but I remember quite clearly an incident with this song....My friends and I were driving to Daytona Beach to go clubbing (I went to college in St. Augustine, a mere 1 - 1 1/2 hours away), and there was an accident or something on I-95. Traffic was at a standstill for like an hour at least. this song came on, and my friend Drew started lip syncing. there is a line "I've got one hand in my pocket, and the other is giving a peace sign" well, he acted it out, so flamboyantly, like He was a vaudville actor or something. His facial expression, his movements wer so comical, My friends and I who were with him, were litterally rolling on I-95 laughing so hard, that we were crying. It was a small moment, but it stands out.

And so I will end this Meme on a happy note...there were a ton of other songs I could have written about, but at this moment, I won't...maybe another day.....

Out of Nowhere...

Summer is here!!

We've been spending a lot of time outdoors in the Fireheart House. Emmy goes off with friends as soon as she's off the bus or as soon as 9 am rolls around on the weekends. Kaity is in and out of the backyard all day. The heat barreled down on us this past week, and we had to install the A/C in our bedroom....

Hubby was supposed to go to sea, but his foot is not healing as well as the Doctor would like. So, he's still home...which is a blessing and a curse.....He'll get to go with Me and the kids to the Vineyard for my little brother's graduation.....I will need all the help I can get!

Other than that, life is pretty dull here in Connecticut. I am glad summer is here. The beach, the fun, the carefree feeling....It's something I have always treasured. And I am looking forward to Hubby being here for most of it. We will take romantic walks on the beach on the Vineyard, go watch a sunset and walk some trails, I hope, if his foot is up to it....I am looking forward to it. We haven't had a whole lot of romantic moments over the years....it will be nice to have his time while the kids are spending time with My Dad and Step-mom...

HAPPY SUMMER!

Broadway for My Birthday!!

So this year, August 31st to be exact, I turn the BIG 3-0.....It's a big milestone, considering when I was a teenager I thought I would never SEE this age.....I still feel like that teenager sometimes...especially today....

I found out a few weeks ago via MySpace that 2 of the original Broadway Cast members of RENT were going to be performing for a limited time in the show this summer. I was so excited. I wanted to go. I HAD TO GO.....I MUST GO!!!

I AM GOING!!!

My sister, Shell, and I are going to NYC for 3 days at the end of July/Beginning of August. While it is not technically My birthday then, it is close enough for me! I will spend 3 nights in The Big Apple....longer than I have ever gone to The City, and be children-free!!

My sister and I already have started planning what we'll do.....Today Show...Stalk the Nederlander Theater for Anthony Rapp and Adam Pascal's autograph...SEE RENT!! That's just the 2nd night

I am so excited, I can't believe it is happening....I am at a loss for words to describe my excitement....

Please don't let me wake up from this dream!

Getting On With Life

The Funeral was May 3rd. It was very nice. It was short, and more people than I had any idea Dad knew came. Even some of Mom's friends from The Casino came to pay their respects to Dad and comfort Mom. I was happy to see that people cared for Mom and Dad. The Pastor who spoke at Dad's Viewing was a family friend, and had grown up just down the street from Dad. He was very sincere in his words, and I think Dad would have appreciated his brevity.

Mom stayed with us til the following Monday. She felt she was ready to be alone in the apartment her and dad have shared for nearly 8 years....I half expected her to call me and tell me she couldn't do it yet. But she did. She is a trooper. We talk at least once a day just to check in....I think she is going to be OK.

Tomorrow Dad's ashes will be buried. We've had a small amount saved for a keepsake necklace we got Mom. She will always have a little bit of him with her always.

Well, life for me has kept going. The kids are out and playing almost every available moment of daylight. Hubby is still home, working on charts, but will most likely go back to work after his appointment with the Doc next week. He's been walking a little bit on his feet, both of them, and I think with the right supportive sneakers (I am pulling for him to ask the doc that he be able to wear sneakers at work for at least 30 days), he will be fully recovered by July 4th.

Funny thing happened this past week. My Mother's Day Gift this year was a new computer case. Hubby is going to be rebuilding me a computer (quieter, faster, and upgraded sound and video) but we thought that it would be nice to put my old stuff in the new case to make things a little more quiet around here (the other case had like 6 fans and was louder than anything!) Well it all went well until we went to boot up......after about 3 hours of working on it, Hubby decided that one of my hard drives had somehow corrupted, and I lost everything. I was calm, composed, and surprisingly, having an OK outlook on it. a couple hours later he decided that I would be able to retrieve all my pictures and files for work....things were looking up.....windows was re-installed, my files were saved, and this weekend was mostly spent trying to re-download and install all my programs. wow. talk about a long process.....but I am more or less back to it. I have a few more files I need to install (Microsoft office, for instance), and i will be all set.

I am looking forward to the summer. Emmy will be going to camp all day, Hubby will be home for mostof it, and next school year it looks like Kaity will be in Pre-K. I am almost shaking with the anticipation that my house will be child free for at least 3 hours a day! Combine that with Hubby going back to sea sometime, and holy cow, I may actually be able to achieve A CLEAN HOUSE on a regular basis!!

Not that I don't love Hubby and him being home for 2 months HASN'T been a nice time...but it has seriously screwed with my schedule. I am sure I have mentioned this before, but when he is home, I feel compelled to spend time with him and neglect my Housewife Duties. Then the house looks like crap....then Hubby complains....but then he gets the "do something with me" look in his eyes while I am cleaning and we are back to square 1! When Hubby is back to work or Sea, I have a set schedule of how my day goes....and by now, I am doing the chores I have tasked myself with for the day....or at least reminded myself that I want to finish them by lunch....it doesn't take a long time to clean 1 or 2 rooms in the house....but with Hubby around....I can't always do it...especially when he is still sleeping...like today.....

So that's a brief (or not so brief) update of how things around here are going.....I hope you all are doing well! Thank you for the emails and comments. I have appreciated them very much.

Not The Post I Want To Make

My Dad is dead. He died today. I can't believe I am writing this right now.

I should start at the beginning......

So I didn't want to talk last post...there were a lot of things going on. Mae's 7th Birthday/Deathday had just passed, this year with minimal upsettage....I had a fairly normal day actually.

What I didn't want to talk about was my step-dad. The Thursday before Easter, he suffered a stroke, but he didn't know it was a stroke, and refused to let my mom call 911. Good Friday, he finally agreed, and by days end was in ICU of the hospital. It was an emotional, scary blow for my mom especially. She's only been with my "Dad" for 7 years.

It was touch and go, and we were told he might not make it past Easter. I prayed to God that Dad would not die that day. I couldn't handle losing another person I love on Easter. But he made it through and even improved. My mother was very optimistic he was going to wake up and kick her butt for letting them put him on an intubator.....a week and a half later he was off it...and moved to neurology. The doctors told us that the area of the brain he had the stroke in was affecting his consciousness and ability to wake up. They told us if he did wake up, it would only be for brief moments of time, and that he probably wouldn't be able to talk.

My mom kept her optimistic hope up that the doctors were wrong and that he was going to wake up any day and be completely fine. Stranger things have happened. Miracles happen everyday, right? last week He was even awake and conscious for a large amount of time. Mom took this as a sign he was going to recover. I wanted to believe it, but the looks on the doctor's faces said it all. They were expecting him to go any time....I couldn't say that to my mother, but deep down, I knew. But I couldn't crush her hopes. She loves my dad so much.

Today it happened. My mom and Dad's sister and her husband were in the lunchroom while visiting Dad and were called back up to the room. Probably about 30 seconds after they got there, he passed....My mom was there. He held out long enough so she could be there when he went. Then he was gone.

This day has been full of sorrow. My mother is devastated. I am sad. I lost my second father. He loved me. He loved my husband. But he loved my children more than anything on this planet. I haven't told them yet. My friend whisked them away before we even went to the hospital to get mom. I don't think I would be able to get through the day if I had to look Emily in the eye and tell her that her Papa is gone forever.

I dread tomorrow. Tomorrow I will sit my children down and Hubby will tell them. i can't bear to speak the words. I know my mother is going to be there and it is going to rip her heart out as well. She's asked us to give her a picture of the girls to put in his casket. of course I will. He would not want to be honored without the girls being known as the light of his last few years on this earth.

As for me? I go between states of shock, numbness and crying my eyes out. I've not been able to get through this post without stopping several times to weep. I loved my Dad, Bob. He made my mother happy after a very long life where she was unhappy and alone. They were perfect for each other. he took me in as his own daughter, and my husband as his son. He loved us, and we love him. He was a gruff man, a stubborn man, but he never was unkind, he always gve what he could, and he always was there for us when we needed him.

I know he is not in pain. I know he is not suffering. I know he loved us all and is with my daughter Mae, and my Nana and Papa, keeping watch over us all.

But I miss my Dad.

Rest in Peace, Robert Hansen.

Stolen Meme's

Stole these from Jeopardygirl....doing them cause I don't really talk about much else right now....I will explain another day...

Meme #1

1. Quick! You have to decide whether you will give up all internet/cell phone/text communication for 24 hours OR give up showering for the same amount of time. Which do you choose?

Shower.

2. Friday the 13th….friend, foe or just a bunch of hooey?

Foe...My Nana died on Friday the 13th in 1999.

3. Does sex really sell?

Yes, and I make money off sex toys. Why not? I enjoy sex with my husband and I like to help women enjoy sex with their partners....

4. What are three traits that the next man to steal your heart must possess

Drop dead gorgeous looks, be rich, and good in spirit, humor and bed... I would never leave Hubby.....but if things didn't work out, those would be the minimum for me to even consider being with a man in a relationship.Call me shallow if you like, but the only thing Hubby doesn't have is the rich part.....

5. Finally an easy one…what is your current “foodgasm” item?

Fettuccini Alfredo from my own kitchen....it's heaven every time I have it....

Meme #2

1. If you could talk to your 16-year-old self, what would you say?

DUMP JUAN AND DO NOT GO BACK! He will, if he hasn't already, abuse you mentally and physically. YOU DESERVE BETTER!! And for heaven's sake, if you are in the school play still, GO OUT WITH DEREK O. AND NOT BACK WITH JUAN!!

If Juan is over, and you've been with David, GET OFF THE DRUGS.....

Do not give up acting. Even if you are not an award winning one, it's still something you love. Start basic jazz and ballroom dancing classes. Respect yourself!! DO YOUR HOMEWORK...you can get scholarships to good acting colleges with your grades if you just put in some effort.....

and if you don't do all that.....if you stay the same.....get your pelvis bones examined. You can't give natural birth, have it confirmed in your medical record. TRUST ME!!

2. If you were given one day to live, what would you do?

Cry a lot. Do everything my children want to do so they will have a pleasant last memory of me. Tell them I love them in every other breath. Make love to my husband and tell him I love him in the same sentence as telling my children. Call as many people as I can to say good bye and tell them the truth about everything I may know. Beg God for forgiveness of my sins once more.

3. Do you believe “we are not alone” in the universe?

Yes I do. Other life forms are out there. When they are ready for us to meet them, they will let us know. We shouldn't waste so much money in the gov't on beings that don't wish to be found just yet.

4. Do you consider yourself graceful?

Very rarely

5. Tell me a secret.

I dream about past ex's and find myself waking up wishing things had gone the way they did in my dreams, if only to see what life would be like.

Not So Loud!

Life in the Fireheart house has gotten pretty quiet in the last 24 hours, for a number of reasons...Emily got her ear tubes surgery and the effect was immediate. I was able to whisper lightly and she could hear me from a few feet away.....I don't have to yell out her name anymore...and the volume on the TV's and computer have been lowered....I love it!

Today Emily got a new bike. I want to show you all, but getting it, and then a helmet, then getting it all set up for Em to ride has tired me. I am upstairs in the office and here I will stay.....it's so quiet in the house because for the first time in nearly a week, the weather is GORGEOUS!! That Nor'Easter that was all over the news this weekend past is over, thank God, and today brought sunny skies and warm breeze...today feels like spring!

My computer is strating to die...I lost all my saved emails last night and had to reset-up my email accounts....that was right after my computer completely froze while playing EverQuest 2....I cried...but I am ready for a new one...this is loud with all the fans....I think I am going deaf now!

I will be glad for tomorrow. Hubby gets his stitches from surgery out! He'll start to slowly walk again! YAY! And then he goes back to light duty at work on Monday...and Emily's school vacation is over on Monday too!!

FINALLY!! I will be able to have some PEACE and ORDER in this house! IS IT MONDAY YET?!?!

Putting Our Feet Down

So Hubby and I have decided, mutually, that the kids need to be a bit more.....involved in cleaning the messes they make all over the house. I should rephrase....Hubby and I have removed OUR involvement, and told the kids they are solely responsible.

For example: The kids had to spend last night cleaning their bedroom. They were told that anything left on the floor, under their bed, etc. that wasn't picked up or put in a place would be thrown in the trash today. Emily cleaned but spent the whole time complaining that she was working and Kaitlyn wasn't. I repeatedly told her to worry about her own space, not Kaitlyn's. I did not pick up one toy, piece of clothing or trash. It was rather nice actually....

I am just tired and fed up of doing everything for these kids, then they watch and as soon as I am done, they destroy the place all over again.....

It's a stance that the kids are not liking. Kaitlyn especially. In the past week, I have, out of nowhere, decided she is DONE wearing pull-ups, except at night. From now on, she will wear panties and use the potty. She's 3 1/2. Enough is enough!

Hubby says I am too soft with the kids, so part of this is to prove to him I am not. The other half is me reaching my breaking point. if they don't start learning the consequences of their actions, I am going to turn into my step-mother and end up coddling them for the rest of their lives. One look at my brother Christopher is reason enough to stop the insanity now, while they are still fairly young, and pray that it is effective enough to change their ways now, so they can grow to be independent people and not need me to be their bloody slave for the rest of their lives.

Well time to go do some cleaning that only I can do....vaccuuming and dishes...I'd ask Hubby, but he's on crutches from surgery and can barely stand without falling....

See You all soon!

The Feeling is Brewing Inside

Today I looked at a calendar, and realized with a sudden dread that March is almost over. This means that April will soon be upon us.

I hate April.

Last April I was taken over by a demon. A proverbial demon, of course, and since I was able to quell that demon, I have dreaded April even more than before.

My first daughter died in April.

But that's not what's so disturbing to me about last April. It's how I treated one person that I love dearly. I was horrible to Emily. I yelled, I insulted, I was plain old mean to a 5 year old who had done nothing to deserve the terrible verbal abuse I had thrown onto her. With shock, when I realized what I had been doing, I broke down my wall of denial and went to a therapist.

Honestly, it didn't help much, other than to realize WHY I had been so horrible to my wonderful, bright, beautiful oldest child. And it all boils down to the fact that April is the month my first child died.

I have vowed that I will not let it happen again. But with morose anticipation of next weekend, I fear I won't be able to actually follow through. I don't want it to overtake me as it did last year. But I haven't got much to help me with. I love my daughter, I will not allow her to receive the brunt of my anger, grief, and depression.

I can't let it happen again. I refuse to allow her to be affected by my problems. I love her too much to look at her face, and see the pain in her eyes that I saw almost a year ago. She doesn't deserve it. She is a wonderful child.....

It will not happen again. As God, and all of you, as my witnesses......I'll never be the April Demon again.

Hubby will be home this year, maybe that will help.

Or maybe I will just check myself into the hospital for 30 days until it all passes.....

Holy Carp! What a week!!

Yes, I said CARP...as in the fish....it's a little joke with Me and JeopardyGirl, and even to this day, probably about a year after we made a joke about a typo, it's still holding strong in my mind....

It's been a CRAZY week or so since My last post....Mentally and physically exhausting in some parts....

Emily and I went to RI to visit Nessa...we had dinner at the usual spot...My favorite Chinese Restaurant...the next day, Emmy had her appointment at RI Hospital, and the doctor at first was talking about taking out her adenoids!! I was a little worried, but then after consulting another doctor, He came back and said we'd do the tubes first....and pray that was all we need to do....so Emily has surgery next month for those. I'm told it will be a short procedure, btu this is my first baby. I easily freak out when I am faced with anything pertaining to her...it goes back to when she was a baby and was in the hospital for 4 days after Christmas, Hubby was on deployment, and I had a nervous breakdown....but anyway....Thank God Huuby agreed to be the one to go in the OR with her....I'd be a wreck if He wasn't going tobe there....

So we got home from RI, in the middle of a snow storm....driving was slow, as the roads were slick, and visibility was gradually decreasing by the minute. I HAD to get home, because I had a party to do that night ...my first sex toy party, and I still had prep to do! I got it all done, and spoke with the hostess, to make sure that she still wanted to do it. She assured me that her guests were all still coming, and she did not want to cancel....I should have insisted She reschedule, because a grand total of 4 people showed, and I barely made $250 in sales....I came home to Hubby, disappointed and dismayed. The customers at the party were not overly enthusiastic, nor were they in the mood to spend money, apparently....Even my branch Manager, Chelle, told me not to get too down...my next party would be better.....

So Tuesday, I had a party for another friend, Ang...when I talked to her on Monday, she told me she was expecting about 25-30 people...I was like no way.....I'll be damned, she wasn't lying!! there were a total of 24 people who showed up!! My sales? Over $700!!!

HOLY CARP!!

I was so bloody happy, I was on an adrenaline rush for the next day and a half!! It was a fun party, but BOY, was it LOUD!! I can't complain too much though....The women who showed up were funny, enthusiastic, and eager...perfect customers, and I tried to match them, making sure everyone had a good time...I really think they did too.....

So now I am getting ready for Hubby's foot surgery NEXT Thursday. Keep your fingers and toes crossed for Him....It's minimally invasive, but of course, He's the Love of My Life.....naturally I will be a little worried!

Well I must go. Time to call corporate and discuss an issue with an order that was placed. Ruddy technology...as much as I love it, it is sometimes a pain in the ass!!

Hope Y'all have a great weekend!!

I Need To Write More!

Well seeing as it's been nearly a MONTH, since my last post, maybe I should gett off my ass and write, eh? Seriously though, I have been so SUPER insanely busy, I don't even know which way is up most of the time....so, let's see, where to begin....

FIRST OFF -- I want to tell you all about a neat blog that is run by my friend Stu. It's called GNMP and it's a website/blog for parents. it is a very good blog and although I've only had time to look into it a few times, it seems very cool. Lots of info, resources and the like....a great site if you have kids of just about any age! GO CHECK IT OUT!!

SECOND -- You might remember last year, when I participated in the Great Strides for Cystic Fibrosis. Well I am happy and proud to say that once again, I am walking for Finnz Friendz, the team created by my friends Pat & Kerry to help support their son Finnegan, who has Cystic Fibrosis. There isn't much more to say other than what I said in the post from last year. My goal this year is to hit $150. I am happy to say I am half-way there, but I could use the support from any of you, my readers and friends, who might have an extra $10 or more that you'd be willing to give for this cause. here's the link to my Great Strides page. THANK YOU IN ADVANCE if you have the heart and money to donate!!

Here's a recent picture of Finnegan, holding a poster signed by the ENTIRE CAST of the Wicked Tour this year


THIRD -- I have started a Home Business. I admit, being a stay-at-home-mom can be a bit boring. I can only clean and deal with the kids for so long before I want to escape and talk with other adults. I went to an Adult Toy party for a friend before Hubby came home. It was fun, but the girl was quiet and shy and I actually demonstrated some of the products FOR her because she was so embarrassed! My friends all told me I would be great at it...so, I did some research of the various companies, and picked one to work with! The company is very great and flexible...I am even able to use a trade name and name my own business...now, to come up with a name was EASY ...HEART OF FIRE PARTIES!! Yep, My blog and Business have the same name! Pretty cool, huh? If you are in the CT or RI area, drop me a line at heartofire@tvcconnect.net, and I would love to have a party with you! My first party is Friday and I am SUPER excited! It's going to be a fun way to make a living, and the company has a lot of products -- so many that I am insanely trying to make a binder of it all! LOL The catalog only carries the most popular and best sellers, but I want my customers to see EVERYTHING we offer.....

Well that's about it for now from me as far as big stuff I needed to say...there's other stuff, of course, let's see if I can list it all....

EMILY IS 6! Her birthday was Friday. We had a party at Monster Mini Golf. Everyone who came had a GREAT time, and Emily got a lot of stuff! She is reading so well now...I can't believe she's reading on her own...I am SO PROUD of her!

Hubby is getting foot surgery on his other foot (he had it done last year on one) at the end of the month. He'll be bed bound for a week, and in recovery for another few weeks...

Emily and I are going to RI to visit Nessa and go to an appointment for her ears. She needs tubes put in them, and it's not going to be fun, but at least her hearing will improve! Bertha, my minivan, has received her new CT license plates. YAY!

Yep, that's about it from me....Hope y'all are doing well and I will try to catch up on my reading in the next couple weeks!

Not-So-Happy Valentine's Day

OK to catch up...I DID get a minivan! I love it. It's a Ford Windstar. It's green. It's big. I named her Bertha.

The getaway was great. We ate in great restaurants, gambled, had lots of sex in the middle of the day....definitely NOT what we can do at home....it wasn't long enough. I wanna go back!

Hubby reported back from leave. Which brings us to today - Valentine's Day. How did I spend my day? Bundled up in my house, due to a lovely Nor'easter named Agatha. Oh yes, and with NO HUBBY! You read that right folks, I was alone. The first holiday since Hubby's return and he has duty. But it's Valentine's Day....so of course we wouldn't be together. Let me explain...

We met in Nov. 1997.
Valentines of 1998 - He was out to sea - 1 for alone
Valentines of 1999 - He was on restriction on base, although we did get to be together - 1 for together
Valentines of 2000 - He was out to sea - 2 for alone
Valentines of 2001 - He was home from a deployment - 2 for together.
Valentines of 2002 - He was out to sea - 3 for alone
Valentines of 2003 - He was home on shore duty - 3 for together
Valentines of 2004 - He was home on shore duty - 4 for together- BUT had a 5 month old and we didn't celebrate because 4 days later I had surgery and wasn't allowed to do anything rigorous, including sex.
Valentines of 2005 - I was in Atlanta and then drove to Iowa to help a friend move - 4 for alone
Valentines of 2006 - He was out to sea yet again - 5 for alone, however he did send me expensive roses
Valentines of 2007 - He's home, but he's got DUTY...I didn't even get a phone call from him today. I am not making a big deal though because he bought me a car and a Dooney and Bourke Purse AND matching wallet, and lemme tell ya, none of it was cheap - 6 for alone

The Tally? 6 alone and 4 together...almost 50/50...which most people who are in the Navy will tell you aren't bad numbers....after the 3rd year where we were apart, we stopped really caring about the holiday anyway....so yeah I'm disappointed that the holiday that makes the Jewelry, Teddy Bear, Floral and Greeting Card industries a nice chunk of change was spent alone...but by now, I'm used to it.....

I hope those of you out there who are lucky to have a love in your life, in form or another had a great day....Me? I just hope Emmy has school tomorrow. She was devastated that she missed giving out Valentines to her classmates.....I hope they do it tomorrow....other wise, that's $10 down the drain for valentines and candies!!

Oh Really, Phil???

So Puxatawny Phil proclaimed this morning that he did NOT see his shadow and we will have an early spring. I beg to differ on this point, because today in the Nutmeg State, we acquired approximately 3" of snow, depending on where in the state people are. Yep, Hubby's been home a grand total of 6 days, and we were "blessed" with the white stuff.

Emily was hoping school would be cancelled, but alas, not even a delay....Kaity is too busy playing on the computer at the moment, and I believe Hubby and I have had our share of it for now, while we shoveled and took Em to the bus stop.

The snow is beautiful, but it kinda screwed with my plans for today....you see, I wanted to buy a car...or at least go looking...but I am not quite sure Hubby will want to now.....but a girl can hope...My goal is to have it before my sister Shell arrives next weekend.

oh yes, I wanted to post a couple pictures of hubby, so you can understand what it was like to see the weight difference from 6 months ago...

This is Hubby last spring with me...not much different than the summer, in fact, I'd say about the same weight as when he left...

And here is Hubby this past Saturday....


Can you see the difference??? I certainly can....and damn, he got hotter than before!! Why, just yesterday and this morning alone I had to restrain myself from doing sexual things to him because the kids were there.....I cannot wait for our mini-vacation....wow, I sound like a sex-crazed fiend.....BUT ANYWAY...

Enjoy your weekend! I'll post when I am back on Wednesday!

~Cissa

He's Home!!

After 6 long months, Hubby has returned to me! He arrived home Saturday, 2 days early, and I only had 6 hours to prepare. Needless to say, I was running around like a Chicken with my head cut off!! But we made it to the pier, and soon enough (although at the time it seemed to take forever) the boat pulled u to the dock and the guys came off. My friend Sophia won first kiss, and it was awesome to see it. Then ZB and Ange also got their kisses, and I waited a few more minutes...after what seemed an eternity, I saw Hubby's amble, and tried not to show the shock of his weight loss...WOW...I ran up to him, Kaity in my arms, and gave him a long kiss....As I hugged Him, I could hear Kaity say quietly "Daaaddyyyy!" It was awesome...

So, Hubby's been back a few days now, and we all are trying to get back into a regular grove here at Fireheart House. We're doing alright, and I think all adjusting well. I am glad to have him home. He's on a couple weeks leave, and during that time, we'll be taking a little getaway to Foxwoods Resort Casino without the kids, My sister is coming to visit from Boston, and even shopping for a car for me. All in all, it's looking to be a good year so far...

So if you don't hear from me for a while, I am sure you will all understand why....

Testing...1...2....3....

Is this thing on? yes I am here...sorta...I have been super busy and/or had no motivation for writing lately. Everything will be explained in time, but now is not the time to do it. Sorry folks, too much to do, and not enough hours in the day. But I wanted to let you know I am here...the template may go a little nuts in the upcoming weeks. I switched to the new blogger and am trying to figure it out. I need to contact Pixie, I am sure...so please bear with me......

I hope Everyone's New Year has been off to a good start!

~Cissa

Christmas Outcome and Blogger...PITA!

Christmas was good. got a hair straightener, some coooking pots, and a nifty new coffee maker among other things. Had a bunch of people over for dinner. It turned out pretty good. The kids enjoyed all their presents, and only one problem-- the refurbished computer I got for Emily from Santa is already messed up. I'll be forking out at least $75 this week to take it to a comp repair place to hopefully get it fixed. If not, I am gonna be royally pissed, and so will Emily. She's been dying to play the 15 games she got for Christmas......This "deal" is turning out to be as expensive as if I had gone out and bought a new unit....damn it all!


Got a new tattoo yesterday. As soon as my digital camera is fixed (yep more $$ out the window), I will let y'all see it. It's a scorpion over my heart. That's Hubby's sign. The claws are open, so if (God forbid) Hubby and I ever divorce, I can fix it so that the scorpion is breaking my heart....but I am trying to remain positive that will never happen! I made sure I did not put hubby's name on me....That would defintely guarantee we'd not be together forever. I'm superstitious like that. Maybe after 50 years I will finally put his name on me...or wait til he're old and greay and he passes away....but let's not think those morbid thoughts, eh?

Well, as many people that have Blogger will attest, this whole thing with the "New Blogger" is becomming a pain in the ass....with the beta I couldn't leave comments, my blogroll never updates, and, to top it all off, in order to switch, I need a google account.

Did I mention I already have, like, 50 gazillion email accounts already? I may just do what Jeopardygirl did and switch to WordPress....I am gonna check it out at least...because Blogger is getting on my bloody nerves. I also sent a message to Pixie to see if my template can be switched to WordPress format. I am keeping my fingers crossed. I really don't want to move, but if I have to, I will!!

Hope you all had a great Christmas. I have to go take a computer to the repair shop now.....

Merry Christmas! :D

It's 9 pm on Christmas Eve, and the kids are tucked in. I will check on them in a few minutes and then Santa Claus will stop by to leave his gifts for the kids. It was magical today making brownies for Santa and putting "Reindeer Food" out on the lawn so Santa will find our house.

I am so glad my kids still believe in Santa Claus. The magic of this night will be lost in a few years, but I will always have the memories of my girls preparing for Santa's arrival....and see the excitement on thier faces when they realize there is new stuff under the tree that wasn't there before. My one sadness is Hubby isn't here this year to see Kaity's excitement. It's her first Christmas that she truly understands about Santa, and Hubby can't be here to see it...

I hope you all have Merry Christmas! And Happy Hannukah to those of you who celebrate it as well!

Holiday Doldrums

I have been feeling pretty introspective the last few days. I sense a feeling of morose existence. I think it's because the Holiday Doldrums have paid me a visit.

Normally this time of year, I am enjoying things so much. This year, with a noted absence in the house, I feel somewhat apathetic, and am celebrating merely because I don't want my children disappointed. If I didn't have kids, I doubt I would have even put up my tree to be quite honest, nevermind lights on the house and gone nuts with shopping.

I can understand most of the reason behind my feelings, but wonder how I came to be this way, so suddenly. It may be the lack of communication as of late, which has dampered my spirits considerably. It may be the fact that since I got to Groton I haven't had a strong faith community to immerse myself in, and which would help rub off the Joy of Christmas on me. Heck, it could be just that I am having a depression relapse and I need to get back on meds....

I am going to stick it out til Hubby's return. If I am still feeling this way, I will seek professional help, but honestly, I think it's because he's not here. This is a special time of year for us, and we've only been apart for it 1 other time. That's not a bad track record for 8 years of marriage!

Of course I am trying to mask my feeling by keeping busy with friends, the kids, and boat stuff...Smiling, laughing and being my generally loud, boisterous, feisty self...But when I have moments of quiet, it hits me how lousy I truly feel....I hope it ends soon. Maybe Christmas will make me feel better...Seeing the kids' delight as they open presents, making Christmas dinner and having family and friends over to break bread with me.

But for now...It pretty much sucks big time.....

Kitty Mental Damage

Today I am bringing the cats to get thier second round of shots. They should have had them earlier. I am a bad cat owner I know, but honestly with everything else in my life, I simply forgot. But I am getting it done, and that's gotta count for something, right? Not only are the cats getting shots today but Sweetie Pie, Emily's cat will be getting neutered on Friday morning.

He's started spraying, and I didn't realize he's already 7 months old! It's time. I am hoping againt hope that since I am doing this so early (I think I waited for a year with Buddy), the spraying will stop and soon. I am tired of cleaning up after him, and the room in which he does it contains the girls toys. yeah, its getting quite annoying to wash all those damn toys in the diswasher or washer and dryer. Or simply throw them out. After all they are getting this Christmas, I don't want that to happen anymore.

So please keep my poor cats in your prayers for the next few days. They will need it -- especially Sweetie Pie.

Fisher of (Wo)men

I hooked another one! Damn, I am good at recruiting....

Since my last entry, the friend who was cheated on by Adam has started her own Blog. She went through the new Beta on Blogger, so you can't leave comments, but please stop y and visit Tink, and make sure that if you CAN leave comments, to tell her I sent you!

Welcome to the circus Tink! Can't wait to hear more from you!

What an Idiot!

In the immortal words of Hermione Granger in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, "WHAT an idiot!"

You all may recall back in October when my "friend" Adam ditched me at the casino, when he was supposed to be looking out for me and making sure I got home safe. Well as time wore on, I found out that Adam had not been meeting friends and then heading back to New Haven as he claimed, he was picking up his girlfriend to stay the weekend in our area at his apartment . I met this girlfriend a couple weeks later, and we became fast good friends. We talked a bit and the "Casino Incident" as I have so dubbed it, came up. She told me the truth, and she also told me she had no idea Adam was supposed to be hanging out with me that night, and that the weekend had been planned for a while....She was confused as to why he would lie to me. So was I. I would have gladly told him to go be with his girl and found another friend to go to the casino with. He was my friend, and I wanted him to be happy.

Fast forward almost 2 months, and the girlfriend comes up here. She's going to be hanging out with me while Adam goes on a "guys night out" with a buddy from work. He's going to pick her up in the morning because she has to take an early train home to New Haven. She tries to call him when she finds out she doesn't have to be home early in the morning -- but he doesn't answer. He turns off his phone after that and we can't get a hold of him the rest of the night. We reason that maybe where he was (supposedly Hooters, then Dave & Buster's in Providence) there was no signal. But she's still irked, and with good reason. She calls again in the morning, and we think *MAYBE* he got too drunk and is passed out on his buddy's couch. We drive by there (it's a couple streets over) and Adam's truck is not there. We go home have breakfast. An uneasy feeling is among us, we know something is up.

After breakfast, we decide to drive to Adam's apartment. We can't imagine he'd head home and not pick her up, but whatever. She goes inside and knocks on the door. Finally he comes to the door in only boxers and does not want her to come in. She sees women's shoes on the floor. He tries to usher her outside so they can talk. She states that NO, she wants the girl who's in his room to hear her, so that the other woman can hear what a "SKANK" he is. He tries to say he just met the girl the night before and that he was drunk. She doesn't buy it. She proceeds to rip him a new backside exit and tells him it's over. She's MAD now. She tells me to drive to the buddy's house. She wants to confront the buddy as to why he would cover up for Adam. Not wanting to say no to her because I am upset for her, we go. She finds out that the buddy did not in fact go out with Adam, and that they never had plans. The wife of said buddy then offers to show my friend the receipt of the dinner they went to when Adam was supposedly out with the buddy. She politely declines, and is even angrier now, hurt, betrayed, among other things.

This guy did the same thing to me, essentially. It took me longer to put the puzzle pieces together, and I am just a friend, but essentially, we both got ditched for another woman for Adam to sleep with. Only in my friend's case, Adam was her boyfriend. He knew me and the girl we good friends. How he thought we wouldn't exchange information is stupid. That he though he could pull the same stunt twice and NOT get caught is unfathomable. To top it all off that he was CAUGHT RED HANDED is bloody HILARIOUS!! HE IS A EFFING IDIOT!!!

Adam is a MAJOR JERK, and honestly, I am better friends with his now-ex-girlfriend. Karma will get him someday, in the end , he will pay -- somehow-- for hurting her, and me, and every other person, friend or romantic interest, that he's pulled this on. I do not plan on keeping him as a close friend as he was in the past. It hurts, because I thought he was a good person and to find out that a person you thought was your friend would do this to ANYONE is a blow to the soul. I have a trusting nature that all people have some good in them. For Adam, his goodness is pre-meditated, so that he can take advantage of a person's trust, and is not genuine.

I feel bad for my friend. She is a good person and does not deserve this. Especially at Christmas. But honestly, we both thought something was up with Adam lately. He claimed it was the Holiday Doldrums, but it was really that he was cheating, lying, and hurting people.....He'll get his in the end.

White Dust

This morning I woke up as usual with the radio playing some soft rock song. I cannot wake to loud rock, as it nearly scares me into a shaking fit, so soft rock, at a decent volume is my preferennce. As I debated hitting the snooze button once more, the DJ came on in his faux pleasantly happy voice and announced to the listeners, who probably like me were debating rising and shining, that there was snow falling over much of Connecticut, some places with "squalls" of it. I groaned and hastily got up looking out my window to the backyard.

Yep, there were white flakes in the sky. It was falling, and hitting the ground. But it was barely sticking. I went to the kids' room and informed them of the weather. This is the second winter they have ever really experienced, and you'd think we didn't get nearly 3 feet last year. No, it was marvelous to them. Almost instantly I heard the dreaded question:

"Can we go outside and play in the snow???"

"No hon, it's barely a dusting. By the time you get on the bus it will be melted, I am sure."

"AWWWW!!"

The disappointment was hanging in the room like a heavy rancid odor. I instantly felt like the meanest mom on the planet, simply because the snow wasn't quite yet heavy enough to have produced snow for the kids to play in….Oh to be God for one day so I could give the kids a treat...

By the time Emily and I went out to wait for the bus, it had stopped snowing altogether. The light dusting was barely even that. It simply looked like the world had a light fog around it. The asphault was clearly visible through the white dust. I did make a half hearted attempt to make a few snowballs for Emily to throw at me. They caused some giggles. At least I redeemed myself, well partially anyway.

It's now nearly 9:30 am, and barely 2 hours since I woke. And the snow has already melted, and it seems as though the sun is trying it's damndest to make an appearance for the sake of parents everywhere who, like me, cannot stand snow past the "pretty phase". Kaity is upset because I told her she cannot go outside and play in the snow...I can never win it seems.

But alas it appears that the lovely weather we had been enjoying for the majority of the fall has truly dissipated. The forecast shows temperatures in the low 40's as highs all week, and I don't doubt that snow will again grace the hills and plains of Southeastern Connecticut and beyond. This is a sign of the world dying, for Persephone has been drug to the Underworld by Hades, and Demeter does not allow anything to grow whilst her beloved daughter is a prisoner below the earth...For me it is a melancholy time. The void of winter will drag for me, and being alone for it for a while makes it even tougher on my soul to bear.

I am hoping the joy of the holidays will lighten my mood, and perhaps even the anticipation of Hubby's return will keep my occupied long enough so that I do not suffer the winter doldrums too long.

Time will tell, I suppose, and so will the weather forecast...

Insomnia Rears It's Ugly Head

It's past midnight and while I have been trying to get some decent sleep in the last few days, tonight I simply can't. Tossing and turning, a million things going through my mind.

Thinking and trying to organize Christmas in my head for the girls. Trying to figure out what Santa will bring me, trying to figure out what to get friends, trying to figure out what to get for Hubby now, while the sales are good.

Getting ready for Yule, and SCA event, and praying that the dress I ordered gets here by tomorrow night so I can try it on, and hem it if neccessary. And if it doesn't fit, trying to get another garb outfit ready for Saturday.

Wondering how Hubby's doing. Missing him a lot tonight. Worrying about my friend who's pregnant and due any day because I am her "labor coach". Everytime the phone rings i hope it's not her, not because I don't want to be there for her, but it would just work so much better for my schedule if she goes into labor on Sunday or Monday....

Hoping that Emily is doing well in school. Trying to figure out when I can volunteer in her class.

Feeling hotter than Hell on Sunday because the temperature in the house is 77 with the heater turned OFF.

I actually dozed off for a while, but then Kaity woke up and my mind started spinning again. So I got up and started making lists. Lots of lists....

there's not enough time and money. No wonder I feel like I haven't rested in 6 months. I have been going, going, going for so long, and when I do get to stop and take a moment, I realize something else I have to do....and the break is over.

So I sit here and ramble, somewhat incoherently. My mind wanders over a milion topics, and I can't type them all fast enough before they are out of my mind and replaced with a new one. And all I want to do is sleep. Sleep for a long time.

Sorry for the ramble, but I didn't know what else to do. Myabe I will try reading for a little while....Bella tagged me for a thing, but I will get to it tomorrow night. I can't concentrate at the moment....

Exciting News!

Helloooooo Everyone! I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving and are gearing up for the Holiday Season with as much ferver as possible. While at my parents, the kids put up the tree and some selected Christmas decor around the house. When we arrived home on Sunday afternoon, we headed straight out to get decor for our house. Most of my outdoor decor got water logged back in the spring when I lived in my old house next to Mimi. Completely unsalvageable...so we got a few things for now and I will get more Friday on payday....

But the BEST thing about my trip? Checking my voicemail and hearing a message from the school principal that EMILY HAS A SPACE IN ALL DAY KINDERGARTEN!!!

I called this morning first thing to make sure she still had the slot. She does, and she will start TODAY!! Thats right, from now until 3:30 PM it's just me and Kaity!!!!

I am so doggone excited. We have all wanted her to be in all day since the summer. I thought for a while that it wasn't going to happen, but I guess praying for miracles does work afterall!!

Well, I am off. I have to unpack my suitcases, wake Kaity and get some stuff done around here...now that I have all day to do it, I am not sure where to start!!

HOORAY FOR TODAY!!!

Time In a Bottle

If I could put time in a bottle...

I'd have some left over to keep up with blogging! Hubby's been in and out of port. I've gotten to talk to him quite a bit, which is ALWAYS a nice thing. Though I wish he would go back out to sea. Time passes faster when I am not worried about missing his calls!

I have been busy, of course. Spending time with friends, dealing ith Navy Wife drama, dealing with kids, being active in the SCA, and of course, trying to keep this house clean!

I am taking a little break right now as I sit here and chat to you all. My dad and step-mum and brother Chris will be arriving in about 2 hours. They are coming to CT to go see a concert for a band Chris likes. Did I mention Chris is 17? Yeah, he's being chaperoned. *shakes head*. Almost in college, and my parents are still hovering over him. He's gonna be in a world of hurt next year at college when Mum and Dad aren't around to help him get his butt in gear!

So they stay until tomorrow. Then Monday afternoon I am off to Nessa's house for the night! YAY! I've gotten to see Nessa a few times since the wedding, but this will be the first time I will be able to spend QUALITY time with my best friend. Even if the kids are gonna be there, I am still looking forward to it. The next day, I am driving to take the ferry to the Vineyard for Turkey Day. 5 days at Mum & Dad's. I have already prepared myself by making loose plans with as many friends as possible - haha! I am hoping "Grandma and Grandpa" will want to spend LOTS of quality time with their grandkids. Besides, I need to go have a drink with my sister!

After 5 lovely days with the family, I will head back to Nessa's for another day of quality time! YIPPEE!! Then head home the next day. Two days after that, I have to drive to get my friend H at the airport in Hartford, then back to New Haven where she lives, and then back to the New London area. Lots of driving. Maybe I should get an oil change for the truck!

The following Saturday is Yule for my SCA Barony. Yep, I get to dress up in medieval clothes and do a traditional Yule celebration, including dancing and a 4 course meal. I am looking forward to this all day event. Mostly because I will get to enjoy it without kids! I think they are a bit young at this time to take them. 8 hours would drain them and I wouldn't enjoy myself because I would be busy trying to keep them occupied. Maybe when they are older, although I am hoping next year to get Hubby to go with me and this can be a day to ourselves.

So as you can see, a lot going on in the real world. With the holidays looming over us, and then Hubby's Homcoming to worry about, I will try to write more, but I don't know if it is a reality.

I hope everyone who's in the US has a good Thanksgiving. Remembers that the best thing to be truly thankful for is life, love, and liberty!